I never detail the contemplations to which my mind steers me
Forcing me to see that demon in the mirror that still drives this fear in me
It’s the fear of hitting my breaking point but not sure of how far I’ll go
Just to ease the pain I suffer from & will it cause my blood to flow
I keep having this dream where I’m stuck inside a bathroom, sitting in a bathtub
With a bottle of liquor, a razor blade, & a loaded gun sitting next to me on the floor
Candles lit, music blasting, but here I am shedding tears that everyone else ignores
I’m questioning why I never talk about these issues when i already know the reason
Revealing the dark truth about my suffering while trying stop many from leaving
So should I drink my sorrows away or take a bullet to the brain
Or cut myself to drown in a tub of blood before someone calls me mentally insane
Which poison do I choose? Which evil is worse than the other?
If this inner demon comes outta me, would the pain still be hard to discover?
I remain trapped within the mind as I stare at the ceiling as Monster plays in my head
Knowing that it’s only a matter of time before I either snap out of it or I end up dead
Clock’s ticking, blood’s spilling, liquor’s burning my liver, & my soul starts to shiver
I feel the monster inside of me coming out but I can’t bare to look into the mirror
Do I face the music finally or do I keep running away as it keeps breaking me down?
Pretending to be okay knowing on the inside my death is due to be announced
I’m in the final seconds & I still haven’t made my decision
Blade in my left hand with the gun cocked in my right
Threw the blade on the floor before I put the gun to my head
Saying my last goodbye to those I love but then I get that phone call
It’s my best friend crying hysterically trying to catch my fall
There’s a pound on the door but I’m refusing to open it
Cocking the gun back once more right before the door gets broken
BANG the gun goes off & I black out, waking up on the floor unconscious
Then I open my eyes seeing 3 people standing over me as I become nauseous
They pull me up as I’m looking over at the tub to realize that it was never real
It wasn’t me in the tub that I was trying to ****
No gun, no blade, & no bottle present just my phone face down with the music still playing
I just fell asleep on the floor next to that anxiety bottle that I was taking
But it made me realize how I got lost in that world seeking any way to escape
Even it it meant taking out myself just to get me away from that hell crafted place

For years they’ve ignored the mental challenges that people like me face
The struggles we go thru protecting ourselves from a mind driven by self hate
Most consider us “mentally ill” or simply place judgment
Advising us to seek professional help from these highly trained consultants
Or if we go to our family member just for them to tell us to pray
And ask God for the guidance to living a better day
Suicidal contemplations on a daily basis
Hoping to end it all to seek peace to avoid anyone from being courageous
Knocking on the door to death, waiting to see what awaits us
Cause if they make a certain phone call, they’ll send an institution to detain us
They question why we’re never positive but always ignore the negativity in life
Which makes us feel outta place or like living has this dangerous price
Never allowing anyone to get close enough to read the tears that flow
Or understand the scars on our hearts that obviously glows
Yes we need help but not the help being recommended
Cause deep down, we know it’s the feeling of being sorry that’s intended
You feeling sorry for us because we’re overwhelmed by this feeling inside
Of being a burden to those we love & how we’re dying inside
We try our best to be strong but even that gets old
When all hope dies finally being that this world is so cold
You can’t relate to the struggles we face cause you don’t understand our world
Or the pain within is too much at times so we seek an exit instead of waiting for it all to end

Every I try walking away from what we have, your voice pulls me in closer
& I can never tell you how I feel without staying sober
Keep telling myself that I’m no good for you but I’m hopeless when my feelings take over
causing me to always lose my composure

I can’t have you, you can’t have me yet I’ve fallen in love with you
just by the ways you’re always there for me & make me feel like I’m right next to you
I know you hate it when I let someone else in my life to love me when you’re here
but you’re not here so I attempt self harm to avoid those tears

You’re like my Guardian Angel that came outta nowhere to love me dearly
but I don’t deserve your love & I mean this sincerely
Your voice sends chills thru me, your love makes me feel like I’m lost within the mind
that makes me never want to wake up to live within the times
I don’t want you to save me cause I’ll eventually break you down with your every attempt
which mainly proves that it’s my heart that you’re trying to protect
So when my butterflies cry, it’s just the feeling in my stomach that make me love you
more than I did the last time we spoke & my last dying wish is see you one last time to hold you

Poetic Venom

It’s complicated to find a Queen of my generation who isn’t caught up in the hype
of getting likes over selfies & pictures
I’m no Martin Luther King but I need a Coretta
that loves me for the man I am & does her best to make me better
I’m not an easy person to love but sometimes I question if it’s worth the patience
that women go through when they want my love but always catch themselves chasing
after just to feel what it’s like to be close to someone like me
or to know how it feel if a man of my value would consider making them wifey
It’s funny how I’ve never had a chance to love before but I always seem to panic
when a woman says she’s into me but that love is hard to manage
when you take none serious due to the same games being played
in exchange the interest being given then I’m left feeling betrayed

