Can I undress this torment
With a lingering, sultry intent?
****** her till she's lusted
Run like hell once I am naked

Turning on my witty charm
I take her swiftly by the arm
Looking deep into those eyes
Until she reveals every filthy lie

I will come across as flirty
Lick my lips while talking *****
A tongue lashing may do it
If not I'll storm the cockpit

I'm not afraid to turn this trick
In order to be free of this
Some may call me cheap
Others know I go too deep

Your footprints washed off
the shore today
It was just like you to go away
I never agreed to you leaving me
Drifting in oceans beneath the sea

You know me
I won't ask why
You spread your wings
To soar the endless skies

As you dance with sparkles
Beyond the stars
I hold dear the memories
And release the scars

This passion that lingers
The excitability of your fingers
Intricate pages of memoirs
Seep intuitively out of your pores

Drop by creative drop
The words they never stop
Clinging to the waiting page
Like a thespian to the stage

This beating in your chest
Emotions aching to be expressed
As you let go of the rhymes
Ecstasy seeps into your pleasured mind

In two dead eyes she gazes
reflecting back the ugly stranger
whose scars and inner bruising’s
cast the essence of a failure

She quickly turns the lights to black
and glares back at the image
but even in the dead of night
she sees the naked hostage

Bound and gagged by cruelty
With no tools to set her free
She begs and pleads the stranger
Let her go just let her be

In denial of self-infliction
and a prisoner of her past
she can’t escape the profile
that the mirror’s reflection casts

Most times I am choppy and chaotic
churning in an edge less void
I’ve forgotten my beginning
and don’t ever think I will reach the end

it is not till the wind turns its back on me
that the moment gives way to silence
where this light has room to be
casting it’s rays past the greyness
above which the blue sky remains

it is not till I am bathed in a wakeful
but silent presence do I know
I am not only the waves
churning, choppy and chaotic

I am the ocean that has always cradled it’s waves expanding with every fallen droplet
of my all encompassing existence ebbing and flowing as the infinite spaciousness of all that is

She rests in grainy white sand
the sun glistening on her winter skin
warm waves caress bare legs
her breathe in rhythmic perfection
as the ocean’s harmonies
greet the silence of land

Her eyes match the bluest of skies
she gazes into its blissful abyss
welcoming the sanctuary
of ancient and timeless wisdom
as peripheral vision fades away
so do lifetimes of dead lies

Gratitude adorns the soles of her feet
and she rises from lifetimes of pain
each step away from the past
invites a deeper sense of ease
as she walks into the present
love is what she does to feel complete

Golden leaves linger
on veiled branches
frantic for one last dance

Summer’s spirited wind indulges
conscious their season of romance
is reaching it’s end

Soulfully embracing beyond the sun’s peak
a long goodbye to a faithful friend
they gracefully sway into twilight

The sorrowful slowly gather
blanketing soil in daylight
Lifeless yet vibrantly alive

Naked branches expose their pain
as Autumn’s rawness arrives
the wisdom of love remains

Grasping fingertips
clutch stagnant air
I am desperately searching
while you remain everywhere

I slouch amongst the weariness
this broken heart in toe
Soaking in burdens I am the witness
to a landscape drenched in dreariness

I trudge toward the warpath
to familiar stones I cast
Loyal soldiers heed my sudden wrath
the mighty victors of the bloodbath

A prisoner inside this open cage
I still cannot escape
Freedom beckons in so many ways
but I'm accustomed to the craze

She walks in silent misery
a prisoner to subconscious memories
trapped within this repeating reel
believing what is not real

Blaming herself for not being the cure
shaming herself for pain she’s endured
willpower cannot break The cycle
without cellular healing wounds recycle

Intergenerational trauma exists
without intervention suffering persists
family history has infected her DNA
genetically coded for a life of disarray

She longs to walk in silent peace
where suffering and misery cease
she believes the solution will be found
when her body is six feet underground

