It's too good to be true
that I still have you,
to hold and love forever,
for I know bad weather
will soon ****** us apart,
and rip out my heart,
and I'll hate myself too,
for believing that our love was once true.

I'm sorry
I couldn't be like her,
I'm sorry
I couldn't be the daughter you wanted,
I'm sorry
I don't share your beliefs,
or dreams,
or perspective,
but most of all,
you should feel sorry for yourself.

I made a deal with the devil today
Hell, I even shook his hand,
and though I knew it wasn't my time to stay,
I told him thank you for everything he did,
as I left his barren land
and followed a life of sin,
never looking back to Him,
because even though I knew better,
the sin felt so much better.

This place is a home.
There's a dining room table
I can do my homework on
and a kitchen I can burn down.
This place is still a home
Even though there's nobody
to come home to after a long day's work
or someone to sit and have dinner with.

No, this place will never be a home.

In this house everybody
looks at their phones
instead of their family.
In this house the kids
take their dinner upstairs.
In this house the parents
fight in the middle of the night.
No, this place will never be a home.
This place is just a house
that I just so happen to live in.

These walls are closing in,
crushing my lungs and body within.
I never knew I was claustrophic
until this very moment,
with the ceiling crashing down,
and my world turning upside down,
and maybe I wouldn't feel so claustrophobic
if someone would finally support me
instead of constantly crushing me...

Once a month
The Devil runs red,
cursing the women of the world
for being the one
who ate the forbidden fruit first.
It doesn't care if you're already having
a ****** day,
or if you're *****
in the heat of the moment
because you were the one
who ate the forbidden fruit first.
And yes, *** is a sin
even if it's with a long term lover,
because in the eyes of God
love is wrong if you aren't married
and all he cares about
is the fact that you were the one
who ate the forbidden fruit first.

I've waited too long
to bury her
to just belong
to block the whispers
that changed me
into something I'm not
I'm finally free
already forgot
or will forget
that **** past
that wouldnt let
my time last
it wanted me dead
almost killed me
that ******* dread

You'll never **** me

Since I was little I've always had a lot of friends
that were with me wherever I went.
Furry friends that had paws and tails,
but were not alive

They always greeted me
with sewn on smiles
and glimmering glued on eyes,
and though they couldn't say hello,
I was proud to call them my friends.

I met my best friend on my fifth birthday,
a brown dog with
a cheesy name and an easy smile,
and every year since our
two halves became whole
we've celebrated that day ever since.

Every year of my life was a
new year for new friends,
but as my friend circle grew
so did the judgement.
No longer was it considered cute
to tote around stuffed animals like a toddler

"You need to make real friends," my parents would say,
when I had reached middle school
and never had so much as a sleepover,
unlike my sister who always
had people swarming around her
like bees to a hive.

Little did they know I had
tried to make friends,
tried to act normal without any luck.
If people wouldn't even accept
the facade I had put up
what reason would they have
to accept the real me?

The other kids they laughed at me,
calling me a mute because my anxiety
often stole the words off the tip of my tongue
before sound could carry them out.

My furry friends let me cry into them
when I'm upset,
won't call me weird or stupid
for the things I say.
Whenever I fall apart,
those stitched on smiles
put me back together,
telling me everything
is going to be okay.

My stuffed animals are the
biggest influences in my life.
I'll never go anywhere without one by my side
and if other people can't accept that
and think I have a problem,
then they're the ones with the problem

Sometimes I just want to die.
At first it was just something small
but now it's grown so humongously tall.
I'm inching towards the edge about to fall.

I can't believe I thought it was a lie
when he talked about her from time to time.
I would empty myself of every dime
just for him to just stop his talking crime.

Is it wrong for me to cry?
The only person I had ever learned to love
has flown away to the above,
the good old morning dove.

but now I can only sigh
it really is my fault
I lock everyone I like into an inaccessible vault
throw away the key,
don't let anyone near me,
thinking I've found the perfect remedy.

But now with him gone, I'm nowhere even near grazing the sky.

Its always there
when you're down
will never glare
at your frown

It wont judge you
on how you dress
like those who
It won't impress

Sheathes your face
filled with tears
hides the disgrace
in the mirror

Black takes the pain
keeps me sane

If these walls could talk,
oh, the things I'd say,
I'd tell them of the past few days,
about these feelings that won't go away.

If these walls could talk,
I'd probably end up crying
from always lying,
from all the feelings I've been denying.

But these walls will never talk
and neither will you,
because you were the one who withdrew.
If only you knew
how lonely I've been without you...