Love’s gotten too complicated. It’s either that or maybe I’m looking in the wrong places
Searching for the lady in my dream world in all the wrong faces
I keep ending up with these temporary players who do nothing but cause doubt & stress
which will eventually lead to the right woman coming along but I’ll no longer have a heart to invest
Why would you want a man like myself, I’m damaged goods with an expired interest in love
Tired of the let downs & failed expectations from those who only care to judge
Me cause I’m different from the way I walk & how I talk or how I carry my presence
Yet you see through it all still trying to love me pointing out the essence within this broken heart of mine

- Poetic Venom

Our separation still has a huge impact on my heart
Looking for you in other places but still not sure where to start

I know you’ll probably question why I’m looking for you in someone else
or why I’m trying to love someone like I love you as if your love ever left

I don’t think you realize how much an impact you made in my life
or in the many ways I wanted to start over but there was too much to sacrifice
like trying to love someone else when I’m still head over heels for you
or even trying to crown them my Queen when my heart never stopped adoring you

I’m looking for that smile in someone else but I always come up short
Looking for your comfort but fail to get that same type of support

I’m looking for your type of love in various places & I get mad when I keep losing
Travelling that same highway in a different ride but I’m not moving
Looking for your happiness in another fairytale but it ends in a nightmare
because I realize that I won’t find you anywhere else & to you, it’s not fair
to find another you in someone else when you’re one in a million, once in a lifetime
so I guess I’ll have your love back in my heart all in due time.

- Poetic Venom

Let me make love to your mental, I promise to be gentle
Undress the elegance of your intelligence & bless you with a personality beyond suspenseful
You can never guess what I’ll do next but you feel the butterflies in your chest
That moved from your stomach but then you realize that it’s my words that caress
You which may lead you second guessing
Then there’s this sudden feeling of your heartbeat tap dancing
But that’s just me, the poetic metaphoric melody & it’s interesting to see
How I send chills thru your body when it’s just the thought of me
So let me undress your mind & in due time, I’ll read between the lines
Discover a world within a sweet smile that may tend to go over or bypass most minds
Who lack the knowledge of understanding of a presence so elegant yet demanding.
A Queen in her own right, standing on her own 2
Feet with the characteristics of oneself that’s bound to possess you
So let me undress your mind & in due time
I’ll then see why this Queen who’s so divine & at that moment
I’ll find out why she’s indeed one of a kind

- Poetic Venom

Our separation still has a huge impact on my heart
Looking for you in other places but still not sure where to start

I know you’ll probably question why I’m looking for you in someone else
or why I’m trying to love someone like I love you as if your love ever left

I don’t think you realize how much an impact you made in my life
or in the many ways I wanted to start over but there was too much to sacrifice
like trying to love someone else when I’m still head over heels for you
or even trying to crown them my Queen when my heart never stopped adoring you

I’m looking for that smile in someone else but I always come up short
Looking for your comfort but fail to get that same type of support

I’m looking for your type of love in various places & I get mad when I keep losing
Travelling that same highway in a different ride but I’m not moving
Looking for your happiness in another fairytale but it ends in a nightmare
because I realize that I won’t find you anywhere else & to you, it’s not fair
to find another you in someone else when you’re one in a million, once in a lifetime
so I guess I’ll have your love back in my heart all in due time.

- Poetic Venom

What started as a hobby 16 years would soon become my passion
The art of telling stories or expressing myself in ways I couldn’t imagine
I went from reading my moms poems to copying poems from english books
to rewriting those poems in my own words to writing raps doing what I saw on TV
but somewhere down the road, I never thought I’d fall in love with this thing we call poetry
I could’ve turned out to be another statistic by hanging out in the streets
instead I stayed in the house watching TV & listening to beats
I had many things running thru my mind but it was nothing I could tell anyone about
even if it was something interesting about me that they could learn about
Fast forward to my senior year of high school when I recited my 1st poem in front of my class
explaining the anger I kept built up for so long & I watched their eyes grasp my wrath
All i could remember was blacking out to let my emotions steer the ride of my heart
as the passion & pain would tear me apart
That one moment of truth made me realize that maybe this dream of mine isn’t a dream
but a way to connect to the intellect & strangely enough boost my self esteem
16 years of perfecting my craft, 16 years of keeping my passion alive
16 years of becoming what I am today & 16 years of that I’ve been able to survive
I’d tell you that you’re crazy if you told me that my poems would save a life
when it’s just me telling the struggles & battles that I’ve faced in my life
I became someone that some consider a hero & developed a fan base that love my pain
& for them, seeing someone brave enough to tell their story is the sunshine of our dark rain

I know you see me as your hero without a cape, just poetic powers
The one you come to that helps you blossom into that unique flower
Every day you reach out for my hand to be your guidance
Trusting me with your darkest confessions with faith of keeping it private
You could’ve turned to needles, drugs, or even self harm yet you turn to me
With hopes that I’ll be the one that’ll forever set you free

