You hear the knock at the door
and your breath goes silent
everything is still and you can feel your heart in your chest
and then
overdrive
your breathing, soft,
an unruly curl you have brushed and yanked and mangled into submission
lies to him
and pretends your heart isn’t about to rip a hole through your chest
and that your hands aren’t shaking with the threat
of another person in your safe space
another person in the place you have finally carved out
a space in which to feel soft
and without apologies
you pretend you aren’t about to fall apart
and you step up
out of your home
and into your house
and you open the door
anxiety and new people and all that fun stuff