These city lights are too big,
For this girl's small town dreams,
Everyday she ties up her ballet shoes,
With hope woven in the seams.

Her light blonde hair tied in a bun,
She pirouettes beneath the sun,
In the hope of a hopeful stranger,
To pull her dreams away from danger,
Of breaking into two withered parts,
Before her chance in the spotlight even starts.

I don't know what happened last night.
The world collapsed and I was left in the open,
An easy target for my demons to claim their place
Once again inside my hollow mind.

Like puppeteers they pulled the strings
On my inevitable urges,
A simple cut became a crevice
And it scared me
It really scared me.
It wouldn't stop and for a moment
I was scared it was the final curtain fall.
The invitation of death has always lingered
Like a phantom,
But I wasn't prepared yet to give up.
But in time everything stopped.

I am deeply sorry,
My apologies are deeper than the pain that I have inflicted upon myself.
I have given up once again
And I find myself struggling.
I never thought it could get any lower than this,
But I fear that this is the surface of what's yet to come.
**Please forgive me.

Frostbite lips,
Glacial eyes,
Snowflake teardrops
As you melted away,
My December love.

I knew our love would never last,
Our intimacy was scorching hot,
Our devotion smouldered in the dark,
My Summer heart made you melt
In the palms of my hands.

Strike me in the chest with an icicle,
Take me under with a raging avalanche,
Make me lose myself in a blizzard,
Make it snow long enough
*So that we are stuck inside our minds until Winter returns next year.

I write to break free,
Haiku's like these destroy pain,
Syllabic relief.

Let me tell you about how I feel,
I promise not to bore you,
If you promise to let me heal.
I've been bullied,
Attacked,
Ridiculed,
Hated,
Pushed to the breaking point,
Because of the words that have been stated.

I've been shunned and ashamed,
Labelled with names,
That do not justify who I am,
I have been ignored and refused,
And verbally abused
By people who I thought would understand.

Am I a part of collateral damage?
Another scar from stereotypical carnage?
The bullets took off,
But yet you all forgot,
About the boy who took every single shot.
I told you I'm fine,
Because after all I'm defined
To act like nothing has happened.

You're probably thinking,
Wow this screams for attention,
But if that thought crossed your mind,
You're in serious need of a certain lesson.

I don't expect you to change your ways,
But to consider the way you behave,
Towards a person who wants to feel alive,
But struggles to breathe because they're hurting inside.

This is the story of a boy who cried help,
Built to be destroyed by a world who made him hate himself.

I smiled, you frowned,
Our hearts hit the ground,
And now we are far apart,
You cried, I sighed,
Our souls are tied,
But still we question why.

Never say
I let you stray,
That was your own choice,
Never tell
Me you fell,
It was all the lies from your voice.

I jumped, you screamed,
But you were mean,
And now I was falling fast,
You yelled, I cursed,
My heart has burst
And we knew it would never last.

Can't buy
All the lies,
You are trying to sell,
Can't escape,
When you're awake,
My wings are clipped and now I'm in Hell.

Never say this is goodbye,
Never ask me why I ran,
Never look for me when I hide,
Never stop me when I make a stand.

The things we imagined have been lost
On the way to discovering
The reality of who we really are,
Reminiscence is deadly,
Poison
It will drive us both insane
As we try to drag up the past,
Recapturing our youth,
Trying to fit together
The jagged puzzle pieces
Of how we went wrong.

Before we lost our path,
Before we crumbled into ashes,
Before we pressed the gun against our lips
And spat bullets into the sky at night,
Remember the pact we made,

If we have nothing now, just promise me in the future we will still have nothing.
I promise.

Do you understand?
I let the memories erode,
The sickening feel of nostalgia fade,
The glowing embers of what we had extinguish
**Into wisps of smoke.

I have often accepted the criticisms of others,
A self fulfilling prophecy
That has left me shaped and moulded
Into the grotesque mutation
From the blueprints crafted by society.

I seek validation,
Doors that are unlocked
So I can walk into a persons life
Without having to hide the possessions I have
Under dust covers and dragging them in the dark
When they are fast asleep and can't see.

I want to be able to re-ignite the glowing embers
In my soul
So that the flames burn away the cobwebs
And the neglect of my former self.
I made the  inevitable mistake of using petrol to accelerate the ignition
And now everything is falling apart,
**One little piece at a time.

