The day continues,
yet, you remain lingering
in the quiet corners of my mind—
like sunlight that remains
long after the clouds have rained…

I drink my coffee slowly,  
as if extending time and thinking may be,
it will somehow pull you nearer,
but the minutes only
slip through my fingers.

If distance had a taste,
it would be bittersweet,
and I think I would drink it anyway my love,
just to keep you warm on my lips <3

I cannot sleep without finding you,
and when I find you,
in my dreams…
I search in the dream
for evidence that it is real—
your voice, your hand,
the way you look at me.
Then relief washes over me,
and I am certain
you have returned for good this time.

But then,morning is cruel.
I wake to only the impression of you
in the pillow,
and the absence of your heartbeat
in the silence!!

And So I just wish..
I wish it so much that
To drift forever in those dreams
Where my head is in that shoulder of yours
Where you are always and
you just never leave..
and My love for you..
never has to wake <3

Yes, it was love but not in the storybook way,
It was something quieter, older,
Like he carried an image of me that I'd forgotten existed….

His gaze was a slow-burning confession,
It met mine like a secret too sacred for words.  
And I? I collapsed inward…
Folding like parchment beneath the heat of something;
Something I couldn’t name, but felt like remembering a place I’d never been to…

He ruined me;
But so gently…
And After him,
Everything just felt too loud, too careless, too easy….

No, he never loved me loudly
but  he saw me in the stillness between seconds..
And
That was just enough to make the whole world blur.  

He ruined me ;
But not with cruelty but with love,
With the skill of someone who sees what is fragile and doesn’t flinch….

After him, the world moved on, but nothing fit the same;
Words felt heavy where his silence once hummed…..
He was not a storm…
He was the stillness that came after everything changed and no one noticed.  

He was the boy who ruined me;
Ruined me in the most beautiful way…
And oh!
what would I give to be ruined just like that again………… <3

You say that loving someone  is loving their weaknesses..
How could I have loved yours,
When I had never yet encountered my own?

I was simply a girl,
Looking from behind a too-clean window at the world,
Thinking love was soft laughter and perfect timing—
Little did I know that
It was grace in holding someone that may not know how to be held.

I had no idea how to love this way.
Now I do.

Because I know now what weakness is.
I wear it like second skin.
My weakness is the tremble in my voice when I say, "I'm fine,"
It's the quiet collapse of my spirit when no one's watching.
It's the way some days all I want is to be held-
not fixed,
not saved,
just held.

And I wish-
I wish you had loved my weakness, too.
I wish you had held me where I didn't know how to hold us.
I wish you had stayed when I grew small and stopped being easy to love.

Even one word from you back then.
Would have folded me-
Not in fear,
But in surrender.
In that soft aching way a soul gives in to the one it knows.

But you didn't say it.
And I didn't wait.
Maybe both of us were just scared-
Me of not being enough,
And you of having to carry too much.

But what I do know is-
I would have bent like those wild sunflowers in your sunshine!

There's a kind of lonely that silence cannot contain,
There is a cavity that resonates with untold stories.
It's not the kind when the room stands still
It's when your heart stands still
against your will.

That is the time you laugh as if it should be,
You give  everything without asking it for,
You're supposed to wear every feeling
As part of the task;
Yet oh, how you scream
For someone to simply see
That underneath that façade of a girl,
Lays the soul that aches to be free.

Free to be held,
Without an earned grace,
To be missed without any airing of words,
To claim her rightful space.
To be cared for in stillness
And not just when soaked in pain-
To be loved when there's sunshine
And be held when it's rain!

You crave softness, the one that listens and stays;
Not one that comes visiting just on your shining days.
You're so tired of stretching out and trying to cope;
You want arms wrapping you in wordless hope.

It's not loud, it is just lonely;
It doesn't scream.
It hums,
Under the laughter,
Between the footsteps,
Awkward in-between moments that no one sees but you.

It's the aching of invisible eyes,
Of words swallowed
Because no one is truly listening.
Because reaching started feeling,
Feeling Like begging.
It's like falling asleep
With a heart too full
Of everything unsaid.
Waking up to a world
That spins just fine
Without ever really looking at you.

He sees the baby giggle—
but not the hours I spend unraveling,
shaking and trembling all the time,
shushing a child while screaming inside,
wondering if I’ll ever feel like me again.

He turns on the TV, drink in hand,
free to zone out, escape,
while I pick up the pieces of a day
he barely notices.
He gets to choose what part of parenting fits him—
the cuddles, the milestones,
the moments that photograph well.
I live in the in-between,
in the quiet, soul-crushing maintenance
of keeping everything from falling apart.

I suffer in silence,
drowning in a thousand small chores
that no one counts but me—
laundry folded,
bottles washed,
emotions swallowed.

He sees freedom as a drink and a show
and a night out with friends but
I see it as five minutes
in the bathroom
with the door shut.

He sees me as the mother—
but not the woman I used to be,
the one who danced,
who laughed too loud,
who wasn’t always
tired and tender and invisible.

He doesn’t see the postpartum fog
that still clings to my skin,
the intrusive thoughts I battle daily—
uninvited shadows
whispering worst-case fears
while I am feeding the baby
smile through the ache,
keep going anyway.

When he lifts a finger,
he is praised—
a “great dad.”
When I do the same
a hundred times over,
it’s just expected.
It’s my duty.
It doesn’t even register.

Even my basic needs
have become luxury now
I can’t remember the last time I showered
I forget to eat
when I am feeding the child
and
I scroll thru my past life-
that I no longer feel part of,
watching the world thru a window
that I cant open.

Some days, I want to disappear—
not for drama, not for revenge,
but because I’m so tired
I can’t see the edge from the middle.
I think about dying.
And then I see his face—
my baby’s face
and think what would he do without me
and I stay!
Even when its so hard to.

He doesn’t see that
this love, this labor,
has cost me pieces of myself
no one ever asked about.

But I see it.
I feel it in my bones.
And one day,
I hope that I will be more than just what’s expected.
I will be whole again.
And I won’t need anyone to see me
to know that I matter.

Once upon a time
there were these two beautiful creatures
A Fish and A Bird.
They met where the water meets the sky
The Horizon!
He waited at the surface
And she circled above.
They reached and touched
but
she couldn’t hold water
and he couldn’t breathe air
So they dreamed..
Dreamed of living in the middle ..
Middle of the sky and ocean
But little did they know
there is no middle between
the sky and the sea ..
so they said goodbye
without saying it and
kept loving from afar, from a distance!

When you were my Yes;
In a world full of Nos
You were the only calm I knew
Before I knew how it felt to lose,
You were the open sunny skies
Before I knew the cold winter
The way we stitched stars to our dreams…
And the way you didn’t have to ask my heart
I just recognized it on my own!
Our love was so loud..
Wild and fierce and untamed..
but It could not get louder than the voices…
the voices I was raised to obey..
and voices built cages to tame its flame
which is why the fire dimmed….
And even when I walked away
It broke me in pieces where noone could see!
And ever since I have worn silence;
I have worn silence like second skin
But you have lived in every quiet that I entered
Memories of you crawl to me
They find me in my every breath
They find me in my shadow
and just like that
I carry you like my breath
which I dont know to exhale-
I am just an endless tide pulled trembling to your hidden shore.