Withered branches reaching out,
Catching fallen leaves
Stone cold outside
With many rings, no one would believe.

Peeling bark and twisting tendrils
Weaving through the grass
Standing tall and never resting
Watching the time pass.

Solitude and peaceful rays
When morning lights the sky
Casting shadows on the ground
Where deepest secrets lie.

Battered and bare for many seasons
But light and warmth can make
Sprouting blossoms, newfound life
To cover any break.

When i'm asked if i'm okay, i always say i am.
Because i know that honestly no one gives a ****.

So why should i just sit here and tell you everything?
Like all the others, you will leave; the sorrow that would bring.

Do not ask me that question, i'll have no more to say.
You just keep it to yourself and don't get in my way.

No one knows for certain, I want you to be near.
I feel your warmth surround me, the memories so clear.
Amid the eerie silence, I almost hear you speak.
Those calming words of wisdom, does it mean...

Are you still here?
Haven't you left?
Everything you loved is now bereft.

There you were, curled on the floor.
That loving, little girl we all adore.

What went wrong?
What did we do?
How could we have stopped from losing you?

It was wasn't right.
I understand.
Maybe you'll be more happy far from this land.

This is goodbye, I can't walk away.
Tears run down my cheeks, the last words you hear me say:

I love you lots. I always will.
Your soft, little body which I once held has fallen still.

Don't be afraid, I must let go.
You're at peace now, tucked beneath the snow...

Touch so soothing, soft and gentle
Not cold, rough or experimental
Eyes unending as the seas
Carry me off with a cool, calming breeze
Speaking in a musical voice
Captivated, i have no choice
Feel the warmth cascading down
Engulfing me, all around.
Now awake, sheets cold as stone
Looking around, but still alone.

Do others really see me the way i see myself?
Fat, ugly, worthless, no care for health.
Selfish, maybe lazy, polka dotted face.
Stretch marks and scars, all over the place.
Small, sometimes needy, even weak.
Invisible, boring, not a bit unique.
Too sensitive to chastise, a building about to fall.
A little damaged and shaken, has no one to call.

Only been a couple months but seems like forever
Something that was once done, although you said you'd never
Four faint lines, growing weak
Willpower, growing meek
These four faint lines bring out the dark
But still attached, left a mark
Shouldn't mean a single thing
A sign of being surely clean
Being damaged should not bring pride
So why does it bring accomplishment on the inside?

I once met a girl so innocent and sweet
Until she took a stroll down evil street
Where all that's seen is the negative side
Find yourself drained; lost on this ride
Taunted by devils, demons, ghouls
Looking for solace, stability, rules
Wandering hopelessly along this path
Waiting anxiously for the aftermath

I can't quite tell you which is worse the pain right now or then.
The first time it was all brand new but here it is again.
The sharpness of my little blade brings back the memories
Sadness, darkness, and despair that brought me to my knees.
Already fought the first war, did not return unscathed.
Badly beaten and destroyed, left alone. Betrayed.
Now here comes the second, it's shadow lingering.
Shots are fired then it's time, the bloodshed that will bring.
Storming from all directions, thundering, crashing down.
The battlefield collects more stains the second time around.

The lingering shadow walked through the night.
The moon up above shining so bright.
I watched as her hair billowed in the breeze.
And wondered if beneath that thin gown she would freeze.
But as she moved silently, with grace in each step.
I noticed her soul and how her demons crept.
She kept walking, and while she faded away.
I couldn't help but see, she let her soul stay.

How is it now, that good looks get you everywhere in life?
How is it that 'talent' is simply throw it together or use auto tune?
What happened to hard work pays off?
What happened to the little things?
Why does race, size, gender, and all of that matter?
Why can't we just accept each other?
Who decides all of this?
Who's to say all opinions can't be valued?
When will I be able to say something like, most of the people here on HP are far more talented and real than any celebrity?
When will I not be chastised for saying such a thing?
Probably not in my lifetime...

