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The hardest thing I've ever done
is try to convince myself you're not the one
while we continue to go on as friends
knowing we'll never have what we once did, again.
© 2013 Jene'e Patitucci

I am going to make this into something else, the last 2 lines sicken me.
you've died
but
someone's still walking around
in your skin
© 2013 Jene'e Patitucci
Cool, calm and collected,
She took a leap of faith,
Kissed the pavement.
Exhibit A: Strong messages can be conveyed with few words.
My brain has been infected with memories of years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to smell you again
I want to sense you again

Half of my body lies next to me and half of it lies next to you
Half of my heart is in a jar and half of it in a tomb

My mind is split and I regress into years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to surprise you again
I want to inspire you again

Half of my soul is black and blue and half of it is gray
Half of my stomach is on the floor and half of it in my chest

My love is broken and belongs to years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to lie with you again
I want to lie to you again
just found these poems hidden in a secret part of my computer haha i don't remember writing them

© 2012 Jene'e Patitucci
 Jun 2016 Melissa Adkins
heather
I've been waiting for the day
that my footsteps
are quiet enough
for me to walk across the room
and not make a sound.

I've been waiting for the day
that the only thing
you can hear
when I sit down
are my bones clicking
against themselves.

and I've been waiting for the day
that I can look at myself
and not want
to make myself sick
because of the way
I see myself.

see,
I don't have
the best perception
of life
or anything, really
I can't tell you
what is real and
what is fantasy
but I can tell you
that my days
are getting shorter
and my time
is running out
and I want you to know
that I have never felt
more loved
than when I was
cuddled up
safe and sound
in your arms.
 Feb 2014 Melissa Adkins
August
I wish I were a cigarette
Perched in-between your perfect arched lips
Breathe me into you
I'll swirl in smoke tendrils around your face
And then I'll happily fade away
Until you light up another later
Being your bad habit isn't so bad
If that's what I am to you,
I'll take it
Amara Pendergraft 2013
 Feb 2014 Melissa Adkins
August
You're at the bottom of this bottle
I think I'll find you when it's empty
And if you're not there hiding
I'll toss back another and another
Until you're sitting down there for me, waiting
Amara Pendergraft 2013
 Feb 2014 Melissa Adkins
August
God, you are pitiful

Brush your hair behind your ear

What's the point?

Show your pretty smile

You're not pretty, people like you aren't pretty

Look interested in him/her, draw their attention

No one would be interested in you, even if they were, they'd realize you're pathetic

They are interest-

No they're not

But they are looking back at  yo-

Turn away before you embarrass yourself, you're an embarrassment

You are love-

You're disgusting, dull

No, you are beau-

Yes, you are a failure

No, you-

Just give up

Don't g-

You are worthless in every sense of the word

Plea-

Shut up

No one*  *wants you.
Amara Pendergraft 2014

Lately.
In a peculiar, far off, world, time and place,
The trivial past would be irrelevant, chased away then erased.
Contrary to the reality of distorted lies in front of my face,
These eyes cannot mask fraudulence or disgrace.
Chasing them down with a trace of a defaced case of toxic waste,
I pace as my thoughts race of the time that’s left until I dissipate.
Looking into the murky vase with dying flowers desperate to be replaced,
Misplaced to the one who’d obliterate the beauty I once embraced.

Within my sorrow I woke, shattered love replaced with a heart no longer broke.
Soaked with what I could never cope, I felt passion and choked on my once false hope.
This vision evoked a note; a call of duty for you, my eternity to devote.
Instinctively I knew, the words stuck in my throat, but blindly every incline eventually has a *****.
Surrounded by mirrors shielded with smoke,
As we stared we shared yet nothing we spoke.
Your presence was felt but disguised with a cloak,
Confined in your skin, comfortably lost afloat, for your soul I searched to perpetually stroke.

With blurred vision I envisioned, stood silent, anxious of your condition,
Division of indecision was nothing less than your frightened inquisition.
A hallucination on a mission of who was out to hurt you with consistence,
I understood as you tried to piece together the suspicion of our composition.
Guarded and in position to react upon intuition then the smoke disappeared and you saw our reflection.
No longer was my presence an imposition now in recognition you accepted the ignition of a united evolution.
Successful revision disposed internal superstition,
Our collision created a premonition for our future decisions of precision.

The past’s paths we chose were restricted to our addiction and careless indifference,
The assistance of negative influence stripped us of our innocence.
Blood shot eyes, negligence of appearance, abstracted resistance only creating distance.
Ambiguous and inexperienced, taking shots and hits in an instance,
Distorted images, lacking clarity, the abuse of substance left an absence of existence.
Building tolerance whilst sabotaging resilience, guilty and unable to admit repentance,
Without a witness, secret and safe, no justice to serve and no one to listen.
A mission incomplete and persistent,
We continue to envelope in our disappearance.

In the seam of my sickness I submerge within these contaminated nerves,
Fearing the silence with thirst not to be disturbed,
But absurdly I yearned your unhealthy and perplexed words to be heard,
My tender nature reserved an exclusive place to keep you conserved,
Unstable but concerned I’d preserve you like an herb,
I slurred for forgiveness but observed perhaps this was my turn,
But with your freedom you turned away and flew away like a bird.
Now relentless and pure I burn the surface of my figure, no intent to return.

Yet once we were young, wild and free,
Conducting our train with no fear of where we’d soon be,
The sweet breeze guaranteed the destination with ease,
Imagination without knowledge, amid glee and degree,  
We’d dive and rise above the salty sea,
Later meet beneath that tree with belief the starry sky we’d seize,
Through the debris you still held in your hand the key,
And we’d conquer our dreams, what we sought and believed.

But as I’ve grown within my questioning dome,
My home of stones has nothing to be shown,
Prone to disown my weakened skin and bones,
Candidly I pacify the clone I’ve never known.
In hopes to be flown far ahead of this zone,
I’d hover above in a whispering tone, draining my disease as it’s blown.
My soul will glisten and roam, looking down at my new golden throne,
As I’ve postponed to recognize the beauty of the Earth & my own – No longer shall I be alone.

— The End —