I can't go a day without missing you,
most days I feel like I can't go on,
but somehow I do and the thought
of being able to live without you makes
me feel like I betrayed you,
I miss you more than the world,
and it breaks me that the world
continues spinning without you
no matter how much I beg it to stop,
but the world will keep on spinning,
torturing me with every breath I take
until you're nothing more than a memory

Left behind
in the dust,
left for dead,
left to rust,
I've given up
with the passing days,
waiting for the hour
I ' l l   f a d e    a    w    a    y     .     .      .

I feel like I'm about to cry
and the only thing that's going to stop me
are the tears that drown me

I think about cutting myself
every single day,
I don't even know
what stops me from doing it anymore,
but every day I feel like I'm further away
from being able to be talked down,
and this voice in my head will take control

I hate her
even though I barely know
anything about her,
because for some reason
you're in love with her,
even though she wants
nothing to do with you,
if she was in love with you in return
I wouldn't stand a chance

I'm still wishing for the day
when I can be a priority over
everything else in your life,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I won't cry alone in my room  
holding my childhood stuffed animal,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I won't feel bitter about the way
you continue to treat me,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I can be a person
who can stand on their own,
I'm still wishing for the day
when you stop trying to turn me
into a ticking time bomb,
I'm still wishing for the day
when loving myself will be enough
to pick up the pieces when I shatter

I'm so unhappy
but I can't say how I feel,
because if I do
I'm just being unsupportive,
so I can't win either way,
I can either be unhappy or selfish,
one of us will take the blame,
but that person won't be me

I think I feel a bit better,
like the last few days,
I've been under the weather,
but my tummy didn't hurt
and my nose wasn't runny,
no,this weighing sadness
just made me feel a bit funny,
I was sick in the brain
and even though I try to refrain
from feeling this way
sometimes a girl just needs a mental health day
to make the dark clouds go away
even if it's only for a little while...

I feel lonely
even when you're right next to me,
Am I here?
Or am I invisible?
Sometimes I don't know the answer,
some nights I cry myself to sleep,
and some days I wonder why
I even exist in the first place

Having more to live for
makes me want to live even less

Not many things bring me joy in life,
when I say I'm fine
I'm just trying not to cry,
because talking about things
only make them worse,
Maybe the more I say I'm fine
The less it'll hurt

I hate those people with perfect lives
That never seem to have anything go wrong,
like they are in the clouds
And never have so much as a drop of rain tarnish their trendy clothes,
they're above everyone else
and they believe it too,
yet they are never grateful
for the things they'll never have to go through,
you don't deserve to be in this place,
you don't deserve to always have your way,
you never have the worst fate you,
and for that I will always hate you

I'm so stressed out
I can barely breathe,
because all these problems
keep pressing on me,
there's this ache in my heart
that tells me to try,
when every path has a problem
no matter how hard I pry.
I'm ****** no matter what I decide.

I'm the happiest I've ever been,
yet I still find times
where I feel frayed.
I have no reason to be sad,
yet there is this constant dark cloud
that won't go away.
I don't want to cry everyday,
I don't want to feel this way,
I  just want to smile
and truly believe that I'm okay,
But no matter how hard I try
this dark cloud just continues to stay.

Love is one hand on the steering wheel
and the other holding mine,
Love is trying too hard to make you laugh
just so I can see that smile again,
Love is being able to tell you
every little thing that comes to my mind,
Love is knowing that I will always
have a best friend,
Love is never wanting this feeling to end.

You could give her the world
but she wouldn't be happy,
you could make all the money
but she'd still starve for more,
you could work all the hours
but she'd still miss your touch,
but if you give her your heart,
she'll have more than enough

It's my fault
that I never got to see you grow up,
that you died.
I was selfish and cared about
my own needs over yours,
I was irresponsible and now
I'm paying the ultimate price.
and no matter how much I want to turn back time,
where your heart was still beating
and hope was in your eyes,
I'm stuck with my mistakes.
I'm so sorry and I can't even say it,
because no matter how strongly I feel
I can't fix what's been done,
I can't make your body rise up from the ground,
I can't put you back together,
and because of those reasons I can't be okay.

Big nose,
droopy eyes,
overbite,
big sigh.
Too fat,
too flat,
skin dry,
I wanna cry.

We're no longer in each other's lives
you or I,
and though you think her world is ending,
she is really on top of it,
a phoenix rising from the ashes,
flying and feeling so happy and free,
with hope flooding up to her knees.
No you didn't break this girl when you left her,
in fact, you made her even better.

Nightmares chasing me,
keeping me from sleep,
Oh, this ptsd
is really binding me,
can't even be alone to dream
of sunshine and roses and happy things
when all you do is haunt me
and rob me of my sleep...