One little, two little, three little calories.
Four little , five little, six little calories
Seven little, eight little, nine little calories.
That's all for today.

Hearing the murmurs from the hall, it's just grown up talk, nothing at all.

Peeking at notes looking through bills, lots of appointments, gives me the chills.

Deciphering stares, perplexed over whispers.
Raised suspicions, go to bed with shivers.

Desperate hugs, lots of tears.
The mood of the house has become quite clear.

Panic sets in, something is really wrong.
TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING, I HAVE WAITED TOO LONG!

They both come in, wiping their eyes.
The words that come next are the worst surprise.

The doctor had confirmed everyone's greatest fear.
Sure, cancer happened, but never here.

It was devastating, but i would not cry.
Things would get rough, but i had to try.

There was so much to prepare to do.
It would take years to fully get through.

So then it was time, we just prayed.
The surgery took hours, but nothing was delayed.

Three days later, out of the ICU.
Tubes and machines, lights flashing red and blue.

But it was successful; came out alive.
Cancer took it's toll but it was beaten and we all survived.

I don't like pain yet I still cut...
I feel weak yet I still keep going...
I help everyone but not myself...
I'm falling but won't let anyone catch me...
I'm a failure yet I do better than most...
I'm fat but I still eat...
I barely eat but it's still too much...
I love others but no one loves me...
I'm here but I'm still lost...
I look fine but I'm not...
I have always been here but I don't belong...
It's been a long road and yet I still stay strong...

Why did you have to leave me?
You don't know how much it hurt.
Took me under your wing, then threw me out like dirt.
Sure maybe i was needy, but you were all i had.
Was any of it real? I needed help so bad.
You served as my mentor, my mother all in one.
And without a single warning, like that it was done.
I've been hurt quite a bit.
But this was really a load of ****.
So i'm done with how worthless you made me feel.
For now, i'm on my own. And the scars are there and real.

New flowers to bloom, the ice has gone.
Baby animals stumble out of the dawn.
Life, happiness, love, and fun.
Is my wish for you, soft little one.

As spring turns to summer, cool breeze in your hair.
Your supple, tanned skin which once was so fair.
Growing up fast, more warmth ahead.
Out of your crib, in a big girl bed.

But as seasons change, so do we.
Then comes fall, a catastrophe.
Once warm and bright, cold wind races through.
Losing piles of leaves, and parts of you.
Piercing, bare branches sting like a knife.
When fall comes, prepare to get up for your life.

Winter charges, no mercy, no end.
Stinging blizzards swirl again and again.
Lost and alone, frosted heart.
Then opens a door, the heat melts it apart. Reluctant; heat burns on frostbitten skin.
Buried in blankets and warmth from within.

Broken and brittle, heart frozen and small.
Taken in and warmed up. Someone heard your call.
Sitting together in front of a fire.
Hand in hand, knowing love will never expire.

It seems like a weight, wrapped in your heart.
It shouldn't have happened, but now plays a part.
Feeling so tiny, alone and confused.
By your own conscience, you're  hurt and abused.
Pile on the strees, add to the fear.
Let the idea sink in and adhere.
Pray for some guidance, pray for the love.
Do not lose the one who comes from above.

Some say fear holds you back.
That it shouldn't rule your life.

Some say they laugh in the face of fear.
But fear is a powerful thing.

Some say once you face your fears,
There's nothing that can stop you.

I say fear has saved me bloodshed.
It's kept me out of the hospital and the morgue.

I say fear keeps me in check.
Fear keeps me sane.

Fear keeps me from ******* up my wrists so bad that I pass out on the ground.
I bring that knife to my neck and that little, tiny voice says HELL NO!

So I don't laugh at fear.
And I definitely will let fear hold me back.
Because fear gives me something to shine through.

I always wish I didn't care, that I didn't have to see
All the pain and the dark that lurks inside of me.
Always there it's hiding, waiting for the day.
When my foundation crumbles and I start to drift away.
Telling me lies, that I soon believe.
The job of this horrid demon, is simply to deceive.
Once it consumes its' victim, leaving some entrails.
It slinks off into the vast darkness, unaffected by screams and wails.
Then comes a lonely wanderer, lost and all alone.
Befriended by this evil, going deeper into the unknown.

