Confusion is strange,
Isn’t it?
One second
You’re sure of yourself,
Confidence bleeding through
Into every step.
The next, You’re hugging yourself,
Every insecurity highlighted,
Wanting to disappear
As everything you were sure of
Begins to unfocus.

Currently,
I’m trying to get back to
The first stage,
While drowning in the second.
Why didn’t you talk to me,
This Tuesday morning?
Why did you toss a bland
“Hello”
And walk away?

But now you acknowledge me?
When we’re forced to interact,
To share the same space?
Who told you to ignore me,
Who told you to stop?
Do you want to be around me,
Or has someone
Told you im too
Friendless
To leave?

I’m sitting alone,
Uncomfortable on this bench.
A painful ring in my right ear,
The sound of a fountain in my left.
I don’t know if I should come find you,
Or if I should just stay here,
The opposite of a burden
To you.
(For you are nothing of the sort to me.)
Because yesterday,
You were all that I had here.
And now?
It feels as though
I
Have
Nothing.

This world has broken me.
My heart has shattered,
Thrown down by
Neglect.
My soul has become
Ash,
Burned by the lies.

My empty shell now searches for life;
Someone who can piece together the
Shards
That cut when people get too close.
Ashes,
that sting
When blown the wrong way.
Who can erase scars
That everyone avoids,
Like they believe I’d given them to myself,
(Even if some I did)
And I’ll do the same to them.

But then again,
Who wants ugly?
Especially when
Thousands
Shine brighter.

So why?
Might I ask,
Would you choose the burden of holding me together,
Your light warding off
The pain
Scars leave behind.
Your gentle nature
Repairing the shards that are
My heart.
And though no one can unburn
What now floats away,
You gave me a soul-
One that only longs
For You.
(Hallelujah, is now the song I sing.)

I want you.
I want your pain,
Your scars,
Your tears,
Your anger,
Your sadness.
I want your smiles.
your laughter,
Your happiness
And your love.

I want you.

Give me you broken pieces;
I’ll do my best to mend them.
Give me your pain,
And I’ll do everything,
Within my power,
To bare it myself,
If no longer you’ll suffer.
Give me your doubt,
So I can take its weight,
From the wrongful place
Of your shoulders.
Let me set them on mine,
So you’ll always be
Strong.

This is what I think
Love
Is.
Not just accepting every flaw,
But needing to behold the sight
That someone so perfect,
So beautiful,
Bleeds the same as us born
Ordinary.
That someone so pure,
Is able to exist
With us,
In a broken world,
Of broken people.
We long to rid them,
of their pain and scars,
Only so they never
Stop
Glowing.
For they are our light.
The ones who keeps us going,
When our fire
Flickers
Out.

I feel lost.
People confidently walk beside me,
Laughing with people they know.
I don’t know where I am,
The person to my left,
or how i feel.
Lights are blinding me,
Screams draining my thoughts,
Darkness scattered across my path.

I recognize now I need Your light.
Fill me with it,
For without,
I am nothing
But merely
Empty.

I knew when the person to my right
Laid their hand on my shoulder,
my hand finding theirs.
I knew when we broke from the collective prayer,
A poetic,
Individual,
Rearrangement occurring
As I spoke to
You.
One that would only be heard
By my mind
And Your ears.

You led me to him,
Told me years ago,
"He is good."
Though it never registered in what way.
He is good,
Because he is Yours,
Your child,
Sent to be my friend.

For that I thank you,
Lord,
For without this boy who sat on my right,
I wouldn’t recognize
"I am lost"
In many more ways than I
Knew.

3 years.
That’s how long you were gone.
3 years,
I had no mother,
Though it still feels like I don’t.
You don’t know me.
My favorite color,
Or my best friend.
Don’t know the nights I cried,
Depression twisting truths
And spitting lies,

All while you were away.

3 years,
My father watched my grow,
Helped me learn,
And showed me love.

All while you were away.

Sometimes,
You were simply behind a door,
Typically locked,
But when open,
I wasn’t allowed in.

If you can repeat any word,
Or phrase
You said to me,
Those 3 years,
That weren’t
Manipulative
Or
Judgmental,
Maybe,
Though not likely,
I’d forgive you.
Forgive you for the
3 years
I locked myself away.

“You respect me!" You yelled,
But mother,
Respect isn’t given,
It’s earned.