can we?
can’t we?

as punctuation goes
there’s something intimate
about a period
so much wrapped in that little orb
endings to the left
beginnings to the right
a tiny dense anchor
between two thoughts
holding them together
keeping them apart
it has a big job
the period
I bet sometimes
it doesn’t know where it belongs

a very unstable astrological arrangement is afoot
it’s a good thing
he locks the doors now

he’s been trying to convince me
for so long
I have borderline personality disorder
I may as well believe it
still
neither of my therapists agree

It’s nice to no longer feel that I owe you
But I could’ve afforded so much more

I will stop blaming you
for what happened with him
I never meant anything either way
none of this made any difference
you proved that
forcing a horrible, embarrassing encounter
which was painful and unnecessary
but it is now
only what it always was,
nothing
and I will stop thinking
you cost me
something I was never going to have

he asked one time
when are we going to learn to live together?
well, we haven’t tried yet
but in a few important ways
I think we have

my mother was an actress
a musician
a director
a dramatic histrionic childish personality
but she made a very nice cameo appearance in my life

please
tell me
what is poetry

my drug of choice
is the sound of your voice
talk to me

good morning my spell binding art
your elegance has captured me
you are a puzzle of forests
a clock from a dimension of colors
a sculpture of melodies and feathers
I admire you from every angle with decadent longing
I shall disintegrate into a dust of ecstasies
and linger in the air around you
breath me in so that we can become one
the treasure and the light
the lover and the love
the pulse and the reason
for existence

it is now so recognizable
anxiety
the need to run
literally
figuratively

I always thought
the bands of light around the earth seen from space
represented the reflection of sunlight
through the various densities of atmosphere

they do not!!

they are actual emanations of light
from chemical reactions, cosmic rays, and photoionization
(don’t worry about that last one)

my point is...

                 we glow

                           we, the earth

                                          we glow

                                                          like we’re made of stars

a kayak
no, two kayaks (you need one too)
my school loans paid off
Celtic knot amethyst earrings
a red Honda Shadow 750
the back bedroom remodeled with cathedral ceilings
a back deck with hot tub
a romantic weekend in a cabin by the ocean
wireless earbuds with phenomenal base

I’m sorry but this is kind of easy and
I’m just getting started...

I’m trapped in the sky again
floating, untethered
my lungs are hot air balloons
my chest is bursting
grab the trailing rope, quick
before I get away

in the tiny reflection
of my shiny tub spout
my ******* look
archaically aboriginal
comically distorted
and I wonder if all mirrors aren’t a bit like that

where did all the people come from?
they are concentrating in this time
like an evolutionary blood clot
I wonder who is picking the scab
and if we are healing

all you need to do is be yourself
and laugh at my jokes
well
not all of them
I don’t want you to hyperventilate

I would like to be alone forever today
would you like to join me?

I’m not sure how this is better
than the traditional approach
it sure feels worse than anything I’ve ever experienced
how about for you?

I never understand when people say
they have nothing to write about
just ask yourself
what do I feel?
just look inside yourself
what is there
right now?

I just looked
and saw an old fashioned trap door bookshelf
with a stairway to a warmly lit basement
interesting!
what’s down there?
let’s look...
...

oh, I’m very sorry
it’s secret
that must be why it’s in the basement

but! you never know what you’ll find
when you peek inside
there’s always something there to write about

I can be boring
soooo boring
I can write about paint
in fact
I have some paint right here
it’s grey
the most boring color for paint
I will drag it across the walls of your mind
and put you right
to sleep

I’m a sieve
I feel everyone
her, him, you, him, her
it’s hard to parse
which one is me
am I one?

Liam Neeson was a great tree
he made me cry prodigiously

you are a perfect stranger
just perfect

no one cares anymore
not my therapist
or the police
not my friends or family,
he doesn’t even ask
they’ve all lost interest
you’re absolutely free

I wrote you lots more poems
with all the same feelings

life is recursive
much like my poetry

I have a black hole in my pocket
It is

So

Heavy

when I woke this morning
the sun was gentle
the breeze was cool
I found new blooms on a flower I thought was dead
the cherry tomatoes in my garden turned red
the pit in my stomach dissolved
and turned into a fire in my mind
the fear is not vanquished
but at least I have a sword to fight it
it’s the most wonderful kind of day there is
thank you angels
for putting me back together

Giant monsters
House monsters
Dismemberments
Gory car accidents
Decapitations
Forest monsters
Shadowy faceless figures following me
Falling off cliffs
Falling off tightropes
More monsters of assorted types
Sharks
Sea monsters
****** torturing me (I’m not Jewish)
Burning chemicals in my eyes
Being shot in the chest

Also, I was naked in school a few times
but that wasn’t really scary

another dream
a really great one
I’d like to go back to sleep

she called me Casey
very cute
I think I made a new identity

I think I will give walls another try
castles are underrated
you don’t even need a drawbridge
if you can fly
cool grey stone
built into a cliff up high
mythic falls cascading past
with an endless sigh
fearsome forest creatures
who won’t let you by
yes
I think I will give walls
another try

my steps have to be even
when I’m waiting, I count
don’t put the ketchup where the salsa goes
or throw any leftovers out

unless the counter is clean
I can’t focus, or cook
and my socks must match my underwear
even though you’ll never look

I have a few quirks
not many, you’d never see
but I get mind bogglingly worse
in a tough bout of anxiety

don’t worry, I won’t touch you
anywhere

please keep my heart safe
while I stitch a thicker skin

I dreamed of art
Art!!
shifting paintings
surreal color
magical canvases
laughing soul sculptures
life is beautiful

if you give up
and walk away

know this

                        it will never

                                                    be

             ok

what if this is all there is
in life
in love
what if everything else
is just lies you tell yourself
or lies other people tell you
best stay put

I dreamed I was at a massive train station
but there were too many trains
and I didn’t know which one to take
I couldn’t see the numbers on the trains
or read the schedule
or remember what the map said
then I started crying
so I walked

is the panic caused by sadness?
or is the panic the culprit?
why the violent bashing of my heart
like an angry ape pounding the earth?
why the weakness in my limbs
****** dry of life and joy?
begone dark creature feeding on my fears

my insides are shaking
vibrating at the speed of terror
I can’t breath
when will it stop

an audience of one is enough
to call it poetry
if its one you love

you’ve disrupted my rhythm
it’s all good
I like to re-examine my commitments
it keeps one authentic

a nodding acquaintance
indifferent
an anonymous stalker
obsessed
a partner
in love
a woman
lost

troubled sleep
woke up in full delusion mode
you were him again
it was disturbing
depressing
destabilizing
I woke up in love

I’m barely even halfway to 7,000
so I’ve got a ways to go
before I’m through
with you

there were balloons today
flying into the sky
no one was holding them
they dodged and bounced in the breeze
colors weaving and streaming
I think they were laughing