i stepped inside the new year without you.
never thought i'd be able to;
yet here i am, sober but drunk on hopes and expectations
behind left disappointments and frustrations
i stepped inside the new year without you.

you crawled under my skin
you got inside my head
dug a hole in the core
of my mental armour.

you poisoned veins and my air
know, im not going nowhere
you chained my heart to your face
my strength my all to your grace
your body is all crave.

i cant sit still when you're near
forget what common sense is
all i can think of is this
the way you touch and you kiss .

the way you lift me up and
the way you looked in my eyes
how you ran your fingers down
my naked back and my thighs.

how i breathed so deep and gasped
how i wished that it could have lasted
for just one more day

Sit and don't make a sound;
your world's not stage-
but playground.

Paint with black and white
but don't mix;
every new shade or colour
bring hope one day you'll be fixed.

But they lie.

You will never be whole,
and pain will never subside.
Let it go, make your peace;
embrace the highest of tides
let it eat you, consume you
let it bruise and assume you
let it puncture, and pierce
may its power be fierce.

Feel it
feel sadness drown you
in desire to die;
feel it,
let it define you;
and turn your voice to faint cry.

Sit and listen,
and learn;
patiently wait for your turn;
one day the tide will back down,
and come for you
will the ground.

it's driving me crazy
it drives me insane
your indifference, lazy
agonising and plain.

it's making me nauseous
it's making me ill
i knock on your doors
but you run for the hills.

no matter what happens
im trying to choke
suffocate this vain feelings
turn my pain into smoke

i dont eat, there's no point
i dont breathe
leave me alone.
stop reappearing
but how can i delete
delete poisonous feelings
that i turn into wit.

Just take a deep breath
let it, let it go
don't rap it, sing it, live it
do it slow

under my breath i muttered that i loved you
under your halo i saw fires, flame
looked like an angel, acted like the devil
you fooled me twice, id let you fool again.

oh my lord please stop hurting me
i havent done anything wrong
through every war i went,
survived every bitter storm.

oh my lord please save me
from pain that is growing inside
i wish i could tell you everything
and you could just make it right.

my saviour, my angel, my dearest
i pray to you every night
please take care of those who are nearest
please save my fragile heart.

but you never listen to my pleas
you never vow to protect back
you stare and nod and promise
while im covering my tracks.

i'll let you win whenever you want
i'll tell you "you're right" even if you are not.
I'll kneel and pretend just to make you rejoice
i will not scream when you use
pillows to dampen my voice.
I wont fight when you put
your heavy body on mine
when you press pillows tightly
against my face, and my life
will rush before my wet eyes
hurry ahead of its time
miles ahead it will run
be ended by a cold crime.

you know
sometimes i miss first winter snow.
sometimes i miss your stare, your words, your scent.
i rarely say this,
but im all yours in the end.

you know
sometimes i cant sleep days, and weeks at most
sometimes i 'm so deep in my thoughts
resemble ghost.

you know
sometimes i wish you'd mend what has been broken
sometimes i wish you'd say what's left unspoken
sometimes i wish you'd solve what has been tangled
you know
sometimes i wish
love weren't violent.

yes you could say i daydream way too much
sometimes so often, boundaries disappear as such.
it's easier
to climb the stairs with wings
but my escape-
a run on broken limbs.

every step i take causes so much distress
every breath rips apart ribcage
in this race
you know
sometimes i miss first winter snow
because i met you on the day
it covered my sore wounds
with innocent pure glow.

now there is mud
and slash
quicksand.
i rarely say this
but im still yours in the end.

With eyes wide open I step outside
The air fills up my lungs for first time in a while
Never girlfriend and never a bride
I put on the most painful and  deceitful smile

Youll believe what you see when you look at me
You wont doubt for a second im alright I breathe well
I have learnt how to hide im choking under your spell

you know it's been a long time,
since i got burnt so much.
you know i made myself die
oh my, so many times.
i got bruised, beaten and swore
i d never cry again,
but then i met your heart and your eyes
that brought me so mach pain.
i thought i could hold on to what we
've created within months
but that wasn't enough to live but
it was enough to last.
and i would curl up on the floor and
cry until my mind'd go blind and
i would knock on locked doors and gates
but nothing i could find.
the times when i was ready to get
my memories and hope and leave
and follow you to the edge the world
but your glance is so stiff.
you took my hopes not leaving a trace but
i knew it was you and not the place
where i am right now or have ever been
i hope now this will never happen
again.

i dont need many words to say
how desperately i wanted you to stay.
how i would hold you in my arms until i die
until there s nothing left but ashes in my eyes.
i  told you i would never leave your side
i promised i would learn to get it right
amongst these ugly faces and mad thoughts
i try and find the hope i need the most.
so what s that that you said the other  day
you weren’t ready well neither am i, i say
but i want to be with you every waken second
hold your hand when you re feeling down or lonely or just mad
i want to be there while i can remember how fast you force to beat my silly heart.