This restless leg
Begins to twitch
I’m starting to crawl
I feel the itch

My mind is busy
With endless chatter
I can’t figure out
What is the matter

I soon will pull
My hair all out
I’m starting to tantrum
Past grin’s a pout

Anger begins
This bloods a boil
Chemicals surge
In my state of turmoil

What will I do
I cannot think
Panic sets in
I’m on the brink

Airway cuts off
I cannot breathe
This rooms’ getting dark
God help me please

Heart skips a beat
Then two then three
I’m pretty sure
This is the end for me

I cry out for help
There’s no one in sight
Where is my savior
My prince charming, my knight?

Who are you kidding
I hear with a snicker
You don’t want to be saved
You’re always a quitter

I know that voice
It sounds familiar
A childhood friend
A permanent fixture

******* FEAR!
You don’t have a right
To mess with my mind
And take over my life

A second later
My lungs fill with air
My heart finds it’s rhythm
I’m no longer impaired

This is my song
and its measure is profound
every pulse of my rhythm
expands the sweet melody of sound

You can see it in my steps
and feel it in my stride
but the truth of my song
lies deeply in my eyes

For I am one note
of a universal tune
A passageway to a chorus
where no one is immune

This impassioned piece
will speak to your soul
for the key to my essence
is the same as your own

It is the richness of love
within the chords of harmony
that perfect the rhythm
of our infinite symphony

You have robbed me of my beauty
as your judgments label and discard me
take a closer look
Have you not seen the vibrancy of my petals?
the intricacy of their placement, in and around
and over each other
how my color enlivens this flat and desolate field

You have robbed me of my richness
as your anger at my existence fuels
the chemicals you annihilate me with
take a closer look
Have you seen how the bees simply adore me?
drawn to my hues, while a symphony
emerges from the buzzing of their bliss

Do not discard me
instead sit and rest here with me
in the stillness and the silence
surrender your labels and judgments
and just be here with me now
see me as I see you;
simply and beautifully

Allow the wonderment of what I am
mirror the wonderment of you
let us stop robbing ourselves
of the exquisiteness
that we are

I am in denial
of this untouchable pain
I cannot heal
Where does tenderness go
when I am not enough?
as shards of shame
pieces of this shattered soul
collect themselves in my fascia
intertwining misery around bones
and dulling my light
with their dense shadows

A collection of masks
hang neatly behind my closet door
ready to cover up vulnerability
willing to wage war
aloof, pretty, **** and sweet,
being more than enough to all I meet
rebellious, witty, charming and mean
willing to do anything
not to be seen
I’ve worn them all
they’ve all worn me out

I must be ready to heal
surrender to uncertainty
be willing to feel
nourish emotional pain
with compassion to be real
to give vulnerability
centre stage
and free my tenderness
from its desolate cage
it’s only when I unmask the concealed
will this shattered soul finally heal

I wade into its forest
and wander inside its ocean
this heart carries their rhythm
my love ‘tis its own

I soar across this earth
and walk beyond its skies
my feet rest upon its solidity
its foundation is my home

I ingest its symphony
and bathe in its purity
this mind becomes empty
Oneness and I, alone

I listen to its fruitfulness
harvesting its riches
this body fills with silence
its void is my unknown

It sees through these eyes
all of its creations
this spirit is in but not of this world
my breath it has bestowed

I dipped my toes into her ocean and was completely swept away

A silver lining
crosses an endless horizon
deep silence echoes
over a waveless shore
I inhale the stillness
and it breathlessly welcomes me
wandering leisurely
into the stream
adrift in oceanless tides
beyond the boundless edges
escaping time
the voiceless in everything
whispers to me
“you are the threading of this tapestry
unveil its serenity”
and the verity of love
became me

