Once amidst the normal madness
Came an overwhelming sadness
Cloaked in everlasting grief
Hiding darkness from beneath
Didn't make a single sound
Gagged and choked his hands were bound
As he wallowed in unbearable pain
The life within his soul was slain
And he now wanders through the night
Eternal darkness; lost from light.

On one cold, December night,
There shone a luminescent light.
Then to me that light would speak.
In a voice so tempting and sweet.
The secrets that light had told, a story had begun to unfold.
Of beauty, madness, pain and terror.
How something could fall apart by error.
Once a child so innocent and frail, could be ripped to shreds; only entrails.
And once the light would soon depart, a soul consumed by merely dark.
Mind trapped, there's no escape.
Nothing but darkness; desolate.
This luminescent light faded.
Turned to black; manipulated.

What the hell has happened here?
Up in our heads, things aren't so clear.
We hurt each other, by words and by gun.
There's no reason; just for "fun".
Sick and twisted, you can't deny.
Do something to stop it, this isn't a lie.

Sad, quiet, oddball, rude?
Maybe has a bad attitude?
Narcissist, egotistical, self-absorbed?
Or maybe just unexplored?
All introverted stereotypes, people don't understand how we live life.
Not antisocial, we hang with friends.
We just need a break, once the night ends.
Narcissistic? Now watch yourself.
We just can't handle too much, it effects mental health.
Introverts are special too.
Even though, they might be a little different than you.

I say i hate people, you argue it's not true.
How would you know, have you any idea what they put me through?
I know they don't try to, it's really only me.
But when i'm surrounded, i'm overcome with anxiety.
What if they don't like me, what if they think i'm fat?
What happens if i say something wrong? I can't even think about that.
Maybe you perceive me, as someone quiet and rude
When really, i don't like being humiliated, i'm just not ever in the mood.

See how we fit together, perfect like a glove.
I see your eyes light up and know it's eternal love.
Sitting all alone, longing for your touch.
Didn't know it was real, how could i love someone so much?
How i feel your presence, even when you're not here.
Feel the warmth spread through my body, and i know you're near.
Even though we're far apart, i feel this beating in my heart.
Distanced only by little things, can't deny how you pluck my heart strings.

I know how you feel, i've most likely been there before.
But every time a window shuts, God opens a door.
You may feel like giving up, just drop your weapon and cry.
Then pick it up, use it again and drop it again and die.
But think about your future, the ones who count on you.
And put your best foot forward, and keep on pushing through.
Someday, maybe not for awhile i promise once again you'll wear a real smile.

Why can't i just wake up and forget about the past?
Why is it that awful memories are always built to last?
Why did i have to break the promises i made?
Never will i cut.
Never will i curse.
But i made those mistakes and i paid.
Why is it that the ones you love always leave?
Why is it the ones you trust have a trick up their sleeve?
Why was i born?
When will i die?
Who in hell am i?
Why is a question so easy to ask.
The answer however, is a separate task.

Do others really see me the way i see myself?
Fat, ugly, worthless, no care for health.
Selfish, maybe lazy, polka dotted face.
Stretch marks and scars, all over the place.
Small, sometimes needy, even weak.
Invisible, boring, not a bit unique.
Too sensitive to chastise, a building about to fall.
A little damaged and shaken, has no one to call.

Everyone should have a place in this world.
Whether you're goth, nerdy, or a preppy girl.
But where do you go when you don't belong.
Everyone and everywhere you turn is wrong.
Why can't we be accepting, to all human beings?
We're really not all that different, even though that's how it seems.
So don't leave out the kid with glasses and braces.
Don't shun the teens with acne covered faces.
There is so much damage little words can cause.
Just stop pointing out everyone's flaws.

Everything spills.
Emotions form tears.
Tears turn into countless beers.
Then you're sad and drunk.
You go home with some skunk.
Fumbling around, falling to the ground.
Wake up all alone, head heavy as stone.
Skip work, head to the clerk.
Pick up a quick test, take the pill; hope for the best.
Curl back up in bed.
Bring the *****, wishing you were dead.

Hearing the murmurs from the hall, it's just grown up talk, nothing at all.

Peeking at notes looking through bills, lots of appointments, gives me the chills.

