I’m that struggle trying not to cut my wrist from the pain of life
trying not to blow my brains away so I think twice
I’m that struggle you face when you contemplate on a pill overdose
after being shattered from being let down by those you love most
I’m that struggle looking at you in the mirror when your tears dance on your face
falling from the cracks of your heart that could never be replaced
I’m that struggle waiting along with you in the night when sleep won’t arrive
so you sit thinking about life thru the music that assist with the terror you hide
I’m that struggle you face when you awake another day, healthy & alive so I pray
that he guides you thru the current stages of hell that taunts your every day
Life as we know it can be a roller coaster & we’re bound to fall
but if the landing doesn’t **** us then we’re granted another chance to crawl
I’m that struggle within that convinces you that you’re worthless
teaching you to settle for whatever or that you deserve it
I’m that struggle when you wanna give up but you know you can’t surrender
looking for the motivation for happiness but happiness is something you don’t remember
The struggle of being your own worst enemy, tearing yourself down with the lack of self love
loving others more than you’ll ever love yourself
I’m that struggle but I’m also that hand of guidance trying to be the source towards the light
letting you know that this war isn’t being fought alone, I’ll guide you thru every fight
☆ Poetic Venom ☆

These past few months have been the most devastating thing to watch
fighting for a legacy that nearly came to a life ending cost
Sometimes I blame myself for allowing this distraction to fool me once
until one conversation filled me in on the blueprints of the upcoming stunts
Buried in silence, I observed as my household was turning into the pits of hell
as a demon was on its rise of his plan with the motivation to see it excel
Went from living in happiness to now fearing the lives of my own as well as the Queen
& the Princess, what’s a man to do to protect the castle
Numbing the pain to try to cure my sleepless nights, I nearly fall into that addiction capsule
that snatches my soul from me while I fall deeper in anger
Contemplating on ****** to risk it all for my loved ones, heading closer to danger
I’ve done a great job of holding in the rage but it’s soon to erupt
as the Queen’s heart falls to the floor & the world around me glows up
into flames as my eyes go from pure blackness to blood shot red, all I see is destruction
throwing me off my focus, unable to concentrate or function
I left my castle only to soon return as I face the Devil for the battle of our well being
asking God to keep me sane when it’s pure evil that’s all I’m seeing

- Poetic Venom

We haven’t spoken for the past few weeks & I’ve lied to keep from telling the truth
saying i’m busy with work but I’m sure you can still see the proof
Somewhere along the road, I started seeing us from a different light
I started seeing a world without you as a lover & i started loving the sight
But then I’d ask myself, how can one get over someone who did so much
can’t just walk from all that happiness & leave a beautiful heart crushed
I know keeping the truth from you isn’t right but telling the truth, I may lose you
& I can’t just sit here to allow my broken heart use you
I still think the world of you, it’s just the feelings that used to be don’t exist anymore
but the heart that I’ve grown with, I’ll love unconditionally forevermore
What I’m trying to say is that I have to move on to keep from drowning in false hope
of keeping faith within something that may never be again
& it’s that drug you gave me that I can no longer allow my system to overdose
I’ve done a thousand laps in my head trying to go about this in the right way
but in order for us to be happy, one of us has to swallow the pride to walk away
So my silence wasn’t because I was busy, it’s because I’m trying to leave
& holding on is only going to prevent me from waking up from this long never ending dream

I've been writing 3 books back to back & I'm happy to announce that my 2nd book 'Coming of Age: The Journey from a Boy to Man' will be releasing very soon in both digital & audio version & my 3rd book 'The Eulogy: A Final Farewell' will be dropping around my birthday (Feb. 14th). For those who're interested in reading it, i'll post the link when it's out & also provide the audio version thru email for those who wanna listen to it on the go. Thanks in advance for the support & sorry for the absence.

I’ve been enjoying this single life for quite some time now
but I’m still lonely, yearning for one to hold me down
I admit that I’m not perfect, I’ve been creeping on the prowl
a few one night stands but it’s no fun to me now
It used to be fun wit me but my feelings have gotten a hold to me
got me wishing one was there to love & spoil me
Just a simple man wanting love without the games or mixed signals
just wanna be corny around the right one just to make her giggle
This ******* lifestyle was cool but there’s still something missing
the love of a woman that wants all of my love & attention
I tried living the life as other men but I found no excitement
but when a woman request the love of my heart, it’s all silence
Don’t know if I’ve been hurt too much or rather not waste my time
cause I keep meeting girls with different zodiac signs
So tell me what’s a man to do when he’s ready to settle down
tired of missing a Queen’s love & falling for the lust waiting to be found
You live & your learn, my old ways taught me that pleasure can’t fill the void
of real love that my heart is waiting to enjoy

You want love, i want lust
I can’t hold you down, don’t waste the trust
You seek a wedding ring, i want a one night thing
Pour your heart out but nothing will change
Why dig for love when it’s not there
Chasing hopeless dreams, getting nowhere
You desire love & I’m your point of interest
Mind’s playing tricks on you so you question my distance
You thought i was different but what’s the difference
Between me & the others who turned out the same but seemed different
Looking for mutual interest from me, you tripping
When you hallucinate about my presence but it’s missing
Giving you no attention except when i call for action
to come over & deliver ****** satisfaction
You hate my ways but do you
actually think about what this guy has been thru
with the last females that i gave my all to
& they showed me what love can really do to you
when you invest so much time & commitment
but they’ll gladly leave you broken & reminiscing
I’m nothing short of a mirage but your eyes can’t see
that I’m not worth your time, obviously
Your mind better apologize for all the lies
that made you cry, waiting for my love but I’m not that guy

