I want to be in
your arms.
Buried so deep
in the noise of
your quick
breaths
slowly sliding
between your
teeth.
That my
body quits
functioning
losing everything.

Because barriers
stopped mattering.
Anything.
Everything.
Became the air
disappearing
and dissolving.

Nothing means
anything any
more.
But you.
You are solid.
I'm drowning.
I'm sinking
I've bitten
all the hands
that could
of grabbed me
from the edge.

But you,
you are a
bungee jumping
rope.
And you save me
from rock bottom.
you have always
been plan A
secretly disguised
as plan C.

Sweet heart
we have bad luck.
Always like a
drummers hands
alternating the
attention to a new
infatuation.

But sweetheart
We have bad luck
like waves in the ocean,
I'm trying to pull
you into my current
but you're
much more focused on the
french angelfish
than my bones
and see through skin.

Baby we have
bad luck.
You've shrunk
and I feel your
collar bone dig into
my cheek when you
hug me,
and maybe you're
trying to fit
into my view
because you've
grown so distant
I can hardly see you.

Your silence isn't
making me forget
you, it just makes
your existence ring
in my ears.

I want to feel
your hand slip
past my waist
and feel my
soft skin
as I come undone
under your fingertips
and soft lips
against my
bruised neck.

I want to
explore your
deserts and
the only thing
I have to drink
is your spit
and your sweat.
Visit every niche
of your body
leaving kisses
on each scar
and staying there
for weeks
Hungry for more
and the only thing
I have to eat
is your skin,
and trust me,
I will devour you
until you moan my name.

I could live off just your
touch,
just your love,
but you've been starving
me recently
and leaving me feeling like
a puddle.

Baby we have
bad luck,
So I'll just have
to survive from
feasting my eyes
on you.

1) It's not your fault
2) You did nothing to deserve this
3) It's okay to cry
3) It's okay to cry for hours
3) It's okay to never stop crying
4) the alcohol will not help
   You'll just see them in
   everyone else
5) It's okay to hide inside of yourself
   Just don't dig too deep
   You just find them again
6) They do not control you
   They do not control you
   They do not control you
7) The leaves moving behind you
   are not them
6) they do not control you
7) If you need to run,
   ******* run,
   run until you can't breathe
   run until you can't see
   just run
1) It's not your fault
   It's not your *******
   fault
   don't you dare let anyone
   tell you it's your fault
1) It's. not. your. fault.
2) You did nothing to
   deserve this
   this isn't karma
   biting you in the ***
2) you did nothing to
   deserve this
3) Cry
   cry until you can't
   breathe
   cry until you can't
   see
   cry.
4) The alcohol will not help you
   they are not demons
   you can't drown them
   in whiskey
5) It's okay to get lost in
   yourself
   Try to find yourself again
   I understand they tore down
   everything that was
   real
   just don't dig so deep
   that you lose everything.
6) They don't control you
   I know you still feel
   locked.
   They do not control you
   They don't ******* control you
7) Run,
   find release
8) Don't forget to breathe
9) Build yourself from the ground up
   your legs are strong
   your torso is the exact image of power
   your arms can lift buildings
   your pinkies can pick
   up cars and you
   don't even blink.
   You are strong.
10) Pick yourself
    back up.
    These pieces are yours
    put them where they
    fit
    put them where you want
    them
    put them down
    throw them away
    leave them exactly where
    they are.
    Pick up yourself
    This rubble doesn't
    mean you're broken.
    These ashes just mean
    you are a phoenix and
    you will burn
    who hurt you.
1) This isn't your fault
2) You did nothing to deserve this
3) Cry
4) The alcohol will not help
5) It's okay to get lost inside yourself
6) They do not control you
7) Find release
8) Breathe
9) You are strong
10) You are a phoenix
11) Everything will be okay, you are your own

She smelled like
regret and heart
break.
Cigarette smoke
drifting from
her breath
and I had to
get caught on
her everything
giving me a
nicotine addiction.

Ella Bella

I got addicted
to your strong
jaw
drowned in the
deepness of your voice
drunk on your lips
and now you're
distant...

And
distant is the
worst way
to be

Everything's
all ****** and
I just need your
arms.

But I feel like
during the
time we talked
and saw each
other
was just the
tide coming in
for the last
time.
And as the
moon pulls you
away from
me I have
nothing to do
but think of
what I did
wrong and sip
on some
captain Jerry
hoping she'll
pull my drunk
*** a favor
and bring
you back.

