The alarm rang at eight this morning,
I felt like death.
Today can't be here already,
I was dreaming peacefully
In bed,
I don't have time to study
Liberal Feminism,
The Collector,
François Truffaut,
Io Non ** Paura,
The purpose of ideological control,

I'd rather stay in bed and sleep my life away.
*Is there a Master's degree for laziness?

Swimming against a current so much stronger than I am,
Battling my way through the waves,
But it's becoming harder to breathe,
Harder to think,
And I find myself drowning,
Sinking further and further
Into the unknown,
Floating endlessly into the abyss,
My body slamming into
Shipwreck insecurities,
Fossilised memories,
Trapped pain in rotting chests.

All because of one tiny detail about myself that I loathe,
Loathing so much deeper than the seven seas stacked on top of one another.

The scales smile,
I feel sick and want to cry,
I want to be thin.

I want to go where the wild things are,
They sleep in the trees
   And gaze at the stars,
     They play in the day,
      And party at night,
       They're free as a bird
        And as high as a kite.
         Tequila for breakfast,
          ***** for dinner,
            Intoxicated people,
             Who make me feel like a winner.
               I want to go where the wild things live,
                So I can forget and be forgotten,
                 Be forgiven and forgive.

I feel it
s
  l
   i
    p
   p
  i
n
g
from my fingertips
like sand in an hourglass,
The suffocating pull of gravity
Dragging
me
                                            f­urther
                                                          ­   and
                                                             ­                     further away
until finally I have disappeared from the face of the Earth
And into the glacial depths of Space.

I knew it would only be a matter of time before this happiness
Derailed
From the tracks,
It would never have reached its final destination without experiencing some
Destruction
During it's journey.

The thing that is crushing me the most is that I didn't even have long enough
To taste the forbidden fruit of happiness long enough to
Savour it and I am left with a sour taste in my mouth.

I'm losing it again,
And I am terrified that the black hole that I managed to crawl out of will
Swallow
me
*Whole.