Words cannot extinguish this flame
Fueled by pain; raw, untamed

Watch as the water flows, creeping up toward your nose.
Why do i feel i'm drowning? I guess nobody knows.
Voices spinning through my head.
They make me wish that i were dead.
I don't know what to do; i'm hoping i can make it through.
Because i'm falling with no net there and i'm drowning; there's water everywhere!
My lungs are slowly filling, no one can hear my cries.
I have a little problem. But does it end in my demise?

Why don't I ever hide my scars,
A symbol of the past.
Maybe I should let it go,
But nothing fades that fast.

Sometimes darker,
Sometimes faint.
Sometimes a helpful, reminder
Or restraint.

I don't regret
I'm not ashamed
I did what I did
To decrease my pain.

And now it's there
Watching me
As a subtle warning
Of what could be.

I say i hate people, you argue it's not true.
How would you know, have you any idea what they put me through?
I know they don't try to, it's really only me.
But when i'm surrounded, i'm overcome with anxiety.
What if they don't like me, what if they think i'm fat?
What happens if i say something wrong? I can't even think about that.
Maybe you perceive me, as someone quiet and rude
When really, i don't like being humiliated, i'm just not ever in the mood.

To those who are hurting, to those feeling pain.
For those who have none left to regain.
To anyone beaten by their own mind, the lost and afraid who already died.
Just listen to me. Please, I've been there.
I know you are lost and drowned in despair.
I know how it feels to be all alone.
When your heart shrivels up, hard as stone.
Long sleepless nights, filled with tears.
Anticipating greatest fears.
Ready for darkness and death to grip.
Watching the blood from your wrists drip.
Hopeless and hollow, no strength left.
Slowly inhaling the very last breath.
Please be a fighter, do not give in.
God has the power, He knows you can win.
Bold and triumphant, making it through.
Embracing the future, see what you can do.

My knife is my comfort.
My blood is my tears.
My shield is concealing the greatest of fears.

My cuts are my refuge, my way to escape.
Watch as the problems pour out of each scrape.

"I'm fine" is my cover, it is such a lie.
Because no one's there to answer my cry.

Instead of shaming people,
Why don't you help them?

When people say I'm different,
I'm just the same as you.
We both have fingers, toes, and such.
I even wear clothes too.

But when you say I'm different, maybe that's not what you mean.
I don't go out, I don't do parties, that's not at all my scene.

Instead I like to write, play music and do art.
Those may seem like lonely things,
But I like to be apart.

I like to sit and research.
Maybe I'm a nerd.
In this world of ignorance, I think knowledge would be preferred.

You may think a lot of things, but most of them are wrong.
There's much more to this quiet nerd, if you look deeply among.

The lonely, hooded figure.
At the back of the room.
The one that went unnoticed
That darkness would consume.

The one that had no power.
Nobody even knew.
But silenced pain and desperation slowly spread and grew.

Long sleeved shirts and baggy pants
Worn only to conceal
The deepest cuts along each wrist
And scars that will never heal

Voices wether real or not
Softly sang to sleep
Telling lies and making wounds
That stung and etched too deep

Waking up and asking, why am I even here?
After all this turmoil the answer seemed so clear.

Pulling out some paper
And picking up a pen
Writing the words so fluently, dreaming of an end.

Folding it so neatly, creasing on the sides.
Then shakily reaching for the rope
To put the pain behind.

Standing on the wobbly chair
Which decides the fate
One last deep breath, and silently
Prays it's already too late.

A little girl comes skipping in, hoping for a hug
But finds big sister hanging there, swinging from above.
Seeing something is quite wrong, lets out a high pitched scream
Mom and Dad come running in, hoping it's just a dream.

Mother drops down to the floor, gripping the crying child.
Father quietly closes the door, tears running wild.

