The people with the biggest hearts can come off so heartless.
The people with the wildest souls can come off to be a bit too much.
There will always be someone who you will be the bad guy too.
And thats just fine.
Self care and self love is the only way to find your self.
Until that you will have no heart to give away.
So whenever they call me heartless
I cannot say they are wrong..
How can i have one whenever it was taken and now im lost in the world without it
Making every possible leap of faith i can just to maybe have it back in my hands.
Yes i am heartless
But ive never meet someone with a heart as big as mine.

To soothe the pain
Yet ignore the wound
Leaves room for infection
Do not be forced to amputate your love
Stitch yourself up

Im sad again..

How are we suppose to be
What is healthy
Ive never understood my own emotions
This anger
Hurt
Its agonising
What do you do when talking has never worked
And writing has never help as im not too well written
Communication is not a strong suit i wear
More like a knotted single thread stuck in my throat
It wont form words
Im stuck with this
I know not how to fix what ive become
I stand here looking down at her
Begging God just for a sign
So my trauma will not be her burden
No weight lay upon her chest from the chains of life that lay upon my ankles
God i beg we fix me before she is lost to this nonverbal communicationless void im within
Ill give my last breath to break this cycle

A year ago she came out into the world
Through my pain she took her first breaths
I remember you cried
That same night
Everything hurt
Just breathing was exhausting
I pleaded with you just to tidy the room
I asked for that so maybe my mind wouldnt feel so cluttered
But of course you didnt think that deep
You argued and watched me clean while i bled and my legs shook
I cried.

Here i am a year later
Wrapping presents
Alone
You're outside too busy self indulging to even consider being apart of this
I dont know why i ever thought things would change....
Im getting really sad again.

I dont want the world to see me
Im sure they would never understand