inevitable, i know...
unintentional most times, when
night time comes during broad daylight...
what i choose to forget
could not be kept at bay.
once in a while, comes visiting,
keeps popping up other times...
traces, droplets, sometimes snatches,
worse times, buckets-full......
bad, sad moments, hover, linger.

every former connection,
i want them ALL SEVERED from me...
distanced from my remaining years...
no more stabbing ache on my chest,
no more pin-pricking pain for me...
no more disturbing thoughts....

........at times such as this........
i struggle to be there,
where i'd rather be,
i need to be there....
for peace is all i ask for,
nothing more......
and peace is what would shower me,
there, where i always long to be...
...seated, contentedly...
with eyes half-closed, half-opened,
as  i take in a view of cool serenity
.........................always.......................
~­~~~~from my refuge by the sea~~~~~
...where i would be totally out of reach...
.......there, where my phantom fears......
....................d i s a p p e a r......................


              ~~~~~        

   (...a gloomy day, a gloomy write...)
              
Sally

     Copyright 2013
        Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

There is a battle in my heart and in my mind:
A battle between two lords over my world.
Now one is very real and the other is very virtual.
One is my God and the other is *******,
And while I'd love to say “there's no contest”,
I just don't find myself accepting God's rest.
See God continuously offers me rest with His strength,
He continuously offers me leave,
But every time, I say “No. It's okay God, I've got this, leave it to me”.
And so He listens because that's who He is;
But every time it's left up to me,
I always find my way back to that image on a screen.
An image on a screen
Why is it so appealing?
Why does it draw my eye
When she is right by my side?
She and God should be all I desire
So why do I keep checking the screen like it will catch fire?
Moreover it's not an image that's real, it's an image that's fake.
Why can I remember her body, but I can't remember her face?
She must be a person like you and like me
So why do I treat her like a piece of meat:
To buy and sell and only use when “needed”?
This isn't how this woman ought to be treated.
She should be truly admired and truly loved
By one man not by men who the neck they can't see above.
So why don't you shut down the computer,
For it will only bring hurt to you and to her,
And realize that there is one right beside you who is more beautiful than a photo;
There is one right beside you who loves who you are not how deep your pockets go.
That is the kind of love that you should cherish and you should hold
Because that is the kind of love that never gets old.
That kind of love endures forever,
Because it is love that is blessed by God our Creator.
It's not some love that dies with a battery
And never again gives you anything satisfactory.
So again I say,
Put the computer away
And spend time with the one who truly cares
Because hers is the beauty that no one shares.

Black and Grey waters
Fathers the hope of its followers
As this Wave of inspiration
Crashes into the page, Sights of past shadows
Morph in to words, so cold and shallow
You reap what you sow, so I know my hope is shallow
So I sit and I pray with this page in front of me
Arranging these words hoping they expand the days in front of me
Live life on the dangerous side, Under the influence and down to ride
Mask on his face like a sad black clown, life’s rain seems to make him frown
Pour up drink to calm him down, Roll up smoke just to make him smile
To escape the torment
Thoughts run deep
From my head to my feet
Everything starts to sink
Thoughts run deep
Tho, I'd rather suffer
Than suffer defeat
My life is my choices
I can conquer my instinct
An animal I was born
A man I have become
I've grown in stature
Most importantly in wisdom
The truth leaves me numb
I must suffer to overcome
A wise man's affliction
Is knowing the world's dumb
Thoughts run deep
From my head to my feet

That silent moment when you can hear your heart hit your chest
Your mind is empty, your thoughts are to complex
You hesitate to speak, not assured your words are meek
So you lay there and think as chills roll up your feet
What if the blind could not see, the illiterate could not read
How does that effect you, would that effect me
Tho, at the end of the day we sleep peacefully
My hair stands ***** as the injustice creeps on me
We live in a vast nation filled with *******
So we ******* ourselves, by locking it in the basement
The beast lives on just caged and chained
Tho, we still have amnesia when it comes to his name
The ignorance of this world gives me great pain
Yes, vexation is abundant in my brain
Because I know that if these words were in a song it would not get played
That knowledge is power, but money makes the world go round
That the truth hurts so we'd rather take it dumbed down
That in each town there's a good side and a bad side
That the grass is always greener on the other side
Or is that just the lie we are deceived into believing
Stimulate your mind
See beyond the clouds
Vibrations of sounds
Sing the song of the
Sad Black Clown

Kiss me like
It will be the last time
you'll ever see me
and make sure
that even when our lips
part
I can still feel
your heart racing.

Press your body
against mine
and whisper
those deep secrets of yours
soft and slow
and maybe tonight
we'll be a bit warmer.

Every day it seems I try, but I can't get my mind off this
The silent cries of the victims who appear to be invisible
The ones who'll never reach their pinnacle,
Their names and faces I'll never know
I shed a tear for them, but they'll never know
My actions never seem cynical
Though these conditions on Earth are critical
I said a prayer for you, but you'll never know
Love is in the air, but the pollution is strong
And hate continues to grow
It seems like the hope of finding a solution is gone
They dilute the truth, bomb the innocent,
Then tell you to salute the troops
They’re just doing what they’re told like you
By these groups of men focused on money and sin
Trying to prolong the life they live,
Because they sense the end
Though I sense my life is yet to begin
Since this knowledge in my head is telling me
I need to be spiritually and mentally fed
Like there’s a divine bread I’ve yet to taste
I’ve yet to face an obstacle
That remains an obstacle
My mind is sick
Though there’s no need for a Dr. or Hospital
That can give a prescription for this
The truth is an addiction
In the eyes of those who can’t observe the twist
So I guess I’m addicted
Long ago all of these tragedies were predicted
Though we humans don’t try to prevent them
We only pray for the sins we've already committed
As for the criminals who’ll never be convicted
The one’s in high places  
For their achievements you commend them
At the end of their time and the beginning of mine
God will give them a sentence
I’m starting to ramble let me end it
Let’s see if you can take your mind off this
Hundreds of children died from hunger
While you were reading this.