May you be showered with love's presence
in the most joyful
and unexpected ways

She gathered them like the dead
autumn leaves of Fall
old habits and beliefs
crumbling into dust
through her fingertips
never once grasping to save one
or any at all
now only remnants remain
her soul reclaimed
she leaves all suffering behind
as the most desolate parts of winter
begin to fade away
uncovering her beauty
and the love she was meant to find
unearthed like the roots of Spring
she is Violet amidst the blossoms
reaching out to the Summer’s sun
it kisses her radiance
and welcomes her home

You’ve woven the deepest of sorrows
neatly into my seams
and I hang by a thread
tattered and stained

Stripped completely naked
Your foul waters filled the womb
I let you seep into my bones
My magnificence selfishly consumed

Feeling irreparably broken
For much of my life
You said I was never good enough
and I believed every cruel lie

I spend too much time gazing
out the window with despair
The Chief who lives in the Evergreen
perceives my need for repair

Hope does not rise
with the morning sun
So I seek solace in the stars
a fleeting distraction

How do I unleash
your merciless grip?
While the insecurity you created
tightens the noose around my neck

One who loves with conditions will never be unconditionally loved

I placed all my worthiness
into your nurturing hands
and you cared for me
seemingly unconditionally
so I believed you only wanted
the very best for me
until I knew you didn’t
I grieve many losses
but there’s one in particular
within its cervical grooves
that I am deeply entrenched
tugging on my heartstrings
is this yearning to heal
but I’m trapped inside the core
of every infected cell
with the incurable
mother wound

My words are so protected
terrified to lose themselves
in others misunderstandings

So I battle for the cure
of their never ending war
in amongst the trenches

As they lie dormant inside
awaiting the perfect moment
and the safest place to escape

Overcome by numbness
and the inability to speak
I reek of battlefield sorrows

Their grave misunderstandings
cut deeply into my core
and I uncontrollably bleed the truth

My words unravel in a fury
valiantly staking their claim
to never lie dormant again

She’s crying on the stairs again
it may be the loneliness
I don’t ever ask
I know she won’t answer

She keeps to herself these days
sleep her sanctuary
I don’t often wake her
I think she needs the rest

Most days I feel guilty
she needs more than I give
and I often ponder
how much longer will she live

Her mom left on August 8th
Heaven called her home again
she weeps in silence
in the still of night, alone again

I can’t help but wonder
what words do escape
as her lips gentle quiver
and tears soak her face

Court is now in session
With gavel in hand
We are the Jury
And justice we demand

No you cannot plead your case
We’ve heard it all before
We find you guilty on all accounts
and sentence you once more

Your life hangs in the balance
What punishment will you receive?
We the judges;  the all mighty
Won’t offer you reprieve

We are far from perfect
But won’t ever let you know
Why we turn a blind eye
To the persecution we bestow

Judgment is a reflection
of the punishers’ history
and the condemnation
appointed by their own jury

It is all so wry
And plain to see
We the Jury are the punished
And these prisoners will never set you free

She rests in grainy white sand
the sun glistening on her winter skin
warm waves caress her legs
her breathe in rhythmic perfection
as the ocean’s harmonies
greet the silence of land

She slipped in quietly
through the back door
the dead of night carrying a silence
she’d never heard before

Even with the rustling of wind
through the trees
its stillness halted everything
including her desire to breathe

A sudden rapture grasped her heart
like a long lost lover
unraveling into its arms
she became one with the other

Out through the front door
at the first light of dawn
she left the keys to certainty
with the comforts of home

her infinite wisdom is implied
throughout
a cloudless winter sky
playful winds
dancing with glee
high atop
a swaying maple tree
lone bird subsists
on January branches
warm sun melting snow
the glistening enhances
glittery white diamonds
in amongst the trees
the poetic beauty of nature
speaking to me

I have risen
amidst the skipping beats
of this weary heart
blood, sweat and tears still dripping
trust is the fire I have been missing

Faith in my light to guide me home
I shimmer to the composition
of my heart’s song
the cure to my soul sickness
I heal in its harmonic richness

Open, wakeful and free
my body grounded, my soul at ease
the joy of everything invites me in
giving rise to tenderness
and the Love within

The wind by it’s breath
renders me breathless.