We drifted far apart from each other but the feelings still reside
I can say that you don’t have an effect still but why lie?
It’s not the experiences that live, just the memories that remain
& every love song that comes on has you dancing on my brain
I still display this smile because of you
I still believe in love because of you
I still feel like a King because of you
I still feel like i can fly, because of you
Waves never die, they just crash for the moment
And you’ve made me feel almighty when I fell to my lowest
Even in a dark world, the sun still shines
Even when the world stops, your heart I’ll still find
And when those waves crash to shore, you’ll then see
how much you’ll always mean to me
☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I’ve met many women who’ve said most men should be like me
but if they knew about my mistakes, would you think they’d still think highly of me?
I’m not perfect by any means, I’ve had my fair share of mistakes along the way
falling short of being King worthy just to see if the phony acts would make a way
I was under the impression that being a man with a boy’s mentality
was the best way to go but I was only thinking selflessly
I know the man I was raised to be & the charm that God genetically blessed me with
& when you erase all the good from the bad, you’d realize that I still ain’t ****
I often feel the need to settle down but still manage to fall into the hands of temptation
wanting to wait for Mrs.Right though I’m not a person who’s very patient
My heart’s bigger than my body & I’ve fallen for some of the worst types
so to keep from being lonely, I talked em all into laying down with me for just one night
I know it ***** to see someone who has his head right above his shoulders
stoop so low to such a despising level just so he can mess any girl over
So before you think of me as the Prince Charming, just know that I’m a man of great mistakes
who’s learned from all the wrong choices but building to get his life straight
I was blind to the guy that other women saw in me & now I see
that I have something worth falling head over heels for, I’m a King indeed
Take a look into the structure within my castle walls before you begin to adore me
cause I promise you, I’m not a man with any less mistakes than the ones who lack your glory
☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

If Wishes Had Wings, I’d be idolized by millions
saving & impacting the lives of many scarred children
If Wishes Had Wings, the world would be free from pain
no more dark clouds surrounded by depressing rains
If Wishes Had Wings, the silent tears would be clearly heard
life would be less horrific so we’d worry less of the overwhelming storms
If Wishes Had Wings, the act of happiness shall be of reappearance
provide my mental slaves with the proper deliverance
If Wishes Had Wings, Love wouldn’t be so scary to obtain
heart break would be a stranger while the kingdom we have will still reign
If Wishes Had Wings, there would no longer be Hell on Earth
take away all the evil from life to grant us the proper rebirth
If Wishes Had Wings, heartbreaks around the world would sing
the greatest melody performed by all the broken Kings & Queens
If Wishes Had Wings, God forgive us for the lives we’ve been sinning in
trapped in a cold evil world that we’re forced but isolatedly living in
never intending to be heartless but our hearts have turned cold
frustratedly feeling the shattering of love to which a false interest beholds
possessing a tale that’s very relating but only a few understand
how being lonely & disappointed can take a toll on more than man

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

Ever meet that one person in life
feeling like they’re meant to complete your life
Been knowing each other for years
but every time you turn around, you’re causing each other tears
Barely speak like you used to but you’re too caught up to love another
can’t love anyone else cause you’re too in love with each other
You’d rather suffer the storm with them
than to enjoy a sunny day without em
Can’t move on from them cause you’d be miserable without em
Throughout all the fuss & fighting, the feeling of making up makes you forget
that this relationship is like a roller coaster with overwhelming twist
If you didn’t miss em so much, you’d **** em off mentally
Feeling your heart break every time you say good bye
Missing em every minute & can’t help but cry
If you could survive life without em, you’d try
no rehab needed, their drug is the perfect high
Laying in a bed built specifically for your guns & roses

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

Like a night sky without the moon
Like a symphony without a tune
Like a heart that doesn’t skip a beat
Like true love that isn’t complete
Like a kiss without a K
Like writing poetry without anything to say
Like enjoying a vibe without intimacy
Like being excited without a fantasy
Like grasping for love with nothing there
Like trying to breathe without air
Like trying to fly without wings
Like trying to hit the perfect note but unable to sing
Like believing in real love without faith
Like without having a plan to escape
Like me getting married but I’m no groom
Like being in love but not in love with you
Like wanting to feel love except it’s not you
And like all these things, the main thing I’m missing is you

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I’m praying for a star, no matter how far you are
whether you’re full of tears or skin full of scars
whether you’re drowning thru the music or dreaming in your diary
whether you’re lost in reality, just know you inspire me
whether you’re struggling with addiction or praying to end your days
if you don’t feel loved, I love you but let me explain the ways
You don’t see that you’re fighter cause the pain is overwhelming
but you’re still here to see another day, another chance of prevailing

You’re the Star that I see whenever I look into the sky
lost with inspiration to do what I love but I then hear your cry
listening to your tears when you don’t understand why
why does life have to be this way or why you feel worthless
pressured by the society around you just to be perfect
So I pray for this star, that’s more than what you are

I’ve been beyond the bottom, I survived every inch of hell
I’ve bled my own blood but still I aim to prevail
Life as you know it can be an emotional journey
I’ve hit rock bottom due to those who’ve hurt me
I’ve been addicted to pills, been addicted to self harm
Watched many that I love walk away when I went thru the storm
Many mistakes made, many struggles faced
Same broken records played, feeling alone in a beloved place
I failed once to be great but what’s progression if you stay down
Heavy is the Head of He who wears the Crown
Life isn’t perfect but neither am I
And I have too much to live for to give up & fly
You didn’t love me when I wanted to give it all up
You didn’t love me when I kept this wall up
So if I have to be perfect for you love me
then I don’t wanna be loved if it means you’ll judge me
At my Best, I will inspire those like me to be Great
no matter the struggles, trials, & tribulations or mistakes
You failed to love me when I was at my worst
so don’t bother loving me when I’m at my best

