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145 · Dec 2018
Jar
Shea Dec 2018
Jar
I keep it in a jar,
My last hope of growing old.
I won't let go of my jar,
For it's too precious
To forget.
143 · Apr 2021
Untitled/short
Shea Apr 2021
This desire for connection
Is insatiable
141 · Apr 2021
Athene Noctua
Shea Apr 2021
I saw it in a dream
Eyes pierced at me
Feathers struck my skin
I began to believe.
Yellow sun, dripping from my gums
Life I'm sure, means more
Than ripping out my hair

Athene Noctua

Call me weak, I've risen from my grave
No longer bound by shackles on my feet
I saw it in a dream.
My eyes pierced into me,
I saw the healthy me.
135 · Dec 2018
Untitled
Shea Dec 2018
I still want to
**** myself,
This Christmas Eve.

Sorry.
134 · Jan 2022
Stay
Shea Jan 2022
You’ve got flames on your fingertips,
Water in your tongue.
You light me on fire, and put me out, love.

I fall deeper and deeper,
Hypnosis and trust.
You are love
You are patient
You are kind
You are sweet  
Releasing heat into my life
And calmness in my seas.
My breathing becomes slower,
And I’ve been on my knees.
For you hold this power over me,
Emotionally.
And it’s fine.
You are the beauty that God created
And ignoring or denying the holiness
Up above
And the saint he created
Would be nothing but ignorance.
Every inch of you is something to love
And I pray everyday that you stay.

Stay.

I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,
My soul is old.
This brief eternity hasn’t showed me half of what it has for me
But I know that in this time
I’ve been shown what love is by you.
128 · Sep 2022
It’s all up to you
Shea Sep 2022
And there it is again
The reckoning, the weight that’s been torched in flames and placed into my stomach
Which heat fills my throat with air and feels like fire
It is the reckoning, the consequence of my own Ill-action
My fear isn’t making reality, but the reality is that I can’t control my fear
And if the person who saved this life slips from the water between my cupped hands,
There won’t be enough to put out the fire

The reckoning
The consequence
Of my own actions
127 · Dec 2022
Stronger than it ever was
Shea Dec 2022
Your kindness was for a reason,
So when they leave, don’t regret
How many times you said “I love you”
How you gave em all of you
How you know you must have made them feel
They needed it as much as you

I don’t need to know why,
I’ll find better love
Stronger than it ever was
Shea Oct 2018
I thought we'd grow old
As if day one never left
The last time I saw you
You were wasted,
Trying to take care of your drunk girlfriend.
We were hiding in the closet
Ironic ain't it?
It was our last day in the ville
Little did I know it'd be our last time for real.
I heard you deceased from a phone call
Not too long after Taylor went to prison
Car wreck, accidental overdose
You lost control, and lost control of your habits
Lost too many people to the drugs
Seems like these days we're out of luck
She was your last word,
And yeah she's doing fine
She's got your name on her arm
But she ain't staying out of harm
The last time I saw her she was
Working for a dollar
Doing more drugs than a ******
Tried to ruin our relationships
And left all us behind
And I find the more I think of it
The worse it feels
for an old friend to be stuck out in the ville
In the streets
While I'm trying to pay my keep
And while the drugs work no more
And sing her soul to sleep
And the valley of her aging face
Say words I can't understand
So I don't understand why people have to leave
Or die
So as you fly, remind her tonight that you're here
And make sure she's fine
Cause she has left my side.
110 · Oct 2018
Fox
Shea Oct 2018
Fox
I swallow my pride,
Followed by euphoria
It's glorious.
Speaking of it,
I've taken more than I need
And I've taken more than I should.
She asks if she can handle the seasons
of her life.
Can I?
I see shadows cross my room,
I spit my teeth in my dreams
Cause I'm nervous.
Nicotine doesn't give me the same buzz,
I've smoked too much.
My pills are running low,
I've got ten cents in my wallet.
What you want to call it,
call it.
For now,
I'll hide my addictions
with fake names
and tapes.
Shea Dec 2018
If we're being honest,
The only thought on mind
At this point
Is suicide.

It sounds stupid,
Or selfish,
Or anything else you could call it.
There is a pressure building
In my head.
It's this feeling of regret.
It will be there every step,
And for what I do next.

I think I'm losing my faith,
No God,I know I'm losing my faith.

****, man.
101 · Jul 2023
Untitled
Shea Jul 2023
Will God leave the light on for me
If I never believed?
Would he be so kind as to walk me
To where he ****** me?
90 · Sep 2023
I don’t smoke
Shea Sep 2023
Please break me
Hurt me
If you want to be mean
Be mean to me
I can take it
Just like that
I know the whole time you’ll be here
And i make you feel powerful enough to stay
82 · Sep 2023
Gutted
Shea Sep 2023
I went for a drive today
And pleaded with someone inside of me
Squeezing my arm and dragging me into
The idea that running away
would fix everything
I could have been gone this entire time,
I realized
As nobody thought to check on me
I drove down the roads I grew up on
And passed every house of everyone I’ve ever known
And knew that they could not host me
So I drove further
The beach welcomed me with warmth and
The sound of children laughing around me
Feeling the magic I lost years ago
I could have been gone this entire time
I thought
As no one looked at me twice
I walked this time, and into the water
I could have been gone this entire time, i realized as no one stopped me
81 · Oct 2018
Untitled
Shea Oct 2018
I am simple, may be common.
Blue eyes, brown hair.
Like a blue jay in the air.
Though I am common, it does not mean
That I will not stretch my talons,
Or spread my wings,
And fly far away from here.
66 · Jan 6
Easy
Shea Jan 6
Why would I choose you?
And flatter yourself under my skin
With visions of
What you think I should worship you?
Why would I choose you?
You’d never know the words
***** poets do to you
You’re not the only one
Don’t flatter yourself
With something you can touch
But will never understand
61 · Mar 11
Untitled
Shea Mar 11
I was made for hopeless dedication, for love that feels like poetry. And it exists because I carry it with me. It's heavy and I can't put it down.
Shea May 8
Haunted by ghosts of past lovers and lives
But she holds her hand in mine
And holding her now
While time seems to slow down
The sound of her snoring and deep breaths
Comforts the part of me
That I’m too afraid to dissect
I’m not afraid to show her who I am

Haunted by ghosts of past lovers and lives
Slowly we are forgetting the sins and
All the things we did to deal with these
Past lovers and lives
Shea May 26
Familiar sights, I'm covered in bites
and the ants crawl
and the night falls.
Spring comes, lights aspire
King set fires
October, the time of falling
Time has no meaning, it is tainted
and our lives are truly painted.
A rewrite of my favorite poem written in 2016

— The End —