It's hard.
Seeing you every day and forgetting.
I forget how to frown,
How to walk,
How to start a simple conversation.

All I have to say is hi.
Is that too much?
Should start with a witty pickup line instead?
No, that's way too much.

Should I comment on how I like your shoes?
Or how good you are at playing your instrument?
Or how good your hair looks in the wind?
Or how your jokes are funnier than you think?

Should I start a conversation with,
Something from the situation,
Or stick to the basics,
Plan it out in my head?

Should I say hi or hello
Be upbeat or mellow.
I'm happy to be talking to you,
But I don't want to be creepy.

Should I just smile in your direction
And pretend I'm not melting,
When you smile at me,
And turn back to what you're doing.

I just want to talk to you,
Why can't it be simple?
Why can't I start a conversation?

Maybe tomorrow,
I can start with hi.

I've never known how to start a conversation,
Never once in my life.
I've never thought that conversation,
Is like a poem but harder to write.

You start with hello,
Or maybe a hi,
And you go somewhere because of someone in your life.

Poems are like stories that take much less time.
It seems a bit easier it doesn't have to rhyme.
My friends say they've tried it,
But to no avail.

I wonder what they'd do if I told them they could do it.
That writing is just like talking,
You can just write what you're thinking.

It doesn't have to rhyme or flow,
Sure that's nice but it might not be you.
Some poetry is out of order and couldn't rhyme if it had to.

Some poems,
Like this one,
Have different numbers of stanzas.

Different pieces of thought,
Pushed into something almost organized.
Poems don't need to be organized at all.

Some poems,
Like this one,
Aren't even a little bit organized.
They don't rhyme, or flow.

But they're pieces of you,
Thrown onto a page,
Ready for someone to read.
Or just ready for someone to ignore.

Dear Corona,
I would like to write this letter to you to express my absolute contempt at your taking over of our world. The death needs to stop. All the people you are removing from their jobs and the pay that thus keeps them afloat. All the people stuck in their homes without the medical attention they need because something bigger and stronger is out there.
I am angry. I am absolutely outraged at the way the citizens of my species have been treated. As a senior in high school, I have been removed from many people I love.
I will never get a senior prom. It's up in the air whether my graduation will take place online. Whether I will ever have a commencement. Whether I will ever have a chance with the boy I like before I leave. I may never have a graduation party, and I barely got a senior musical. I may never get a senior season in the sport I love most. I may not see my friends again until it's too late and we all have to say goodbye, until we meet again, which may be never.
But none of that is what I am angry about.
I am angry that you took away my knowledge. I never knew my lasts were my last. My last musical performance. My last dance at prom. My last hello to my best friend. My last walk through the halls of my school. My last hello to my teachers. I didn't even know they were my last. I said "See you on Monday." I said "I'm excited to do this again." I walked out, without a single thought of whether I would walk back in. I walked out of my last practice, my last class, and my last day. And I didn't even know it yet. You didn't even let me know.
Dearly Signed,
One Person,
Out of Millions Who You Have Made Feel Like This

P.S. You ****

She was your water,
But I could see the salt.

She was your heartbeat,
But I'd spilled the blood.

She was your siren,
But I was the shipmate.

She was your song,
But I knew all the words.

She was your heaven,
But I'd faced the hell.

She was your star,
But I could feel the heat.

She was the moon,
And I was Mercury.

I was always closer,
But she always felt the light.

I was your best friend,
But she was yours.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.

Maybe that silence seems awkward.
Maybe it's not.

Maybe it's just empty space.
Maybe it's devoid of everything that could fill it.

Maybe it's just lacking sound.
Maybe the wanting to speak is still there.


Silence isn't always empty space.

A scared little girl,
She walked into the room.
She saw the lady,
Sitting at the table.

This was a test.
The table covered in instruments.
She sat down in a chair, across the desk
Picking up the silver flute.

She put her mouth to it and tried to blow,
But the breath flew through with the sound
Of wind on lightly battered silver.
The girl set it down, saddened.

The lady nodded and wrote something,
handing her a slip.
The girl looked down and saw,
The name of the silver flute.

I don't know why I haven't been
Struck with inspiration in weeks.
I have plenty I could write about
I don't have a lot of stress.

I've been happier,
Recently.

Maybe I can only write about heartbreak
And pain
And strife
And growth out of it.