☆ Poetic Venxm Wrld ☆

You feel lonely & your heart wanders
looking to free your soul from all its monsters
Here in my arms, you shall find
a true friend that won’t leave over time
If you cry, I cry
Together & we will fly
Far away, not to be found again
just you & me, my friend
You’re Not Alone for as long as I exist

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I wonder if you ever had someone to love you naked
someone that sees every flaw & desires to trace it
Someone that sees all the imperfections on the outside
but still wants to see what lies on the inside
Someone that sees the wall you have build up but is eager to tear it down
someone that sees you’re a work in progress but still sticks around
Eliminate the make up, cute outfits, & the fake smile to see what still exist
Will they still love you or walk away making you feel like ****?
Someone who still thinks you’re beautiful enough
when you’re looking your worst & been thru the worst but still believes you’re good enough
Willing to chase the moon down but bring you the moon along with the galaxy
Will they try to change you or fall in love with a beautiful tragedy?
Will they go the extra mile to get you but still go extra to keep you?
See all these walls in front of you & still break em down to reach you
Will someone ever love you naked? Make love to your intellect
Caress your soul with their actions & free your world from previous stress
You need someone to love you naked thru the flaws & imperfections
Someone who can turn a beautiful disaster into a unforgettable blessing
☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

Love isn’t just the thought that remains in mind
but the memories that still exist overtime
It’s the reason you stay up at night thinking of that one
who’s always there with open arms when there’s nowhere else to run
The touch of relief that caresses your heart with a simple rush
the thought of that special one that makes you endlessly blush
Drowning in the idea of building something with this new breath of energy
someone who’s gonna love you beyond your dreams & not become another enemy
For every second you’re in their presence, you fall 10x deeper
sweeping you off your feet, making you even weaker
For the love you’re experiencing that’s keeping your heart screaming loud
making that dream feel more like reality & keeping you in the clouds
It’s the arms wrapped around your body, the lips kissing you good night
the hand grasping your soul, the presence that’s making your glow shine bright
You can never see it coming or brace yourself fast enough to prepare
in fact it’s so real to where it may even cause an unexpected scare
The Love You Can’t Prepare For is something you can’t describe & something you’re afraid to accept
not knowing if it’s truly meant to be & a little nervous from not knowing what to expect
☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I Am the rhythm behind your every heartbeat
the concept to the soundtrack that rocks your heart to sleep
I Am the rhythm in blues for your every stormy night
the stars you admire dancing in the midnight light
I Am that King you see whenever you begin to dream
the passion that makes your body shiver & soul scream
I Am your every thought & the tears flowing down your face
the smile that’s brightening the world, the heart you can’t replace
I Am the arms holding you whenever you’re sleepless
the love that has you in the clouds & speechless
I Am that King admiring a Queen’s world from the outside looking in
thinking of all the strategies I can steal her heart for the win
I Am the one you’re missing even when you don’t realize it
desiring your mind, body, & soul but hoping not to wrongly utilize it
I Am that love you can’t seem to get away from
looking for an escape but my heart is where you run
I Am your wildest dream, your dream come true, your everything altogether
I Am the best love you’ve never had but also the love that never fails to make you better

☆Poetic Venxm ☆

If you got it all back, what would you do?
If you have the best love you’ve ever wanted, how could you lose?
If my love was your treasure, would you keep it locked away?
If you knew all of my secrets, would it scare your love away?
You loved me but you never were a fool for me
just another broken heart loving me childishly
Sometimes  I don’t believe you miss me, probably just miss using me
I fell deep in love with someone whose love was abusing me
We never made love to each other’s mind, too busy making love instead
Never understood my intellect but more focused on getting in bed
I don’t know if we’re really meant to be but you can’t stay away from me
it’s like you know you have undeniable access to my heart without the key
I know you want those good times & memories back, can’t lie I do too
but it’s the worry of whether or not if I can still trust you
I can’t make you choose between him or me but you know who never hurt you
Who never broke your heart & who’d never desert you
My heart began turning red so I wonder if you’ll speed to get here before I let go
Probably won’t be long until I forever walk out that door
You want it all back & I do too but at what cost will I pay
when you decide to take it for granted before I say goodbye

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

You’re trying to love me but don’t know what you’re in for
You don’t understand why I tend to push away before
Things go south & I’m left alone with no one to hear my cry
Or to understand the reasons why I wanna fly away
I tend to push those away if I feel they’re getting too close
Protecting myself of disaster from the heartbreak waiting to be diagnosed
I tend to drink more than I should & test your trust in me
Avoiding the love that you tell me you have for me
I’m lost as to why you still try to gain access to something so disturbing
Still insist on giving your love to someone undeserving
I’m hard to love, it’s a roller coaster of emotions
Causing you frustration just to see your mental explosions
I’m paranoid & I push you away time after time
Yet you see right thru my reasons & still desire to be mine
Love is about compromising & understanding, you define it perfectly
Healing a heart that’s been scarred by the corruptly
Short tempered with a short fuse & no patience
Being adored by an angel possessing a love that’s gracious
I don’t wanna make a million mistakes & take your love for granted
Just a troubled man with a broken heart & having issues trying manage
I couldn’t walk a mile in your shoes, I don’t see how you do it
How can one put up with so much & still not lose it?
I know I’m hard to love but I thank you for still holding on
Still having faith in what we have instead of dropping it & moving on