Don’t tell me that I don’t
care
because you weren’t
there.
You weren’t there for my
sleepless nights.
You weren’t there when
my showers turned pink.
You weren’t there when
I sobbed in the kitchen
writing really ******* sad
poetry.
You weren’t there when
I couldn’t breathe because
your name was stuck in
my throat and shattered in
my teeth.
No…
You weren’t there for the
empty embraces I felt
sick for committing.
The empty words
I had to spit out of my mouth
along with ****** teeth.
No…
You weren’t there
for when I cried
myself to sleep
when “I’m sorry”
was all I could mutter.
And your name went
along with it perfectly.
I’m sorry.
You weren’t there
when all my fingers
could do was scroll through
my newsfeed looking for you.
You weren’t there when
all my hands could do
was hold my head as I
was sobbing
when all my hands could
do was curl up into fists
and hit the wall
when all my vocal chords
could do was scream
"I’m sorry!"
You weren't there.

You don’t have enough
evidence to convict
me of not caring.

Don't **** me hard
enough that I forget
my first name,
or even my last name,
or my mother's name.
**** me hard enough
that I forget his.

With all of this resin coating
my lungs I'm surprised
I haven't been charged
with possession.

My 1 bedroom
apartment with 3 people
living in it is kind of a
metaphor for my heart.

Your rotting lungs
and your decaying
smile pull me in
like the lassos your
eyes have hooked around
my waist.
Pulling me closer
with your blinks
your chest and
heavy breaths.

Maybe I don't want to
treated like a princess.
Maybe I'm scared of
what I don't know.
I feel safe with him.
And safe isn't a feeling
I'm familiar with.

Maybe I don't want
to be at ease.
Maybe I want to get
into car wrecks,
hold your hand walking
back to our point A
as the sun shined
brighter and we had
a new appreciation for
life.
leaving the scene before
the EMT's showed
you got whip lash and
I got internal bruising.

We shook in our
boots. but just seeing you
I feel more passion
than I feel making
out with him on the couch.

We live in different dimensions.
Empty embraces,
hormonal rides home,
hopped up on dope,
but it's all empty.
And he says he loves me.
But maybe it's just
infatuation, baby.
And....
I wonder what my
touch feels like in
his dimension.

He says he loves me
but it's the kind of love
that never hurt anybody.

Darling
You didn't put out my flame
it's still here
licking down to my hands
to burn the people
who maim

But that's not the point of my
words today

Today
I'm trying to tell you
that I'm still burning bright
Only because of you
Because that's what you told
Me to do.

I told you
I'm standing in dried concrete
and I swore
I won't move

You replied with "Nice anatomy"
And we laughed our ***** off
because the word 'analogy' failed to
come out of your mouth.

We sat on the back
of your moms car and
stared at the stars

We danced outside
to some stupid song
as the sun slowly came up

Sam
My hurricane
You twirl dangerously
and you spin carelessly
You move out of other peoples way
straight into
destruction.
Because you'd rather
hurt yourself
than mistakenly harm another.

And Sam
My darling.
you deserve much more,
than you've set yourself up for.

Your life is reckless
and dangerous
And honestly,
some of the decisions are pretty stupid.

I'm not one to talk,
But we can be pretty **** sure,
that the good die young.
So long live the reckless and the brave.

'Cause I'm still burning bright.
And some day
I'll write a book
Titled 'My Hurricane'
Talking about those nights.
The ones that kept us both alive.

I am nothing new
just another small
girl with a big
mouth.
Just another blonde
with a loud music taste.
Just another **** that
you don't allow to shut
her legs.
Another shrinking woman
squeezing her waist
begging the number to
go down.

I am nothing new
chained to the floor
some force pushing
the toothbrush farther
down my throat.
Gagging, reeling.
Falling deeper.
Enslaved to an
eternal hunger.
Hating myself is
what I do best.
And I am nothing new.

You said you loved me.
I didn't believe you.
But when I said no,
you listened.
And that's what confused me.
When you were almost in,
and I was on top,
and I changed my mind,
you said okay, and didn't get annoyed.

That day, I decided I loved you more
than anything.
But when you left,
the sky went blank.
The stars went away.
Because why would they stay,
when the person who put them there left.

