I always loved blue–
the blue sky
the blue ocean
my little blue pen.
I painted oceans on canvas
in various shades of blue.

But today, I am blue with
every bitter memory I have
of you.

Give me
The step-by-step;
I am losing it.
Roads a blur,
Lanes pitch black.
I chase each road,
Not ever sure
Where it’ll go.

Reaching an end
With trembling hands,
Who knows where
Life will let me land?
The signs
I knew
Now fading within mist.

Do my dreams even exist?
My compass won’t spin.
I need a change in steps.
My life is still running
On no maps.

Oh blissful happiness,
upon whose paths only the innocent walk
until some evil spirit rends their hopes
and casts them off - where children dance
and the fool walks in a trance!
I have heard the devils talk
The way they ****** one into an act
and then mock without end,
and there's no going back!
They tell you about liberty, how you are free
until you bend and succumb to misery
Though wise, I was unable to discern
hypocrisy and the hypocrite
until recently, when I learned
they just want you to share their agonizing fate!
Oh mercy,
I thought no ill could come upon me,
and I would rise above any predicament
Woe is me!
How could I have known about the inner plague
that comes with every thought
of choosing instead of love, something worse
and doubting the laws of the universe!
By the time I saw, it was already too late
too much time has passed,
and vengeance had decided my fate
I seek revenge over mercy,
thus barring me from my own happy state
How quickly a happy heart can turn into hate,
and love into pain!
I want to retire to the womb from which I was born
from which I was torn, and pretend
to have not seen anything at all
I deny the ones I loved
and had compassion for - no more!
There's only bitterness left,
and no comforter in the world before me
for I reject simple joy and correction
for hard-hearted wrath against my oppressors

You play a better game than me
It's fair to say, it's plain to see
In terms of distraction
You're better at pretending
That I'm not always there
A silent flare

Radio silence
We don't acknowledge
But I don't need you to
I know I'm a patient pin
Sitting just under your skin

I'm waiting for you to break
To bend, to blow
The process is slow
But the finale will be
The greatest show

How long will you last?
How long before you cave?
Resistance is futile
Give me your attention
It's all that I crave.

You've changed so much, I don't recognize you                                                              ­                                                          We're  so out of touch, maybe I changed, not you                                                              ­                                                            You don't want me to grow, you know it's true                                                             ­                                                           but I already know you don't want me to outgrow you

I didn’t notice myself changing—
until I did.
One day,
my laugh didn’t echo the same.
My eyes
stopped believing as quickly.

Childhood slipped off
like a sweater in summer
quietly,
forgotten on a chair.

Dreams I swore I’d chase
now gather dust
in unopened folders
and fading notebooks.

The mirror grew honest.
My knees, less kind.
Time,
less patient.

I miss how time once felt—
limitless.
Like I could waste it
and it would wait for me.

Now,
every birthday feels like
a sigh I didn’t mean to let out.

But here I am—
still unfolding,
still becoming,
even if it’s slower now.

Because youth doesn’t vanish,
it just leaves quietly,
with soft hands
and no apology.

Loving you

was not my fault –

telling you was.

I love you enough
to give you my life –

but not enough
to surrender my freedom.