I let you control my life for 6 months & for what?
Just because you were the only source of healing that I could trust?
The pain that life has caused me makes it hard for me to balance
& nobody knew about this, I kept everything private
They don’t know how you called my name at 2am, I came running
just for you to stop that pain that never stopped running
I crushed you up into powder before I poured you into my drink
******* me up so bad to where I couldn’t even think
You chose a weak soul to manipulate, I fell for your comfort
all because I couldn’t bare with the feeling within that made me suffer
You made me crazy, you made me lazy
had me feeling low like your feeling was all I ever needed
You were supposed to be a one night stand but I got attached to you
felt like nothing else mattered & all I needed was you
You can do no wrong to me, only supply the perfect cure for me
when I needed that love, it was you that was there for me
Anxiety, depression, anger, paranoia, you made me feel forget it all
had me flying above the clouds when life wouldn’t let me do anything but crawl
Why did you do this to me? Why is your loving too resist?
Why am I so attached to something that make me feel under like this?
You’re that demon I can’t shake away but you’re the source that takes my pain away
& ever since I accepted your love, I’ve watched everyone walk away
You said you loved me yet you’re taking my life away
killing my system as I keep swallowing your substance away
I had 2 ways of getting rid of you, either overdosing or flushing what remains
just to go back to facing my demons by punching walls til my fist gets blood stains
So here’s to you, my bad habit of pain killing pill popping drug addiction
may you rest in peace forever, here’s my benediction

I fell outta love with you but what was I supposed to do
trying to make it all work but I hit a dead end trying to love you
What’s a man to do when the love he wants walks away
& no matter how many attempts, it doesn’t wanna stay
You told me you loved me but I was a fool to believe it
gave me your heart just to force me to leave it
Hooked me up with someone else when you wanted me
just to prove you’re like the rest, you disappointed me
You told you didn’t wanna be loved but still wanted to get acquainted
that’s a difficult picture to look at & your heart couldn’t resist to paint it
Making me hate myself for being the man that I am
when in reality, you really didn’t give a ****
Putting me through all these emotions I hate most
sending my heart to find yours but yours became a ghost
How could I fall in & outta love with someone at the same time
trying to set me up for the worst just to fall off line
We were meant to be apart, away from each other & it’s sad
how I did so much to love someone that my heart never had

I resulted in doing things to cope with the pain
washing away the sorrow
watching my soul break down in the rain
living every day with a heart that’s hollow

I mixed all that anxiety powder with liquor to keep my leveled
listening to the voices within my head
stepping further away from God & closer to the devil
not caring if I live to see tomorrow or if I end up dead

Life took too many turns for the worst & I wasn’t ready
losing myself thru the feeling
looking death in the face & telling it I’m ready
pills & alcohol was my only source for the right healing
I’m only free from pain when I’m intoxicated
can’t cope with what’s killing me, life & emotions never fully cooperated
Never wanted to admit I was an addict until life was almost cut short
but I guess when you back is against the wall, death seems like the only resort

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

Within your love, I lost myself
Loving you more than I loved myself
You had your doubts but so did I
fearing our love would never be able to fly
I wasn’t fully recovered from a past love
you were still broken from a current love
Somehow our paths crossed & we fell in love
but who knew that we’d fall outta love

I lost myself trying to make it work but it caused more hurt
all the arguments, the fighting, & break ups
I was more focused on showing you what I saw & forgot about me
but you never failed to make me feel like you were better without me
But what hurts the most is not being myself anymore
can’t think straight or sleep anymore
Up at 2am, stuck in my thoughts, but I can’t shed a tear
so I play it off like I don’t even care
But my biggest issue was loving you too much & me not enough

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I spent my whole life putting other people before me
Doing whatever it took to prove my love for the same ones to ignore me
Battled with depression more than often, losing myself thru their back stabbing
Carrying this smile on my face but not one ever really noticed I was faking
I doubted myself & questioned if I was the one who was worthless
Trying to change myself just for these people to see me as “perfect”
My biggest regret was trying to change who I was for their acceptance
They didn’t want my real love or my heart, it was always neglected
But then I made a change & placed myself before everyone else, I saw a change
People walking outta my life due to my selfishness but I’m on a new page
Got tired of reading old chapters, getting used to the way things badly ended
Making enemies outta the same ones whose vibe I befriended
I was being dragged thru hell for too long but now I’m losing people as I find my true identity
No longer letting those who don’t love me destroy & break me down mentally
I had more than 20 friends I cared for, now I can barely name 5 who stuck around
I guess when you focus more on you then them, you start to see who’s really down
I lost myself trying to please everyone & doing the most to be that perfect being
I’m more happy than I’ve ever been, Lord knows it’s the most beautiful feeling
Gaining little pieces of my life back, gathering pieces of my heart back
And I have yet to lose a friend that I would want back

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

The mind of a poet is an interesting place
where emotions & words run wild
Some words tell a story, some emotions sing a melody
the inspiration shares the glory & often used as the source of therapeutic remedy

If you travel thru a poetic mind long enough, you’ll begin to see
a new universe that the normal eye won’t see

You can easily get attached but it’s hard to walk away
from a world full of imagination & creativity

Words aren’t just words anymore, it’s a written emotion
from a heart experience various feelings but remains unspoken

The mind of a poet, that’s a world like no other
either a beautiful disaster or the soundtrack of many untold stories

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

I woke this morning feeling good & ready to start my day
Washed up, got dressed, then got on my knees to pray
Asked God to look after everyone I love, to keep em safe
And to make today a great beautiful day
As I proceed with my daily activities, I start getting this bad feeling
Like something was about to occur, either a tragedy or another senseless killing
But as soon as I’m enjoying myself as always, something tells me to check my phone
I open Instagram only to see the saddest news, another King knocked from the throne
Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy has been pronounced dead, gunned down in his car
As soon as I’m healed from depression, here comes another unexpected scar
A guidance to many, hated by many, but his message recognized by a large few
And the same ones who hated were now the ones showing love, what’s new?
Trapped in this cold world, you were the light that overshadowed the darkness
This world needed a new direction of guidance & you were the one to spark it
Lost your life in a senseless way but your music & message will live eternally
Only thing is that your bright side will now shine over the madness
Still an empty place in the hearts of the family that your music was the answer to their sadness
Long live a King on a mission to save himself as well as those who’ve followed his lead
Rest in Paradise & thank you for giving those such as myself the faith to believe

