We could both pretend
That 40 minutes was
Enough
For what you wanted to
Do to me

That girl
Knew
KNEW
That I was a threat
She scented it a mile away

Unlike the girl I spent the night with
Promising
That we were only friends

We could do better baby
You could hold me
Secretly
Nightly
Mostly


Hold me
Nightly
Baby
Today
And tomorrow
And today
And tomorrow

See the wildest part isn't
That I know you
Still read this


And you
Are lying in bed next to her
And I



LOVE her.


She is the absolute sweetest
Cutest
BEST

For you.
But you baby


Are falling asleep thinking
About me



Because I went home with him
And you with her
But eventually
We'll find out way back to each other


I miss you
And you miss me
And you have a baby
And I'm a ****


But I ******* love you
And I had a dream last night
Where you kissed my face
Come find me
We don't have to tell anyone
I'll feel you
I love you

The air is cool and damp in the mornings
So the ache of missing you is creeping in
Like how the old folks sense a storm
You are my storm
I slept thirty six hours trying to dream of you again
But you're a phantom inside my mind
Always just out of reach
Maybe this year you'll find me in the light
My beautiful faceless boy

Either say you miss me
Or tell me what you want from me
Are the options I pretend are on the table
Like I won't talk to you for hours
Like my heart doesn't skip
When your name comes on my phone

Explain to me
Why I miss you
When I know so well
That nothing was real
And you've loved on
(*Moved)
And I can't trust you
And I wasn't good enough





"It was real."

*******
****
You

You took me to all of your favorite places
Showed me around your home town
Introduced me to your mother
You fed me
You held me
We made plans
We made dinner
You lied to me
You threw me away
You made me feel like I was crazy
You told me it was my fault
You told me I wasn't good in bed
Like you didn't tell me
That my body was beautiful
"Pay attention to my actions"
See what you want to see
"I still care about you"
I'm going to keep you until I don't need you

I told you once
That I need to be held after ***
Or the anxiety gets me
"Why didn't you tell me?"
And you wrapped me up
And made me feel so small
And you kissed the top of my head

Every time after that

I could curl up under your arm
My back against your side
Your arm curled around me
And I held on for dear life

And it meant nothing to you