I have often accepted the criticisms of others,
A self fulfilling prophecy
That has left me shaped and moulded
Into the grotesque mutation
From the blueprints crafted by society.

I seek validation,
Doors that are unlocked
So I can walk into a persons life
Without having to hide the possessions I have
Under dust covers and dragging them in the dark
When they are fast asleep and can't see.

I want to be able to re-ignite the glowing embers
In my soul
So that the flames burn away the cobwebs
And the neglect of my former self.
I made the  inevitable mistake of using petrol to accelerate the ignition
And now everything is falling apart,
**One little piece at a time.

I don't know where to start my journey,
The start seems too obvious,
I'd rather start from the end and make my way back,
Collecting the debris of the mistakes I have made,
So when I reach the beginning I can retrace my steps
Once more and live a life without the missing pieces.
I'll be older and wiser
Stronger and braver
Have the courage to heal the scars.

I like to think that this dark patch
Is just a test,
A temporary phase that is testing my strength,
My power,
My will to live.
Although at the moment it seems like a war I will irrevocably lose,
That doesn't mean I should throw my guns into the sand
And let the white flag blow in the desert storm of my insecurities.

A little guidance goes a long way,
And soon I will have that guidance,
A hand to hold,
A shoulder to purge the rest of those unwanted tears
From my disorganised subconsciousness.

It is a frightening and truly fearful journey,
I cannot deny it,
But we all have to start somewhere
So that we can grasp onto that epiphany
That will light up the pavement to our final and hopeful destination.