You say that loving someone  is loving their weaknesses..
How could I have loved yours,
When I had never yet encountered my own?

I was simply a girl,
Looking from behind a too-clean window at the world,
Thinking love was soft laughter and perfect timing—
Little did I know that
It was grace in holding someone that may not know how to be held.

I had no idea how to love this way.
Now I do.

Because I know now what weakness is.
I wear it like second skin.
My weakness is the tremble in my voice when I say, "I'm fine,"
It's the quiet collapse of my spirit when no one's watching.
It's the way some days all I want is to be held-
not fixed,
not saved,
just held.

And I wish-
I wish you had loved my weakness, too.
I wish you had held me where I didn't know how to hold us.
I wish you had stayed when I grew small and stopped being easy to love.

Even one word from you back then.
Would have folded me-
Not in fear,
But in surrender.
In that soft aching way a soul gives in to the one it knows.

But you didn't say it.
And I didn't wait.
Maybe both of us were just scared-
Me of not being enough,
And you of having to carry too much.

But what I do know is-
I would have bent like those wild sunflowers in your sunshine!

There's a kind of lonely that silence cannot contain,
There is a cavity that resonates with untold stories.
It's not the kind when the room stands still
It's when your heart stands still
against your will.

That is the time you laugh as if it should be,
You give  everything without asking it for,
You're supposed to wear every feeling
As part of the task;
Yet oh, how you scream
For someone to simply see
That underneath that façade of a girl,
Lays the soul that aches to be free.

Free to be held,
Without an earned grace,
To be missed without any airing of words,
To claim her rightful space.
To be cared for in stillness
And not just when soaked in pain-
To be loved when there's sunshine
And be held when it's rain!

You crave softness, the one that listens and stays;
Not one that comes visiting just on your shining days.
You're so tired of stretching out and trying to cope;
You want arms wrapping you in wordless hope.

It's not loud, it is just lonely;
It doesn't scream.
It hums,
Under the laughter,
Between the footsteps,
Awkward in-between moments that no one sees but you.

It's the aching of invisible eyes,
Of words swallowed
Because no one is truly listening.
Because reaching started feeling,
Feeling Like begging.
It's like falling asleep
With a heart too full
Of everything unsaid.
Waking up to a world
That spins just fine
Without ever really looking at you.

He sees the baby giggle—
but not the hours I spend unraveling,
shaking and trembling all the time,
shushing a child while screaming inside,
wondering if I’ll ever feel like me again.

He turns on the TV, drink in hand,
free to zone out, escape,
while I pick up the pieces of a day
he barely notices.
He gets to choose what part of parenting fits him—
the cuddles, the milestones,
the moments that photograph well.
I live in the in-between,
in the quiet, soul-crushing maintenance
of keeping everything from falling apart.

I suffer in silence,
drowning in a thousand small chores
that no one counts but me—
laundry folded,
bottles washed,
emotions swallowed.

He sees freedom as a drink and a show
and a night out with friends but
I see it as five minutes
in the bathroom
with the door shut.

He sees me as the mother—
but not the woman I used to be,
the one who danced,
who laughed too loud,
who wasn’t always
tired and tender and invisible.

He doesn’t see the postpartum fog
that still clings to my skin,
the intrusive thoughts I battle daily—
uninvited shadows
whispering worst-case fears
while I am feeding the baby
smile through the ache,
keep going anyway.

When he lifts a finger,
he is praised—
a “great dad.”
When I do the same
a hundred times over,
it’s just expected.
It’s my duty.
It doesn’t even register.

Even my basic needs
have become luxury now
I can’t remember the last time I showered
I forget to eat
when I am feeding the child
and
I scroll thru my past life-
that I no longer feel part of,
watching the world thru a window
that I cant open.

Some days, I want to disappear—
not for drama, not for revenge,
but because I’m so tired
I can’t see the edge from the middle.
I think about dying.
And then I see his face—
my baby’s face
and think what would he do without me
and I stay!
Even when its so hard to.

He doesn’t see that
this love, this labor,
has cost me pieces of myself
no one ever asked about.

But I see it.
I feel it in my bones.
And one day,
I hope that I will be more than just what’s expected.
I will be whole again.
And I won’t need anyone to see me
to know that I matter.

Once upon a time
there were these two beautiful creatures
A Fish and A Bird.
They met where the water meets the sky
The Horizon!
He waited at the surface
And she circled above.
They reached and touched
but
she couldn’t hold water
and he couldn’t breathe air
So they dreamed..
Dreamed of living in the middle ..
Middle of the sky and ocean
But little did they know
there is no middle between
the sky and the sea ..
so they said goodbye
without saying it and
kept loving from afar, from a distance!

When you were my Yes;
In a world full of Nos
You were the only calm I knew
Before I knew how it felt to lose,
You were the open sunny skies
Before I knew the cold winter
The way we stitched stars to our dreams…
And the way you didn’t have to ask my heart
I just recognized it on my own!
Our love was so loud..
Wild and fierce and untamed..
but It could not get louder than the voices…
the voices I was raised to obey..
and voices built cages to tame its flame
which is why the fire dimmed….
And even when I walked away
It broke me in pieces where noone could see!
And ever since I have worn silence;
I have worn silence like second skin
But you have lived in every quiet that I entered
Memories of you crawl to me
They find me in my every breath
They find me in my shadow
and just like that
I carry you like my breath
which I dont know to exhale-
I am just an endless tide pulled trembling to your hidden shore.

When I said I hated you,
I was begging myself to believe it.
Because loving you
when you no longer loved me
felt like standing in a storm,
waiting for a door that would never open.

I didn’t want to let go—
God, I didn’t.
But you had already left,
with your silence, your distance,
your eyes that stopped looking at me
like I was home.

So I said the only words
that could keep my heart
from crawling back to you:
I hate you.

But what I meant was:
Please, don’t go.
What I meant was:
I love you still, and I don’t know how to stop.

I wish you knew
how hard I try to seem okay.
How I laugh with people
but feel the emptiness echo back.
How I say I’m over you,
then break when your favorite song plays
in the middle of a crowded room.

I miss you—
every single day,
in ways I can’t admit out loud.
In the space beside me in bed,
in the way I still check my phone
hoping for a name
that won’t ever appear again.

You were my forever.
And I let you go
because I thought I had no choice.
Because I was too proud
or too scared
or maybe too late.

And if there’s one truth I carry now,
it’s this:
I didn’t stop loving you.
I only stopped saying it.

Maybe in another life,
I’ll be braver.
Maybe you’ll stay.
Maybe we’ll meet again
without wounds, without fear—
just love.

But if this is all there is,
if this life is the only one we get,
then know this:
I never stopped choosing you—
even when I had to walk away.

Love doesn’t mean
I stay broken where you left me.
You were that winter storm
and now that the skies are clear
I am unshaken
unremoved,
reborn from the wreckage.
Your words?
They pierced
and they were stuck with me for a
long time.. but;
I have let go of it all,
the ache, the hope
the thousand what ifs
that chained me to your ghost
I have dropped it all
like dead weight from my shoulders :)
I have burned the bridges
drowned the ashes
and salted the ground
where your shadow lingered.
Your hatred?
It used to crack the walls inside me,
Now it just brushes past
like wind against stone
I don’t flinch
I don’t feel
This is not rage
but this is just absence
You are nothing in my chest now
no flicker, no flame
just frost on a name I don’t say anymore!
I do not glance back
Not for a memory
Not for a may be
Not the girl I used to be
when I still flinched at your name.
I have left you behind- forever,
No pause, No softness, No Glimpse.