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

They say time heals all wounds, I beg to differ
Especially when you once had a love for someone with a lifetime of memories to remember
And how do you let someone else come around & love you better than the last one
When your heart still hasn't repaired from the last love, still very much in love with your last love
Traumatized from what transpired, not allowing anyone else to love you even if it is true
You just want the one person you gave your all to be the one that truly loves you
Sometimes willing to settle for loneliness, loving someone else will only break their heart
For trying to love you but loving you is going to tear you both apart
Heart is still the same condition from the past but you’re too afraid to love again
Fearing that a new love will never replace the love of a former love interest & best friend

☆ Poetic Venxm ☆

That whole night was amazing, spending time with a female friend before sexing her crazy
Pulled up for a night out, went to the movies, & grab food I was feeling her maybe
Stopped at this lake to end the night out as we cuddled in my backseat
Watching the stars dance across the sky while listening to some 90’s R&B
Right before I realized it, our lips would touch
I pulled her on top of me then I felt this sudden rush
I haven’t been in action for a long time & my hormones are raging
I’m taking her clothes off as my heartbreak keeps racing
My heart’s telling me to stop while I’m ahead but my head & body say keep going
And how could I resist the lust from the emotions to which she’s showing
So there I am on top of her kissing her from the lips all the down to her thighs
Putting my tongue to good use while the excitement lights up her eyes
I climb back on top of her, slowly work my way in as she gasps her air
Telling me I’m the biggest she’s had & the previous love interest doesn’t compare
The windows begin to fog up, we begin to sweat, & I’m just cruising my way inside her body
Doing all the moves I’ve seen in explicit movies as I get a little cocky
An hour & a half of ****** acts go by then we conclude the experience
We get dressed but judging by the look in her eye, I can tell she was delirious
I dropped her off, kissed her lips, then she tells me she loves me & was rather serious
Fast forward almost a year later after conversations died down
I’m still texting her to make sure she’s ok due to personal issues at home
She’s getting ready to move away from the nest to be out all on her own
Then something tells me to check her Facebook page & there I see
A beautiful baby girl but I’m questioning if it really looks like me
Biracial with beautiful eyes & a beautiful smile, I can’t believe it
Is this bundle of joy mine? When did she even conceive it?
I’m blowing up her phone with a million questions but she’s not telling me no
Beating around the bush with speculations about that night we shared
Got me pacing me back & forth out of excitement but a little scared
Loving her wasn’t a mistake but the fear of the kid growing up like me
In 2 different households by 2 parents who barely know each other, this isn’t like me
I’m not sure if she’s been with someone else after me but she strongly denies it
Told her if it’s proven to be my daughter then I’ll definitely provide care for it
So I asked one last time if the baby’s mine then she says it’s her little cousin
Birthed by her guardian aunt then my heart stops rushing
Telling me if I was the father then she would’ve told me if she was pregnant
Saying she loves me too much to throw that on me unexpected
And that she loves me too much not to allow me to be the father I’m meant to be
I deserve the most beautiful family I can create that’s a reflection of me
Hopefully when that times does come, I’ll be a married man & financially stable
Not afraid to raise em better than me or to raise them in a world that can be cold & fatal

✰ Poetic Venom ✰

I had this dream where I met this woman whose smile told me a tale
of someone who’s out of my league & if I tried to pursue her soul then I was most likely to fail
It’s something about her that made me want to explore her inner essence
to understand the uprising of a Queen from the beginning of her adolescent

Now in my dream, she loves my poetry, in fact I’ve inspired her to smile sometimes
but still I’m desiring one dance to possibly commit the perfect crime.
What’s that crime, you ask? Well, she has a heart like no other that I’d like to discover
& even if I fail, I can move on with my day knowing that I did my best to love her

This Woman; she possesses this presence so strong. a demeanor of independence
a heart of pure gold, & a soul of many treasures whose quality of love is endless.
Who am I? I’m just a guy who never requires a reply from the confessions of my heart
that doesn’t mind expressing itself yet still confused on where to start.
I’m that smile on your face, trying to become the rhythm & blues within your soul
to share the sweet symphony of romance & I pray your collaborations won’t behold

If you're a fan of my writings or just love what I can create, please follow my social media accounts

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As i sit here next to the sound of peace
i drink away my sorrows as my heart speaks
I don’t know what’s gotten into me
but I’ve been feeling like the enemy
A stranger to a best friend & home isn’t home to me
Losing sleep & can barely eat
Contemplating on the blade use or for God’s blood to rain down on me
I’m getting calls & messages from people concerned
Even the main one who decided to kick your baby boy to the curb
I’ve been lost for a while now, heads up in the cloud now
Getting drunker by the minute, the end won’t be long now
I lay down by this tree as i daze up into the sky
Counting the stars above only wishing i could fly
Tears running down my eyes & my thoughts run a marathon
Heart’s tired of screaming for help just for no one to respond
I walked away from home without saying a word of my whereabouts
It’s 9:30 at night but i haven’t come back, I’ve risen some questionable doubts
Don’t know if I’m ok or unresponsive, the anxiousness begins to rise
As questions begin to play out as the suspense fails to die
Not sure if i wanna go back home or stay lost in the woods
Go back to a mental prison where i feel lost & misunderstood
Can’t explain what’s running thru my mind but in the end, does it matter
Cause the more my feelings are ignored, the more my soul dies faster

Left alone on her own since she arrived in this world
tears tell the story of a heart broken & forsaken girl
No one ever cared for her, everyone left after a while
never knew her real family, she was an abandoned child
It brings me to tears whenever I look into her eyes
to be left in a world so cold & yet, She Rise