But my growth is still happening.
If myself now had talked to my self of three months ago,
I would be surprised.

I'm confident,
Even though the thing I'd been dreading,
It came.

The things I thought would challenge me,
They did.

The things I thought I could conquer,
I couldn't.

The people I thought I could trust,
I couldn't.

But I moved on.
So did everyone else.

Everything that's happened in the last month,
The last year,
The last five years,
It all built something stronger.

I promise, we know,
We aren't perfect people, but we fight.
To make ourselves better,
Teenagers don't always think they're right.

We write sometimes, and it's deep.
Maybe about something ever so small.
It's not even a thought you'd want to keep.
But to us, it means it all.

We haven't had enough years of living.
You've many more turns round the sun.
But here you can find us still and we're giving,
Pieces of ourselves to everyone.

We're just like you,
We're brave and we're strong,
We fight for our lives
And we fight all along.

We fight for the people who were with us before,
And we fight for the people who one day will be no more,
And we fight for the people who were robbed of their future,
And we fight for the people who will be someone else tomorrow.

We stand for the people who've lived before us,
But also for the future of people just like us.

The world says we'll lead you,
Through storms of change,
But know that we're scared too,
The world ahead is strange.

But the thing we need you to understand most,
Is we're trying our best,
And so we hope,

You won't break us down,
You'll instead build us up.
We need your support
As much as you need our hope.

And for the generation that comes after,
I hope you can lead us too.
Because we aren't perfect,
But we were just like you.

There's this feeling.
In the pit of my stomach.
It makes me kind of think,
Something will definitely go wrong.

I had plans today.
Things I could have done.
People I could have talked to.
But now I'll just play dumb.

I wish I could make it go.
Fly away, fall like the sun.
I needed something to make me strong.
Not something that makes my anxiety strong.

It hasn't disappeared yet.
It's been making me fret.
It's been several hours.
It's not like somebody brought me flowers.

I shouldn't feel like I'm nauseous.
I feel like I'm at a loss.
What could I have done that would have been a total failure today?
What kind of button would have pressed play,
On all my bad luck?

Maybe tomorrow I can use my luck.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Maybe I won't feel like a crook,
Every time I start a single letter.

IN THIS CORNER:
A hard-hitting, man-breaking machine,
Who has a long history of breaking its opponents.
A history that includes tearing its opponents apart from the inside,
Making them have mental breakdowns in the ring,
And making sure they stay down for the count.
This is ANXIETY!!

AND IN THIS CORNER:
One (1) high school girl with a bad history full of toxic friends,
Unsupportive family members,
And mental breakdowns.
She's 5'1",
180 pounds,
And ready to take on anxiety with all she has.

OOH!
Anxiety comes in with its famous hard-hitting blow:
Leaving for college.

AND ANOTHER!
Another famous move,
Following in the footsteps of a friend of its,
Social anxiety!!

The girl is down.
She's too tired to fight.

WILL SHE GET UP?
WILL SHE KEEP FIGHTING?
TUNE IN AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK TO FIND OUT.

Sometimes you feel you shouldn't say anything
Sometimes you feel like you need to say everything.
But being who you are you can't.
If you did you would barely stand.

Some people make you feel small and congested
Others they make you feel your life is a blessing.
But you know that you're already beaten.
You convince yourself you're not a ******.

People tell you you're quiet and you need to speak up,
You get hurt and stay quiet but they don't tell you you're tough.
You stop talking for a while and people don't ask you what's wrong
Because you're usually that quiet, even for this long.

It's tough being a shy kid, growing up that way.
People always assume you don't have much to say.
But then we can surprise them, with poems like this
We can tell them something different, even though we're just kids.

Some days you feel like you need to write something.
I know I'm not relatable, don't be too worried.
But today is one of those days where writing nothing,
Feels like betrayal hurried.

Some days you wish you could disappear.
I can't decide whether today is one of those days or not.
My crush disappears at 1:55 I fear,
But it's not like I ever enter his thoughts.

But some days aren't like that.
Some days you think there's nothing at all.
When in reality your mind is filled with chitchat.
You feel ready to fall
Right out of your seat
But that's alright.

Lunch sounds kind of boring,
But I suppose it's the people there who count.
My friends are always kind of alluring
They're some of the best people I've found.

