From age 3 to teen, I only wished to be pretty.
No dolls, no ice cream, no fluffy white kitties;
Not friendship, straight A's, nor sleep-over fun.
I believed beauty was real magic, the only game girls won.
Cindy, Belle, and those loved by the Charming,
Happy endings awarded to those with looks, most disarming.
Cleopatra, Diana, Wonder Woman, movie stars,
Pretty women have power!
Pretty women go far!
Year after year when they'd turn off the lights
“Happy Birthday to you!" my eyes closed tight,
A gorgeous future self I imagined in my mind,
Repeating my wish, "Please make me look real fine."
I'd imagine a model with curls and skin like mine,
With ballerina like grace, she would just glide through my mind.
Handfuls of white cotton flowers picked with great hope
Summer snowflakes carry secrets like my own horoscope
"Universe, please make me the world's most fetching sight.
Pretty is freedom and comfort; a life full of joy and light."
Now all grown-up, my kid dreams I outgrew,
Or rather they’ve been voided, because my kid dream came true.
I was granted the gift of allure and enchantment,
Bringing cycles of men, ***, and abandonment.
Pursued as an object a thing to own,
Seems pretty blocks love, I feel all alone
Don't bust out the saddest little violin just yet
My pretty is power and privilege I try not to forget
This face and body is a meal ticket and a meeting,
Like liquor store roses, it’s shallow and fleeting
Still I say make that big wish on that star
Dreams do come true, though they leave a scar
The roadtrip wouldnt be fun without the old car
All magic has madness, worth the risk by far.
Unfinished.
Wrote this on the train to work. Reminded me of the many closed eyed wishes I made looking at the city through school bus windows .
9/16/2019