Today is the day.
Exactly one year ago,
there was you and me
spread out on the bed sheets.
We laid out our bodies for each other on easels
and you were my work of art,
all smiles and 'I love yous' and promises of forever
as I gave myself to you
and you gave yourself to me
on those rumpled sheets,
a perfect tale of young teens.
Now, no matter how much I will myself,
I can't recall that day without crying
because I know that day lead to the last few good days
I had before our chapter ended,
before you closed the book
on a perfectly good story
and left me with nothing
but a trail of empty pages
to pick up by myself.
Sometimes I wish
I wasn't such a sucker for fairy tales...

My voice was stolen today
from those who suppress me,
who cut me down
and treat me like I'm a ghost
when in reality I'm
the only one who realizes
that the world is changing
and I shouldn't be afraid
to change along with it,
that it's okay to be different,
that love is love
and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
So for everyone whose voice was stolen today,
join with me in creating a new world
where we can all be equally unique<3

My heart doesn't beat,
It ticks,
like one of those old grandfather clocks
you see in movies
about to strike out.
Midnight turns to morning
and only time will tell
what plans fate has with us,
and whether she'll be cruel or kind
I'll never know till the very end,
but at least I know
that right now,
right here, in this moment with you,
I don't regret a single second.

I miss you
and I hope you miss me too,
because when I think of you
I don't feel so blue.
I don't have anything better to do
than sit and reminisce you,
so right now, I'll power through,
so later I can tell you how much I love you:)

The grip in my hands will soon loose
and I'll fall into a quiet preferred
because after thought the path I'll choose
will be the way of a coward.

I'm tired of wasting lonely nights
with a bottle by my side
letting the sorrows of past's frights
play throughout my mind.

The tears have never stopped
whether it's inside or for the eyes
and putting on a brave faced opt  
would just unbury old lies

I'm tired and I'm over
the dragging on depression
you put me here without sober
into your lashing out aggression.

Their will be no regret
when I finally let go
of what little is left
of my life tomorrow.

I am a storm
roaring onto the Earth
my emotions swarm
revenge I thirst
everyone feels my rage
thundering lightening
it strikes on a rampage
in blasts that are frightening
it puts me in fear
of hurting others
you better steer clear
these feelings won't smother
stay inside keep warm
and out of my storm

I know I've never been easy on the eyes.
You know you're ugly
when even your closest friends agree with you,
when your partners tell you
they only liked you for your personality,
when you try your hardest to look decent for once
and you don't even look
half as nice as a hottie on a sweatpants day.
And yet society has the audacity
to try and make girls like me feel pretty,
to say "Everyone is beautiful on the inside."
But if no one cares to look that far,
then does it really matter?
Do I really matter?

I want our shadows
to dance to a silent melody,
I want our love
to fly us to the moon,
I want our love to
defy destiny,
because I want to have
my cake and eat it too.

Her lips on mine,
can't help but fantasize.
Imagining her angel eyes,
whether they're real or just a disguise,
keeps my head in the skies
and tucks me in tight,
a loving lullaby
that sings me to sleep each night.

This is a poem
for every breathing soul,
for those who have been beaten down,
for those whose names have been taken away.
This is a poem
for those who scream but are not heard,
for those who are treated like dirt,
for those who just want to belong.
This is a poem
for the broken hearted,
for those who wake up in an empty bed,
for those who have made mistakes.
Yes, this is a poem
for every breathing soul,
for everyone who has ever felt anything,
for humanity as a whole.

My first experience with love
felt like touching a hot stove.
I would constantly have to hold back
to keep from getting burned
by your hot temper.
I walked into my second relationship
with those same standards,
with 3rd degree burns
snaking up my arms and legs.
When my boyfriend saw my scars he
wanted to crush your heart in his hands.
And even though that sounds violent,
I know he would never smash a spider.
He would never hurt me.
He just wants what's best for me.

And that isn't you.

laughing talking
all around
smiling walking
buzzing sound
silent cold
binding me
always told
in my dreams

She stopped by the Wishing Creek
and skipped a rock or two
before pulling out a penny for her thoughts.
She squeezed her eyes shut to the sun,
letting the coin fall from her hand like a lone raindrop.
The girl watched as the penny sank like a stone,
her eyes shining like stars at just the sight of that
polluted little puddle that ran between the trees.
She wished for the same thing every day,
but she wants it to come true, so she won't say.
What important things could a kid wish for anyway?
But I'll let you in on a little secret,
from one despaired dreamer to another.
It. Never. Came. True.