Deciphering stares, perplexed over whispers.
Raised suspicions, go to bed with shivers.

Desperate hugs, lots of tears.
The mood of the house has become quite clear.

Panic sets in, something is really wrong.
TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING, I HAVE WAITED TOO LONG!

They both come in, wiping their eyes.
The words that come next are the worst surprise.

The doctor had confirmed everyone's greatest fear.
Sure, cancer happened, but never here.

It was devastating, but i would not cry.
Things would get rough, but i had to try.

There was so much to prepare to do.
It would take years to fully get through.

So then it was time, we just prayed.
The surgery took hours, but nothing was delayed.

Three days later, out of the ICU.
Tubes and machines, lights flashing red and blue.

But it was successful; came out alive.
Cancer took it's toll but it was beaten and we all survived.

Why do we as people, suppress the inevitable?
It's called intuition, we all have have it; incredible.
God planted it within us, long before.
But it's so amazing, why would you ignore?
Just look all around you, the beauty of this land.
The sun, the trees, the grass, the sparkling waters and white sand.
God created all of this just for me and you.
The least we could do is appreciate it.
Don't you think so too?
Instead of moaning about your wifi or '****** 3G'.
Be thankful for the simple things.
That's how God intended it to be.

Remembered when i was 6; didn't think my life would turn out this way.
Wasn't supposed to go through situations, but new lessons are learned each day.
Reaching confirmations, lines, fake friends, and half-hearted smiles.
Innocent kids become murderers, even pedophiles.
The good becomes limited, but please don't get out of line.
There's so much wrath and hatred, and we don't have a lot of time.

Feel the music, see the light.
Believe you have lived your earthly life.
If you're worried, if you're scared.
Know God is waiting; you're prepared.
Take my hand, it's ok.
God has you now, and i'm with you every step of the way.

They whisper to me, whenever they can...
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Just
Do
It
Cut
Cut
Cut
Cut
Bleed­
Cut
Cut
Why
Won't
You
Listen
Cut
Cut
Cut
...and then i give in.

There was once a little girl, happy as could be.
Had all she ever needed, love, a family.
Wanted to try everything.
Brought sunshine to a day.
Cared for her little sister, always wanted to play.
But that poor little girl got sick, no one could do a thing.
Now she's all alone in the night, lost and wandering.
If you listen closely, you just might hear;
The sound of a struggling heart beat, loud and clear.
And when you look up, no little girl will you see
But a lifeless reminiscence, of what used to be.
This new being stands before you; tired, *****, almost dead.
Wisps of old brown curls, coming off her head.
She looks you in the eye, dark and cold as stone.
You can almost see her soul, and how long she's been alone.

I built up my wall, it's not coming down.
It's the place that keeps me safe and sound.
And when it's provoked, it only gets stronger.
It's not going to give in; it's been with me longer.
The only loyalty that will never leave.
This wall protects me; something i need.
No one comes in, my gates are locked.
It doesn't matter who you are; don't be shocked.
The guards to the wall are built up with lies.
So, no they can't trust, what a surprise.
And each brick, harder than stone.
Made by pain, betrayal, and more that's unknown.
Don't even try to knock down this fort.
Because what happens if you do, will be a drastic last resort.

I used to want someone to know.
What do i do, where do i go?
But look where that got me, it's easy to tell.
All the scars, and tears that fell.
The constant invasion, i got no peace.
There was only one way to release.
But that caused more problems; day after day.
At one point, all i could do was pray.
Too much to handle.
I couldn't make it through.
Now i do what i have to.
I couldn't clean up the mess that was made.
Can't trust anyone, i'm too afraid.
My wall is built up; impenetrable.
But it's the only part of me that is still stable.

When i look in the mirror, this is what i see.
A fat, hideous failure staring back at me.
Though i try to hide it, i know they always see.
Beneath the makeup and baggy clothes, i'm always going to be me.
Sometimes i can forget, what i am on the surface.
That i have a greater purpose.
But in this world we live in, it's really quite pathetic.
You are judged by your appearance, it's blunt;unapologetic.
So we see little girls, young and sweet, limit or erase the food they eat.
And what about all the others?
Some purge, cut, **** one another.
Is this what the future has in store?
We are better than that. We can do more.