I could write you a poem from the heart
but I don't think you'd like it.
I don't think you'd even finish the poem,
let alone skim each line,
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't take the time
to find a deeper meaning
in the abyss of words
that make up my mind
or be able to keep yourself
from jumping to conclusions
on what my metaphors mean.
So if you asked me to write you a poem,
I would just hand you a blank piece of paper,
because writing a poem for you
is just a waste of time
just like every second I ever spent on you,
every feeling faltering,
every word a write off,
every metaphor meaningless.
I'll never write you another poem again
because you deserve to be kept in the dark,
because you don't deserve to know
just how bad you really hurt me.

It's too good to be true
that I still have you,
to hold and love forever,
for I know bad weather
will soon ****** us apart,
and rip out my heart,
and I'll hate myself too,
for believing that our love was once true.

These walls are closing in,
crushing my lungs and body within.
I never knew I was claustrophic
until this very moment,
with the ceiling crashing down,
and my world turning upside down,
and maybe I wouldn't feel so claustrophobic
if someone would finally support me
instead of constantly crushing me...

I'm scared.
Scared of losing it all,
that all of these good moments
I've been having are too good to be true
and it's just my heart telling me lies again
when in reality I'll never be worthy
of someone who actually
makes me feel like I'm worth
every breath I breathe
and every cell in my body,
that I'm worthy of someone who loves me
even on the days when
I find it impossible to love myself,
on those days when
I can't even make eye contact,
or meet my own eyes in the mirror,
or can do nothing but drag myself down.
I have someone who loves me for me now
and sometimes it's really scary,
sometimes I still have to pinch myself,
but you're here,
and you're breathing,
and I do deserve every breath I breathe
and every cell in my body.
I deserve this feeling,
and I deserve to be with you,
because if I didn't,
then all the years of suffering
would have been for nothing.

I never would have thought
that my first day at my very first job
would be the day I fell head over heels.
It's even scarier to think
that that same love would be given back
by the kindest, most loving person
I've ever known,
by my best friend
and partner in crime.
Hell, I would have never thought
that that love could have bloomed
so fast,
or so beautiful,
or so brave.
And even though
I tend to be an indecisive person,
being with you,
loving you,
and marrying you
is the easiest decision
I have ever made in my life
and I hope we'll continue to make
even more decisions together in the future.
I hope we'll still continue
to love and support each other
and I'll still continue to be your rock
even on the lowest days
when our relationship feels
more like work than play,
because marriage is forever,
whether society today
believes that or not,
whether we're down in the dirt
and thinking about ending it all.
So through this stating of my vows
if you take anything away from them
it's this:
I promise to support you always
and to be faithful to you,
I promise to always be
a shoulder to cry on
even when you feel like
you can't come to anyone else,
but most importantly,
I promise to love you unconditionally
just like we will one day love our children,
no matter what crazy trouble
they might get into.
Because loving,
even when it's hard,
to me,
is the most beautiful thing in this world
besides you.

Alone with my thoughts,
alone with all these knives,
knives waiting in the shadows,
waiting to pierce me,
to pierce my heart once more,
my heart that's been broken before,
many times before,
and before I met you,
I had no idea what love meant
or if it was worth trying for,
but now because of you
I don't have to feel that way anymore.

I don't have blood in my veins,
but I have this steady, snapping beat,
I don't have a boy on my brain
but this chorus constantly on repeat.
because life just brings me pain,
and when the world becomes
just one big game,
music is the only thing
that understands me

Holding you,
having my secrets,
two trajedies I both love and hate.
I can have both,
but at what price?
I could love you,
but would I lose it all?
My mind only thinks in the moment,
impossibly impulsive,
head so far in the clouds
I'm afraid I'll never get out.
All I know Is that when I'm with you
I feel safe and sound,
and now I can't ever remember
a time where I wouldn't want you around,
so I'm going to continue to hold onto this
and pray to God I won't ruin it .

I want our shadows
to dance to a silent melody,
I want our love
to fly us to the moon,
I want our love to
defy destiny,
because I want to have
my cake and eat it too.

I miss you
and I hope you miss me too,
because when I think of you
I don't feel so blue.
I don't have anything better to do
than sit and reminisce you,
so right now, I'll power through,
so later I can tell you how much I love you:)

I made a deal with the devil today
Hell, I even shook his hand,
and though I knew it wasn't my time to stay,
I told him thank you for everything he did,
as I left his barren land
and followed a life of sin,
never looking back to Him,
because even though I knew better,
the sin felt so much better.

This guilt has wormed its way deep,
digging it's way inside of me,
making me feel empty,
and lost,
and unhappy.
I want so badly to reach
for that place deep inside of me
and rip it out,
cut it down
before it can grow bigger,
and thicker,
and way out of control,
but If I've learned anything it's that
lies make people stay
and the truth pushes them away...

A notebook full of fantasies,
filled to the brim with words
I've always been too afraid to say out loud.
Love letters never sent,
memories never spent,
because the love never existed
in the first place,
you've only ever been an idea
that I've meticulously made up
inside my mind.
The perfect person doesn't exist
and I know I'm still a kid,
but when I look at you, I wonder,
Are you my perfect person?
Or am i just getting my hopes up again?