You think someday someone will sit next to you
And you'll know it's them,
But you realize few
People find it's them.

I'm one of those people who finds the empty parts of the hallway to walk in.
Luckily, my friends are too, so I'll see them there, in the empty parts of the hallway.

People have told me
For every year since I could talk,
That when you find THE ONE,
You'll forget your own name.

But if I forget how to talk,
How can you help me sing?
If I forget how to breathe,
How can I laugh?

If my heart skips a beat,
Will you make sure it doesn't **** me?
If the butterflies get too out of hand,
Will you be there to get rid of them?

If my voice shakes,
Usually, I'm scared.
If I'm shyer around you than without,
You're probably not THE ONE for me.

I need my heart to stay steady,
And butterflies in my stomach make me nauseous.
Lucky for me,
I have someone who will sit with me until fear leaves.

Someone who will stand and watch changing fall colors,
Or debate about the more beautiful sunset,
Someone who listens and responds,
Even when I think I'm too quiet.

I have someone who I can tease,
Someone who teases me back.
I have someone who makes me laugh
Instead of taking my breath away.

I have someone who lifts me up,
And I'd trade that for THE ONE any day.

Maybe it was magic
Maybe it was fate.
Maybe it was some twisted irony.
Maybe this was meant to happen from that first day.

As the sun rises on another day,
I feel my heart grow lighter.
As the sun rises yet again,
My heart falls.

As the sun rises in the east,
I feel a smile grow on my cheeks.
As the sunrise shines,
I feel tears glisten in the sun.

As the moon sets,
I am finally free.
As the sun grows,
I wonder which loss is worse.

Today is one of those days that makes you feel just nauseous
Today is not a very good day to be so self-conscious
Today is one of those beatdown days
The days that make think you’re in a phase
Of life.

Today is like the day you find your crush kind of hates you.
Today is the day you’re almost starting to hate food.
Today is not the kind of day you just give up and faint
Into the arms of some unwilling, kindly saint.

You think today couldn’t be worse but just imagine how it could.
Actually never mind it’d be stranger if you would.
Today is one of those days you think is about to **** you.
But maybe that’s just because you aren’t seeing the whole view.

Today is one of those days that makes you just a little bit cautious.
Today is one of those days you wish you had something like phosphorus.
Although I'll never say it loud,
I think my story I have found.

Today might be a beatdown, but you have to see tomorrow.
Because sunrises are beautiful to take pictures of.

So I hope I see you tomorrow.

Pt. 1: Boys are frustrating
Pt. 2: I'm bad at ring tosses
Pt. 3: Cute boys make me more nervous than cute girls do
Pt. 3 Pt. 2: Cute girls make me nervous too
Pt. 4: Learning new things is hard but fun
Pt. 5: It is possible to be addicted to coffee creamer
Pt. 6: Don't be ashamed if your "type" changes. It's allowed to.
Pt. 7: If someone asks you out, don't make it weird. Especially if you're friends. It'll make it worse.
Pt. 8: If you don't like someone, don't say yes when they ask you out even if they offer to take you to olive garden.
Pt. 9: If someone brings out a happier version of yourself, a non-fake happy version of yourself, spend time with them. Especially if it's mutual.
Pt. 10: Time heals some things, but not everything, and even with time, you won't forget.
Pt. 11:  People can change a lot over a year.
Pt. 12: Friends that will stay up late with you and pause their games to look at your memes (even if they aren't that funny) are the best ones.
Pt. 13: Don't get attached too quickly. People leave and people live far away and people change.
Pt. 14: Sometimes people aren't as great as your mind makes them out to be, but sometimes people are a lot worse than your mind makes them out to be.
Pt. 1; pt 2: Boys aren't always frustrating. Sometimes you just are.
Pt. 15: Having long-distance friends is hard, but at least when you graduate they won't disappear along with your other friends.
Pt. 16: Everyone is insecure. No one believes in perfection.
Pt. 17: Everyone has something going on with them. You have to treat everyone with kindness or you'll get nowhere.
Pt.18: Some people **** regardless of how nice you are to them.
Pt. 19: Sometimes even your favorite people will disappoint you. Don't hang onto it too much it'll just make it hurt worse.
Pt. 20: If you're good at being happy, life will make it so you aren't happy.

