Dear God,
I pray you bring me someone who adores me.
Who loves all the small irrelivant things about me and finds them completely relevant.
Who will ask me if its okay every time.
Who respects my opinions and beliefs even if he may not understand them.
Who will never belittle me by mentioning another girl.
Who won't provoke me for sport.
Who will appreciate the things I do for them especially if they become compromising.
Who will put my feelings and anxieties first if they pertain to their control.
Who will never make me worry about them for a minute.
Who won't make me question if it's okay to be mad about.
Who doesn't make me feel crazy except in a good way.
And most of all I pray that he will love you more than me.

What am I going to do when this is a real thing.
When I'm forced to notice you aren't there.
That you're never coming back.
I'm in so much pain.
So much fear and anxiety.
I just want to know you're going to come back this fall.
That you're not actually going away forever.
You're my best friend.
I don't understand.
I don't want to imagine this without you.
I'm terrified that I know you won't show up.
How is it that I'm never going to see you again.
It just hit me and I feel like I'm dying on the inside.
God please help I'm so afraid.
I still love you so much.
We were supposed to be together every night.
Waking up with one another in the morning.
But everything we talked about isn't happening because you left me.
And you won't ever be back.

I miss you so much. And I want to tell you and I want you to know I still love you somehow.
But what would be the point in even telling you.
You're something I want to move on from.
But something I wanted forever.
Your existence is bittersweet.
I've moved on.
But the memories haunt my dreamery.
Also telling me of the things I fear the most with you.
I want to be there for you, but why won't you be there for me?
Come back.
Be mine.
I hate that I love you so much.
And I couldn't explain one reason why I feel such a thing for you.

How can I possibly be hurt by you when God is standing by my side holding my hand, comforting me that in the end we've already won.