Today is the day.
Exactly one year ago,
there was you and me
spread out on the bed sheets.
We laid out our bodies for each other on easels
and you were my work of art,
all smiles and 'I love yous' and promises of forever
as I gave myself to you
and you gave yourself to me
on those rumpled sheets,
a perfect tale of young teens.
Now, no matter how much I will myself,
I can't recall that day without crying
because I know that day lead to the last few good days
I had before our chapter ended,
before you closed the book
on a perfectly good story
and left me with nothing
but a trail of empty pages
to pick up by myself.
Sometimes I wish
I wasn't such a sucker for fairy tales...

Thin and frail,
worn and tired.
When will this end?
When will I finally look in the mirror
and see someone worth loving?
someone whose worth holding the breath in their lungs
and the food in their stomach,
someone who deserves the same amount
of tender attention I dump on others everyday.
I'm afraid that day will never come
because I'm still stuck in this mindset,
falling in and out of this vicious cycle,
fading in and out of existence,
and because all I'll ever see when I look in the mirror
is a monster whose
thin and frail and
worn and tired.

My heart doesn't beat,
It ticks,
like one of those old grandfather clocks
you see in movies
about to strike out.
Midnight turns to morning
and only time will tell
what plans fate has with us,
and whether she'll be cruel or kind
I'll never know till the very end,
but at least I know
that right now,
right here, in this moment with you,
I don't regret a single second.

I have a fire in my throat
and angry, tired eyes.
I've seen a thing or two
I've flown as far as the moon,
and these experiences,
these burdens,
have aged me far beyond my years.
I no longer feel fear
or happiness or sadness,
all that's left is this madness
that I just can't seem to shake.
So leave me alone before I break,
because I have a fire in my throat
and angry tired eyes
that aren't afraid
to watch you die:)

Is it normal to be this sad?
Will I ever see past today?
because I can't remember
a day I haven't felt this way...

There's this pressure in my lungs
that keeps building and building,
making it harder to breathe,
so hard that I'm afraid my lungs
are going to burst like a balloon,
because it never gets better,
because you never stop pushing me.
I'm on the edge of a cliff about to fall,
yet you think you know what's best for me,
I'm getting tired of it all.
Maybe I should jump
before you push me too far,
because I'll never meet your expectations
when all you do is raise the bar,
because all you want is more and more,
and this pressure keeps on building and building,
making it harder to breathe.

This is a poem
for every breathing soul,
for those who have been beaten down,
for those whose names have been taken away.
This is a poem
for those who scream but are not heard,
for those who are treated like dirt,
for those who just want to belong.
This is a poem
for the broken hearted,
for those who wake up in an empty bed,
for those who have made mistakes.
Yes, this is a poem
for every breathing soul,
for everyone who has ever felt anything,
for humanity as a whole.

My voice was stolen today
from those who suppress me,
who cut me down
and treat me like I'm a ghost
when in reality I'm
the only one who realizes
that the world is changing
and I shouldn't be afraid
to change along with it,
that it's okay to be different,
that love is love
and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
So for everyone whose voice was stolen today,
join with me in creating a new world
where we can all be equally unique<3

When I walk into a room
I always scan the sea before me,
helplessly hoping that
one of them is you.
Sometimes I see someone with your brown hair
or twinkling, turquoise eyes
and your name leaps off my tongue
like a freestyle diver,
only to leave me feeling lonely
because they're just another person
who isn't you.

She was the melody,
the song my heart
has always been searching for,
the beat that could always make me
stand up and dance,
and just like the song
I can't get stuck out of my head,
I will never forget you,
even after the last chord strikes
and my head hangs heavy.

Watching the world go by
with tears in my eyes,
oh, how fast time flies
when you're sitting on the sidelines.
Lately I haven't been living at all,
and though I may seem small
in the world's grand view,
I'm only being put down by you,
the one who puts me in chains,
the only one to blame,
you think this is all a game
when all I've ever wanted was my own name.
No, I'll never be ashamed
to not want to be cut down by the knife,
it should be my God-given right
to live my own life!

She plays with her food,
pushing it around on the plate,
watching the vegetables roll
and the chicken broth drip,
the aroma is mouthwatering.
She tries not to make eye contact with her food
so not to think of the tender juiciness
the chicken would bring,
soon to explode on her tongue,
the crisp crunch the vegetables
will make when they touch her teeth.
She can feel the hunger growing inside her,
an angry beast trying to claw its way out
that she's suppressed for far too long.
She wonders if eating is worth the risk
as she looks down and observes each
part of her frame that isn't ramrod straight,
remembering that she'll never be good enough for anyone,
not even herself.
Dropping her fork as if it were a worm,
she tried not to give eye contact
to the dismantled family sitting at the dismantled table.
"May I be excused?"