Look, you dumb *****, you did it again!
Going like this, you'll never be thin.
You can't eat a morsel, not one bite.
It's too much grief, you know it's not right.
Look at yourself! Grabbing handfuls of fat!
Nobody wants to be around that.
Break every mirror, skip every meal.
Only then will you be skinny for real.

Something so small and invisible, can't put up any fight.
But little do you know, it's bark is not worse than it's bite.
Once it has control, it can warp your brain.
Usually thought as innocent, it's driving you insane.
The toxins have taken over, your breathing starts to slow.
But there's no mercy; it takes awhile for your body to go.
Breathing becomes shallow, heart begins to skip.
Inside, all your muscles and vitals are taking a dip.
So as your body goes rigid, and the last of your air escapes.
Remember your killer's watching you die, but you never cared to look at their face.

Come on! Just do it; it's been so long.
Come on! Feel the hard blade slip; it's not wrong.
You know you want it. This is what you deserve.
You have no more innocence left to preserve.
Just look at yourself!
Everything you try.
Honey, it will never be enough to get by.
You know i'm powerful; don't stand a chance.
Now feel yourself going under my trance.
So pick up that blade. Get it right now.
You've done this before, you already know how.
Sing in your head that comforting tune.
It eases the pain, for adrenaline runs out soon.
Scrape back and forth, time and again.
Darling, well done! Did you miss your old friend?

Do you know a three letter word?
The simplest thing you ever heard.
Can always turn your day around. Doesn't even involve a sound.
This gesture is stronger than any word.
You may think it's just absurd.
But these tiny letters h-u-g.
Have always had a big affect on me.

When you've been hurting for so long.
Everything around feels so wrong.
It seems as though there's nothing to do.
And there's one thing i can say to you.
No matter how hard, no matter how tough.
You are important.
Never give up.

I was feeling hungry, so i sat down to eat.
Then, i felt his hot, moist breath, it was bittersweet.
I stood by the table, candles, music and all.
The soft, soothing voice became a distant call.
He stepped out of the shadow, and i stared at his mask.
I know he was seducing me, like it was the simplest task.
He slowly danced over, never touching the ground.
If i wouldn't have seen him, i would hear no sound.
His charming aura engulfed me, i could hardly breathe.
Little did i notice that sinister ability to lie and deceive.
He sat me at the table, and gave me a plate of food.
Although i really was hungry, i felt a different mood.
A tingling sensation slid across my neck.
And i saw the knife glistening and what did it reflect?
He had really got me. I almost did the deed.
But another, more powerful force gave me the sense i would need.

Is it completely crazy to say, that sometimes i don't wish to see another day?
Not one more sunset, or rise of the moon.
I want to go home, but my time is not soon.
This world is not for me, it's way too hard.
I'm always alone, scared, and on guard.
I feel so little, helpless and small.
I don't even care about anything at all.
I'm tired of trying, i just want to sleep.
But even that brings no peace, and so i break down and weep.
Dear Lord please help me.
Please be my light.
Be the stars and the moon that shine so brightly in the night.

Swing low, sweet chariot.
Why won't you come take me home?
Swing low, sweet chariot, take me from the horrors i have known.
Oh please! Please sweet chariot.
Take me from this Earth.
A world of hate, a world of hurt.
Help us find rebirth.
Swing low, sweet chariot.
Take me away from this place.
Where we fight to the death, and when the battle is done, can't even look each other in the ******* face!
Oh dear chariot, what have we become?
Nothing is right, and it won't be until we succumb.
Ask the Lord God to forgive what you've done.
Then fight for His troops, and the battle can be won.

I may be young, but i know a lot.
I may be frail, but i'm strong.
I may seem really smart, but i'm not afraid to be wrong.
I may think i have it under control, but inside i'm a wreck.
I may seem like an "overachiever", but that just keeps me in check.
I may be a role model, or a success, when actually i'm a big, ugly mess.
So here's the lesson i'm trying to teach, it won't take much longer
It's perfectly fine to have off days.
They only make you stronger.