I saw the beauty
in what sweeps
in feathery waves
down your back
what bathes in light
when the sun
puts a spotlight on
it's wild wisps
what falls in tendrils
over your shoulder
until you messily tuck
it behind
your ear
what makes me blush
as ruby red
as those voluminous
curls

I saw the beauty

I welcome love
like I'd welcome an old friend,
with a hug and a warm embrace
upon seeing a familiar face.
But no matter how long I wait,
love never comes knocking at my door.
I wonder why I even try anymore...

I'm a drop in the ocean
a cloud in the sky
a flower in the field
a star in the night.
I'll never be special
no matter how hard I try.

A notebook full of fantasies,
filled to the brim with words
I've always been too afraid to say out loud.
Love letters never sent,
memories never spent,
because the love never existed
in the first place,
you've only ever been an idea
that I've meticulously made up
inside my mind.
The perfect person doesn't exist
and I know I'm still a kid,
but when I look at you, I wonder,
Are you my perfect person?
Or am i just getting my hopes up again?

When I walk into a room
I always scan the sea before me,
helplessly hoping that
one of them is you.
Sometimes I see someone with your brown hair
or twinkling, turquoise eyes
and your name leaps off my tongue
like a freestyle diver,
only to leave me feeling lonely
because they're just another person
who isn't you.

Every morning I wake up thinking that the sky is falling

We're no longer in each other's lives
you or I,
and though you think her world is ending,
she is really on top of it,
a phoenix rising from the ashes,
flying and feeling so happy and free,
with hope flooding up to her knees.
No you didn't break this girl when you left her,
in fact, you made her even better.

There's this pressure in my lungs
that keeps building and building,
making it harder to breathe,
so hard that I'm afraid my lungs
are going to burst like a balloon,
because it never gets better,
because you never stop pushing me.
I'm on the edge of a cliff about to fall,
yet you think you know what's best for me,
I'm getting tired of it all.
Maybe I should jump
before you push me too far,
because I'll never meet your expectations
when all you do is raise the bar,
because all you want is more and more,
and this pressure keeps on building and building,
making it harder to breathe.

I can't constantly be funny
or have a witty reply.
Even the sun doesn't shine all the time.
So here's me without all the lies:
On the inside I'm shy,
expectations make me wanna die,
and sometimes I just want someone
to hold me while I cry.

In fiction good always beats evil.
The good guy will always squash
the bad guy and justice will always prevail.
That's what fiction teaches your children.
That "what goes around comes around"
that "God will pay you double for your troubles"

But in reality that never happens.

In reality the bad guy squashes the good guy
and evil prevails
as it spreads from person to person.

And I don't know about you
but I wish I would have been
fed a spoonful of reality as a kid.

Then I would have at least been prepared
to deal with people like you
who waltz into my life,
all charming and smiles in the beginning,
but who will stab me in the back and toss me aside
the second I am no longer useful for their evil plans.

Sometimes I just wish
that fiction stories could apply to real life...

I never knew bruises
could come in every color
until you hit me.
You gave me the entire rainbow
from blackened purples to sickly greens,
you gave my once smooth canvas texture,
it made you so happy see me bleed.
But this art project became our little secret
because no one else is supposed to see,
It's not like anyone would believe
that he gave me these bruises,
that he mixed these colors so pretty.
No, Daddy made this rainbow just for me.

I'm so unhappy
but I can't say how I feel,
because if I do
I'm just being unsupportive,
so I can't win either way,
I can either be unhappy or selfish,
one of us will take the blame,
but that person won't be me

I'm still wishing for the day
when I can be a priority over
everything else in your life,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I won't cry alone in my room  
holding my childhood stuffed animal,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I won't feel bitter about the way
you continue to treat me,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I can be a person
who can stand on their own,
I'm still wishing for the day
when you stop trying to turn me
into a ticking time bomb,
I'm still wishing for the day
when loving myself will be enough
to pick up the pieces when I shatter

I'll write down what I feel
because to me it is real.
I know I'm always crying
and my mouth is always lying
that all I do is drag you down
that you're better off without me around.
So I'm going to stop telling you things
I'll go off and spread my wings
and let you finally be free
of me.
So when I'm alone and afraid,
I'll put my pencil to the page.
I'll write off my feelings that are blue
because I can no longer talk to you

Long blonde hair
doesn’t have a care
she bounces when she walks
and sounds funny when she talks

