Amazing how the things I became accustomed to how I don't want to.....
Whether it was looking at that picture of him in the frame or the local bake shop where everyone behind the counter knew my name,
I stop and stare at myself then say,
Stop going insane!
I gained weight and he lost interest.
Living in the present moment was never easy,
though I always knew that no river would form the same circles as I aggressively threw pebbles to make wishes,
and shooting stars are first come first serve.
I serve myself the hard work to get to where my destiny is.
I beat karma to it and let my eyes wander at the right time.
There are times it will be about someone else buy those situations define our time and effort not worth.
I'm going to forget trying to become the queen bee and just join the others from every hive and help make the world go round.
If I ever want to make a difference,
I'll be the reason for oppurtunities for others to make differences too.
We all want something for ourselves so this is why we learn to share because we never get over how many others have something in common with us.
There is only one world as we don't like to know.

A chair in the corner,
with a lamp above its head.
A sofa on the wall,
and a carpet turned to shreds.
Can be gone by the openining of eyes
and waking up to bills, loans, and
mortgages to pay,
“it’s Sold,”
is too soon what we say:
Arguments in the kitchen,
take out bags and boxes in the living
room,
and this is why we all start itiching.
A family started by a couple so
madly in love then
love was taken out of the mad,
one said,
“Let’s just buy our dream house,
it won’t be that bad”
The boxes are unpacked,
“No! That’s going there!”
“I wanted this room for my own”
Why is life so unfair?
It’s not about what we
Have,
it’s how we treat and
behave.
Have, is in
Behave,
Buying a dream house,
getting married,
having a child,
just gives a family another reason
for an outrage.
Stay where you are,
focus on the manners and
civil speaking.
Just because the home is new to you
does not mean there are no mice in the kitchen
and no floors creaking.
No matter what is taken away or
pushed inside,
a dream house is only a dream,
so look at each other as you
are only human,
and swallow your
god ****** pride.
Amen.

Album

Round like the world,
this item is technically a world,
it is round and filled
with stories, tales,
and lessons.
Whether it first be the beat,
the bass, drums, guitar, and vocals,
this album is a story,
it’s not just facts in a
pamphlet.
When I sit at my kitchen table,
I have my sandwich on a plate,
coffee in a maison jar,
and I play an album from my phone,
Green Day,
Blink 182,
Shinedown,
Slipknot,
Korn,
Evanescense,
I hear stories,
I hear questions,
I hear unsure statements,
I hear complaints of anger and
misunderstanding.
The last few tracks are not the same as the
first few tracks.
The last few tracks are clinchers, conclusions,
fin.
This is just like listening to my own life.
Don’t know where I’m going,
but I know where I have been,
don’t know where things will end,
but I want them to end
on a good
note.

Be yourself and have patience to find who wants it too.
Don't struggle to be what somebody else wants in you.
If they shall love they shall allow you to have a good life.
Even if it means
they play no part.
This is why I am alone
all the
time and I'm happy
to be that
way.

The anger within
can only begin
with the fear
of going out
of ones
way.
One wants it all,
choose misery over
making up for,
and apologies refused
is how loved ones
ruin their
day.
Anger is like an infant
in our frontal lobe
being attended and
controlled.
Anger has its way
of finding to be
stashed when we become
old.
Fear is inside and
anger lets its way out.
Flies like the
bees stinging when
they are not what
it is all
about.

Don't have to be my world,
you can have others higher than me.
Don't have to go out to dinner,
I'm fine with a Netflix movie.
Doesn't have to be Titanic,
I'm fine with Mtv.
We can watch Teen Mom and Real World,
that will never be you and me.
Never did I think I was making strikes.
Nor did I want to be husband and wife.
I'm fine with no love but I want to be friends
with no sharing lies.
I just want to be a part of your life.
I look at this as our destiny,
no one is a prize.
I remember how you looked me in
the eyes.
Not one mean bone in your body and lots of
nerves as high as the skies.
I will always respect you and I'm not giving
too many tries.
But I think we deserve to have each other in our
lives.
Just sitting here with a beer you didn't buy me,
waiting on your
replies.

In one ear, out the other.
I tell you the truth,
I don't mean to bother.
The truth may not sound
how you would like it to be.
It is ok to twist
but you never listen to me.

I quit!
I'm done!
Turning to whiskey and
***.
Holding my cigarette close
and my lighter holds the fire.
Think of me as a punk alright,
but I am NOT A LIAR!