Why did you have to leave me?
You don't know how much it hurt.
Took me under your wing, then threw me out like dirt.
Sure maybe i was needy, but you were all i had.
Was any of it real? I needed help so bad.
You served as my mentor, my mother all in one.
And without a single warning, like that it was done.
I've been hurt quite a bit.
But this was really a load of ****.
So i'm done with how worthless you made me feel.
For now, i'm on my own. And the scars are there and real.

The lingering shadow walked through the night.
The moon up above shining so bright.
I watched as her hair billowed in the breeze.
And wondered if beneath that thin gown she would freeze.
But as she moved silently, with grace in each step.
I noticed her soul and how her demons crept.
She kept walking, and while she faded away.
I couldn't help but see, she let her soul stay.

A wise old owl sat on an oak.
The more he saw, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why can't we be like that wise old bird?

Don't you agree, everyone talks too much?
Can't we listen, not talk, just hush.
I think you'd be surprised at all the things you'd hear.
Maybe the silence would draw more people near.
No more hurt feelings, or losing those you love.
Just hush and listen for guidance from above.
You're so busy talking, you can't hear what He says.
Although He's the only reason you're being blessed.
So here is some advice to those who won't shut up.
When you listen, you will learn.
And that should be enough.

Surrounded by the ones you love but no one's really there.
Voices and darkness always fill the air.
You sit in silence, with your head hanging down.
People don't get you, though they're all around.
Deep inside, the dam's about to break.
This time, none of what comes out will be fake.
Just bare, raw feelings; words you'd never say.
Be very careful, i might scare you away.

My heart is quite frail.
It's been broken so much.
It cannot be healed by the gentlest of touch.
Love comes so freely.
But i have to reject.
Only because i built a wall, to shield and protect.
It really is hard.
I feel all alone.
Maybe my heart has turned into stone.
It would make sense; how empty i feel.
And how this pain has turned so real.
I wear my scars outside, but inside as well.
If you just paid close attention, i'm sure you could tell.
But nobody cares about the past.
As soon as the blood stops, they're gone.
It's that fast.
As soon as they're gone, you're back at square one.
All alone, broken hearted, and completely done.

How is it that my secrets never stay that way?
Even though there are things i don't even say.
I'd like to have one little thing that i can call my own.
Something that is just mine, that i've never shown.
You don't have to know everything about me.
Actually, i'd love it if you'd just leave me be.
I don't need you hovering, watching my every move.
I can take care of myself, i don't need you to.
So you deal with your ****, and i'll deal with mine. 
And in the end, we'll still be friends and everything will be fine.

The darkness brought out her soul.
And the demons reigned.

Two arms to keep me safe and warm.
They help to shelter me from the storm.
And through all the pain and all fears,
I know those two arms will always be near.

Two hands that lock me in so tight.
I can sit there and cry when there's no more fight.
And through all the sorrow and the tears.
I can count on those hands to always be near.

Two legs so lightly wrapped around mine.
Slowly but surely they begin to entwine.
As it begins to feel just right.
I slowly drift off into the night.

Do you hear the music playing?
Soft as a lullaby.
So subtle, yet captivating; a tear falls from your eye.

Do you hear the melody?
So calming and sweet.
The music fills you and your heart thuds along with the beat.

Can you feel your naked soul being wrapped in song?
Each note sends a shiver, you haven't felt in so long.

Listen to each note breathe, in perfect harmony.
Find yourself wanting to sing, just set yourself free.

See the lights slowly dim, as you slip away.
Hear the music softly fade, and wait for it to return another day.

One little, two little, three little calories.
Four little , five little, six little calories
Seven little, eight little, nine little calories.
That's all for today.

I was getting better, until i looked at my scars.
Ones on my wrist, my thighs, my arms.
I know what i had gone through.
And let everyone see.
I didn't care to hide it.
It's what i did to me.
But i saw what it was doing to the ones i love.
And i begged the great Lord to help me from above.
It took a lot of patience, but now i know i'm blessed.
When i was dying, God granted my request.
I've been clean four months now, only slipped up once.
But the voices are coming back and they pack quite a punch.
Why do i miss cutting?
All it makes is pain.
I watch the blood, then wonder what did i really gain?
I did it for a reason, not a good one i suppose.
And that reason will remain untold because nobody knows.