I don't know where to start my journey,
The start seems too obvious,
I'd rather start from the end and make my way back,
Collecting the debris of the mistakes I have made,
So when I reach the beginning I can retrace my steps
Once more and live a life without the missing pieces.
I'll be older and wiser
Stronger and braver
Have the courage to heal the scars.

I like to think that this dark patch
Is just a test,
A temporary phase that is testing my strength,
My power,
My will to live.
Although at the moment it seems like a war I will irrevocably lose,
That doesn't mean I should throw my guns into the sand
And let the white flag blow in the desert storm of my insecurities.

A little guidance goes a long way,
And soon I will have that guidance,
A hand to hold,
A shoulder to purge the rest of those unwanted tears
From my disorganised subconsciousness.

It is a frightening and truly fearful journey,
I cannot deny it,
But we all have to start somewhere
So that we can grasp onto that epiphany
That will light up the pavement to our final and hopeful destination.

Another night curled up in a ball,
Feeling broken, unfixable,
Thinking of ways to stop it all,
Behind a forced smile to stop the tears fall.

Feeling guilty and so ashamed,
I only have myself to blame,
But everyone else is the same,
Turn a blind eye and ignore my name.

A doctor's appointment is so last year,
Barely there to tame the fear,
Pushed those away who were always near,
Just so I know where I am going from here.

I'm sick of this place I call my nation
Politics
Riots
and
Discrimination

Held down by the Government in a state of oppression
While they squander in a financial depression
The greed they conceal in their castle's so high,
While we sit in the dungeons and watch our dreams die,
Eaten by poverty and stripped from our bones,
Are the last dreams of hope you so reluctantly bestowed,
Two men cannot marry
A whole religion is ******
We'll take all of your money
****** it from your hands

But I dream for a place where we are able,
As two married men or women to sit at the table,
And feast on their success with their own children,
Who will slay the dragon of the political institution,
Who'll wave the flag and say yes we have won
And rip down the boundaries and make us all one.

If I lose myself tonight,
Don't come looking for me,
I promise I'll be alright,
I need some space to be free.

Don't use a compass,
Don't use a map,
Just wait at home on the front porch,
When I'm ready I'll come right back.

Don't ring the police,
Or search all day,
Just let me travel and go far away.

If I lose myself tonight,
Don't be alarmed,
I'm finally escaping to a quiter place,
Where I wll remain unharmed.

Strange dreams bother me,
As I sleep in happiness,
They want to break me.

I've tried to be patient,
Tried to keep a positive face
As more and more people
Begin to swarm me with their
troubles and doubts.
It is ironic,
Whenever I had a problem
That clung to my chest
Like an illness
Nobody wanted to know.
As soon as I find the happiness I've craved
To cure the sickness
It is like everybody wants to put me to bed again.

I am suffocating.
I feel like I am trying to outrun
The raging current
Of the falling grains of sand
In the hourglass.
Time is running out
And it is only a mater of time
Before I slip through
And end up in a heap
At the bottom,
Left there to wait in silence
Until finally I turn around again.

But then it is a slow and painful
Process of repeating the same
Countdown.

One day I hope to smash the glass
And let the sand run free,
Where I can accept the pressure of others
And still have the opportunity
To take a breath of fresh air
And balance my own happiness.

I've got 99 problems and you're 98 of them,
Would you like me to repeat?
Shall I tell you again?
You frustrate me,
Irritate me,
You really do deflate me.

I'm trying to breathe hard
And swallow down the swear words,
But it's getting to the point
Where those sweet words need to be heard.

I've been a patient guy,
So give me some credit,
But I will be ripping into you
And when you read this I would've already said it.

I'm not a mean person,
I'm actually quite passive,
But if you tick me off,
My response will be massive.
B words,
F words,
And multiple more I shouldn't say,
But I've had enough of being treated
Like I'm the leftover cigarette **** at the bottom of your ashtray.

Say hello the face you'll never see,
Behind locked doors without a key,
Say goodbye to the hope of letting go,
Of the person who you'll never know.
Dry those tears,
Which hold so many painful years,
Just smile once again tomorrow,
It'll melt away the sorrow.
Pick up your guitar and strum a chord,
I'll be sitting at your feet on the creaking floorboards,
Play me out a tune from your aching soul,
Because the music makes us happy and it makes us whole.
I'll be tapping on my knees a hollow beat,
Like the distant sound of war drums and the taste of defeat,
You'll be smiling and looking at the moon,
As fingers pull the strings and they're because of you,
We will be together in the darkened room,
With nothing but each other and our **midnight tune.

