How amazing
The trust you have for me
Even after I dissapoint

How incredible
The love you have for me
Especially in my angriest moments

How lovely
The way you hold on to me
When my attention is miles away from you

The way you get under my skin
The way your actions graze my nerves
With every little thing you do

The way you touch my heart
The way I beam with pride
With every small progress you make

The way I struggle
The way I gather patience
With each button you push

How fulfilling it is
To achieve that progress
In the smallest measure
In the largest proportion

It's not just love
But unconditional love
It's not just commitment
But undying commitment

Today I was mad
Today I was alone
Today I felt ignored

Then I reached out
Out of myself and looked at others
That's when I got the check

The reality that I was selfish
The reality that you needed me
More than I needed you

I asked God for you
That you may see outside your darkness
That you may experience
That you who you think you lost

Days fade into nights
Weeks into months
Months into a year
My heart breaks
Tears run down
There's no evidence
There's no hope

You wiggle and wiggle
Kicking and waving
Rolling and turning
You struggle to keep them closed
It is simple, but hard to you
My heart breaks
Tears run down
Cause I struggle with it too

I sit watching you
Thinking
Imagining
Dreaming
Hoping
For a change in this life
A future to be proud of
With evidence and exhibits
Of our struggles and efforts
And memories of the pain
To put smiles on our faces

You ask how I am
I want to tell you Not fine
Then you'll ask What's up
Not because you wanna know
But because it's routine
And if you wanna know
It's because you are curious
Yes, you don't care at all

I want to tell you what's happening
But then you'll judge first
Or probably not pay attention
To you it's the flow of conversation
Not one you want to have
You'd rather it stopped at a fake 'I'm fine'
And when you do pay attention
It's because you want a story
To use at your next gossip session

You want to know
For the mere purpose of knowing
It wouldn't make a difference
If I was fine or not
Neither would it matter
If I lied about how I'm feeling
Why do you want to be my friend
If you don't want to be my friend?

She looks at her
As she feeds him
As she beams at him
With a mother's pride
Then she wonders quietly
How her baby would've been

She watches her
As she struggles with her crying baby
As she tries to soothe him
As everyone judges her motherhood
As she tries to mother him
And she wonders quietly
About her own
That she never got to hold

She quietly questions
Whether it was a relieving loss
Like a dodged bullet
She quietly wonders
How her single motherhood
Would've been in a judgy community
Of hateful christians

You are suffering
Because you love her
Even if you won't admit it

Why did you end the other one?
You said she didn't respect you, anymore
That says she did, respect you
At some point, you were happy
You did start well, together

So how will you start it with this one?
This one who doesn't respect you?
This one who doesn't care about you?
This one who's not your friend?
This one walking all over you?

Don't you think
Getting into an unhappy marriage
Is signing into your own suffering?