That girl is me

Most people can’t see
past my too bright clothes
or my too big bows
they just give me one glance
and without giving me a chance
decide that I’m not worth their time

And you know, its fine
I’ll just crack open my favorite book
or start another story in my notebook
I’ve lived in this place for twelve years
I’ve done since conquered my fears
of being shut down
I’ve always found a way to turn my frown
into a smile
a way to not get irritated or riled
up the second things don’t go my way

I plan to stay
in this city for the rest of my life
and become a hardworking housewife
there’s no reason to try and stir up trouble
I feel fine inside my own little bubble

But obviously my friends wouldn’t  let me do that
because, let's be honest, humans aren’t meant to be doormats
I'll always have Robert, or Child, or Ant
without them I-I just can’t!
they took me in when I needed them the most
and no I’m not going to bore you or boast
but you should at least know that they’re my everything
that without them I’m like a bird without wings
that they’ve shaped me into the person I am

And no, I don't give a ****
if they're all a bunch of freaks
I wouldn’t be here without my lovable band of geeks
and if any of you ever attempt to hurt
them I’ll crush your days to dirt
without a second thought
of getting caught

I love that when I’m around them I can take down my walls
that while sprawled
on the floor I can laugh and cry
without the fear of being criticized.
I can tell them how I believe love is love
and that there's nothing anyone should be ashamed of.
that to really live life you don’t just aim to survive
but to thrive
that maybe there isn’t a heaven or a hell
but that there's nothing we should dwell
on or regret

And yet...

I know we all have different dreams
in less than a year our little group will fall apart at the seams
and even after I’m free of this cesspool
I’ll just be going to another school
working and studying and pouring my blood, sweat, and tears
the same way I’ve been doing for years

Since sophomore year I’ve been persistent
on becoming a dental assistant
it wasn't the first path I had chosen
but it's a realistic path my parents have woven
for me and I trust their intentions

Now I hope I haven’t forgotten to mention
that my biggest dream of all,
and though I know it may seem small,
is to get married and have kids
to feel overwhelmed with love when I look down into a crib
and be met with a big smiling face and a little button nose
oh, and I just know
when I become a mother I wont lose my childish edge
I’ll be paying bills but I’ll still have my zest
of course I'll still make time for longboarding and drawing and reading

I’ll spend lots of time searching and seeking
out my purpose
I’ll hold my head high and stop being the nervous
little girl I used to be

Because I’ll finally be the best version of me

The writing off of my secrets
that make my heart race
when I whisper them aloud

The words leaping out of my mind
and onto crumpled paper
giving a graceful pirouette

And they grin at me
so ever warm and welcoming
telling me I am not alone in this

For days I read them over and over
to grasp the feelings of this other person
who I may or may not be anymore

And when I'm finished I crease the edges
into an origami bird
hold it up and set it free

The words fluttering away on the breeze
along with my problems
secrets no longer

My heart leapt to touch yours
when you looked at me with those eyes ,
with understanding,
and though we just met,
and I don't know you just yet,
I feel like I've made a friend.

I saw the devil in her eyes,
       and I had thought I was fine,
               but I was too dumb to realize
                      I had let her inside my mind.

Valentine's Day is just a day that was made
to make the single people sad
or make the people in relationships realize
that the person they're with
couldn't care less about them.
I've been both people each and every year.
Prove me wrong.
Valentine's Day is just a day of despair.

There are plenty of people
who push others away,
who say that
they're fine being a lone wolf,
but even wolves in the wild
who leave their pack
go off to find a mate
and sow the seeds
to start their own family,
they still surround
themselves with others.
Lone wolves don't actually exist,
only the idea of it,
so if wolves need others
in order to survive,
then why don't people?

You twist the truth
into boy scout knots
and put them on display
for all to see.
"Look at me! Look what I did!"
and everyone believed it,
while I sat in the corner, quiet,
because people only want to believe
the story that sounds the most interesting.

Amber colored bubbles
rising within me,
I can hear each one
coming to the surface,
then popping.
Amber colored bubbles
fizzing up
like strawberry soda,
making me feel all tingly
from my fingers to my toes.
Amber colored bubbles
slicing through the dark,
beaming as bright
as the smile
you placed upon my lips.

I can't control my emotions.
You have the right to want what you want
while I have the right to want what I want .
we're only human.
We ***** up, we fight, we make up,
we start back from square one.
I try to find the common ground
shared between us,
but one of us always gets hurt.
And if one of us gets hurt it's never her.
Because I love her.
I can't stand to see her upset
and I don't have the right to be happy.