Eight years old
With the whole world at your feet,
But already I see the amazing woman
That you will become when you're older,
I am proud to be a part of that.
Blue eyes,
Blonde hair,
The biggest smile that warms the pain in my heart
Whenever I come to see you.
Your mother's smile,
Your father's height,
But you will have your brother's humour,
I will personally make sure of that!

You seem too far away and I hate it,
But I know you'll always love me,
As I will always love you.
When you were born
I remember being the jealous ex youngest child
But then when you started smiling and I held you
For the first time,
I felt like the happiest big brother alive.
I was yours.
**Your big brother.

A deer in the headlights,
As you come running towards me,
Arms spread wide,
Looking like you're glad to see me,
So I try,
To smile and look so happy,
But I cry,
To see you pretend like you still love me.

I'll testify,
In front of the world and say you're a liar,
I'll watch your world untie,
Into the chains you wore and watch you expire,
And if I have to die,
To see the crumbling of your empire,
I will smile,
Because I know I have a messiah,

And you have nothing left to hold,
I possess all of the gold,
You turn to dust and blow away,
While I cope with another day
**Without you.

I see the road sign for Memory Lane,
I made myself promise I will
Never take that road again.
It's overgrown with thorns and hedges,
Filled with potholes and jagged edges
of the beer bottles I smashed last time I was here.
It's hardly paved with good intentions,
Now I'm stuck with interventions,
The indicators in my car

Do I go left? Down that lane and face destruction?
Or do I go right? And have new introduction
*to life?

Don't stand within the shadows,
Step into the light,
I will drag you from the fire,
So you can open up your eyes.
The devil is in the detail,
Of the love you hold inside,
Just show some deep devotion,
Stop shrouding your emotions,
Tonight.

You're distant and you're lonely,
I know just how you feel,
But let me wrap my arms around you,
And let your heartbreak heal,
The devil is in the detail,
But it's me you can confide in,
Just set the wheel in motion,
Throw your doubts into the ocean.
Tonight.

Hey stranger,
Sitting at the bar alone,
Let's exchange our numbers,
Or get a taxi home.
You've got me on your mind,
You've caught me like a cold,
The gun is locked and loaded,
Let's pull the trigger and watch the night explode.

We'll lead a revolution once more,
Lying on the bedroom floor,
The white flag is buried beneath our piles of clothes,
We'll search it like it's treasured gold,
Just kiss me and surrender.

Throw our anchors out onto the shore,
The storm is raging,
But we're engaging
In an intimate warfare and we're breaking the law.

Wolf in sheep's clothing and the wool covers my eyes,
Held my heart in your hands and you're feasting
On the lies,
The love,
Lust,
Desire,
It's getting hot and we're playing with the fire.

Throw our anchors out onto the shore,
The storm is raging,
But we're engaging
In an intimate warfare and we're breaking the law.
You know,
I know,
One of us will win,
But for now we'll dance in the dark and do everything.

I want to cry.
I want to cry,
Cry,
Cry,
And hope that the tears are the 500 calories I didn't want.

Nobody is listening,
I beg them to stop giving me unhealthy food,
I'm trying to cut down
But they continue to give it to me.

Wow you've put on weight, getting a bit porky aren't you?

The cycle starts again.
Cry,
Wallow in self pity,
Feel so much shame because of the ice cream someone made me even though I said no,
Then they wonder why I get so angry and frustrated,
Then tell me to stop being silly and that I need to eat.

Don't tell me one thing,
Then call me another.
Believe
it
or
not,
It's hard to eat the food in front of me when I know that each bite equals to another unneeded remark about the shame that hangs from my bones that I am desperately trying to shift.

I made a scrapbook of all the things we did,
Photographs
And distant laughs,
Yeah, we shared a few.
But now the film is running out,
There's one more I have to do,
One of you.

Walks on the beach,
Sitting on the roof of your house at night,
There is so much we need to teach the world,
How to love, and to do it right.

This scrapbook still lives here,
Withered and collecting dust,
But it will live to be older than this lifetime,
It will live beyond us.