The underlying peace within and beyond
all experience follows me here.

It beckons my attention to rest in the bliss of stillness through which this exquisite moment remains endless

The soulful sounds
of a rhythmic heart
expanding its resonance
without judgment,
without fearing rejection
without earthly limitations,
embodies the infinite essence
of Life itself

I have walked with shadows
let them lead the way
Believing their chains and shackles
were keeping me safe

The scars have faded
The bruises all healed
Now I face the regrets
with my back to the battlefield

I am a child of war
the domestic kind
I know how to survive
and keep my needs confined

I am a soldier, a caregiver
I’ll put your needs before mine
I have sacrificed myself
for the superior bloodline

But a hierarchical system
is not for me
I have the right to freedom
and equality

Though I struggle with belonging
and what I prefer
I will chose to be alone
than battle for survival in another war

So I walk with courage
and strength by my side
Knowing their liberties
bring peace with each stride

I am left to bathe in the residue of your cruelty
scrubbing every festering wound
to the bone
but your scent lingers like a thousand deaths
and I can’t wash away this ugliness
I am rotting in your filthy essence
Alone in this bloodbath
infected with the incurable disease
of hatred

In light of this wakeful hour
the newly breaking dawn acknowledge the beasts
of burden inside

conspiring, their taunting jabs
pierce the fractured mind
unleashing the raging
fear inside

The choice is yours
A warrior stance
Golden chainmail
unyielding conviction

Inside illusions
amidst the darkness
The parasites penetrate
your amnesiac corpse

Unconsciousness breeds
obscurity as
Ignorance leads the disease
And apathy opposes interest
While judgement honours hate
And entitlement claims the mind

Encrypted codes lie dormant
Until the light bleeds in
A catalyst for the memory
Of universal motive

The time to eradicate fear is now
Employ, perceive and be Love;  
sit with compassion
Reflect around empathy
embrace kindness
breathe with acceptance

A peaceful heart
In the eye of the storm
breaks the cycle of fear
And so it begins again

Looking into your eyes I wondered
where have you gone?
How long have you been missing?
and when did everything go so terribly wrong?

A little girl so vibrant and free
was taught to hate herself
to never be seen

The light inside grew dimmer and dimmer
she searched within her soul
took glimpses but never saw a glimmer

Hope was false for all those years
until one day she refused to stay
wiped away her tears
and chose to walk away

Pleasing others, losing herself
it was time to gather courage
dust her soul off
and remove it from the shelf

It hasn’t been easy finding her way
sometimes the terror of leaving
made her want to stay

Grief and sorrow are easy to swallow
when you need to survive
so she let them rise
and made a wish to thrive

I never imagined how alone she would be
at the end of suffering
she’s beginning her life
belonging to the only one who’s ever truly mattered
me

Who am I that I love a muse?
Composing verse
by light of the moon

Who am I that I cherish the morn?
Inhaling hope from the stillness
of a new dawn

Who am I that I talk to trees?
Embracing their trunks
to connect our energies

Who am I that I adore the blossoms?
Delighting in their beauty
as my hardened heart softens

Who am I that I face adversity?
Weathering each storm
with emotional security

Who am I that I walk with courage?
Stepping into the darkness
knowing through it I will flourish

Who am I draped in compassion?
Driven to abolish suffering
for unity consciousness expansion

Who am I that I display affection?
Care and consideration of others
with the greatest of intentions

Who am I that I yearn to know?
My connection to the universe
and purpose in its flow

Who am I that I suffer alone?
In the depths of ego
I remain disconnected from the whole

Who am I when I accept my identity?
One soul attuned to the richness of life
committing to serenity