Her story inspires me to be all I can be
with my back against the wall & nobody rooting for me
You can’t ignore the strength of a Queen who did it all by herself
fallen angel but slowly building an empire with every shattering step
She Rise

Her tears maybe invisible to some but her struggle is remarkable
to overcome so much to become a force that’s unstoppable
Yea her life maybe a stormy night of rhythm & blues
but her statement of dominance, not many could walk a mile in her shoes
She Rise

☆ Poetic Venom ☆

I’m travelling thru this journey to escape the mind that used to be
shaped around the terror of life & what’s been mentally abusing me
People think I’m weird because my poems are based on the depression within
but it’s hard to fake happiness when sadness has been my only friend
The Mind of Terror only contains the constant thought of paranoia
so I’m fighting to escape the only source that’s been my life’s destroyer
I can’t go out in public alone without the feeling of people staring at me
as if they can see that I’m a sad individual who’s afraid to be happy
I still dance with the tears that I’ve hidden from my past
thought I left em all behind but the experiences forever last
Even the bruises on my fist from the rage punching the walls
& the long dark nights I’ve cried to God yet he doesn’t answer my call
I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel so I’m running towards that day
when I’m finally happy with who I am watching all my sorrows go away
But until that day arrives, I’m just a poetic mental explorer
existing within the mind of a mental horror

☆ Poetic Venom ☆

I got anger, anxiety, & depression sitting right next to me
reaching out to an old love but she refuses to text me
I could never let someone know exactly what I’m thinking
take a trip thru my mind just to see how it’s depressing
Loneliness, heartbreak, pain, & depression mixed with alcohol
fading in & out of anxiety just waiting until the day I fall
It’s been almost a lifetime since I remember being happy
always full of tears, can’t recall a moment of me truly smiling
Can’t let a woman into my heart without pushing her away
cause I’m afraid that if I love her for real then she won’t bother to stay
Flying thru my thoughts & can’t seem to find a place to land
but there’s no need for you love me cause my mind you won’t understand
Family telling me to cool out before I lose my mind & go insane
feeling like it won’t be long before I take a gun to blow my brains
Side note, I think I found someone who really wants to see my smile
& I’m too afraid to let her love me cause that real love hasn’t been felt in a while

☆ Poetic Venom ☆

She told me it was my fault that we aren’t friends anymore
it’s my fault that I can’t hear her voice anymore
I would’ve been happy with life if I didn’t fall too quickly
it’s my fault that she walked away & not wit me anymore
I should’ve never fell for her but what do you expect
when you’re the 1st to love someone who’s used to neglect

Would’ve been the best friendship I could’ve asked for
but she wanted to be just friends & my heart wanted more
She wanted only phone conversations, I wanted to be held
just an idiot with feelings for the wrong person it’s my fault that we couldn’t excel
Guess this is what happens when you know the right choice but make a wrong
& that leads you to writing not a happy but a sad poem

You let me fall when I wanted to fall back into your arms
& allowed me drown in my sorrow
It’s my fault for living in the midst of these cold scars
left me to exist with a cold broken heart that’s forever hollow

☆ Poetic Venom ☆

No inspiration for another entry but my talent itches to create
so I look in various places hoping to get back to my creative space
Whether it’s thru social media or from a line in a song
I listen to the words being spoken as my thought process follows along
A Poet’s Blues? That’s something you may never be able to relate to
Just the need of wanting to write but nothing exactly to inspire you
It’s like facing a roadblock but there’s no detours insight to get around it
you’re just traveling thru it & facing the horrified soundtrack around it
Could you easily find your inspiration when you’ve written over 400+ entries
wanting to keep writing but your drive & motivation feels empty
Not sure if you wanna write about your life, to a song, or just something
to keep your mind running even if the poem’s about nothing
My Poetry Blues, falls in place when I get the desire to write based on what I see
coming from the soundtrack of someone’s life but it relates to me
I just sit there in my living room with my pen falling asleep on the paper
wishing for an idea to come my way thru my mental creator
A Poet’s Blues? Imagine having your mind freeze & you’re just standing there
frozen in time & frustrated with nothing to say as you pull out your hair
When it’s all said & done, you’ll probably never understand the anger or a talent’s snooze
cause at the end of the day, no one really cares about a Poet’s Blues

☆ Poetic Venom ☆

Though I’m all smiles when you’re around me
it’s only a fraud to hide the pain that surrounds me
I can’t deny the fact that I’m one of those souls who’s sheltered
still battling the pain from the past that I still remember
Not too long ago, I was involved in a situation that’ll affect me forever
causing me to be paranoid & failing to put myself back together
There are some things about me that I’ve never shared with you
including how I contemplated on living without you
And I know when you read that last line, you maybe confused
but the fact of it all is that I almost took my life away from being abused
Trapped in a hell hole where every day felt like it could’ve been the end
just the subject of someone’s rage & unable to reach a friend
Didn’t even tell my mom until years later when I moved away
but deep inside, those heart shattering events took pieces of my life away
Thinking about the nights I spend in the bathroom with a razor in my hand
crying my eyes out & asking why I’m being punished by this man
Thought I escaped Hell by moving away from my family
but I moved closer to it which later became my biggest tragedy
Even with you in mind, I still felt like I was in this world so alone
feeling the fire from the evil of a household whose heart was born cold
So I write this letter to you in requesting that you don’t give up on me
& just allow me to paint the picture of the real me
Although I’m still that guy you love, there’s many things behind closed doors
that I try to bring to light but refuse feeling like it’ll be ignored
Just please don’t give up on me if I feel like I’ll never be the man in my reflection
that changes the world through a God given poetic blessing
Don’t give up on me even if I feel the need to hang it all up
if I feel like it’s impossible & I choose to give this all up
I don’t just write for myself or based on myself but for those who express their pain
being that poetic umbrella protecting them for their emotional rain
And I’ve never told you anything before cause you’ll tell me to pray
but that doesn’t work for everyone at the end of the day
I’ve never done self harm, just turned to music & art as a result to cope
with the emotions to which most would take as a joke
So as I attempt to make myself a better person, keep your prayers raining down on me
& no matter how long it takes me, please Don’t Give Up On Me

