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Katy Sauer May 2015
Possibly the ugliest word
Just
Used to excuse
Thrown about to limit
Quantifying my experience
With your own.
You say it with such ease,
Just a joke,
Just a little,
Just a girl,
Just this one time.
Like you can know
What anything
means to me.
Your just jokes have power
to make me bleed internally,
to press play on tapes
recorded since my birth,
embedded in my brain.
Your just a little
could span a canyon
or possibly to the sun,
little enough to
rewrite the course of my life.
Your just a girl,
quantifying my worth
through my gender,
pushing me to reject
my very flesh.
Just this one time
making me doubt my
own thoughts
cursing me to minimize
every single one time
and how it broke me
before I was even grown.
And if that was not enough Just
Stealing my sanity
Undermining my success
Just school
Just graduation
Just a job
like living in constant
anxious waiting
and making straight A's
was no big deal
multiple suicide attempts
and losing hope over and over
was nothing
After all of this
I'd love to just you
yet I can't.
Even as I carry on,
it can not be
just my past.
I will never call you
just a man.
You are not a man or
just a predator,
you are so much more
than one word
Just a father
because you never were
and you never will be.
Katy Sauer May 2015
Response to a very general demand
Compact is compatible
Seldom if ever, used
Fall below the general standard set.

Now the night is over

Very real enrichment
Outpourings of the hearts of the people
Give Expression to
New expression in,
Inner life,
In such large measure.
Poem created by blocking out phrases in an old hymnal in order through the page.
Katy Sauer Feb 2013
I want to run
desperately want to flee
but somehow I choose
to risk to lose
the very heart within my chest
giving you all my very best
hoping to never grieve
I choose for you to not believe
like so many before
walking through an open door
Katy Sauer Aug 2012
Lay quietly in nature and observe
The way the wind moves the grass
And rustles a tune on the trees ..
And if you wait long enough
You will hear the song seem to stop
And think that it is over
Stay still, quiet, breath slow
Close your eyes.. rest
And when you are ready
You will hear the melody
With your heart.
Katy Sauer Aug 2012
I wish I could keep little bits of happiness
…scraps of my joy
Bring them out and look at them
… emotional photographs
But instead my sadness weighs
…density I can not see past
And I find it hard to remember
… when the world was more
...than dust and dark
Even the rain has slipped away.
Katy Sauer Mar 2011
I'm standing at the edge looking over
My feet barely steady on this shifting sand
I am empty and alone, ready to let go
I step back once, and then once more
The cliff begins to crumble
As my world begins to shake
I'm running for my lack of life
Though I no not why or where to
Katy Sauer Apr 2010
So excited
And yet
So scared
Waiting, Waiting
For an answer
Close my eyes
For a whisper
See the breath
Of an angel
Dance across
The sky
Hoping that
we will
never lose
The place
We have
Gained in
This circle
of life.
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