We tread within the depths
of a tumultuous sea
Sometimes against the current
fully aware we cannot see

Each wave tediously drains our spirit
but know the tide will soon retreat
where the vastness of abundance
will ground our weary feet

It isn’t churning within an ocean
where our purpose has meaning
It is reflective contemplation
when our wisdom takes the lead

Forever adrift in uncharted waters
not meant to be confined
attuning to the circle of life
we transform soul, body, mind

I am in a prison
cells overflowing with rage
penetrating so deep
within me
now

This anger is all consuming
energy is so draining
blood is boiling
over it
peaks

Spewing, sputtering hate and evil
eyes wide open vessels
popping the top
hat off
kilter

Cannot stop to see straight
jacket is on now
And then I
cry out
loud

How dare you bully me into giving away a piece of myself!!
I.was.ten.years.old.
10
How dare you expose yourself in front of me!!
No.Self.Control.
How dare you steal my innocence without a second thought!!
your.one.track.mind.
How dare you use me against myself!!
my.low.self.esteem.
How dare you ask me to put that in my mouth!!
you.disgust.me.
How dare you!
no.self.respect.
How dare you!
you.changed.me.forever.
How dare you!

I thought of you so often
But never did imagine
To have you in my life
With such a deep connection

You teach me everyday
Lessons of love, trust and faith
And even when I stumble
You lift me up with patience and grace

I am in awe of your beauty
The Divine and Human spirit
You've touched lives on this Earth
The way in which you live it

You are gifted so beyond
What the ordinary imagine
Spreading love to the world
Through your wisdom and compassion

Though sometimes the darkness
Has entered your domain
Your angels move in swiftly
To bring light there once again

I know that you will always
Walk both worlds and here beside me
Your unconditional love
Embracing me to just Be

She dips her toes into the shallows
and watches apathetically
as her form migrates
with the current
forever washed out to sea
drowned is the concept
of who she had to be

The moon shines into desert eyes
as she walks midnight back to dawn
grains trickledown the hourglass
yet time remains loyal
to the presence within
a blank canvas to the light
as dawn paints her crimson

Across space
beyond time
now extends itself
inviting stillness to speak
of divine love, joy and peace
here she becomes the image of clarity
and honours the art of authenticity

Déjà vu directs us
As the ghostwriter depicts us
Beholden to their feelings
The movie keeps us reeling

Brought to familiar places
With familiar looking faces
Queasy churns my stomach
While logic runs amuck

I know she has connections
To the writer of the scenes
Recalling intimate details
Before they hit the screen

Memories I can't recall
Though a knowingness of it all
Emerging in fragmented facts
The mind unleashed, extracts

It is morning
Still the nighttime
blankets the translucent dew
I awoke missing you
Your scent
your flowing, midnight hair
The way you smoked your cigarettes and your penetrating stare
I miss your smile
As you greeted me
Your hugs so encompassing
When we had to say goodbye
I miss your voice
Telling me not to forget
I miss the circumstances
In which we met
I miss your love
...
I don't miss
the tragic memory
October 22
The day I texted you
My gut saying, she's walked away
Her brother's response
You had died that day
The guilt
That's still ripping me apart
Missed opportunities
to express
what you truly meant
To me
I don't miss
how I wasn't there
For you
And the pain I caused
So lost in my own righteousness
I couldn't hit pause
I don't miss regret
...
It is morning
Still the moonlight
Highlights
These open wounds
I lie here still longing
For you
Lost in this tragedy
And the day you left me
Oh how I miss you

I walk for peace
with awareness in stride
Grateful for nature
and you by my side

Your essence may be subtle
or unmistakably strong
Sometimes you hold my hand
and that never feels wrong

Some words remain unspoken
A deep connection implied
Each an understanding
of the calm feelings inside

You never get tired
Or tell me I’m slow
You’re always smiling
Even when I’m feeling low

Sometimes I struggle
to catch my breath
and then you remind me
This isn’t life or death

With you by my side
I see how much I have grown
You make me forget
I am walking alone

Were you truly prepared
At the age of twenty-three
to bring your first born into the world
and unconditionally love me?

