LJ Chaplin

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

I trace my fingers across my thighs,
Across the tiny slivers of broken lines in my skin
That have left gaping crevices in my memory,
And on my heart.

As my fingers wander,
Travelling from one side to another,
The pale and jagged lines become darker,
Bruised, red, deeper,
Reflecting the pain that I had been burying beneath the sand for so long,
Protecting it from the warmth of the sun,
Hoping it would wither but in fact thrived on the darkness.

This is not what I want.
This is not what I chose.
This is not who I am.

Time will be the antidote,
The ointment that will soothe the aches and pains,
Heal the fears and insecurities that I have locked away in my head,
The medicine that I crave for.

And as time passes I will watch the bruising fade,
I will watch the red turn to a delicate pink shade,
I will watch the haunting depths of my pain rise and dissolve,
Into thin air.

To be willing to heal is to be strong, **but to be strong you need have the courage.

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

Silver Lining

It's not that I'm happy,
It's not that I'm proud,
But I've let myself go,
And my thoughts are out loud.
I've played the game we all get to play,
Life
Fate
Love
And I'm still the pawn on the front line,
I've taken chances and cautious steps,
Followed the silver lining in the clouds above.

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

Flares

Flares light up the dark,
Like fireworks on the Fourth of July,
Calling out for help,
But we're drowned out by the siren's cries.

This is an S.O.S.,
Can anybody hear us?
We're in an awful mess,
Our hands are waving above our heads.

The captain has gone down with his ship,
And we're left on the boats to survive,
These flares that we have set off for you,
Are our last chance to stay alive.

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

Summer Love

Beneath the bridge where I found my summer love,
We drank tequila and listened to The Rolling Stones
While sitting on the bonnet of an abandoned car.
Ripped jeans
White shirt
Scuffed converses
The heat

I felt truly intoxicated
By the brunette curls,
Blue eyes that were fixated on the creases in the palms of her hands,
The tequila was just the numbing remedy of the inevitability,
The end of summer.

We talked until the heat of the sun had fallen into the Earth,
Listening to the cars above our heads,
The sound of sirens in the distance cascading between buildings and the darkening sky.

I want to get away from the City she whispers, The beach.
I want to feel the sand between my toes
Feel the sea foam bubble around my ankles and the gentle pull as the waves retreat from the shore

We will, tomorrow I promise her.
I'll be gone tomorrow she replies.
Why?

She turns to me and smiles faintly, the tears in her eyes glistening under the street lights,
Tomorrow is the beginning of Autumn. I have to go.

My heart sank like an anchor plummeting to the sea bed.

I'm sorry, I really am.
I traced her jawline with my fingers,
Down her neck and onto her chest.
Her heartbeat was soft,
Pulsing like the very waves she yearned to see.
Her hands intertwined with mine and she sighed.

*Don't be sorry. There's always next year.

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

Game of Cards

My cards are on the table,
Stick or twist if you dare,
We're betting on a deadly game,
A personal and ****** warfare.
The king of hearts is all lined up,
To steal the chance away,
The joker's in the packet,
Plotting to rue the day.
The ace is trapped beneath the pile,
struggling to breathe,
While the Queen of diamonds is sat on top,
With pearls and money stuffed up her sleeve.

Your poker face is quite impressive,
But mine is so much better,
The sweat is dripping down your face,
Your collar is getting wetter.
I stare you down and watch your eyes,
They're darting to and fro,
The pressure builds beneath the surface,
The cracks begin to show.
I catch a glimpse of your frustration,
As you hesitate to move,
To fold the card that lines your fate,

**Whether you win or lose.

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

Haiku: Sting

I will be honest,
I'm not sure what stings the most,
The tears or the shame.

LJ Chaplin Jul 2013

Reckless

I'm reckless, I'm crazy,
I'm letting go of this daydream,
I'm drinking, I'm smoking,
I'm hoping people won't notice,
I'm selfish, I'm stupid,
I'm ****** off with cupid,
I'm hoping, I'm praying,
This craziness is decaying.