You laugh,
you tease.
I demand you cease.
My difference is correct,
your judgement of how to accept is
wrong.
Waiting in vain for the moment
all my memories of your rudeness
are gone.

I'll say it once more,
unlike I did before.
I'll say it with grace,
I'll say it to your face.
Look me in the eye,
I do not intend to lie.
Theres the truth,
not my concern if you choose to be
aloof.

I know, I saw with my eyes.
You heard from me,
think twice before calling my words
lies.
Done with the tries
I'm breaking the ties.
These are hurtful stories
never lies.

Just try to listen,
you don't know what you are missing.

I had been around too long too wide,
I forgot my own and didn't swallow my pride.
I wanted to learn and learning lead to ambition.
I made a fool of myself and your anger lead to redemption.
I wanted to be a part of this for myself and only me
was too able to make it forgot who I was destined to be.
Then one day I sad "No thank you, I'll be alone with my guitar."
Wrote a song and then I learned you never can let anyone
strip you from who you are.
This might not be the group these people might not be my best
friends.
Though I see how they smile when they see me and sympathy is what
trends.
Remembering how I was the oddball then I chose distance over drama.
I am away and unafraid, we are all swimming in the same water with no
parama.
We are all in the same boat, just not the same tastes and interests.
I may not have fit in, but I hold no grudges nor regrets.
So lower your voice, stand your guard,
accepting isn't always easy,
but forgiveness doesn't have
to be hard.

Don't be surprised when you go to the shop
and you see a familiar blue guitar, acoustic and
barely used.
There is a reason that guitar is
barely used.
There was a girl who had far too many dreams to come true
of being a rock star folk star pop star anything star.
She learned and practiced,
but what always told her playing and singing just
wasn't good enough.
She ******, she sounded like ****, and she would never
beat a child at the activity of playing guitar, writing songs, and
singing.
She would bring it to parties,
everyone would get up and get a drink as she
played a song.
She would write a song,
people would laugh at her.
She would sing an old tune and play the chords,
people would criticize her.
She got the bravery to play on the grass ground on
her campus but people walking by and drifting away was
a sing of rejection.
She fought hard to still play and not be an expert,
but she lost every ******* battle and war.
There were very few who appreciated,
but who knows if the blue guitar, Luna, is worth keeping.
She was too much of a nervous wreck to play in front of anyone,
sometimes she did, it went well, and she was told it was beautiful.
Luna might have to go in the shop and be sold to someone who is
BETTER and EXPERIENCED and for christ's sake, GOOD AND TALENTED.
That girl, Me, has talent that is BARELY USED
because I am not good, never was, and I
JUST CANT
TAKE ANYMORE
CRITICISM!
If someone doesn't like you talent, it is not a crime.
If you play and sound like ****, it is considered a crime,
but by who?
I know there is room to grow but I just can't fit anymore
time.
I might sell my guitar,
if/when I do,
she will be shiny and blue,
in good condition,
and most of all,
barely used.
I'm just placating to anyone
who laughed, criticized, or
silently booed.
You're welcome.

See the walls that are to be for privacy
written on with lime green and hot pink.
These messages make me sick to my stomach.
Why are these so applicable to men wanting ***?
Why is the biggest assumption of both men and women
that each wants ***?
He may want feelings,
you have to get to know him better.
She may want feelings,
you have to listen carefully to her.
These messages are anti-feminist.
Quit assuming the worst from the gender that revolves your
****** orientation.
The public needs not to know what our point of view is on ***.
Right time, right person.
It's ok to want, just keep it to yourself.
To the people who sign their name with a dash under the message,
we really don't care and there is a thing called journals.
Men and women should have the same rights.
Men and women should both be equally respected.
Men and women shouldn't have to be naked in order to impress the world.
Looking at this bathroom wall is disgraceful.
I prefer not to know what is going on in your pretty little
*** life.
Just erase the writing on the wall please.
Grafiti is good, just not this topic and not this place.
Thank you.