The words my heart writes save you from going off the deep end
Maybe I failed to realize that my art is your only friend
I used art as a way of expression never knowing the impact behind the concepts
It was a substitution to keep me from using that sharp silver object
That makes you bleed when it dances across your skin
When it hears the rainfall of your tears caused by the hurt from false friends
Keeping me from sober so I wouldn’t have to make out with that bottle
That makes me drowsy to the point where I slip into this world
Where I’m looking at myself fall apart unable to shake away my demons
That convince to drown in that pool of substance from my life’s bleeding
So here I am trying to keep you from going to that world where it’s impossible to come back
From knowing that it keeps a hold on you & knows how to knock you off track
Let my pain guide you to the light so you won’t make the same mistakes as me
And you too can seek a better way to peace to which that world doesn’t want you to see

- Poetic Venom

How dare you come into my life & make me care about you then leave

How dare you make me feel this way about you with the lies i believe

I was enjoying the sunshine & dandelions before this hurricane came thru

And killed me slowly but i couldn’t see that the storm was just you

Who the hell are you to rip my heart outta me & crush it

Who the hell are you to make me think your love was something to be trusted

I’m already dying inside but here you come making my world darker

And i became closer to you just for you to **** me even harder

How dare you make me a priority right before you drop me like a bad habit

How dare you play the sweetheart when you’re just another phony savage

- Poetic Venom

Changes in your ways;

    we don’t chill like we used to
    talk like we used to
    already have a bond established
    & you allowed him to pursue you

Who do you love?
    is it me or someone that you just met
    why the sudden desire
    to create a remix to the perfect duet

Him or Me?
    I can’t bother to give you a decision
    at the end of the day
    I see that the love for me is already missing
    So I’d rather leave it alone & let him have you
    I couldn’t fix this love even if I bothered to try to

- Poetic Venom

It’s something about her presence, better yet her in general that gets me every time
Making me do laps in my head, thinking of ways to make her smile all the time
The way she kisses me makes me feel like I’m flying within a dream that doesn’t exist
Cause there’s no way anything so unique could make me feel so **** good like this
I’m usually not thinking of one person 24/7 but here I am thinking of her non stop
Hoping I don’t **** up what I really want & I see that perfect picture but it’s me cropped
Out thanks to the paranoia thoughts that never seem to go away
And she’s never met a man like me before but I pray she won’t go away
It was supposed to be friends with benefits but some way somehow, my charm got in the way
That made her smile way too much because of me & it became the highlight of her day
I tend to have my fantasy thoughts of her ever since she ****** the soul out of me
Not ready for her level of kinkiness, her experience is way ahead of me
Then one day I shed a tear when I realized things were changing
Felt like I was losing her grip but this was something worth saving
It wasn’t the *** on my mind but the vibe we shared that kept my mind racing
And although she’s a busy woman, it’s her time I keep chasing
Just for another day to hold her in my arms & stare her in the eyes
Without saying a word but my heart never hesitates to reply
Jessica’s Tear was one of the most beautiful melodies I ever heard
As it detailed the presence of someone to which I feel like I don’t deserve
But in the end, she’s a best friend that I hope I can gain over time
So I can happily say that I was a smooth criminal of the most romantic crime

- Poetic Venom

If Love Doesn’t Exist
why do I cry when I hear certain songs
that remind me of you, the times I’ll never have again
the home where my heart used to belong
& the love that I may never win again

If Love Doesn’t Exist
why do I go to bed feeling for your presence when it’s missing
hoping to kiss you good night to tell you I love you
instead there’s the music playing with these mental thoughts spinning
feeling lonely knowing that it’s empty on your side of my heart

If Love Doesn’t Exist
why do I smile this way whenever we’re together
thanking God every time I set my eyes on you
falling deeper in love because you make me better
not worried about falling when I can always depend on you to catch my fall & knowing
any other woman can’t make me feel like I don’t need anyone else
or to make me love someone 10x more than I love myself

If Love Doesn’t Exist
why are my nights so sleepless with thoughts of you
thinking of new ways to give you my everything
becoming a new man all because of you
loving the sweet melody that when my heart sings

- Poetic Venom

Don’t wanna cry anymore, don’t wanna die anymore
I look up in the sky & don’t wanna fly anymore
I’m tryna be everyone’s hero but I’m the one that needs saving
On the verge of falling apart, i can feel my heart breaking
Many see me as their savior but I’m far from it
They show me this angel in me & i struggle trying to become it
Using poetry as a key to bring light to the pain hidden in darkness
And the power to heal the wounds of the hearts used as targets

I don’t wanna die anymore, don’t wanna cry anymore
I look up in the sky & don’t wanna fly anymore
If i walk away now, who’s life would i jeopardize
Seeing an inspiration give it all up to watch his soul fly
Save me from the tears, save me from the scars
Save me from the misery that leaves me resting with the stars