☆ P e n c a s s o ☆

Hell on Earth, can’t escape it
Evil on my shoulders, can’t shake it
Paranoid of society, hide from judging eyes
Life Scares Me

Dark clouds above us all
the sun avoids the spotlight
After a while, we all begin to fall
can’t win the war but we still attempt the fight
Life Scares Me

Life’s a Phase & I often wonder
what the next wave withholds
So until my turn arrives, my spirit continues to wander
down that lonely yet interesting road
Life Scares Me

☆ P e n c a s s o ☆

You’re constantly used to disguise the truth
behind the inspiration of something that’s often the result of abuse
& although some see you to think you’re true
your true colors are only noticed by a few
who’ve done the same so your fraud becomes see thru
with the realness behind it all dancing on ones face
that’ll eventually worship the current grounds being walked upon

Sadly enough, the more you’re falsely portrayed
the more the need for your departure is delayed
but saying goodbye for now causes them to be afraid
thanks to the broken record of hurt that continuously plays
so you’re used as a form of emotional expression
that’s revealed in ones reflection showing a true sign of depression

☆ P e n c a s s o ☆

Nor them or you could understand the Love
I gave to an angel sent to me from above
I blame myself for getting Attached so easily so quickly
figured if I did such a thing then you wouldn’t Leave me
Never have we had the chance to see this love take off
but I didn’t think something so Precious would come with a Cost

So my last Dying Wish is to see you for once, one Last time
to hold you as we go our separate ways
saying Goodbye as we reminisce on our past days
to hear your Voice right before you hang up the phone
leaving me in existence all alone
But nevertheless, you’re Forever in my Heart even from afar
as I wish for our final visit with that once in a lifetime shooting star

☆ P e n c a s s o ☆

The Power of Your Happiness
you underestimate its effect
for the power of its essence
could uplift of a heart depressed

The Power of Your Love
you nevermind its abilities
for it could turn a dark world to light
making the belief felt of its realities

The Power of Your Joy
you overlook its undying light
to outshine the darkness of fright
to which excites the flame of hearts that it ignites

☆ P e n c a s s o ☆

If this becomes my last entry
I pray the parted will finally hear me
My only objective was to give those like me
A way of life without feeling furthermore lonely
I write all these poems as a passage of emotions
Speaking for the unspoken emotions
Which have led me to the feeling of being alone or a burden
but I continue to write feeling determined
to provide a better chance for survival
to those who’ve considered me their idol
Let my purpose for change be the spark for bravery
that inspires the rest to be stronger after they’ve conquered the recovery
For the Forsaken Message maybe ignored now, one day you shall see
the impact of my vision that helps set my Lost Souls free

☆  P e n c a s s o ☆

Today has a frown upon its face
due to the world being destroyed by evil & hate
Beliefs from the past have came to present
causing the hell within the adolescent

Today sheds a tear
from a world driven by terror & inspiring fear
No real guidance for the youth except ***, pain, & drugs
& I fear all the destruction the world is bound to become

But if Tomorrow begins to smile
I’ll see a brighter day with all evil dying out
A change for the better & faith for a better tomorrow
no tears to wipe, no scars to heal, & we’ll leave the pain from today’s sorrow

P e n c a s ******>

As a man, I’ve never quite understood our logic
How we beg for a woman’s heart then dodge it
We go on these rants about how women play games
When we’re the ones causing the most damage & it’s a shame

Tell me. What’s the point of having a woman ride so hard for you
just to break her heart into pieces when she does so much to ride for you
You get mad them when they’ve realized the same old things being said
from the last man who broke her heart by playing games with her head

Women aren’t perfect but the love of a woman, could never be matched
The feeling that she gives you once she’s gotten attached
The little things that she’s does to prove you’re she needs
Just for you to take it, spit it in her face, then leave
So tell me why it’s easier to break her heart than to love her
If her heart’s always been true to you, what’s the benefit of hurting her

P e n c a s ******>

Sometimes I break down when  I realize
That most of my life has left me traumatized
Never could accept the way I was created
Only wishing that one day, my presence starts fading

Sometimes I break down when I see
The person I’m supposed to be
But held back by fear & self doubt
I remain that forbidden soul lost within the cloud

Sometimes I break down from false happiness & lying
How I struggle from crying
Knowing that the pain is overwhelming but I carry the weight
Of being the one to hold it all together but at the end of the day
who’s gonna be the one to stop me from feeling this way

P e n c a s ******>

Let me fly, Let me die
Say goodbye, Don’t ask why
See you again, my time is up
Drugs weren’t enough, I gave up

Heart’s cried too many tears
Soul’s burnt out from abuse
Spirit surrounded by fears
No point of living, what’s the use

I made my mark, time to go
Where I’ll end up, we don’t know
I wish you the best, I’ll remain by your side
Guiding your path along the ride

Let me fly, Let me die
Say goodbye, Don’t ask why
See you again, my time is up
Just promise me through it all, you won’t give up
- P e n c a s ******>

