I am the girl in the corner
The one you simply don’t see
Years of perfected camouflage
So you will never notice me

I don’t make any ripples
Wouldn’t dare step out of line
Nobody can hear my voice
I hope that they will sometime

I live in a world of fear
I’m not sure why I’m afraid
I have found inside my head
The place where nightmares are made

A place buried deep within
Filled full of darkness and dread
Breaching the edge of reason
And icy cold like the dead

Visions writhing and ghostly
Fleeting outside of my grasp
Yet returning to haunt me
I breathe pain in a silent gasp

I want to be comfortably numb
All the way down to my core
Not to feel all this heartache
Not to know hurt anymore

Pills and ***** can’t save me
Why can’t you hear when I scream
Desperate depressed and lost
In a land of broken dreams

I wear a porcelain
mask. Hiding bruised and
bleeding skin.

On days when the
camouflage becomes too
wearisome I hide.

I let darkness back in
cloaking a desolate body
in cold, bitter solitude. 

I want to drop the mask,
let you see the the melancholy heart
underneath. I am lonely.

Have you ever wondered if this world is the actual
hell we live in and if we are being tested
by how well we deal?
We are living in a place where pain, suffering,
and then ultimately death are of everyday existence
I understand that perception is everything here
and this world is an illusion generated by our perception
I am not trying to be a downer but the more I live
in this world the more I see it as a nightmare
that some days I just want to wake up from

This is not coming from my religious beliefs and I am
not saying that I am not grateful for everything I do have
Compared to a lot of other people in this world I do not
have it so bad and I know this.  This is coming from
a thought process I have been trying to come to terms with

Is there a bright light at the end of this very dark tunnel?
Of course we all have different journey's to take to get us
to that tunnel but while we are here our paths do cross from
time to time and we all have some of the same pains
sufferings and even death to overcome

My point is this...
We are all living in this hell together
Let's get through this hell together
This thought has become a shining
Ray of light in this dark
Find some comfort in this
and
Perhaps there is hope for us all

Why is it that
this present moment
is never enough
Who you are
Where you are
What you have
is never enough

It’s as if every day
we wake up saying
“If I could just be that,
If I could just go there,
If I could just have this,
then I’ll be happy”

Yet this allows us
to sabotage our ability
to feel content
in the present
To look around
and grovel in the beauty
of progress and growth
that gets us through
each passing day

It’s hard to not let the yearning
for an unknown future
overpower the appreciation
for today
But maybe if I open my eyes
a little wider
and open my mind
a little bigger
every day
I won’t always be waiting
to be happy