I don’t wanna die anymore, don’t wanna cry anymore
I look up in the sky & don’t wanna fly anymore
This is my purpose so i can’t give up what’s kept me alive
Can’t pretend to be happy with the obvious pain i try to hide
I don’t wanna die anymore, don’t wanna cry anymore
I look up in the sky & don’t wanna fly anymore

- Poetic Venom

For the life of me, I just can’t figure it out
I’m always headed down the right road
but outta nowhere, I’m forced to stop
with the emotions & feelings within
that were invested in someone before I hit a dead end
Here I am thinking we’re side by side
but when I look around, she’s not there
I’m just standing there all by myself
trying to figure out what I did wrong
so I can resolve it & get back to where I belong
You were waiting for me to make a mistake
but it never happened, my ways never changed
& you saw how my heart was designed
I gave you all of me but there was never an exchange
Our road ends here with no happiness being captured
No love being the focus & no mutual happiness to be shared
Becoming distant & falling outta interest even faster
Watching everything fall apart in front of me but I don’t try to fix it
Saying goodbye to what used to be knowing deep down, I’ll probably miss it
- Pencasso

When reading my poems, always keep in mind
That I have a gift with words to tell stories & motivate
Those who’ve lost hope as well as those who drown in self hate
All of my writings aren’t about me, some are confessions or stories
From those who can’t speak for themselves but want to share their story
The ability to connect with many just with words is beyond amazing
To save someone from their own personal demons that they’re facing
My mission isn’t to only tell stories but to educate & inspire strength
Just to prevent another young blessing from seeking an early death
For those who cry at night, afraid of life, or even those who feel underappreciated
I create art of perfection & their inspiration of life is my most beautiful dedication
Sometimes I take trips to different minds to get a glimpse from their perspective
Of the pain they’re dealing with & creating happiness is my only objective
I’m just a poet & motivator using a gift to bring together the lost ones
Giving up on themselves feeling as though life is over & they’ve ran outta options
So if you read a few writings & it’s based around depression or sadness
I’m only writing from what I see every day in the midst of all the madness
Doing my best to bring peace to such a cold hearted world of savages
And heartless pretenders who bring down the innocent with huge hearts but unable to manage
it. Traveling thru various journeys as I learn about a world that I’ve been apart of for so long
Being the glue that holds together my fellow torn hearts who lost inspiration to be strong

- Poetic Venom

You question me as to why I care so much
for someone who’s broken & afraid
someone who’s lost too many wars
someone that I can’t save
or a heart that others tend to ignore

You search for the person I see but
you always point out something to inspire a dislike
something that’ll turn me away from you
telling it’s impossible to impact your life
fearing that sooner or later, I’m gonna turn my back on you

The You That You Fail to Love
within her eyes, I see someone who’s more than amazing
someone who’s heart is everything you could ever ask for
someone who’s never really been loved properly
& someone that only a fool would be crazy not to adore

- Poetic Venom

Often I’m asked how come why other guys aren’t like me
how come they’re not sweet or charming like me
why they’re not caring or passionate about ones heart like me
why they don’t care for the broken hearts like me
why their vibes aren’t as romantic & chill like me

Once in a Lifetime
who else will do the most just for a second to see you smile
One in a Million
who else will write a million poems just to say I love you
Rare Breed
who else will stand by you thru every storm that you may face
Rare King
who’s other heart will you come across that you can’t replace

Once in a Lifetime
not to be cocky but where can you find a heart that’s full of gold
that will shed a tear once it reaches the essence of your soul
never again will you find, a love quite like mine

- Poetic Venom

I share my scars
I share my fears
my most deep dark confessions
of the person drowning in tears

He’s a slave
to the pain that he suffers from before
with the damage endured
& the aftermath that’ll last forevermore

It’s more than a struggle
it’s more than a war
it’s like putting the shattered pieces
to an already broken puzzle

I’ve been at war with him for the longest
proving that I’m the strongest
but he’s got this hold on me
that continues to drag me thru his darkest
thoughts & I can’t find my escape
so I deal with the defeat as I find more things about me to hate

- Poetic Venom

I would love you
but you push me away every time I get too close

I would love you
but when I look for your heart, it’s like looking for a ghost

I would love you
you never take my words serious

I would love you
but for a love like mine, you’re inexperienced

I would love you
but for what I’m bringing to the table, it scares you

I would love you
but my heart doesn’t understand you

I would love you
but my past mistakes made it hard to love again

I would love you
but in this game we call “love”, I’ll never win

I would love you
but I’m not sure I know how to

Cause you can’t love me
when my heart won’t allow you to

- Poetic Venom

From the second I saw her, I knew things were about to get brighter
from the way you felt in my arms
to the fireworks within your eyes
to the way we talked for hours
it wasn’t long before I realized
you’d be the key to helping me fly

