I don't remember when it stopped
But I know there was a moment.

One day the curls framing your face
And your demanding nature
Appealed to me and made me glow with adoration

Another day the way you wore your glasses
How you whispered promises
(That meant nothing now)
Nothing but a guarantee that I would stay,
Made my eyes drift downward, away from yours
Because there was nothing left of you to see.

You spent so long convincing me
That I could count on a forever with you
That it was almost tangible
My fingers brushing against a vision

There was a time when I would have bet my life on it
when you were naked on the bathroom floor
Begging me to stay

“But you promised you would never leave”

We ate some fishes and laid in bed all night
Staring at the ceiling and each other
Talking about the life we wanted.

I realized that they had stopped being the same

I don’t remember when it stopped
But I know there was a moment

A moment when our life together became too difficult for you,
When you wanted different things,
Different partners,
Different lips whispering good night.

But at the end,
When I thought id never live again
All I felt was the relief.


I’d like to say it was all because you loved me
But you told me once that you're not sure how to love.

I finally believe you.

Young Disaster.
Compassionate Hook-up.
Mr. Intangible
Reasonable Indifference.
Whiskey Lullaby.
Blind Hipster.
**** Shamer.
Dime Broker.

You promised to never care;
In the tone of your absence,
And your quick dismissal
Of my nurturing hands.

But you changed the rules.
And I'm Lost.
For words,
For new ways to say goodbye.

Because a word that exudes finality
Means something different to us now.
And I miss your stupid smile,
Before you win again.



I thought I won once,
But it was just imagination.
A way to make you seem humane.


But how can you expect me
To maintain this yearning,
This want for a simple "goodnight"

When we were just a game;
Too young to know better
And too old to pretend not to.

You remind me of forgotten promises,
and unrelenting insecurities.

Wrapped in the warmth of your words,
your lips mouth gentle reassurance.

I wonder when you'll be the same.

You gave me things,
I only wanted at a time,
when I needed something more.

I hope you'll be the happy ending I've been waiting for.

Suddenly the bridge breaks
and the fear is so palpable,
its thicker than the fog.

I wanted someone to hold me,
On these frigid nights,
When the stars are clear,
And our spot is empty.

I miss those early morning phone calls,
Rooting me to the ground.
Making it possible to tolerate all the inconsistencies of my day.

But loneliness is an emotion,
That is common among my peers.
It has no real remedy,
Besides the soothing touch,
Of false pretenses.

Your shower,
can't block out your ****** British vinyl.

I know I should be telling you
what it all meant to a broken girl,
on a winter morning.

But I can't seem to force the words from my mouth.

Finger nails chewed to the wick,
all attempt at self preservation abandoned,
woken early by an aching heart.


There's a void.
Where your snarling words,
and constant reminders of past insecurities,
should be cutting me to pieces.

But all I feel,
is the relief of your absence.

Forgetfullness is contagious.
Wandering minds and wandering hearts,
find themselves lost,
In the intake of your breath.

Your hands,
Trail kisses down my spine.
Fingertips splayed,
hoping for vulnerability.

But all I can offer you,
Are the quiet murmurs,
Of someone who longs to be home.

Brittle branches,
brush across my frozen arms.
I'm facing absolution,
in this small winter town.

And I look up at the stars,
covered by the amber clouds.
Nostalgia crawls over my skin.
I can see my breath.

My hand reaches,
for something to absorb it's warmth.
But there hasn't been anyone there,
for a pregnant pause of time.

I wish that you could be absolute,
in your resolution to be different.