Mother carries the little girl off into her bed.
While father holds his daughter's corpse, stiff, pale and dead.

As the tears keep coming, flowing down his face.
A folded piece of paper, sits in its quiet place.

Unfolding the white strip, he slowly reads these lines
Over and over again, spinning through his mind.

I'm sorry this is how it ended, I couldn't bear it anymore.
I finished my short lived voyage, and I've washed up on the shore.
The seas got way too rocky, the storm I could not pass.
You see my lifeless body, is peaceful now at last.
This world was not my place, I don't belong here.
Once I pulled the rope over my head, my destiny was clear.
I'm happy now, more than I've ever been.
For the remainder of your Earthly lives, remember there's a time, we'll meet again.

Always sad, always worry
Put your clothes on in a hurry
Let no one see the pain
Or the scars that you will gain
Feel the disapproving stares
Everybody seems aware
Watch the blood, the warmth slide down
The world starts to spin around
Hear a crash, you're on the floor
Bleeding out, alone, ignored.

I went into the blaze to pull someone out, but then i fell in and wandered about.
The smoke filled my lungs, i could not breathe, there was nothing that i would receive.
I gave all i had, there is nothing more.
The flames have destroyed and ingested the door.
I struggled for air and as i went black, a figure appeared and someone came back.

When I look into your eyes, a wave of serenity washes out stained memories.
Warmth ripples through tough outer exteriors, calloused and cracked.
As natural as the light of day and dark of night.
Plain and simple as black and white.
Speaking gently as a cooling summer breeze.
Shielding the harsh, brutal winter freeze.
Flowing softly as a clear mountain creek.
Changing leaves, mighty yet meek.
Puts me to sleep, like the setting sun.
And when I awake, my subtle dream is done...

You're first greeted with those bright rays of light.
You almost forget, today's another fight.
But then, you remember it's time to eat.
Those three words, are supposed to be sweet.
Instead, they always cross your mind.
Leaving all your common sense behind.
Tea in the morning, Monster at noon.
Yikes! Dinner is coming soon.
You only had 35 calories today, eat a little, but don't you dare let that number sway.
You settle down and sleep tonight.
I'll see you tomorrow, with the first sign of light.

Why can't i just wake up and forget about the past?
Why is it that awful memories are always built to last?
Why did i have to break the promises i made?
Never will i cut.
Never will i curse.
But i made those mistakes and i paid.
Why is it that the ones you love always leave?
Why is it the ones you trust have a trick up their sleeve?
Why was i born?
When will i die?
Who in hell am i?
Why is a question so easy to ask.
The answer however, is a separate task.

The first time that I felt the thrill.
In my English class, I wasn't thinking, it just happened.
I had wondered for a long time, what it would feel like.
So I put the pencil on my arm.
It danced and glided across my skin and for the first time in a long while, I felt something.
I continued to get the thrill of pain.
Any way I could. Anytime I felt like it.
Sometimes 12 hours a day.
It took a turn for the worst.
My arms, hands and legs were already scarred.
Why not my wrist?
The ultimate statement, something everyone can see for all eternity.
So now I am stuck with five, perfectly straight scars running across my wrist.
But I did it myself. I don't complain.
I can't remember when I stopped. But it lasted about four months.
Then, one of my friends needed help.
She was really stuck. When I went in the dark to drag her out, I fell in.
I started small. Didn't tell anyone.
It was easier that way.
It escalated quickly. I was at my worst.
I had slit my sides, my shoulder, my arms, my legs.
A zipper of cuts dripped down my stomach.
I felt so many things, that I couldn't feel anything.
I acquired a collection of scars all over and I knew that I needed to stop.
Enough was enough.
Stopping the second time was a hell of a lot harder than the first.
As of today, I have been completely clean for a month.
30 days seems like nothing.
But if I can go the first month, I can go for the rest of my life.
I know what cutting is like and I am over it.
Cutting was a great feeling. But nothing compares to the feeling of kicking your addiction in the ***.

