they say if you want to be silent
to run away and disappear with time;
you probably ache to be noticed, seen, acknowledged
you're likely to want to be simply found.

the more you long for something
more you venture
into the darkness following its trace;
the more you long for something
more adventure
you face,
as well as being misplaced.

If time can justify us being apart

We will get through this phase no matter what,

if dreams can help some people fight the pain

we cant let all we have go down the drain.

get over and move on, new day will come

get used but fight the world until you re drunk

on happiness and love, keep your blood hot.

we'll find our peace and use what have learnt.

a bit of hope has all the colours you can see

and hope has every teardrop of the sea

so you can swim and if you start to drown, just don't give up

even if there is a stone ******* to your neck and your cup

‘s half empty.

i know it's wrong to love you
and i shouldn't
but give me chance to change it
and i wouldn't
give me another try at making first impression
another go at faking my perfection
i'd blew it once again
i'd disappoint you
that's just the way i am
and me pretending being someone else-
there is no point to.
like class A drug i'd still inject you
shoot you under my skin into already failing system
you are the cure from clear mind, strength, and too much wisdom.
im kept with feet firm on the ground by you reminding
the love i made up in my head
so hopeful, binding,
is nothing more but product of my own imagination
and it's not fair how frequent and how fast around your axis is
my  rotation.
it seems i know what you're looking for
it seems i know exactly what you need
and i know all about your type of breed.

he takes off her coat and hangs near the mirror
Gently whipers don't worry my dear
It won't hurt.
He takes off her jacket undoing her shirt
If you could read her mind you wouldnt learn what she slurred
In the desperate moment
When noone dares to look
She is scared as a rabbit
That's just been caught by a Wolf
Not the first time she trembles
But first time feels ashamed
Not the first time shes kissing
First time her thoughts are hissing
Like white noise in her head.

I prayed to the moon to raise the tides,
I begged the soil to bury my pain
I cried to the heaven “Please, heal his deep bites”
If only I knew you ran deep in my veins.
Scratched my skin ‘til I bled,
Walked my feet till they’re dead;
Broke my bones, pierced my heart
Took my sanity, you
And sent me back to the start.
It might have been the sun
Might have been distance or planes
Whatever it is I would walk it in days.
This place is hopeless,
And now I feel so worthless,
Giving me time to forget
You’re staying calm and so voiceless.
I don’t know where you hide,
Or how you spend my nights
Let me go, let me out
No longer want to be yours.
Give me back my own god,
Return strength to my bones.
I get so desperate sometimes
I don’t want to inhale
The same air that you breath
Wish to forget your full name.
I welcomed Death in my arms
Believing it Was my friend
And I still think it is so
To a certain extent extent.

my very own dark corner is now gone
been occupied with someone i have never seen before;
so i don't have a place to hide no more
and seems my wounds are opened up by the fresh air and feel so sore.
the sunlight hurts my eyes and i can't see
not only what was in past
but also what it is that lies in front of me.
i wave my arms to find something to hold
that doesnt work too well for me for i am still unstable
though i can feel the rain and wind through my grey bones
everything rushes desperately to fold
in away from me.
ah am i sure i even want to be

Fairytales aren't meant to come true;
They are engraved into books' pages
There is no way for them to flee
From hundred thousand cages.

Many great writers burnt the scripts
To love that's never ending
Trying to make them come to life
But what's the use pretending?

I let it slip my sanity and honest,
I thought something is different in the world of  mine.
Alas the only difference between me and century long fairytales
Is lack of time.

there is a road that i have travelled
they is a heart that i have broken
in so many ways my life has been so
empty and  hollow, words are unspoken.

there are the eyes i havent seen yet
i havent fallen in love or sinned and
there is so much i want to be
but nothing matters
when you arent with me.

i sing the words i read on billboards
i rhyme the letters of complains
even the worst that could bring me down
i will let it wait, the whole world awaits

there is a road that i've not travelled
there is a dream i havent lived
there is this love i havent given
there is so much i want to give.

