Take me down to the river's edge,
To pray and clear the monster's from my head,
To watch the water slide against the shore,
Personifying the real world:
Disorientated reflections,
Burdens like the pebbles that drag along the riverbed,
Carried by the undulating current beneath the waves
Like a pulse beneath transparent skin,
All slowly but surely heading towards the ocean,
A wide open space
Freedom.

Throw me into the river,
Watch me as I drift away,
Let me reach the ocean
So I can have that freedom too.

Driving through life,
The steering wheel shifting so lightly
Between my fingertips,
Indicating at every junction,
Deciding which direction I'll take
To reach my final destination.
But recently I have been verging,
Down narrow lanes,
Picking up speed
As I push down on the accelerator,
80mph,
90mph,
100mph,
Straight down the lane,
Adrenaline pulsing through me
As I keep going,
Faster I scream to myself,
Faster,
Faster,
Never stop.

I never saw the cliff coming
Rock bottom exists. I've been there.

The seatbelt clings to me as I go over,
The air rushing from my lungs,
The roaring of the wind scraping against metal,
The crash of the ocean waves below.
Every ***** inside me squishing against one another,
My stomach somersaulting as I continue to plunge.

Yet during the fall,
I felt weightless,
Like everything that had forced me to get into the car,
Had evaporated.

I continued to fall,
And even now I still find myself waiting
For the jagged impact of
Rock bottom.

I was stupid to think I'd last this long,
Actually manage to break a smile,
To laugh and be cheerful,
Be myself for once.
But it's all come rushing back to me
And has hit me in the face.
Black eye,
Bleeding nose,
Split lip
Reminds me of what happened last year
And now I feel an overwhelming urge
To just run out of the door
And into the road
And stay there.
To just lay against the icy tarmac
And not feel like my thoughts
Are suffocating me
And pulling me in different directions
Cut
Die
Get help
Don't tell anyone
Stupid
You need to talk
You'd be better off dead

I can't switch it all off,
Even when I sleep it haunts me in my dreams.
I'm drowning.

This one here's for the kids that time forgot,
The next generation that has been left to rot,
In bad education and despised by the Government,
Either a choice of bad behaviour or a life of imprisonment,
This is for the ones who are friends with Mary Jane,
Feeling like they'll never ever be saved,
Being told their habits are sick and unappealing,
When Mary Jane's effects are actually healing,
No depression,
Less aggression,
A healthy kick start,
A stronger heart.

Listen here and listen now,
You won't fail and we'll show you how,
Stay in school and make good friends,
Who'll stick by you till the end,
Embrace your nature and identity,
Have dreams that stretch for infinity,
Never let someone say you're broken,
Keep on living and keep on hoping,
Because you'll be the generation that we won't forget,
Who saved the world from a dark age of regret.

Verse One
Sometimes life gets hard and you want to throw it all away,
Let the passion and the happiness just fade to grey,
Lock up all your troubles and throw away the key,
Bury them beneath the soil so nobody would see

Chorus
Oh it's OK to be in pain,
Don't ever feel ashamed,
To cry all through the night with a broken heart,
To play back all the memories you had from the start,
Darling I'll be by your side,
You never have to hide,
Another secret tear rolling down your face,
Another shallow breath 'cause it's more than you can take,
I'll be here everyday

Verse Two
Sometimes it takes a little longer to take a step forward again,
From standing in the past and holding it together like a chain,
Take off all the worries that are pulling you to the ground,
When you're feeling lost I promise you will always be found

Chorus**
Oh it's OK to be in pain,
Don't ever feel ashamed,
To cry all through the night with a broken heart,
To play back all the memories you had from the start,
Darling I'll be by your side,
You never have to hide,
Another secret tear rolling down your face,
Another shallow breath 'cause it's more than you can take,
I'll be here everyday

The pain will go away,
One more step,
One more day.

I find myself skipping to another page,
Moving from myself and focusing
On the people around me,
Inspecting all of the holes
In what I am supposed to call my family.
An alcoholic nan who only respected me
If she had a whole bottle of whiskey beforehand,
Aunties and Uncles who refuse to talk to me,
Another Uncle who despises me because of who I am,
A dad who left me here and went to France so I barely see him,
A brother who would rather belittle and humiliate me than love me,
And so many relatives who don't even know I exist.

But my hatred can outshine them all,
I love my dad, but I wish he was here,
The others can light another match
And continue to burn their bridges.
I know who I love and who love me in return,
Who will never abandon despite the monster I've become,
The real definition of family.