That one minute we spent with a kiss;
I heard my heart shed it’s 1st happy tear
joyful that you wouldn’t bring it any fear
caught in a daze as if we were both dreaming
falling for the melodies that our hearts were singing

An Aquarius Kiss;
you made me look at myself in a way like never before
made me feel these emotions to which I’ve never felt before
opened my eyes to make me realize just how charming I am
although from the 1st introduction, I was worried about a scam
but here we are still hanging on by a thread as i pray we grow stronger
because I’m afraid to lose you to someone else & what we have is no longer
present but I’m working to ensure this last for a while

-Poetic Venom

Her heartbeat is more than just melodic to me
When it details what she sees in me
And it’s amazing to see but it hurts me
How we’re both trapped souls but she’d rather see me be free
While she stands behind & sheds a tear
Wanting to follow my lead but it’s that fear
Of going back after getting away
So i pray that one day, she’s no longer a mental slave
And she finally sees the sunrise of her happiness & what it awaits
And when the sunsets, i look back as she fades away
But every time i reach out & grasp for her, i can never find the right words to say
Just so she’ll know how much she means to me & how she’s the sunrise of my every day

- Poetic Venom

I often ask myself if All Women Are the Same
with the games they play
or when you try to give them your time & interest
they become distant but never explain they’re fading away

I often ask myself if All Women are the Same
feed you lies as if they’re truly into you
but it’s bs with excuse after excuse
just to keep from telling the truth
of why they don’t wanna talk to you

I often ask myself if All Women are the Same
when they tell you that they’re not like the rest
how your position is solid although you’re just a guest
occupying her time until her true interest acts right
& the whole time you feel like something isn’t right
but they never speak their truth to save your feelings
even when their intentions aren’t polite

Are All Women the Same?
with the games they play & the fake interest
gassing you up before they become distant
spreading this charm & it’s hard to resist it
looking for that mutual intimacy, only failing to realize
it never existed

- Poetic Venom

It was once filled with joy;
    it used to blossom in the sun
    but after being stuck in a few storms
    the rain from its petals continue to run

What was once the highlight of a sunny day;
    became a soaken delight
    only wishing that one day
    it’ll be happy from the roots that its soil writes

This Abandoned Flower;
    defines its own beauty but it only ignores
    the true meaning behind the uniqueness that’s instored
    within the essence of its pistil
    & maybe one day, it’ll grow to love what makes it so blissful

Poetic Venom

When the sunsets;
I lock you up in my arms & start to pray
for one day
when we say hello to tomorrow & goodbye to yesterday

Sunsets with you;
give me this feeling that I’ve never felt before
a feeling that I can’t ignore
a feeling that I cherish forevermore

When the sunsets;
I shed tears when I realize
what God’s blessed me with
as your presence brings me more alive

The Sunset of You;
brings my dreams to life
& for those short minutes of the day
you make me feel like I can actually fly

- Poetic Venom

There’s a woman hidden within;
a woman who exist full of happiness & joy
she learned to loved even after being destroyed
she’s been hurt a few times but it never stopped her
although the ones she loved only seemed to mock her

There’s a woman hidden within;
a woman living within your heart who’s locked inside
a woman behind the smile that you always hide
a woman who’s waiting to show her presence
a woman that’s awaiting your acceptance

The woman you’re afraid to be;
she’s happy without any fear
she’s proud of the woman she’s become
through all the pain, she’s grown stronger
no longer living within the essence of her horror
she smiles brighter than ever before
& for the 1st time, she loves herself forevermore

Poetic Venom

Lady with the Glass Heart;

I see right through the savage act
saying that you don’t want love
but you still wish that the one you love
will one day love you back

Lady with the Glass Heart;

I’m reaching out for you but you reject me
fearing that I’m gonna love you incorrectly
don’t want love but you still dream
for that one day to come
when someone loves you but won’t leave

Lady with the Glass Heart;

with all the savage impersonations
you’re used to being alone & you hate it
yet you still dream for that one moment in time
when you can finally love again
& your dreams come true of being his bride

Poetic Venom

You got begging me to be in your life;
taking extra steps just to prove a point but I ask why
am I trying so hard to prove that I’m not just some guy
that she’s met before & I can understand she’s afraid
but maybe she’ll never understand the cloth of from which I was cut
from & you can’t make someone see that you’re in it for the lust.
But I wanna ask her one question but I don’t think that even she
can explain why I’m begging for something that she’ll give a clown for free.
At first she responded with the quickness but now of all sudden
she’s afraid of me & I’m kind of confused on why she’s running
away from me when I’ve never even tried to change my ways
instead I insisted on being the light of her day & the smile from when she wakes
So I’m begging for something when she’ll give it another freely
she sees every effort being put in but yet she still can’t see me
& the second I quit trying, I guess I’ll become just all the rest
when in reality, she ignored a blessing that meant the best
Beg for Your Love? Sorry sweetheart but begging is something I’m not into
either give me the chance to love you or go your separate way
cause I’ll never beg for something that a clown can easily have the same way