Those thoughts fill my head
Not always when I'm laying in bed.
They overwhelm my mind,
Make rationality much too hard to find.

I can't stop rambling,
And they don't interrupt me.
They've already tried scrambling,
To help me, you see.

They've become adjusted to the fact that they can't.
The fact that they can't do anything.
They've tried hard and become frantic,
They've tried nearly everything.

But then he's there and they disappear.
All my thoughts fade to his voice.
I listen and my rationality reappears
He was always the only choice.

But now he's gone.
He doesn't say my name anymore.
It hasn't even been very long.
But those thoughts were the waves,
And he was the shore.

Oh how does time stop when I look at you

The stars shine only for you in the night

What could I do when I’m in love with you
Without a single reason in my sight


The memories we have together rise

And dance across my mind in the moonlight

Your eyes are amazing green orbs, my prize
Until death can take its ever so cruel bite

If time can stop when I look at your smile
How does time resume when I speak to you
Because you make life worth it all the while
Without you, I feel so lost and so blue


The stars shine for you in the dark night sky
I pray that we won’t have to say goodbye

I never meant to

I've always wondered
What it would be like.
To be in love with someone
Who doesn't like art.

Someone who hates the way music flows
Who can't draw a line as anything but straight.
Who can't see the beauty of the world,
Who hates the way words string along.

I think I'd hate it.
I don't know how someone could hate
The way a pencil glides across a page
Or the way clashing notes solve themselves into harmony.

I don't see how you could hate the colors of the sky
Or the contrast in someone's hair.
Or the way a poem feels
I don't think I can understand that kind of love

Everyone knows love stems from hate
What did art do to you?

I grew up thinking love *****
My parents loved each other
And they fought and
My mom cried
My dad yelled
My mom lied

I still thought love *****
I went into my first relationship
But he just wanted to be worshipped
For his pretty eyes
And his pretty hair
But all he wanted
Was the one thing I wasn't willing
To give him

Now,
I spend my days looking at you
And seeing you looking back
You treat me like a queen,
Like I am worthy of praise
I feel safe
I feel warm
I feel hopeful
Is this what love feels like?

I’m from monster cookies and peanut butter frosting,
From colorfully magic strawberry cake drawings,
I’m from vanilla and chlorine, smells so close when I roam.
And the dark nights in spring when the air smells like home.

I’m from B flats and D sharps,
And roads to get lost on.
I’m from dump 'til it looks good,
And falling into holes at dawn.

From the youngest Tsar's daughter,
A shaded umbrella and a bright floodlight.
Determining how dark or light the water,
Rather than things surely written at midnight.

I’m from hidden passages not quite to brag.
I’m from tennis and soccer to capture the flag.
From a long line of teachers,
Who sat in the bleachers, alone.

There’s a box in my closet,
like the ones written in stone.
Full of red lettered memories,
Of the me that’s now gone.

Some things make you love a person even more.
Like their height, their humor, their clothes.
The nerdiness not so deep inside them
Even when they act like they’re seven.

When he’s jumping from wall to wall
Or calling me short in the hall.
When we’re together, talking is simple,
And our conversations are ample.

In marching band he looks devine
And in making my heart race he’s just fine.
He might be really strange
But in his own little way,
He’s amazing.

He’s so overlooked,
As kind as he is
Constantly mocked
For actions that aren’t his.

And it makes me upset
But I suppose I digress
I’m not ready to let him go.

I can feel the tears on my cheeks,
My lips,
My clothes.
They drip down to cover me,
In the one thing that reminds me that I'm still here.

I can feel the racking sobs,
My chest feels compressed,
And that familiar lump resides in my throat.

I can hear the mantra,
Running through my head.
Why?
Why?
Why?

Why am I still here?
Why am I the one who's like this?
Why am I not the good enough one?
Why am I not happy?


Why am I like this?
Why am I doing this?
Why can't I get over the dramatics?
Why do I feel overdramatic for having emotion?


Why does this always happen?

You look me in the eyes and ask why not
But I wonder why

You ask me how I know,
But I wonder why I wouldn't.

You ask me why I'm me
I wonder why I wouldn't be.

I like who I am with you.

I like to laugh.

And I like your laugh.

I like being nerdy.

And I like how nerdy you are.

I like being happier

And I like seeing you happy.

I like being myself.

And I really like you.