THere is a face, a soul, a person
i havent met yet in my tracks
there is a hand i havent held but
but new hope is born with a new tusk.

it's in the depths of his eyes
where the sky is so clear
it's without any disguise
my soul was resting until…

until you came around
i was safe and sound
until and you came about

I used to be so strong
my bones could stand the storm

he buried all of my dreams
replacing mine with his

he messed up all my routes
not leaving any clues
where i could find him, how
i need you so much now.

sometimes i am
sometimes I'm not
sometimes my mind tights into knots
sometimes i live
sometimes survive
sometimes somedays i take a scarf
i wrap it round my neck and hold
the ends until your arms unfold
it didn't happen the last time
i thought i died, but now I'm fine.
sometimes i shake
and let it go
sometimes i laugh and carry on
sometimes somedays
i meet new me
and at that point i let it be
and then i see my eyes shine bright
when i don't see of you a sight.

The only time I thought I wanted to let go
Was when you said you had no strength to carry on.
How many times I asked to fight the world
But it was only me you fought.
Not realising we will die without
Your eyes shone bright with joy in pure day light;
But every word you said it broke my dreams
So far away from what my smile seems
To be; its hard not to break down in front of you
And even harder not to cut your veins with truth.
Our farewells never good but rarely bad.
though one ends up healing their broken heart.
What time has done to us we ll never know
But distance for sure won’t be end at all.

Dont tell me youre happy
While trying your noose
Smile like you mean it
When it comes loose.
Dont tell me youre joyful
Then ask to pull the chair
I have seen one too many
Times this look of despair
Your eyes say it all
You glance at the floor
Your hands shake like leaves
With all bullets you miss.
I would miss you so
For I love you so
And I know youre strong
Find where you belong
Never let it go
Keep it close to you
And I need you so
For your my own soul.

If I could have a different face
Spend days and nights at different pace
if only I could change my features,
Lines and curves;
Not treat what I was given like a curse
If I might just believe there is someone
For everyone;
There is a second missing piece to shattered souls
If I could have a different personality
And be less goofy, better not at all...

I would be happy.

i hope you change your mind on some of things

some of those dreams that hurt the most

i hope that very soon you ll be able to see

the cost.

i ll make my peace no matter what you choose

i will support and bite my tongue and lose

i ll sacrifice and give all that i have

to make you see, it s only you i crave

i searched for what i craved the most;
i thought i'd had it before lost.
i tried the sea, i searched the earth
i looked elsewhere no bliss just curse.

I looked under pillows, and deep in the sands
i dived deep into waters of unfulfilled plans;
i wondered round woods though dense, scary nights
i searched for what i could't find in his eyes.

"love" all i was craving.
it was all that i needed.
all i waited, i wanted
i prayed for and seeded.
i watered and cared for
cherished, protected.
i cuddled and held
not to break, but to save it.

Seems like it was yesterday
This pain found in me shelter
Unwanted guest
What a terrible mentor

I have wasted so much
Battling, trying,  defending
Saving, crying, pretending
I have wasted so much

Time. It seemed so irrelevant
I let ache swallow me whole
Love. It seemed so important
Above all.

On my mothers bed was I
Lying still, covered up
Couldnt make a sound, whisper
Couldnt make days count, listen
To my favourite songs.

you're stronger than you think
i know that.
your heart will break then heal
in any light.  
i know you're scared and ready to give in
and there's a soul tearing, skin- crawling howl within
one or two days allow yourself to die
let go, if should tell your goodbyes
do what you need when life's tearing you up
but then, when skies clear up,
get back on track.

you're tearing me apart
you're my death sentence.
you're blood that wont stop
but get more intense and

i throw myself at every stranger passing
and ask to give me hope,
but it's collapsing.
i beg to see you,
and beg to forget you.
i gave you all i had to offer
and more than that too;
i got myself in debt
now i pay back.
i wake up, 3 am and sweat is dripping
my heart is racing at the speed of sound, it
feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest.
vertigo, sickness, desperation...
blessed.  
i tell the others i am blessed to know love
to feel the way i feel
and fall so low i've;
...

will you be mine or will i suffer still;
will you be in me, i won't rest my soul until
I get my hands on  you, on all you love
i m standing still looking at you like angel from above.

Will ever you be mine i wonder here
do i make you feel way you make me feel?
do i make you as nervous and excited
startled before the choice, glad and

will you be ever mine and not bring the bad with you
will you make me the happiest of all
im thinking looking hungrily at you
my sweet and slightly sour sausage roll

I will be nice to you, be nice to me
I will heal all your wounds, and they won't bleed
And share your pain I will
And share your dark
Your weak your desperate disappointed
Ill take care of that.