We used to be very close but somewhere down the road, we parted ways
You fell for someone & the day he came around, things haven’t been the same
Haven’t been happy in a long time but you started showing me it doesn’t matter
Tried talking about it but the discussion we had only made me sadder
I faked a smile until I couldn’t fake it anymore so now I exist in silence
We’ll never be a happy family if there’s no sign for an alliance
You always tell me to speak how I feel but in the end, what’s the use?
When you’re just gonna give me that “I’m living my life” excuse?
You don’t understand the heartbreak I feel within
It’s deja vu & here you are walking away from me all over again
Although I’m all grown up, I’m still your baby boy struggling to share the love
That I used to have growing up & it gave me the faith to never give up
I get it that you wanna be happy but you forgot about your family
I thought it was all a dream until I woke up & saw it was true reality
You don’t know the tears I’ve cried knowing that my mom is no longer present
It’s the same pain I felt when I was living as an adolescent
I lost my dad when I was younger & the last thing I needed was to lose you
And I can’t talk to God being so angry that it won’t bring peace or get thru to you
I lost my best friend, the Queen of the Kingdom, & my Dear Mother
It feels like you know I’m not happy but it’s my pain you won’t bother to discover
It’s pure jealousy of my part because I still can’t accept someone else being around
To take away all of your time leaving me feeling like maybe I let you down
Never thought it would come to this but I can no longer carry these tears
I can no longer live in this home knowing that I’m fading away due to the fears
Fearing that the day will come & you’ve completed forgotten about me
Leaving me alone for you to live forever after without me
This wasn’t my idea for a Mother’s Day gift but this is my poem’s cry
As I cry thru this confession asking myself why
Why did I have to lose my mom? Why am I feeling like I don’t have anything left inside?
Telling myself & you that I’m okay knowing that I’m lying
I’m sorry if I’m feeling like I’m losing you but things are truly changing
Maybe I’m stopping us from being a family but maybe there’s still time for saving
Every rose needs the rain sometimes but this rose is dying out
Struggling to stay alive a bit longer but the petals have officially cried out
                                                   - Pencasso

I’ve been looking for love in temporary places where it can’t be found
Looking for that loyalty with one night stands that couldn’t hold me down
Love making all over the bedroom except the one place where it should be
Falling for the same temptation that I hoped wouldn’t catch me
Charming whoever falls for it knowing what we have won’t last long
Walking away after making love knowing it’s not where my heart belongs
Making love to you vs them is different when it’s passionate between us
I’m doing all this casual hookups knowing your heart breaking is my weakness
For the longest, I’ve been blind by the temptations of love that I ignored
The main one that my heart became attached to adored
*** Ain’t Better Than Love but I needed to feel the void of being alone
Knowing that I was out there by myself & wasn’t ready to establish a home
A boy can’t be a man when he’s too busy still trying to live immaturely
Seeking something pleasuring yet short lived cause he hasn’t learned to love fully
Not sure what the objective was but no source of happiness was discovered
Thought I was looking out for myself when in reality, my heart’s the one that suffered
I guess one must be foolish before he realizes when a true love isn’t present
Making all the right mistakes before he starts to truly miss the perfect blessing
I’ve been sexually attached to a few but there’s nothing like falling for what’s yours
Knowing that the greatest feeling in the world is the love that’s made to be just for you

                                               - Pencasso

I’m sorry I can’t be your man baby although you think of me daily
Sending messages to my phone saying how much you love me crazy
We used to speak every day but now I call you sporadically
Just to see how you’ve been doing or to create love cinematically
I tell you not to fall for me when a part of me only wants to lay with you
Kiss you from head to toe right before I get up & proceed to leaving you
I’m expecting you to tell me that you’re done with the mind games
Done with the ***** calling & acting like I have no shame
You always tell me to live my life but to keep my privates on a leash
Cause to you, it’s all yours & you’d rather not share the heat
You tell me that deep down, I only wanna hit it when I’m lonely but I agree
Cause I’m not ready to settle for love which is why I can’t let you love me
*** became easier to find but only when the bond is strong
And sexing you is what I’ll never leave cause it’s where my temporary attachment belongs
I keep telling myself that it’s not all about the *** between us but what else is there?
For us to conquer when it’s clear that the love we want isn’t meant to be shared?
I know I’m wrong for loving you this way but my ego won’t let me let go
Knowing that once I find what I need, I’ll be forced to let you go
The truth within it all is that I can’t be your man & I can’t be seen with you
I’m only supposed to come through whenever we miss each other to make love to you
No strings attached but someway somehow, you’ve grown to fall in love with me
Ignoring the fact that you’ll never be the one to be with me
My only objective was to please you like I’m supposed to then pull off
But here we mixed in confusion of mixed signals but still I can’t even cut you off

I used to envy these guys, I wanted to be these guys
They got all the attention from the girls & they loved these guys
I wanted to walk like these guys & talk like these guys
And although they ain’t worth it, women fell hard for these guys
They carried the swagger, the presence, & the confidence that I wish I had
But always lacked but to see how women would chase em made me mad
What’s so special about these guys that’s making em irresistible?
When they don’t have any feelings & be flipping more than reciprocals
For all this time, I’ve been looking for what I was missing
Only to realize the big picture that never gained my attention
I was that guy on the sideline watching all these good girls fall short
Then trying to make em smile again but provide comfort support
I never was the average hood guy that they all seemed to adore
Just another joke to their eyes that their egos chose to ignore
What’s the benefits of being like one of these guys?
Breaking hearts & being a **** boy like these other guys
I’ve always wondered if it was worth the risk
To have random broads playing with my joystick
Wasting their time for my own pleasure & amusement
They know I won’t change but they still anticipate an improvement
Mess their heads up to have them think that we’re actually gonna be together
When in reality, I’m just occupying my time until I make her thighs wetter
It seems like that’s the new trend that’s attracting all the women
Fall in love with a fool whose only interest is to go swimming
Yet I still envy these guys cause I wanna be like these guys
Not for the ***, but to get the love that women give these guys