If I could thank every person who was nice to me today,
there would never be thunder crashing,
tornadoes whirling,
fires flaming,
only stars shining.
Butterflies chasing for the next
pollenated treat.
Children with their eyes beaming
and smiling wide,
oh so sweet.
Just another complement, how are you,
or smile to remind me,
there is love in this world,
it’s there somewhere.
Doesn’t have to cost a thing,
the more we smile and say nice things,
the more money we save so we can
later all go out together.
Now we can’t bring the whole world to the fun and
punkish café,
nor can I cook for all these people,
but we can bring the whole world to a better place,
in the heart, in the mind, on the street, boulevard,
town,
we can be respectful, we can motivate with kindness,
Patronizing and antagonizing take
too many guts and labor.
It’s just better to be kind.
To everyone who was nice to me today,
Thank you,
for letting my moment be a moment,
you helped me feel fine,
because that is what I’m going to be,
we all are going to be
fine.

My mouth just moves.
My words just hurt.
I'll shut up now,
just by being alone and
watching him be happy
are the consequence.
I never
should
have said those things
about you.
Do you know that I said them?
Is that why we did not keep a
friendship?
Every memory of us has now
hit me way too hard.
My heart beats to the speed of
my tears.
I now keep my mouth shut
on behalf of the love
you created
and then
killed.
Two wrongs never make a right.
I made
it
awkward.

Sometimes you make me
feel the urge and desire to play hookie
and ask any random dangerous man
to light it for me.
There have been days
I have blown off my girlfriends
and gave that time to be alone with you
in a bathroom stall.
You have been one to wreck my decisions.
You are a part of me,
you should love me so I don’t
decide to get on the back of a motorcycle
with someone I never met.
Who knows where I will go?
I pay for every time you
told me to put the fork down and
you wouldn’t let me eat.
I thought I had you and would
never let go of you.
I saw a young girl who looked
like I did before I dedicated
my thinking to you.
She had a teddy bear in her hands
and looked at me scared.
It was you who told me to blob my eyes
with liner and keep my hair in my face
so nobody would see my black eye.
That girl reminded me that I did fine without you.
I am glad I stopped thinking of you
and dealt rather than keeping you.
I don’t love you,
Bipolar Depression.
I never let anything or anyone I have
dictate my life.
Your phases come and go,
and when they do,
it breaks up my health, my dignity,
and my relationships.
Friends come first,
so I deal with you.
I live a better life once I am
done with you.

The night you left me, you said that
looking at me was the hardest thing to be doing.
I cried so much, tears fell from my eyes watching you for the last time.
I didn't care that you and my mother saw.
I stood outside and watched you drive away.
After,
I felt I could breathe again.
Time went on and we decided to stay as friends.
More and more I lost my comfort.
I am now officially letting us go.
You changed and I am under my breath praying
you don't see me.
I don't want to talk right now.
Leave me alone.
Looking at you is the scariest thing to do right now.
You have removed all your man features.
You look and act like a boy.
Now thanks to me,
we are officially over.
I've never been happier, and my lungs within reach of my heart
have never felt better
I am now breathing everyday
without
a problem.

I cant even put my finger on where my mood is
right now.
I feel so much sympathy shoot me with a rifle
I don’t even know how.
Digging in the dirt trying to find something that
looks colorful.
How funny it is that we are so oblivious that what
we do may be hurtful.
To someone,
somebody,
someone else,
a person.
A man,
a woman,
a child,
a human.
What we do for ourselves and how our family and friends
will either open or simmer their eyes.
Careful what you wish for,
that fight,
that argument,
that controlling move,
that demand,
command,
reprimand,
could be the next one who dies.
These are not
lies.

Seeing you every summer was like a
challenge.
I had to hide my remedial sources to
prove I was not special,
I could be normal.
You were precocious and had the world
at your feet.
You displayed through your words and
actions every day that you were not kind,
you had condescending traits.
Back then we were only adolescents.
I had no idea what I had and you were the
lead at everything you did.
You had the solos, you had the grades, you
had the friends, and you had the fawning adults.
I never hated you for it, I had bad grades, I had no friends, and I was criticized by the adults.
My solo was poorly performed as I had to do my thing and you played with others.
As we grew over the years and kept our traditional meet up over the summer,
I play my solo by having no phase of being alone for a moment.
My challenge for you is to try it and not be the guy with a million friends.
You will be surprised how much you learn from others who are less, and being surrounded by less.
I'll learn from you, you learn from me, and let's teach everyone to accept our friends who may not walk the same path but still walk with us.
You'll find yourself walking alone with a bit of happiness.
Trust me, it feels good sometimes.
I mean it as a friend.