I’m confused to who I’m supposed to spend my forever
Feel like my current Love Interest isn’t who I’m meant to spend my Forever with
Don’t even feel the interest anymore, just here living in each moment
Doesn’t feel the way I anticipated & I’m not even sure if I still want it
Don’t know if I’m afraid of love or just lost my interest altogether
Keep saying I want it all but being alone sometimes just feels better
It’s confusing when you wanna be attached to someone but you fall for one night stands
Questioning whether or not you’re even worth being the perfect man
Can’t let a soul get close to me without the possibility of me pushing them away
Slowly watching as the current love fall deeper & I panic to say I can’t stay
Don’t wanna break her heart but don’t wanna lie to her forever
Knowing I can be that man she wants & I know she deserves better
Maybe I’m not ready to have my Forever yet cause I barely love myself
And I’d hate to see her attaching herself to me trying to convince me to love myself
I’m running away but she always manages to catch up to me
How long will it be before she realizes this love isn’t what it’s supposed to be
Who is My Forever? Sometimes I question if we’ll know
Guess we’ll know when I meet the one that my heart won’t let go

You’re expecting me to chase your love
    put in more effort into this love than you do
    but when you think about it
    how can love be love when I’m the only one working to love you
    
You’re looking for me to do the most;
    blow up your phone when you barely respond
    steady getting pushed back
    & I question why it’s worth fighting for my spot

I can’t chase your love;
    I won’t allow you to make me out to be the fool
    when I’m getting nothing in return
    but a waste of time & for this phase to conclude

I Miss Me;
before the hell began & I was stress free
before I found out how sad life can be
before I really knew what pain truly felt like
before I found out love truly had a price

I Miss Me;
the old me that never had anything to worry about
when I was able to be me & didn’t have anything to be sorry about
when life was simple, when being a kid was full of excitement & imagination
before the times fast forward & getting older wasn’t my occupation

I Miss Me;
the old me that used to smile endlessly & cried less
when life was about feeling happy without the stress
the old me that was truly alone but not depressed
before life became a roller coaster & the walls my back wasn’t against
before life truly revealed itself, I became lost, & got addicted to the rain
looking for any way out to escape this great pain

I feel better off dead
broken promises of those who I loved dearly
feeling invisible & their actions stated clearly
that I was only needed when on their time
so I struggle to survive most of my days feeling my soul dying
from trying to love as I said I would
but yet, my heart remains ignored & misunderstood.

I feel better off dead
drinking heavy & contemplating on suicide
waiting to go home where the other departed souls reside
wanting to get high just to ease the pain within
caused by enemies posing themselves as friends
I see that monster in my eyes but I refuse to let unleash it
feeling like it’s just evil provoking & I can beat it
but I keep losing control every tear I shed
from thinking how life will change once I’m dead
free from the pain, free from the hurt
no longer living with fear that one day my heart will deperse

It’s days like this;
where I love being laid up next to you
legs around my waist, arms around my stomach
no better feeling than being close to you

It’s the feeling I can’t explain;
when I’m staring into your eyes
kissing your forehead & lips
as I blush whenever your smile replies

Yea, it’s days like this;
when I fall deeper in love than I was before
enjoying every second spent with you
which makes me want you more & more

Rainy Days;
I wish they never go away
I wish for a sunny day delay
& for these Rainy Days to replay

Losing You;
was the best blessing God ever gave me
all you’ve ever done was taught me how to hate me

Losing You;
I never thought the day would come sooner
trying to keep someone temporarily & create a future

Losing You;
destroyed me at first but I didn’t realize
your kind of love was only meant to leave me paralyzed

Losing You;
I thought you took my heart
because I couldn’t love myself, your departure tore me apart

Losing You;
was a blessing unexpected
& I regret trying to fix something that was better off disconnected

We often;
hold on to seasonal people
expecting the most
when there’s no planned sequel

We tend to;
fight harder for those trying to leave
than for those
we push away, refusing to leave

We Give;
seasonal people lifetime expectations
closing the door preventing them from walking away
accepting something temporary is a hesitation
because we don’t wanna see that one person flying away

I seek a feeling that I’ve never felt
trying to locate what my eyes have never seen
looking for the same feeling
to which I see on my tv screen

Telling myself what to do right
although I’ve never seen it work
& with everyone afraid,
they’ll push away before even seeing it work

I’ve looked for it my whole life
but how do you look for the one thing
to which you’ve never had
& how can one learn to fly
when that dream has your wing

This book has suffered the worst wounds;
been through more storms than man can count
cried enough tears to drown you
yet this book has yet to be found

This book has many damaged pages;
each page details a storm that occurred
which changed its condition
& most would judge without reading the words