We are as hopeless
as our hearts at love.
we are as worthless
as our given oaths.

we are all lost
and our names are unknown
we don't know ****
but you claim you have stronger bones

and everyone around you
isn't worth your time.
one day she is your future
the next - you sell her for a dime

to the first stranger that you cross paths with
to the first poor man roaming these blank streets
to any blind guy who won't speak a word of truth
you'd sell her and move on to someone new.

great minds think differently
but work together perfectly.
when one is willing to submit to sanity
make sure you are the one who keeps the folly.
for two sane people will give birth to ordinary
whilst
lunatic will bring to this land something odd and jolly.

we are as hopeless
as our heart's desires.
where we need water
we're looking for fires.

we are as lost
as a new born star up in the sky at night
we are as new to this world
as of death the fright
after you nearly met it face to face

if i could give my life to you
i would;
if i could replace bad with good
i would;
if i could make it better and less painful
if i could make life easier, work - playful;
if all your doubts i could remove with just one word, i could;
i would;
if all bad memories i could put in one box
and throw into the ocean with bad thoughts
and hold you still for once, prevent the storm
and put back pieces that you've vainly torn;
i would;
if i could give you what you've never had
if only i could shelter desolation, just a tad
so you dont have to suffer in this dirt
i would;
and may my rivers dry if you desert.

i got myself in such a mess
he likes it like i like it
im impressed.
he does it how i want it
all right moves
the pose the hips the touch
my clothes come loose.
he bites but doesnt bark
his kisses leave skin burning
i take him like a drug
each morning.

it s so, so hard to keep my cool and smile

you dont want to grow up and i ve been grown up for a long, long while

now. sometimes i feel you ll leave me i dont make you happy

and then i try but crying just does nothing.

you never feel my tears in any texts

you dont feel pain in my voice when i speak

but probably im just to much of hopeless and lost child

who knocks on closed doors going sad and wild.

nothing can keep me occupied
im bored of all i love
his eyes are light somewhere deep down
and off the edge im shoved.
restless im pacing round the room
no corner to escape
dont want to sit, no strength to stand
and fainting comes so soon
the noose inside my chest is spiked
and off my feet im swooshed
no turning back, no drinking less
as off the brink im pushed.

my love
will you be mine forever
will you be my untreatable and everlasting
fever.

Will you throw me off balance
leave demented
will you please would me deeply
scar me gently.

leave marks on my arms
on my wrists
my thighs, my neck.
carve crosses, broken ties
on heart and legs.

disfigured leave me
will you?
shall you try
suppressed, forgiven
wasted
humble, shy.

Beware! My mind screamed mutely
My weakened knees were Shaking when you called
Yellow leaves in slow motion were flaring
So uncovered I felt and so bald.

one day it will all be ok
once upon a time my will be done
even if i am long, long decayed
and i am no more but portion of time.

Wrong touch
In the wrong place
Wrong speed wrong pace
Noone is coming tonight

Your chest
Unfressed
Clothes ripped
Jeans unzipped
But noone is coming tonight

Your hair
A mess
Nothing is left
Of my new dress
Why the hell none are coming tonight

I tried
To pull
You agreed
Were in my pool
But I cant be coming tonight

Soft Kiss
Gentle hiss
You did well
But I couldnt tell
When you went inside
Didnt. Feel right.

My bed
Undone
Broken frame
And wasted time
I dont think we are coming tonight

Should have called
Someone else tonight
Lonely still,
But youre by my side
Why cant I be coming tonight

Your friend
Made me confused
I nearly came
When he introduced
Me to you
But im not coming tonight

Versio:

I thought this day
Would end in the best possible way
I hoped
You would rip my clothes
Take ne to the skies
Show me where all joy
And satusfaction lies


Your hands were too rough
And you laughed when o mentioned love
When I kneeled you looked upset
Through the whole thing you were looking left
The tv was on
And you felt no shame
Watching two broke girls on their way to face
And at that point..

and i dont want to go to sleep
for morning wont heal hearts.
and i dont want to stay awake so
i can feel all of my shattered *****'s parts.

