The nightmares I have in my mind while my eyes are open are far worse than the nightmares I have when I lie my head down on the pillow.
I’d much rather awaken to me falling than to breathe through these thoughts of loved ones dying.
I often wonder if I’d awaken to find that it’s all just an imaginary dream
But everything’s the same day by day night by night
I’d much rather be having sleep nightmares than awake nightmares at least the nightmares when I’m asleep give me a break.
Do you ever get a break ?

I just saw your name
And **** what a shame
You’re still breathing

I keep looking for this on and off switch in my head.
Turning corners
Wondering where the switch is.
Those switches are for my emotions
But I can’t seem to find the right one.
There’s no labels
It’s like going through a fuse box and looking down the hall way to see which switch turns off which room
But this isn’t a room
And there’s no switch to stop all this.

My eyes are tainted.
I’ve seen what people can do.
What can be destroyed
My eyes are tainted.
I’ve seen the things lurking around the corners
My eyes are tainted
I’ve stared the monster under my bed in the face
It stared back and spoke perfectly
“You’re so Beautiful”
My eyes are tainted
Ive seen the lies on their lips
My eyes are tainted
I’ve seen the fingerprints on my skin
Practically printed on my bones.
My eyes are tainted
I’ve seen the curse they placed on my body.
My eyes are tainted
I’ve seen the blood stain my face, my fingers, my thighs, my hair
I’ve seen what the mirrors seen.
My eyes are tainted
So I close them.
Sleep as many hours as I can
Praying I don’t see anymore evil on this body
My eyes are tainted
My eyes

I hope you hold the old her near
Because the new her is the one you don’t seem to like.
Although
You seemed to like her when she coward down in the corner allowing you to talk and cut down everything she stood  and everything she loved.
You took her love for granted and you ran with it
You sure did like her when she allowed you to make a fool of her.
Now she stands by and watches the fool you’ve become.
The fool who’s preaching and swaying around the room as though their words carry no weight.
Don’t worry you’ll soon get tired of carrying those too.
Just as she got tired of carrying the hurt you’ve inflicted the drama you’ve presented and the distrust you’ve built.
When you speak to her she doesn’t put up the wall
She imagines a mirror because the hypocrite you’ve become has been seen by everyone except you.
So please go in to tell her you’ve missed the old her
The new her will continue to laugh and stand her ground.

Feels like my heads going to explode
My bodies a ticking time bomb
These fists hitting the ground wondering where each land mine is.
There’s a tank in my heart shooting these emotions everywhere.
I’m wondering where I’m going to land
If I’ll be in pieces in the end
Which explosive device is going to go off ?
My brain?
My heart?
My mouth?
These eyes ?
Wondering if my temper is going to get the better of me and click this button and end it all.
I’m clutching the gun closer to my chest
Where will I aim ?
Where will it land?