He is awake and waiting

Across the screen we sit

Does he ever sleep

Wondering if the shoe fits

Impatient and annoyed  I stare

Into the great somewhere

have you ever been so hurt your just to afraid to cry?  like the tears would never ever stop like a rapid river after a horrible storm?  here is where i am personally at in my life at 46 years old.   if you ever cried in silence with your eyes wide open ...man/woman/child i feel ya its a horrible thing to choke down emotional pain.  choking on the tears no words just a couple of gasps of air let in while the tears beg to leak from your face?  therapy? nah not for me!  Acting out to help others that have a chance to let go ABSOOFUCKINGLUTELY!!  my cry will come but it will not be in this day today!  that is my personal choice not yours.  i wish you happy healthy good tears a happy healthy outlet a successful banter in the woods and a huuuuge scream.  so now you ask yourself why doesn't she just wish that for herself???????  i can label off 46 years of ***** deeds and injustices or i can simply say i do not want to not just yet its not my time.

The Red Carpet was adorned with Stars dressed to the Heavens

Bejeweled with Dior the smell was effervescent

We took to stare at our wishes come to life

Reenacting our worlds pains and struggles

If perfection were to be a thing this was where it was happening


Oh how I always personally wished

A passion to pursue in the big bowl of fish

Little Orphan Annie now tatted with the sun

Mediocre just will not do

Then family and life began as they often choose to


Raised in the Church

many a village of People

Never losing hope but whoa along the way

My dignity sanity and dreams all the same

God Blessed and Thankfully my mercy my babies

Now on two failed marriages and a train wreck resume

My Children also wonder what happened to me

Ill save the story as you may already know



I have lived a great life always doing as told

Deep deep inside secrets I will hold

\Back to the carpet and the first Dell I received

Working at a job where it turned real queer /

I was a technician yeah Cable Girl is a thing

I rocked of course wearing my 1st ring

The purchase of the Dell and the Highway to the World

Holy ***%%   did my head take a nose diving swirl

^^^Inverted

Psych wards and pill or were they potions for pain

In the Dell mirror everyone knew my ****%$# name

I now became an addict again but not the same

Literally smoking in the mirror of heaven hell life and pain


I quoted Jim Carrey and that **** Truman Show

Was it a warning now the  f^ck if I know!!

End of marriage two now on its way
Still my mercy and grace tatted on my right forearm
Jason Maraz so it never goes away
I wont give up
Its not something I do
Just a **** ton of unanswered and *** do I dos


NOW here is the kicker hold on to your ticker!!

What if I was a star to some reality type life

Never knowing I was doing anything but living right?

Would there be a hero ..... is where I get stuck

I am quite a bada$$ no need I am my own luck?


So as you all know I do not watch much TV

As my kids will tell you fast asleep I will be

I love Nicole Kidman and of course Aquaman

So off to the living room and popcorn in hand


That day it got weirder you see

Oddly that reflection was looking into me

Yeah I know shell relax....take another pill

But **** got crazier even and still!!!!

It is like my brain did a huge back flip in my head

I have no idea just *** have I been dead?


Countless conversations over 20 plus years..........

Things started falling in place

Like *** am I doing here

Too many levels to this Crazy life

Which reality is the less strife


On a pink scrunchie day

This Crazy Train had enough

I am  a panda....YOUR my WHO?????

Holy FU%%%%% ENOUGH



Princess of Darkness now lets add that too

Watched by the world

Here take them ******* and your sparkly shoes

So off to Thelma and bottle of Fireball

That is it FCU%$ this I cant take no more!!


We talked about the day we smoke some grass

I told her I saw some **** today on puff puff pass

Imma skip today that was my forward pass
\
/
I woke in a tub of ***** and shame

to my oldest to collect me oh how that pain

All the years I tried to save them from this

I saw my oldest disgusted
and i knew
He was ******!!

As I type this I cry for me and my children

What ifs still fly and now no identity

Maybe God still has a plan for me?????


Christmas upon us and I wont lie

I see a pink scrunchie in my head is that too a lie??


My DNA and odd bank accounts.............


You can keep it all count me out......


My Christmas wish in case and before I die

Is to know if that man does talk to Fish

He has been through my whole life ..... isnt that a hitch???

I am back at St. Mikes sooooooo many years ago
We all were the BEST as all of you KNOW

In the All American City
I now prove to you Jesus is real and witty!!

adorned with my Hat given to me by my 2nd son
and the name Mierk and I love me a nerd??

That is hotter than any red carpet!!

At the end of the day yall do what do

Gods got my back and now my front too!!


I stand firm beaten mangled forked most times at the tounge
Shaking and Roaring his will will never be undone

Thankful even more still 3 days till his birth

Merry Christmas You filthy Animals ;)
for
What that's all worth


I love you all <3

How do you control this
                                       or anything at all
                                                      ?

I know you hate a liar more than a sinner
so here's a big ***** you

I'm ****** tired and angry
bare foot no shoes.....

thrown into a game?
born white pure then shamed
publically?

The one to save
but
made to destroy??

The red carpet i wanted ripped out from underneath m e
then a ***** watered curse placed upon my head!!

sold like a dog time and time again......

