When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of reach

When was the last time you talked to God?
Was it a time you thanked Him?
For the things you have received without asking.
For the air you breathe every morning.
Was it a time you repented?
For the sins you have unconsciously done.
And for the sins you have been consciously repeating.
Was it a time you were angry?
For the things that backfired because of your own doing.
For the tribulations flooding in.
Was it a time you were begging to Him?
For the person you admire to notice you.
For your heart to heal after a devastating heartbreak.

The last time I talked to God
Was when I told Him
How my day went,
How I love sleeping to the sound of the rain,
How I love reading and writing poems that rhyme,
And made an exception for this one.

I fought hard for far too long
Taking it all, the pain
I thought I was just being strong
When I kept standing in the rain.

Looking around but not knowing
Who I'm looking for in this blurry haze
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be okay
I'll find my way out of your maze.

I do not want them to see me cry
But what can I do?
My tears just won't tell me why
It flows out of nowhere, flows out of the blue.

I do want them to know I'm strong
But the pain keeps haunting me inside
I'm just looking for a place where I belong
Some place where I can hide.

I live within the thought of a thought
So deep you don't want to know
They say I ought to give life a shot
That's what I have been doing so.

So please don't ever wonder why
I'm always on my own
I have lived far enough to try
I don't even have a place I can call home.

It has been a lonely day
Avoiding people
because of what they say
their words are knives
that cuts through me
cuts through my soul
cuts through my dignity.

what am I supposed to do?
If what I am is what is true
I dare not hide beneath an identity
My identity was long before
When Christ died for me.