I have so much to say
Yet can not speak
Your name out loud
I want to scream
Confessions from the
Other side
Haunt my eyes
Just below the surface
I cry.
I beg.
I feel somehow incomplete.
Sometimes I wish
She had agreed,
Said yes dear, that is fine.
Let me go like the others.
Bled me out onto
white cotton sheets
staining them with
my personality
not yet formed
inside her skin
Said goodbye
Never knowing the hell
It has been.

It seems
that I
and you
keep
ending up
in the same
places
Bending
Breaking
to make it fit
Telling ourselves
We don't come
here
often enough
to cause a
change
I raise my
eyes high
to see
you look at
me
Hurting each
other
confusing me
This unconditional
love
suddenly conditioned
in my mind.

It scares me to think
That this is
What life means
Living from moment to
God forsaken moment
I wonder why people
live at all
Maybe I can travel
to Germany
or Poland
and bury myself
to die with
meaning.

I've waited for my
So-called life
To get 'better'
For YEARS.
Nothing has changed
Except the size
I wish I didn't wear
My mind is less
Innocent
My death more
Planned
Day by day.

The crowd roared to life
Screaming my name
A million glittering bulbs
Remembering, feeling
Struggling to be free
Of all the memories
That fight to hold me
Down to the ground
I will succeed
I stand taller, higher than before
I will not lose
I refuse to give in
The crowd chants my name
I smile, I pose for the camera,
I am a beautiful woman
Maybe that is all I will
Ever be.

(1)
He wants to go to Florida
She wants to go to Arizona
I'm fit in the middle
Split in between
Two places in this world.

(2)
He says Blue
She says Green
I'm lost in the middle
Split in between
Two colors in this world

(3)
I say Texas,
I say turquoise,
I say I'm in the middle,
Split in between
Two people in this world.

Don't tell me to calm down
If I could ******* CALM DOWN
I wouldn't be sitting here ready
To carve into my own veins
And watch the blood course
Through another wound
Just one more battle scar
On my road to peace
Well the more I fight
The more this so called peace
Doesn't look as good as it used to
I'd settle for some mild meyhem
Right about NOW
This chaos has worn me thin
I keep bending, not breaking
Stretching, not ripping
I have segmented myself
Into to many parts to count
Take another pill
Medicate yourself into
Oblivion, a rest stop
On my road to peace
Whatever, just don't tell me
To calm down
I take this agitation as a break
From my all out Panic.