The darkness brought out her soul.
And the demons reigned.

When a girl dreams of a boy

she doesn't start to blush,
there is no distinct sparkle in her eye
but her heart flutters and skips a beat
like a dainty butterfly

her lips softly quiver
for she knows not what to say
her legs lightly bounce about
control has gone astray

his charm captivates her
his warm eyes melt her heart
his voice, mesmerizing
tears her fears apart

her mind can only wonder,
is there anything more
does a secret lurk, behind some hidden door

her doubts are cast aside
her words she can't quite form
regained her peace of mind
but her love was always worn

as you know, a mere dream cannot really
describe this sensation
for she has loved him, since his very creation

At first it wasn't an option, but now I just don't care.
I always see the pain and frustration I cause everywhere.
No one really wants me, no one has a clue.
It would be great if i just vanished, don't you think so too?
I have no one to love me, there's no one i can trust.
All the feelings boil inside until suddenly i must.
There's a flash, then i'm on the floor; hoping there's a new world to explore.

I don't always know exactly what to say.
I like to keep my feelings locked, it's always been that way.
But here you come along, opening my heart.
Why can't i keep you out, it tears me apart.
I listen to your problems, you help me out too.
When i start to crumble, you're the superglue.
All these new emotions, spinning through my brain.
None of this has ever happened, will i go insane?
Everything is different, but somehow it returned.
All the pain once has taught, now will be relearned.
I'm trying not to hurt you, so i hurt my skin.
But i'll always be here,  to ease the pain you're in.

The rough concrete caresses her thighs.
A look of madness dancing in her eyes.
Crisp, fall breeze blowing through hair.
How far the drop, no one is aware.
Bare feet dangle, sway forward and back
Sliding closer, still under attack.
A single tear drops and disappears in the mist
Hoping to catch it, the voices insist.
Seconds later, flying through the sky.
Feeling the frost, softly whispers goodbye.
Closed eyes, going numb.
Unbearable sorrow to which she would succumb.

All those dark nights, alone in my room.
Wishing for death to come and consume.
So many options, none of them real.
I'm afraid these ideas just don't appeal.
Touch every scar, remember the days.
Seems so long ago, covered by haze.
Ignore what they tell you, ignore all the stares.
Fix your own problems, cause nobody cares.

Sometimes i wish i didn't care, i wish i didn't see
All the cuts and all the scars have been engraved on me
Sure, i try to hide it
But i often fail
The demons and the voices always will prevail
When the thoughts creep over, clouding every move
Watching all the blood there's nothing left to prove
Thinking, and planning, waiting for the day
When all the sorrow and the hurt will finally go away
Once i am all ready, the blades are in my grip
Nervous and uncertain, my hand starts to slip
A shot of pain runs through me, then it all goes numb
A sticky, warm sensation is surely soon to come
My heart is thundering in my head and then i see a light
The blood cascading from my neck is no longer in sight
Suddenly, it stops like that i see from another place
That lifeless body that once was mine is only a cold, pale face.

Looking at the outside, can only tell so much.
The way I look and how I act.
But don't take one glance then rush.

Maybe I'm pretty average, not much to this kid.
Watch your words, you don't know me or the things I did.

Sure, scars and cuts fade on the outside, no one would ever know.
But take a peek inside, where the real feelings show.

Pulsating heart, where wounds never heal.
Carried through veins, the pain that's more than real.

Blood flowing, thick and red.
The same that comes from slit wrists left for dead.

They say don't judge a book by it's cover, and that always reigns true.
Would you really want everyone judging you?

Should I really have to say I'm sorry that I care
For all of you who don't understand or are not yet aware.
That's basically saying, I'm sorry that I'm me.
But newsflash people, who else am I supposed to be?

I shouldn't be sorry that when someone is upset
I worry and I try to help, but what do I get?
Sure, maybe you think that "I can do this on my own"
Well, go ahead then. Just wander all alone.