I've always been the outcast.
The one that people don't see.
The shy, nerdy little girl who always looks happy.
Then the clouds roll over, the gray skies fill with rain.
That once happy little girl sighs and whimpers in pain.
At first, it's subtle, but then they see the limp.
When asked what's wrong; it's nothing. I'm just being a wimp.
All of a sudden, people notice. And worse, pretend to care.
"Honey, don't do this, it's ok" "if you need me, i'll be there"
Sure now you will. Why not before? I didn't send invitations, but now there's more.
People flood from every direction.
Because of the pain, comes unwanted affection.
You weren't there before, so don't show up now. 
You won't be my hero; just get out.

My hands always shake, because i don't eat. I'm fragile enough to break, but strong; it's bittersweet.
I feel i'm falling apart, i no longer have a heart.
Nothing really matters to me, all i want to do is leave.
The people that i really admire, don't understand my unbearable desire.
Why can't i just be like the rest?
I'm not complaining, i know i'm blessed.
I have just had to struggle for awhile, i want to see the days when i used to smile.
Couldn't i just go away, and not come back until a later day.

To those who say i'm perfect; i do everything right.
You have no idea, how hard i have to fight.
I work towards my goals, but my standards are too high.
And at the end of the day, all i can say is at least i try.
I never can be proud of what i do.
No matter how great it looks to you.
And how about always failing, when everyone else sees it as prevailing.
Say i'm smart; eh maybe.
Say i'm pretty; no, that drives me crazy.
Say that's amazing; i do what i can.
Say you love me; i would've ran.
So no, i'm not perfect. I do nothing right. To me, i'm just a failure; every day and night.

Watch as the water flows, creeping up toward your nose.
Why do i feel i'm drowning? I guess nobody knows.
Voices spinning through my head.
They make me wish that i were dead.
I don't know what to do; i'm hoping i can make it through.
Because i'm falling with no net there and i'm drowning; there's water everywhere!
My lungs are slowly filling, no one can hear my cries.
I have a little problem. But does it end in my demise?

When you enter the vessel, you think it will be great.
This voyage is a long one, and only God knows your fate.
At first it's slow, smooth sailing but then the winds pick up.
The waves begin to rock you, but you can be tough.
This is just a rough patch, sunshine will resume.
Then the wind the waves and darkness show you that you are doomed.
Dark water slaps the sides, get ready for a wild ride.
Now the water is flowing, you gurgle for help but it's still going.
Thunder crashes, lightning strikes.
You are sinking, there's no more fight.
You watch in horror as you hit the ocean floor.
Then comes the blood, you can't take anymore.
The once clear waters; now stained red.
For not all complete their voyage, some give up instead.

Come now dear, tell me your fears; i can make them leave.
All your sadness disappears, there's no more need to grieve.
Come now dear, the path is clear; why don't you believe?
All the things you want the most you will now receive.
Come now dear, wipe that tear; there's no need to be afraid.
You know what you have to do, nothing can persuade.
Come now dear, your time is near; soon you will be sleeping.
Monsters lurk inside your soul, i can end their creeping.
Come right now dear, your time is here; i have come to take you with me.
Soon you'll be up in the sky and you'll see what i see.

What you see on the outside, the shy, nerdy little girl; is only the surface; underneath is a whole different world.
Just listen really well and you can surely tell the silent screams can now be heard; the volume begins to swell.
You realize she's been ignored; now as her mind is being explored; everyone can see her path is one she simply can't afford.
If she kept going the way she had taken.
It would be impossible for her to awaken.
Once her body hit the cold, hard floor, she would be greeted by heaven's open door.

**** this old heart!
It's falling apart.
But it's supposed to be so strong.
All these years hiding deepest fears, knowing they are wrong.
**** you old brain!
Driving me insane; taunting me day and night.
Whispers commands, while guiding my hands to do evil time and time again.

Lock up your feelings, bury your sorrow.
Convince yourself you'll be here tomorrow.
Tough it out, you know you have to.
There are people depending on you.
Maybe there's not an end in sight.
But keep going, put up a fight.
Put on your armor, go grab your shield.
You are a soldier, and life is your battlefield.