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I stare into the darkness with a small match lit.
It’s almost at its end. I have to find the light inside, even though it is really quite hard to find. If I don’t I’ll lose to the heavy darkness of depression. Why? Why am I like this, always unsatisfied with these thoughts running through my head? Why can’t I amiable a no ******* smile? Like in the good ole days when I was a kid. The match burnt out. Now I’m stuck crawling looking for another. Hoping a wave of unhappy emotions doesn’t pull me in. That this heavy tide doesn’t spit me out worse than before. I close my eyes to remember a happy me. I shut them so tight, flipping through every memory to find that real no ******* smile. There I am, younger than 12 years old. Smiling and laughing a laugh I was never afraid to hide. She sees me and excitement covers her face . Then I realize excitement has covered mine . I found a match and crawled closer and found two more . Unfortunately it’s not enough to keep the lights bright this month. I’ll enjoy it while I can. The younger me is gone now , she’s done her purpose.

Gunna be honest I wrote this a while back in a note book and can’t remember writing it , but that’s  what my “episodes” do to me.
In this bayou of lies
I used to float about
Now suddenly I am under.
With each passing day it,
Fills higher and higher
My body lays at the bottom
Undeserving of air.
I stopped fighting for life,
I live with these lies
At the bottom of this unforgiving bayou
I jumped in. oblivious. accepting
I stay here because I am no longer guilty .
My decision executed around our love
I didn't mean to hurt you, but I did
For me, the first thing I've ever done for ME!
I don't think it'll be my last …

I'm sorry
I'm not OKAY
  Jun 2019 Kathleen Cisneros
Spread your wings, ‬
‪Fly my son, Fly away. ‬
‪He said with a calming voice, ‬
‪Continued, ‬
‪These dry eyes will haunt you down, ‬
‪Fly my son, fly far.
‪He started to cry with eyes full of tears, ‬
‪Pointing to the sky, ‬
And gushed,
‪Get along with the clouds, ‬
‪And don’t come back, ‬
‪These ***** souls will eat you alive.
‪Fly my son, fly as farthest as you can, ‬
‪Because you don’t have a home now!
Is it okay ?
to hurt someone
Will you remember?
all the arguments
all the words unspoken in the..
silent air between us
Come find me ?
in the dark
on the ground, after all the tears
Are you Missing me today?
always Forgetting me tomorrow
Why LIE?
hurting you
hurting me more
Is it okay?
No more begging
No more pleading
Pain is coming
Pain is here
Set me free
Light the match
Set US free
Let it Burn
Smile at the pain
It was always there
  May 2019 Kathleen Cisneros
Front of the gates of summer,
I laid myself between the arms of a lover,
The birds gossip “it won’t last forever”,
Because its in my gene I’m a ******.
One look at you
One look
And the memories
The fun
The passionate memories
Come back again
Hate missing you
Hate what you did
One look at you
One look and I’m ...
I’m back where I was .
Where it ended
That feeling
Gone again, back again
- Kathycis
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