You said I was a mistake.
But is that really the truth?

Did you know whom he was
when you two first met?
That he would never meet your needs
and you would settle for that?

You said he was rebellious.
So why did you commit?

Were you over your head
when your son made three?
Did you contemplate leaving
before he slept with Sherry?

You said he wasn’t trustworthy.
So why did you stay?

What made you decide
it was for the best
to alienate my daddy
and keep me oppressed?

You said he didn’t love us.
But did he really say that?

When did manipulation
become such a tool?
And why are you so selfish?
What happened to you?

You said you had a good childhood.
But who didn’t nurture you?

Was the little girl adored
cherished and blessed?
Or did terror control you
through your dad and his fists?

You said he was a professional boxer.
Was it gloves off outside the ring?

Was she truly prepared
flying thousands of miles away?
She left a loving family
Did she know the price she would pay?

You said she struggled everyday.
Why did Grandpa abandon her, why didn’t he stay?

Why were you often so out of control?
Yelling and hitting us so much
Do you know how terrifying that was?
Were you really so unhappy with us?

You said you did your best.
Did you know that wasn’t good enough?

Who tore the love
from your little girl’s heart?
Who stole your innocence
and blackened your heart?

You said your memory was bad.
Did you bury the answers deep inside?

Why did you see me
as a caregiver to you?
At five years old
I wouldn’t have known what to do

You said I was your confidante.
Will you ever know the damage you’ve done?

Do you long for acceptance
like I do every day?
Will you ever understand
why I had to walk away?

I know you remain a child of war.
So will I ever stop expecting you to love me more?

The truth lies in the undercurrent of wishful thinking, relentlessly bubbling just below the surface, in a mind so polluted it can no longer sustain us. The mind is powerful and if given too much control can run amuck, wreaking havoc in our lives and causing us to believe we are powerless.

Every single one of those unfulfilled wishes continues to reside within that murky mind just waiting for the right stream of light; that one spark of hope, to be reborn. The time for trusting and believing in ourselves is now.

Can you count the times you have felt creativity flowing through you but you held back pursuing your dreams because of fear? The “what if’s” becoming so overwhelming you shut down all that passion and joy just so you could go back to feeling safe? The ego LOVES to keep us safe and should be appreciated when the need for survival arises. But we aren’t living in a world full of sabre tooth tigers anymore and there is a great cost to us when we are simply choosing to exist and become unwilling to accept there is a powerhouse of infinite energy within us. If nourished and attended to, it would change our lives forever. Think of the ego as one dust particle in a sea of infinite stars.

The truth of who we are is vast and powerful.

I want you to know I see you. I see what you are capable of, I see the brilliance of your light and I want you to know that you can see it too.

Take a moment now and put your hand to your heart, connect to it, feel it beating. Close your eyes and feel the beauty that is you. This is your powerhouse and we are the infinite stars my friends. It is time to be vast and powerful, it is time to soar.

#lovemorefearless ❤️

You & I exist
In colourful hues
Pink trickles in
With each tender kiss
Magenta blushes
As desires rise
From atop the peak
Ruby red soars in
To a sea of utter bliss

Orange beckons a shift
As we linger longer
between white's sheets
And hunger's strike ends
Yellow steps in
With a cheerful grin
To give approval
To our playful
love-in

The depths of blue
take hold
as trust surrounds
us both
Purple sets the stage
For romance to swoon
While mystery and magic
Create our afternoon

Green is the monster
Who rears his ugly head
In the grips of an argument
We take jealousy to bed
Attacking with fear
As black feeds off green
So love can't intervene

But alas, not all
Has faded away
As pink trickles in
With a tender kiss
And in colourful hues
you and I still exist