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Kara Jean May 2016
I have an urge to write words that make the soul cry
Weep tears of enlightenment
To summarize my life in a paragraph
No more body criticism, snipping my spaghetti straps
Running in a stumbled line away from confinement
Forgetting the word comprise
Reality takes a stand reminding me, who will be the mediocre house wife
Instead of making a dramatic exit, I drink whiskey and the world has plenty
Kara Jean May 2016
Suicide,
Two types of feelings in production  
The ones who have lived it in some way
The ones who have never felt it's brutality  
I can not explain it's perplexety
I can say what it is not meant to be
Selfish should never be uttered out of man kind
How could anyone let something hold so much control
A question many hold
Have you took place of another humans body or possibly telepathically inclined
You replied no then ignorant is your judgement
I have no great epiphany in reasoning
Experience is my lead

List of eating disorders inhabited my processing
Mom constantly ******* at what was taking place
She hardly  looked at my fragile eyes
She walked out the door to calm herself
I needed help
Twisted was my concept
My mom would no longer worry
My family would be free from my iniquities
I only had to count to three
Swallow plenty
I was ready
Scratching my throat
Hitting  my stomache  

My mom emotional mess walked back in
Letting me know she would fight for me
I told her time was limited
I held the pills with loss dignity  
Emergency room waiting
Heart monitor
Cords stringing around the bedding
Doctor conversing on the phone
Assuming poison control
I felt "it"
The calmest  feeling ever crossed by man
The soft bright light hitting my bronzed hair
Black went the room
I lost it
Stab went the needle into me
First tranquilizer was be fitting  
Doctor harrasing  me for my stupidity
I could only picture the sounds of Charlie Browns parenting
Brain went crazy
Who the **** was I anyways
Maybe I should **** this troll
He really is bugging
Next round in play
The needle went in again
tranquilizer two was on it's way
Falling in a blank misery sleep

Insane asylum is where you end up with dawn hitting
Incoherent was still my state
Puking in every garbage I could see
Waking up to girls standing over my head
Wanting to hear my story
Was I truly loosing grasp on reality
Adam ******* was my counsler
Recreation fun barred in
Nightly tantrums ***** shot accompanied
My visit was almost done
Circle of trust
Family plan mapped and ready  

I made it home
My distorted brain had no change
Took me passing out a couple more times on the bathroom floor
Towel upon my face fan blasting loudly
Awake I finally came
Perseverance and loss of my sanity
Pushed me
Now I'm ******* resilient to the battles of hell
  May 2016 Kara Jean
Torin
I am a ****** up poet
A starving artist
A punk rock Elvis
Sometimes you just gotta go all out
Because your the king
Man
And you just can't help it

Van Gogh died poor
And alone
In a field that was his last expression
He died by his own hand
And it wasn't even raining
When it should have been

I don't even see myself when I look in a mirror
And you don't see what I see when you look at me
You see a smiling lover
Enjoying life though all the struggle
I live life as Pagliacci
A ****** up poet

I put on a great show
And I weep during intermission
Kara Jean May 2016
Everyone has this identity of what we are meant to be, but it does not come naturally. We must learn how to make it evolve.

This need festers deep inside our body and soul; making it hard to breathe, feeling as if you’re going to combust spontaneously.

In this very moment, the perfect epiphany wakes you as if in a deep sleep. It gives you the urge to write everything, especially your goals and dreams, hoping this will feed the want inside.

Everyone’s feelings of the want come differently.

For me, I feel this passion to make the earth quake enough to move mountains, in such an incredibly unique way.

To run as far as my legs will take me, until I feel as if I’m going break.

To love my children as gracefully and understandingly as I humanly can.

To grow in knowledge, while learning as passionately as my mind will grant me.

To let go of the hate an anger of the world.

To let it slide through my arms, down my finger tips, and into the ground where it belongs.

To not hurt others, but instead be a voice of kindness and strength.

To be what others are afraid of seeking and fighting to see.

To let go of all the animosity and pain, and fly free.

To harness and meditate the things that will feed my soul.

To dress strong and full of beauty as the women I venture to be.

By this I will go far. It’s not a question or a maybe; it is a statement to the world that this is who I will be.
This was the first poem I ever post online. It holds a very special place in my heart.
  May 2016 Kara Jean
Nathan Pival
You wanted more
Even when you had it all
Your greed made you ungrateful
And you took your blessings for granted

You pushed your friends and family away
Replacing them instead with temporary friendships
Knowing they would never last
You made your relationships disposable
And tossed lovers aside

When you were told to get help
You couldn't swallow your pride
You didn't even go home when your mother died

You felt guilty because you knew she was sick
But couldn't find the time to call or visit
Because your schedule didn't allow it
You didn't try to make amends
You blamed everyone else

The last thing you took for granted was your health
By the time it was fleeting
You had no support left to give you strength
All you had left was your wealth
Everyone else had moved on
And already considered you gone

Even though you had it all
You tossed it aside
All alone is how you died
My friend
My lifesaver
You are hurt tonight
The memory of what happened
Not far behind
You felt the tiny body
Struggle for last breath
You saw the tiny head
Crushed beneath your hands
You felt the tiny neck
Snapped in two
I am here my friend
I will hold you
Place onto my shoulders
The pain that you feel
Take comfort in my caress
Sleep so you can heal
I will cradle you in my arms
As a mother would their child
I will try my best to console
If only for a while
A simple thank you felt for you to give
My dear, no thank you necessary
That is why I am here
And in my arms I held you tight
and as the baby can no longer do
You shuddered and you wept
A horrible tragedy shook our tiny community last night. A dear pillar in our community and her 18 month old grandchild passed at the scene after being hit by a drunk driver while walking. My best friend was the first responder. This is for him. My love and prayers are with you Ronnie. May you find comfort in knowing that the child went to rest in a father's arms. God bless our first responders, they are our unsung heroes.
Kara Jean May 2016
Stuck
Twirling head
Black sludge
Draining puddle
Seeping from her ear drums
Mouth open, drool hits her hand
She stares
No one is answering
A bump sits between the brows
Brain combustion
An empty vessel
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