This book walks amongst many but remains ignored;
carrying the scars of her pasts’ torture
as she awaits the perfect reader
that’ll still admire her worth through her life’s horror

I confess to you what I can’t say out loud;
the hidden thoughts buried in mind
the unspoken feelings trapped within
you’ll understand my world in due time
& soon you’ll become my best friend

I admit the things that no one else knows;
the secrets I feel ashamed to share
the pain no meds can numb
unnoticed tears that'll cause a stare from
the unhealed wounds from a war I’ve departed but haven’t won

She has the Presence of an Angel;
personality of a devil
body of a goddess
but what lies within is everything but special

Diamond Eyes;
voice of the heavens
smiles of the favorites
but what lies within threatens

Work of Art;
dig within the surface
discover what’s hidden
you’ll discover this beauty is worthless

Here as I stand;
Feet planted in the evening beach sand
staring at the sunset
face full of tears trying to understand

As I let go;
I flashback to the memories we once created
all the times we’ve spent
& all the feelings that were vacated

As I say goodbye;
to a best friend & someone who shared my heart
I sadly move on
from what I used to be in love with but tore me apart

We Fear Love;
fearing the thought of getting attached
just to give it everything we have
to a heart that never does seem to match

We Fear Love;
fearing getting close to someone who seems different
fooled by their claims & words
only for them to use us right before they become distant

We Fear Love;
for the many painful lessons the past taught us
trusting the one to be there
when we needed them to cease our fall but they never caught us

We Fear Love;
turning away all chances to find
the one thing we’ve always dreamt of
but it’s always led to being nothing but a waste of time

I Am that kid feeling alone in a world where I’m surrounded
Trying to fly away but reality keeps me grounded
Exist in the thoughts that never get spoken in conversation
Zoned out & writing within the mind but often losing concentration
Head down, hoodie on, & trying not to exist
Lifelong battle with depression but trying not to quit

I Am that kid trying to create happiness in others
Giving them an outlet to vent just so they won’t have to suffer
Make it clear that they’re not living in this world alone
Showing that someone understands them & they don’t have to fight alone
Reaching to be that hero to which they’ve always wanted
Saving them from a torn world that forever seems haunted

I Am that kid who portrays the hero but wants to be saved
Although I may seem strong, I also desire to shortened my days
I hide my invisible scars to keep from being judged
Scarred from those who’ve previously dragged my name in the mud
I Am that kid who believes he’s the Legend struggling to be heard
Make his impact legendary before it’s his time to become that fly away bird

When Jae Cries, my heart breaks
I feel the affects when her heart shakes
Face red when she falls to her knees
Open my arms to hold her as she begs me please

When Jae Cries, it’s a sight I can’t bare to watch
And it’s frightening to see how it was caused
I look as she smiles when I wipe away the tears
Feeling secured in my arms & free from all fears

When Jae Cries, I feel her world crashing down
And I try to be her hero, it’s her I can’t live without
She gives me this feeling of being superhuman & complete
From the way she loves me to the way she sweeps me off my feet

But the beauty of Jae’s Cry
Is not the resemblance of a southern morning sky
How it speaks without even saying a word or making a sound
But the art created by nature & the inspiration that it surrounds

I’ve heard rumors about this rose that’s been thru the lighting
Facing all types of let downs & it made life less exciting
This rose doesn’t smile the way it used to & I question
Why no one has ever cared enough to appreciate this blessing
It’s different from every other rose in many different ways
But being blind to it’s own uniqueness, it focuses on the flaws it displays
It’s not as beautiful as the other roses or looks the same
But it has one factor about it that changes everything
It feels hideous due to the cracks that lies between
The petals but it has something unlike anything I’ve ever seen
The tears of this rose tell the story that’s quite inspiring
And no matter how it tries to make itself seem unworthy, it’s still quite desiring
It’s just that one rose resting in the garden that stands out from the rest
Simply by being different in her own ways
Possessing scarred petals & wishing for shorter days
The Beauty of this Heartbroken Rose, you can’t deny it
There’s something rare & God given within so I pray that she finds it

I got that Dream Love, the love that you never heard of
That fairy tale type of love that you’ve always & forever dreamed of
Let me pursue your wildest dreams & motivate your ambitions
Put me in this maze for your heart & I’ll show you what you never thought was missing
This is that different type of love, that love of you never thought you’d meet
The type of love that you can’t wait to wake up next to from the night previously
The type of love that you’ll go to the moon for
The type of love that only a certain type of queen would be a fool for
This is that Dream Love. The type of love that’ll sweep you off your feet
Please all the right areas right before I love you back to sleep
The type of love that awakens you from that dream
That you were living in but you never fell asleep
You just got lost in my heart & fell in love with my peace
This is that Dream Love. The love that will have you walking down the alter
The love that will have me on my knees begging permission from the father
To have, to hold, to cherish, & to forever be attached to the daughter
Love so good that it’ll make a man walk on water
This is that Dream Love. The love that will make me swim in your tears
The love that will have me forever thanking the man upstairs
The love you never had so good that no other one can compare
This is that Dream Love. The love that you kiss goodnight to
The love that rolls over in the middle of the night & cuddles next to you
The love that will rub your foot while you express the stress of your day
The love that will realize what a blessing you are as he prays
The love that will stare you within the eyes right before he begins to cry
Cause you’ve been in love before but never with a guy like I
This is that Dream Love