You think that I don't really care, that it's all pretend.
Let me tell you, once I'm here, it's until the very end.
It's not my fault I live to help, it's running through my veins.
You think all this is ******* easy, it's driving me insane.

I drain myself everyday, and am hollow every night.
What I give, I don't get back. And start over at the first rays of light.
Now I'm not saying I am selfless or perfect in any way.
I just prefer to be the helper, it keeps my problems away.

Two arms to keep me safe and warm.
They help to shelter me from the storm.
And through all the pain and all fears,
I know those two arms will always be near.

Two hands that lock me in so tight.
I can sit there and cry when there's no more fight.
And through all the sorrow and the tears.
I can count on those hands to always be near.

Two legs so lightly wrapped around mine.
Slowly but surely they begin to entwine.
As it begins to feel just right.
I slowly drift off into the night.

Why does it matter, whatever your size?
The amount of space between your thighs.

The width of your waist, the size of your shirt.
That doesn't measure what you're worth.

The buttons on your pants, the flat, toned abs.
That's one thing I sure don't have.


All of those "models" are starving and thin.
Do people even make the sizes they fit in?

Seeing every bone isn't healthy or right.
Society has done this, warped our sight.

The size of your bra, whether A or D.
Should not be the first thing we judge and see.

But unfortunately, all that I say isn't true.
The world judges the outside of both me and you.

There was once a little girl, happy as could be.
Had all she ever needed, love, a family.
Wanted to try everything.
Brought sunshine to a day.
Cared for her little sister, always wanted to play.
But that poor little girl got sick, no one could do a thing.
Now she's all alone in the night, lost and wandering.
If you listen closely, you just might hear;
The sound of a struggling heart beat, loud and clear.
And when you look up, no little girl will you see
But a lifeless reminiscence, of what used to be.
This new being stands before you; tired, *****, almost dead.
Wisps of old brown curls, coming off her head.
She looks you in the eye, dark and cold as stone.
You can almost see her soul, and how long she's been alone.

Who knew that something as small as a word, could cause so many problems.
Haven't you heard?
It seems like nothing, no one was hurt.
Intact on the outside, but inside was worse.

Words can cause pain and long, sleepless nights.
Words can cause broken hearts, damaging fights.
Words are more powerful than they may seem.
Once something is said there's no way to redeem.

Be careful of words, they pierce like a knife.
You just might impact somebody's life.

How is it that my secrets never stay that way?
Even though there are things i don't even say.
I'd like to have one little thing that i can call my own.
Something that is just mine, that i've never shown.
You don't have to know everything about me.
Actually, i'd love it if you'd just leave me be.
I don't need you hovering, watching my every move.
I can take care of myself, i don't need you to.
So you deal with your ****, and i'll deal with mine. 
And in the end, we'll still be friends and everything will be fine.

There is a big empty hole in this heart.
It's been beaten, cracked, and broken apart.
But these wounds will surprise you, they're not what they seem.
In the endless black hole, there are bloodcurdling screams.
For awhile there was light, then it burned out.
Now there is no one to hear your shout.
The wails only echo, no one hears today.
In this suffocating void, all hope fades away.
Is this too much to handle; is there too much grief?
If so, i hope you know, there will be relief.

Feel the music, see the light.
Believe you have lived your earthly life.
If you're worried, if you're scared.
Know God is waiting; you're prepared.
Take my hand, it's ok.
God has you now, and i'm with you every step of the way.

I'm tired of spilling out my heart
Just to be left behind
I'm tired of being ripped apart
For insight to my mind

I'm tired of dealing with complaints
And all the dramatic ****
I can't break free of these restraints
Why don't I just quit

I'm tired of seeing familiar faces
And unfamiliar sounds
I want to be in quiet places
Where I will not be found

I'm tired of always having worry
Hanging around my neck
You wonder why I'm in a hurry
So nothing has to wreck

I'm tired of being the only one
To care for everyone so much
When it seems like they're all on the run
Leaving me out in the dust

I'm tired of never getting back
All the care I give
After awhile, I start to lack
The willingness to live...