You always ask me this you know
if i wanna stay or wanna go

Do i hope they will change and see the bright
I try soooo hard to fight with all my might

Again nope they take the bait
sold like a spoiled fish okay....I will wait

You tell Meha it is okay
See to it no more this day

I bled before you in solid black
my heart hurts take it back

@GOD

EVE IN REVERSE IS

DEVIL IN REVERSE IS

MAYBE HER REFLECTION IS ACUTUALIZATION

HIS WAS CAST

CRYPT LIKE THE KEEPER
KEPT LIKE  MORNING DEW

DEW UNTO OTHERS
AS THEY WOULD DEW TO YOU

YOU WATCH MY MISTAKES
HINDER MY REWARD

REWARD FOR THE WICKED
WHILE TAMING THE SHREW

SHREW IS THE MAN
THAT DEW UNTO YOU

YOU POKE YOU PRODE
YOU PICK AND LAUGH

LAUGH LAST
WHILE PUSHING THRU

THRU ALL I HAVE BEEN
WHILST YOU ALL WATCHED JUST THE SAME

SAME BAT TIME SAME BAT CHANNEL
ALL TELEVISED CLICHES CANCELLED
WHOS TO BLAME?

BLAME BLAME BLAME
IS LIKE
BLAH BLAH BLAH

BLAH BLAH BLACK SHEEP
WILL NEVER BE TAMED

Oh how I address you 1st
You have the most to say
Usually half hand fed and jealous all the way

Let's get 1 thing straight between us
You always squawk you always fuss

Bashing and constant deplore
How I am a bad mom a loser and a *****

Hmmmm well I am sorry to say
You are wrong again I will explain today

Let's address my mothering 1st off
Protecting from a hungry heard is not an easy task I dare not scoff

Loser that is easy when in the public eye
You see what they want you to see so I blink you away like a fly

***** (lol) your mate in my DM
Was not my choice take it up with him  or   her   instead!

I keep my feet bare and my soul lite and airy
Heaven knows one smells and the other is like an angel fairy

Figure me out ... Child Please!
I was sent here to live not to be your jealous seed

But alas your a chicken and gonna squawk
So you can go **** a giant gobbstopper
Oh look a Hawk ;)

You sold your soul
But
To whom

You cant sell what you stole
It belongs not to you

Father is pleased
For they found truth

The details you see
is that exactly

Both found in a place
of Love Leather and Lace

The curtain yet to be flung open

Exit Stage left.............

I know you don't know who i am but **** how can this go on
Hellaciously I continue amongst the row of thorns
Rising up day and day again to succumb to defeat?
When oh when will I taste the sweet salvaged victory

Across the Country and far away .....
The stretch did complicate

I hope I do not inspire yet infuriate

You should be ****** at the words I escalate

They rough and putrid and true hard facts

What are you doing to take your life back

We are the people or so we were

Now scattered and disarmed except for a few

I do not mean weapons not the kind with bullets

I am speaking of Civil Rights and the time of free Movement

The Sick I do feel and I do not mean to show disrespect

I pray for them mostly this COVID did infect

We hear BLM and  KKK

Common People we were not raised this way....

They want us to divide what we already won

Pay attention WWIII has officially begun

The War of Separation and Divide

AGAIN ......... that is Back Pledging and there design


What Color are we Collectively they say

We are the Rainbow in the Dark they cannot cast away

Do the research not just your soul

Get a DNA what you hate you hold

We are not pure not many not anymore

What is pure anyway

keep your pedigree Id rather stay poor

January 11/2021     WAKE UP AMERICA

While fighting for the world
She lost her own battle of self

So

Fighting her own self
She saved the world

In that

We are conscience to

Who am I

I've heard this my whole life

I have never quite understood....

Why can't you be like everyone else???

*** am I Pinocchio and made of wood?


You have though ... I must say

treated me quite unfairly and bluntly this way

Told me my gifts were bad and not good

Unless you needing healing

Then its at my feet you stood!!

Told me I was sick and a monster under control

Until you needed safe passage and protection from said hood

told me I the DEVIL and evil thing of Sorts

Then begged me to speak To God and the Angels of all sorts!!

Spiritually ***** and made to feel ashamed

That all is my doing and I am the EVIL to blame!!

The countless tricks and traps that you lay before me

As I prayed to God to restore THEE

I have a tounge as sharp as a sword

A heart quite more powerful for LOVE I emplore

So I will leave you with this and I know you will say

That woman is crazy I wish i could be like her more!!


~~~~Mixhelleann from the Kitchen 12-16-2020 @3:51 am

Tattered Tatted and Tired

You tore away at the night

Purposely shedding Glory

In spite of my Epic Rite

We knew each other some tyme in the Glory of Above

How  the world has changed\ no body seeks such love

Charred wings and lungs

Always on the move

I am like a thwarting house vine

You knew you had to prune

Cameo and daunting teasers

You headed into the Mountains

While they viewed me all seasons

Always watching angerly from afar

My plight to win this sad terrible war you soul did tear

Beaten Bruised Battle Scarred

We both penetrated souls near and afar

Made them take notice  

The alarms did sound that cold Saturday

When the Warrior Angel came to take claim

There would be no mercy or mistake in him name

~~~~~~tired