"You are the only thing that can stop you from sinking."

"And I wish I had my life jacket built inside of me like everyone else does. But I don't. And my life guard is off duty."

I look around constantly
I slide down in my seat
I hate looking in the mirror
I hide from me
Their words scare me

I roam the hallways with my head down
I speak only when spoken to
I'm not the one people walk over to
Kayla who?
They have no clue

I sit alone at lunch
When I eat I never crunch
I sit in a hunch
It controls me
I cannot finish
I stand and walk away quickly

My skin has gone prickly
As it does every day
My hand accidentally brushes against someone familiar in the hallway
"Geez! Your hands feel like ice! Why are you always freezing?"
I mumble the excuse of a cold lunch
I stumble away

If I could,
I would,
But I can't,
So I won't.

If I could say it,
Say sorry,
I would, 
But it's impossible.

I'd say sorry, 
For my insecurities,
For my pain,
For my sorrow.

For the trouble,
For what we did,
For me,
For everything.

For telling you my fears,
For trying to hide my tears,
For every message that you and I sent,
For every lie you told,
For every lie I believed, 
But I can't.

For how I was torn,
For how I could've sworn,
That you were the truth,
But I can't.

For my cries,
For the words of discontent,
I wish so much to say sorry,
But I can't.

For the dreams,
For your heart that is hollow,
For my wants,
For what I see,
In forever,
It will take a never-ending apology,
For now I wish I could, but I can't.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But the words you say to me will always hurt worse
They're like a a thousand knives cutting open my heart
Every time I miss you or you're angry with me or not talking to me I get this feeling in my chest
This ache that doesn't go away until it's all okay
Hushabye baby I'm not dead yet,
I know who you are not who I am,
That girl is lost so very lost,
Without you
She's long long gone.
You're her map;
She needs you to find herself.
You're the key that unlocks her heart
You're the drug that soothes her mind
When we're happy nothing else could ever matter more
Looking into your eyes 
She falls for you each time 
Harder.
Hushabye baby do you miss me?
I'm right here 
I won't let you bleed 
Look back into my eyes;
It's alright
Lay your head down 
Sleep tight
"I'm trying"
"I'm not dying"
Soon we'll be together
Our hearts aren't completely broken 
Just weathered 
I love you more than ever..

If you only..if you only knew
How I
Build these walls up
Taller
Stronger

Dry my eyes off
Faker 
Liar

Want to cut
Bleed faster
Streams get thicker

Hide everything from you
"Doesn't matter"
"I'm happy for you"

Because now these walls will only be taller
Because now my eyes will only pour out the truth when I'm alone
Because now I want to cut so it can all be over but I'm trying to hang on
(Because maybe we'll be together again)
Because now I hide everything from you because I don't want to ruin what you now have
(But I'll always keep loving you
Loving you from Indiana
Missing you in Indiana
Wanting you in Indiana
Needing you in Indiana)
(But mostly,
I just love you)

And the tears flood down my face
And my stomach turns to knots
And I get the shivers
I shake
And I can't stop
Guess I never knew you'd move on so quickly
That's what I get I guess
Deserve all the pain that I'm given

But I hope I die tomorrow
Because "how will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?"

You rest your hand
Up on my cheek
You tell me the world
(The promises you couldn't keep),
Our lives together

That would never be.
I walk around
With my head held high?
Unlikely so.
I could never be what you needed
It sure was one of my nicer delusions, though.

I am rushed inside, away from the storms that call out
I look out the window, pressing my hand against the cold glass
I rise and wander out the door
Onto the black boulevard
Do you take the time to notice how the rain cleanses the cracked, crumbling street?
I close my eyes
Inhale deeply
And fall to the pavement
Let it
Drench me
Strip me bare

Mommy, mommy
I'm breaking down
Mommy, mommy
I'm about to drown
Mommy, mommy
Soon I may be wearing a hospital gown

Mommy, mommy
I'm only 15 years old
Mommy, mommy
I'm broken and cold
Mommy, mommy
Can everyone see me crying..it can't be controlled

Mommy, mommy
Look! I see a butterfly
Mommy, mommy
I hope you don't find me when I die
Mommy, mommy
My whole life has been lies.

Mommy, mommy
I went into the bathroom during class today
So no one could see me burst out crying
As I pounded my fist against the tiled wall
A girl walks in and enters the other stall
I flush the toilet and pretend to stand up
I clean my eyes up
I look in the mirror
I blink 30 times
You can hardly tell
I'm not fine.

Inch away, inch away
Oblivion is beside you
Just a swipe of metal could take your pain away
Just a flick
Just a scrape
That's all you need 
To have your worries drain away
To have your self fade away
To see that light
White 
Black
You're long, long gone
Your heart has turned to ashes 
But your soul still cries out for him
You must look through the window 
Watch him suffer, just like before
Only this time
Just a little bit more

Thirteen, maybe fourteen?
I hear my step dad say the cause of **** is a woman's clothing
Eleven, maybe twelve?
I'm on the ground
The voices all around me don't hear my cries
I wish I'd die.
Nine, maybe ten?
I wake up alone and run to the neighbors
My daddy has been drinking again
He makes excuses
None of which I believe
But I smile and nod
What he doesn't know
Is his words make me bleed
Seven, maybe eight?
I never knew why I made the call to my mother that morning
About the beer cap I found in the chair
Until now
After all, it was just one, right?

One and two and three and four
Every time I see your face
I smile
I fall in love
Ardor
I die inside
Just a little bit more
A tear slips down my face
Five and six and seven and eight 
Death is knocking at your door
You're trying to be late
Oh the problems I don't want to face
Nine and ten
Look through my lens
Eleven and twelve
I'm in hell
One clock 
Ten clocks
What's ten thousand clocks more
Anything to add more time for us together 
This limited time with you I will treasure
When you go it'll be forever
But I know you'll be whispering,
"I just hope you know I'm still here, wherever.
I know you'll need me;
I will be there whenever.
Sometimes you'll cry out my name..
But just remember 
Hear my songs
Sometimes you don't have to be so strong."

And she looked in the mirror at the wallflower staring back at her
And she was a dead end dirt road 
And he did not love her
Only the freshly paved, never- ending interstate