no i dont want to be in my right mind
when i suddenly realise what i had had
it's been a year. i dreaded this day now
a year you've gone away and i am still in need, in need of you

my hands will hold you while my eyes cant see
my hearing will help find you when my legs wont lead
and when im breathless i will finally start living
for i ll forget who you are, yes, im willing.

all i need is a bit inspiration
but where do i find one when i look?
i source rhymes from my lone desperation
i look for what you left and what took.
on my plate there is little of hopeful
there is not much of happy or full.
there is plenty of lonely,, deceitful
i cant tell when i stopped being a fool.
all i need is a bit self destruction
and i only achieve such by trying
to love myself without no distractions
i succeed when i rot and lie crying.
Push yourself over limit and failure
get back on your feet, if needed - knees.
Brush and shake off the horrible feeling
like you're nothing, inspire and breathe.
I think i have found my inspiration
finally i know what i want to say
let out all so long bottled frustration
aim to give, there is nothing to gain.

i tried to make it work
i gave him all:
my aspirations, inspiration
body, soul.

With nothing left
im left;
and nothing's right.
brighter than hell
burn my days into one
lonely cold night.

I gave you one third of my life
my thoughts my tears;
my smiles, my believes;
my deepest fears;

And i will give you seventy years more
until the world ends,
by time we no more.
the day might come you wake up
with the other
the other will take off your shirts and head.
and you'll be joyful
tender, caring
and never wish 't was me instead.

i waited and ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go my door'd never open.
i waited and breathed in tact with my sorrow
deep, dark, so intimate your air i borrowed.

minutes seemed years and seconds seemed so still
my patience ran so low, it ran so thin
i waited till the end and then gave in
i stood there by your side, never went in.

i waited listened to the clock so hungrily and bravely
i stared at the four walls i was confined in daily
i waited and i ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go your door'd never open.

It's like when someone stabs you over and over.
It's like you're being left daily by your perfect lover
It's like you are drowning but people are watching
It's like you've been chained to the air, the doors latched, and
The world seems so small
But your dreams are so big
And this constant sharp pain
Makes you tastelessly weak.
You lay there, heart in seizures
No one noticed a thing
you cry: it's so obvious
what you carry within.

it's hard to wake up...
When it's light, but you can feel the dark.
you dont want to get up
you can barely inhale
every chord of your soul
begs for mercy and bail.

you cant look straight ahead
you look back and regret
you cant rejoice or smile
slumber, constant denial.

you can sleep when you're dead
they said.
you can do this and that
but what
i spent years asking
please send help.
i guess i have to wait till im dead.
they said.

leave it, leave it be
let it sting your soul
set it, set it free
bury in the soil.

amplify your pain
simplify your life
let it, let it be
bleed hard when you dive.

be scared, unprepared.
worry, panic, brood.
be misunderstood.

patch your deep old wounds
then cut them open deeper
pierce your skin, my sleeper,
break free from your roots .

I don't know what it is that makes me love you
What makes the skies seem clear only above you
And. I know we live miles away, and pages
Thousands of words away, and worlds and dreams and stages.

I wish to meet the real you and be loved
For what I am for what I stand
Be taken;
For what you are, for what it's worth
For maybe we could be happy together
Be forsaken.

I'm not the one you tried and changed the world for
I'm not the one you saved, you cherished, loved
But hoping one day I can meet the real you
You ll save me from my life for what it's worth.

the thing is that i like you more than others;
you make me feel so safe
one of my brothers.
the deal is, i will always be a little bit too crazy
my speech will sometimes flow, sometimes seem lazy.
my eyes will shine one day
the next- be flooded;
sometimes my nod' s a yes
or for no i will nod and
there's nothing you can do to change my figure
for i am not a fan of bitter tastes;
there's little you can do to leave me saddened
and there's no way to erase my mistakes.

and we're just sitting reminiscing
remember times that now we're missing.
and we're just sitting distant strangers
remember we were lovers, dreams exchangers?

and we used to  hold hands
and it felt right.
today, i cant bare of you accidental sight.
i used to hold your face so close to mine
and kiss you
i used to smile, i would give myself to you
i used to.

and we're just sitting, silently recalling
each other's names.