You are the ache in my head
The deep black hole in bossom
Youre the devil from hell
And a Saint, heaven's gossip.

if love is what you're looking for
then look no farther
than your own family: mother, your father.

If luck is what you're seeking,
stop and be,
luck cant be found, developed,
luck is thee.

If sound is what you need
then stop and listen
to this world's gentle, soft and calming whisper.

Be everything you want to be
When tides rise high
Be everything and more
Be thee.


Do everything you want to do and more
Do what makes your heart beat thousand times faster
And skin crawl.

Forget about the bad about the sad
Remember only good, be joyful, glad
There comes the time
We get stuck in a heartless, biting slumber
But it's only a day, drop in an ocean, number.

you leave no shadow on the wall;
there's no reflection in the mirror.
i wonder if you're there at all
to make my pain seem real, fear- clearer.

you leave no trace of being around,
no visual no scent or sound;
no touch, no feeling, no restrain.
you left no mercy and no blame

Your hands are cold and so thin
Your touch makes me shiver, burn my skin
You walk around like you have it all.

Your stare is bounding I am tied down
Your breath leaves me hanging over the ground
I d drop my all to run when you call.

Those nights when darkness swallows my pride
I'd do whatever to make you mine
I'd close my eyes and surrender love
I'd grin in pain under your weight
I'd sit on the edge I would just wait
To be abused to be your slave
I'd dig my own, my own deep grave

I am tired and nearly forgotten
I look fresh but my insides are rotten.
I am fading away like the smoke
Disappearing like time
Unlike you I am broke

I am sleepy im nearly down under
Buried as if Im supposed to be
I am light I am heavy addictive
Though you seem to be immune to me

It keeps hold of your heart
And everything becomes unclear
Your thoughts seem tangled up
Courage drowns in deep fear.

The blood stops flowing through
Your veins
Mind overflows.
Too much is going on
But noone knows
Noone can notice what seems to be universe size big to thee
No body hears the loud screams whispers
Voices
Where you find pain
The rest rejoices

what will be left when feelings melt away
as seasons change, my feeling change the way
i look at you, admire you and love
you make halo shine brighter up above.

sometimes i wonder what you'll leave behind
when we are withered, tired, not so kind.
and your touch wont excite me, raise my pulse
seems it will not come soon, i hang my noose.

you lose somebody only once
and spend a lifetime trying to restore
but once they're gone, forever lost they are
but wounds will heal,
and soul will hurt no more.

you will always be everything.
you will always be anything
and i'll never see better things
unless you are right here
next to me.

i will never be
better than i am
unless you are here
laying next to me.

blossom never will
as im laying still
in the grave i'd dug
so high on your love

As you fade into memory;
become a part of history;
i learn to live without your presence;
inspired by your mastery.

Will pain abandon me one day
the way love's always done.
Will it reject me in all ways
that only love's known how.

Is 'once upon a time' a thing?
Does 'ever after' still exist?
What happened to those princesses
After they got their prince?

As you fade into memory;
become a part of history;
my faith fades alongside of you
all i am left with - misery.#

come hold my hand
i think
come accidentally touch
my arm
i hope.
Stand near
i pray so i can feel your warmth
come close
i cry and call
come close.
Admire from afar
I hope you are.
Think of me before sleep
then dream so deep.
i think.
"Come close
i call
come stand right next to me
so i can feel your warmth"
i hope you think.
Be dismal, be dejected, feel refused.
Call me when slumbering not by my name
but call your muse.
Feel hopeless but feel fearless
spread your wings
but be so shy around me, trembling knees.
I think
come hold my hand
i hope
stand near, stand close.
dont talk just be there
by chance touch my arm
at last be caught up in the nets of my blunt charm.
i think
i am not worthy of your glance, your smile
i hope
maybe  my thoughts will turn out to be true...?
denial.

You know how sometimes it can be enough
To lower your eyes when you smile
For friends to call your bluff
For Shaking hands to open up your soul
Expose your secrets, cut wounds to the core

you are the best thing that has happened to my soul.
you are the strength i needed most when all went wrong
and now when i am back on track and can stand firmly on the ground
you're found.

you are the best thing that has happened to my heart.
you are the power that keeps pumping across my entire body
blood.

you are the best thing that has happened to my all
you are the air i breathe, the dreams i dream, my soil.

you are the worst thing that has happened to my sanity.
because of you, it's long gone down the drain
there goes the gravity.

no please dont like me
oh please dont love me
order your heart to
not try the wrong sea.

something great is about to happen
something terrible will then proceed
something about to take me higher
and then drop me right back on my feet.

let go and i will be your muse
imprison, and i wont refuse.
hold tight to save me,
keep me warm;
what's day,
when night is dense and strong.
what's water, when wine hits your head?
what's life to you, if you're already dead