I want to **** something inside of me
Maybe it's the love I still have for you
I don't know what to do with it anymore
I could give it to somebody else
But it has your name in it and it is tainted

Please, let me go now..
I have had enough
The damage is done...
After all that you have said and done..
How can you expect that I will be the same?
How can you expect that I will love you the same?
Yes , I forgave you..
But that was not for you..
I forgave you for myself..
I am done putting you on a pedestal
I am done giving you the power to hurt me again and again...
So now, just let me go....
Stop calling me
Don't text me
Stop trying to act like a nice person
You are a liar and a cheater
You are really a bad person
Don't try to put up a show again
Just f king let me go
JUST LET ME GO.......
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F you, A

You ring me up first thing in the morning
Just to wish me a good day ahead..
You hurry home in the evening
Just because you want to talk to me for awhile..
You won't let me hang up my phone at night
Just because you loved my company and felt like I was there..
You text me throughout the day..
Just to check if I ate on time..
You video called me every f-king day..
Just because you wanted to see my face..
Yes, you did all the right things, said all the f-king right words, gave me all the time..
Yes , all the words were correct, your actions certainly aligned..
You even uttered those magical words, you said ," I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU"
Yes, you made plans with me.. made me dream things.. made me believe that we could work it out... assured me that we could go till the end..
Yes, YOU GOT ME F_KING ATTACHED........
And then YOU DID ME *****...
Don't tell me now, that I misunderstood...
Don't tell me now, that we miscommunicated..
I never wanted you or your dreams at the first place..
I just wanted my F king peace..
But all you did was give me CHAOS at the end..
and why??? when I asked..
You had the audacity to put all the blame on me
and make me feel guilty for things I never did..
And why?? when I asked..
You had no shame to tell me that someone else is back in your life again
and you made me question my worth when I know I am enough....
And why?? when I asked..
You said, yes I love you...but, I LOVE YOU AS A PERSON
and you made it look like it was my fault to misunderstand all along......
I just TRUSTED YOUR WORDS, I just TRUSTED YOUR ACTIONS....
And where did it leave me.... in the middle of chaos..
At the moment, I can't understand my own feelings..
I don't know what I am feeling...
Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling unworthy? Am I feeling angry? Am I feeling lost? Am I feeling lonely? or Am I feeling happy? Am I feeling free? Am I feeling light? Am I feeling at peace? Am I finally feeling myself?
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F you, A

It's this that you try to understand the perspective of the person who has hurt you...

You try to justify his actions...
You simply don't want to accept the fact that " HE WAS AN A-hole AND HE IS REALLY A BAD PERSON"

F YOU, A

I am trying to understand this color between black and white..
This number between 0 and 1...
This conscience between right and wrong...
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All my life, I have been in either one of the sides..
It was always either a YES or NO for me...
But at this moment, I am stuck with a MAYBE...
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Maybe , he didn't mean what he said...
Maybe, I misunderstood him....
Maybe, I should still wait for awhile...
Maybe, he will come around....
Maybe, they are just friends...
Maybe, he really does love me...
Maybe, he is really busy....
Maybe, he wants me to call him first....
Maybe, we still have a chance..
Maybe, just the time is wrong at the moment..
Maybe, we can work things out again...
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I don't know....
Maybe...................

I tried my best to change myself and try to fit in your world.
I tried my best to turn myself into those skinny , glittery girls you run after.
I tried my best to put on makeup, walk on high heels when all I wanted was to stay inside in my pajamas.
I talked to you all till 3 in the morning when I had to reach my work by 7 AM.
I comforted you when you felt low.
I made you feel that you mattered.
I made you feel valued.
I made you feel loved.

While in return, you just left me questioning my worth.
You ripped open my bleeding heart again .
You sprinkled salt in my unhealed wounds again.
You broke my dreams again.
You made me realize why you shouldn't expect anything from anyone again.
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I don't know what did I do to deserve this. My intentions were always pure. My feelings were always true. I m stuck with a question mark. F you, A.