It’s been a few years since we spoke but your effect still exist
Cause there’s no way someone could leave me scarred like this
Chasing women for my own pleasure & avoiding like this
Or even living the lie of a ******* & breaking hearts like this
Didn’t ask to be this way or portray myself in such a way
Just wanted a future with you but you decided to walk away
And now I’m attached a memory that I wish I could replay
Seeing your face in various faces of women that I’m trying to date
Look What You Did To Me Turned me from a lover to a player
Becoming a savage that I never saw myself as & the ultimate heart slayer
I wanted it all but after you, I’ve become love’s biggest bipolar hater
Just seeking hit & runs while I’m out here getting this paper
Look What You Did To Me, Can’t look at the sun because it reminds me of you
How you used to be happy & how I brought a different smile out of you
The late night phone conversations that I never wanted to end
But somewhere down the road, you became my enemy rather than my best friend
How’d I manage to become close with your sister while we got departed
Asking her how you’re doing & if you’re okay just to see if it’ll get something started
High school sweetheart crush that never officially my everything
Just another “for the time being” that meant more to me than anything
Missing that smile, missing those eyes, & missing that voice
Thinking of the night we last spoke & I still rejoice
Look What You Made Me Do. Pushing away any love that comes my way
All because I still hope you return & save my day
I don’t have faith in much but I still think you’re a dream come true
And still till this day, my heart will forever be apart of you

Help Me Understand the tears of a lady & how to wipe it
Help Me Understand how to find the perfect heart & repair what’s inside it
For years I’ve searched for the answers that most men question
Trying to overcome the challenge of loving a rare blessing
Help Me Understand her mentality & how I can prove my worth
By giving her something she’s never had but always wished for
Remove her fears of being torn & hurt
And proving this journey is something to which my heart was built for
Help Me Understand how I can turn her mentality around from hating men
Or how can I put a smile on her face just by the times we spend
To be the Man of her Fantasy & not the Nightmare that keeps her awake
To be the Husband of her Dreams & not the inspiration for her self hate
Help Me Understand the ways of making her feel electric by my actions
Bringing the pieces of her heart back together but not for my satisfaction
Help Me Understand how can one make it pass every test
Until she sees that I’m the blessing delivered from a lifelong request
She’s afraid of me & I’m afraid of her, an understanding mutual fear
Of being left alone after feelings were involved but never sincere
Help Me Understand that smile to which she keeps locked away
How can I be that guy who she smiles for every day
Help Me Understand a woman of her standard & what it takes
To be the rest of her life & avoid being the man she’ll eventually hate
From her head to her toe, from her heart to her soul
She’s a rare Work of Art that only one true man can inspire to glow
Help Me Understand how to be the man that she’s waited for her whole life
And how I convince her to fall in love without having to think twice

It’s hard for me to say it but you inspire me
Thoughts of you constantly ignite the fire in me
Looking at my best friend’s daughter then I get *******
Cause her dad’s like you, another deadbeat who had a kid & ran off
I admit that I was wilding when I was younger & living
Aiming for one night stands just to see what I was missing
Talking women out of their clothes just for the lust
Ain’t thinking about love especially when there’s no trust
But I grew up, got older, wiser, & I see things clear
There’s no fun in looking for pleasure just to later disappear
But I can’t be like you & make the same mistakes
Get my wife pregnant, cheat on her, & bring the side chick to where my wife resides
Start a new life then leave my child behind
For them to grow up in self hate wondering what they did wrong
Questioning if it’s their fault cause their father left em alone
I don’t know how you can live with yourself leaving your 1st born
While he’s looking for the love that was forever gone
Pure example of a **** boy living without regrets
Ignoring the heart you broke, lacking respect
I was ******* for years thinking of possible solutions
Like you needed a better son, just looking for the perfect substitution
Seeing all my friends with their fathers & deep down I feel bad
Not having my creator around to prevent me from doing bad
Just can’t imagine having my kids growing up in a broken home
Leaving their mother to raise them all alone
Putting pressure on her back to protect the throne
If I don’t do anything else, I wanna make sure I never become another you
Just become the man that my mom raised me into
Be the man of the house that you could never amount to
And be the man you never taught me how to
I don’t wanna be just like you, having kids but don’t raise em
Look into the eyes of my blessings & embrace em
Don’t wanna be just like you, a poor excuse for a father
Provide my kids with the best life so they’ll never stress about support or a dollar