You are my autumn leaves
My winter snow
You are light summer breeze
Before the storm.
You are light rain
So quickly growing heavy
You are the hurricane
That ruins all I carry.
You are the book I've read too many times
You are the perfect ending to love story
So tragic so heart breaking , filled with crimes
So perfect- you could be a saint, your soul so holy.
You are the cold that I feel in my bones
In summer heat
You are the fire burning deep inside my heart.
You are my ally, I accept defeat
You are the psychic and I'm just a card.

Saw the light glowing
Thought I was drowning
Reached out to grab it
But captured the air
Saw you were watching
Your lips were moving
No words were spoken
I  wouldn't dare.

Stuck in the middle
Distance is growing
Cold lifeless full stops
Fill up your lungs.
Heartless you stop and
Shapeless Im begging
Forgiveness is something
You haven't seen once.

Are you in love I asked
But no reply
Are you in agonising pain
No answer. Why?

Are you in love repeated once again
Did you ignore so as not to pretend?
Did you remain so silent to play safe
Or did you lose your ways riding the waves

Are you in love I begged
Over and over
Is there someone youd dare to call your lover
Is there a soul youd confide every sin
Is there a heart that beats with yours in synch
Is there a hand youd hold through thick and thin
Are you in love
Of whom are all your dreams?
Are you in love?
Are you in pain?
You given up?
's there faith behind your name?
Whatever happens
Tiredness will pass
"No" you replied.
I wished I'd never asked.

you know i'm ill
tired and wasted, I
thought i was bulletproof
thought i could handle truth.

You know i'm done
no more strength to carry on
I feel the tides rise up
i feel the pain increase
summer is long gone now
you put me on my knees.

Youth's running wild but i
am planning my own death.
writing my own eulogy,
drop the veil, i cant stress

enough it's hard to breathe
your sight it hurts my lungs
walls coming closer still
i stare and burn inside.

i'm sick
and im wasted, I
thought i was bulshitproof
til i met up with you tonight.
you can say what you want
you know i will believe
you can treat me the way
you think is best i'll live.
no matter what you say
abuse me, erase my faith
put me down, bring me low
set me on fire so
leave me bleed, bruised and scarred
leave me die under cars.

do what you want to me
i can withstand your touch,
one thing ask in return
once im lower than life
dont begrudge.

with my hand on my heart
i let you go
i watch you turn around
and the pain slowly grows.

as my eyes fill with sea
and my soul is in pieces
all that we have been through
races through my bones swiftly.

im afraid to inhale
in case you start to speak.
and i want to hear everything
you dare to think

with my hand on my heart
i make a promise to love you
till last memory fades
and even beyond that too.

as my sea is now ocean
as my heart is now broken
and i watch you leave us
i can feel my palms soaking.

please don't do this to me
please don't go
please come back
yes i know we will fight
we will curse and break up

but i want all of that
nothing worthy is easy
and you are more than worthy
of the hell that i'm living.

and maybe after all this time
you're still not mine;
and it may hurt me more than ever;
after seven years i lose track of time
as into plague turns this withstanding fever.

There comes the time when reality hits you
It crashes illusions and ***** on your dreams too
Like tornado it grabs you, lifts you up in the air
Throws from side to side, wrecks you
While greedy onlookers stare.
There comes this feeling of emptiness,
Filling with oceans your eyes
And in the arms of a friend
You enter place where hope dies.

I don't know where I'm heading
With my head in the sand
Not the future I'm dreading
But the past in my present.

I don't know what I'm doing
With my heart on my sleeve
You can witness me break
Dive in in disbelief.

I don't know where I'm heading
Maybe I'm standing still
Not the pain I am dreading
But not being able to feel.

this could be a song
and could be a movie.
i could be bright and sunny
or pitch black sad and gloomy
they could be notes and ties
truth could always be lies
definitions could be
mine is you, yours is me.
world could turn upside down
world could stop and stay still
everything could be different
i could be made of steel.

i stepped inside the new year without you.
never thought i'd be able to;
yet here i am, sober but drunk on hopes and expectations
behind left disappointments and frustrations
i stepped inside the new year without you.

the guy i love is flawless.
his eyes are blue, though dark
the guy i love is perfect
the guy i love loves back.

the guy  i dream of daily
my one and only friend.
the guy i love is near me,
he'll be until the end.

and envious my girlfriends
can never look away
i am lost sea, an ocean
he is my home, my bay.

the guy i love is perfect
oh, what a fine creation!
too bad the guy i love lives
in my imagination.