Why would the sky stay blue,
when you were the one who gave it that hue.
You gave me everything.
And when you left,
it all went away.
I stopped caring,
I went empty.
Every fire you ignited,
went cold.

The little girl you knew died.
The naive one...
That smiled all the time?
She's gone.

And don't even get me started.
On how I tried to find you in every
other guy that caught my eye.
That little girl looked for you,
she laughed
and smiled.
but eventually... she died.

Because you gave her happiness,
and you gave her life.
When she was so depressed,
she just wanted to die.
Because her limbs were lifeless,
until you touched them.
and your touch has long since faded.

He says he loves me.
I believe him.
But when I'm underneath him
and yelling no
he doesn't listen.
He'll shove his hand down my pants,
expecting there'll be no admission.

and I'm tired.
Because you sent fire through my veins,
and he sends ice.

We would kiss for hours
and you wouldn't make a move
until you were sure, that I wanted it.

The first day,
that I hung out with him
his room, was the first part of the tour.
And then it was his bed,
and it was me on top of him,
and my shirt goes off,
and his hand darted for my pants.

2 months together, you and I
and no *** was needed.
He wanted it the first week.
After 2 weeks
and 1 day,
he finally succeeded
and after that, he was never happy.
I was easy to please,
he liked it when I screamed.

Comparing you two,
is never fair.

It makes me miss you more,
and me only despise him.

but reality is,
He loves me, and he's not going to leave.
I love you, and you're long gone.

But no, was never a word in my vocabulary,
as much as it is now,
until I met him.
I say it at least 50 times, and he still doesn't listen.

"It's not **** unless you like it."
I guess, I can't blame him.
Because when he gets in.
I don't even try to fight it.

Please,
Just explain to me,
why when I think of
you, it sends shivers down
my spine.
Why I can't get rid of you.
You see, I have a habit
of remembering you.

How your nicotine
ashtray kisses tasted.
When you were on
ecstasy and the wind
got you excited.
How whiskey tastes like
the sweat on your neck
as I kissed it off.

You see, when you left
I had to quit cold turkey.
When what I needed
was to be weaned.
The addiction stayed
and you are the ******
my veins crave.

When did I lose my
innocence?
Was it when I let
the tab melt and
dissolve on my tongue
as my face went
numb?

Was it when I let
the water bubble
pulled out the bowl
and inhaled?

Or was it when
I rolled up my
first dollar bill?

It might've been you.
When you held me
down and ignored
my no's.

What ever it
is, I still smiled
when I met
you.

Now with alcohol
staining my tongue
and nicotine
rotting in my
teeth, your name
still lives perfectly
in my mouth.
I don't know
what's doing the
worst damage.
You?
Or all these drugs?

All of your toxicity
burning my lips.
Pills churning my stomach.
You are still there.

No matter
what stranger
I kiss
you are
still there.

I've begun to
think, you've
taken my all
and still
unsatisfied
you had to poison
my body.
burn and
monitor my
mouth. watching
to see if I'd
sell you out
for what
you've done
to me.

There is anger
vibrating through your bones.
There are explosions
bottled inside of you.
when will you feel whole?

I feel like me being loud mouthed
and wide minded
sets you off.
And in a matter of seconds
I'm the target of your fire.

I'm in love with a bomb.
There is no way out
with hatred.
There is no way out
with anger.
There is no way out
with fire.

When he is angry
it is his hand
on your hip. Squeezing.
When he is angry
it is his hand
in yours gripping.
Air-tight. There is no getting away
from a nuclear bomb.

Studies show
that a woman
will look for a man most like her father.
Which explains your temper.
Which explains why I can't look away
when you go off and pop like a firework.

I am in love with a bomb.
And I sat down
and locked arms with it.
When I decided that I wanted to love you forever.
When you went off
you obliterated me.
and gave me eternal youth.
Taking away every strip of innocence
clothing
and skin.
You set my world on fire.
Made me feel alive
while dying.
And I have no way to thank you for that.
I don't even know if
I should
thank you.

but here I am on my knees
begging for your forgiveness
for something so stupid.
For something so pathetic.
While you continue to belittle me.

I am in love with a bomb.
And when he went off
he engraved so many words into my mind
and "I don't love you"
were only some of them.

I just got in a wreck
and I am
so
*******
happy to be alive.

If somebody asked me
what arsenic was,
I'd just turn around
and point at you.