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Kara Jean Dec 2016
What a **** mess
Kisses hugs with grubby little hands
Manners and crayons
No sleep and working
Trying to follow the chase for something we all crave
Hypocritically misbehaving
The money seems disgusting
Yet makes others smile while holding it tightly
We breed we try to succeed
What does it all mean
Beats me
I'm only twenty-six
I know nothing
Paper and pen scrape up my hand
Bruises hidden and blended in
No words of admiration or advice
Just listen to the lost and pretend to be found
Isn't that what makes the world go around
Kara Jean Jun 2016
The wheel clinched tight

Fingers numb and white


Counting to ten

Anxieties curse

Mind, a devine quality


A flash of death as her passengers lay lifeless


She pictures faces

A ****** mess


Everyone sits singing and unblemished

A true definition of mangled point of view

A routine her mind has provided

Someone else hits the petal accelerating

She is familiar with picturing the world dying

She is now stamped with, "I'm part of the ****** up society"

Stay clear

She is endearing

The tea cup world believes she is dangerous
Kara Jean May 2016
The wind rumbles, persuading
The dry sand encrusted sky shines
Redirecting with force the human path
The empowered rage as trash and tree branches pass by
The wind hears to no laws only the torn
A breath of a savage
Alluring destruction
I put my hands out wide, my clothes blowing high
My eyes concealed
The strong breeze shoves my hips and arms in different positions  
An outcome is all I ask to reach
Listening to my request the wind has no remorsing
No conditioning, only thrusting
Kara Jean Jan 2020
Purple dew in her hair casting hues of memories
Fair skinned with a wanna be tan
Standing still, amused by her humility
Candid personality in her hands
A mom without a plan
Compassion sits on her ripped Jean's and tugs at her plain tee
Love's sweet
Time is ugly
Kara Jean Jun 2016
u love and hate my being
A persona of tainted goods
Everything you've ever seen expresses an opinion against me
Sincerety is killing
No longer renewed
Broken is where we all need to be
Confused is full of beautiful possibilities
The "new population" is exciting
Circles are blinding
Keep being you
Kara Jean Jun 2016
The convenience of crying,
It caters to the wondering
Presumptuously, others convince us of dying
Nothing is relentless nor meaningless
I find myself following the trendiness,
In a puzzling quest for happiness
I pass the time reading articles predicting my life
A destination we described
Predictable knowing is demeaning
I lost my appetite
What is the price
Modern day confusion
Kara Jean Apr 2016
The long hours of the night highlight our inner insecurities
Relating to the change slowly disappearing in a clanking machine
My stomache burns
I didn't suggest to pay this, indebted to the alcohol
No filter to the lewd humorous words we speak
As we cruise away from the wild eyed life, bits of lint collect on the drivers glass
The mistakes and embarrassment blinds our minds
A push of a button, watching the grey fluff slide down the wind shield
Turning into a tumble ****, rolling down the loneliest highway
No commitment to the grief
The clouds smother the brown smudged mountains
A white submissive canvas, I see
My metaphoric future becomes one with the peeks
My heart weeps as they come back into view
The world once teaching me, is now background beauty
Where shall this car take me
Kara Jean Jun 2016
No good melody
A definition stained on the upper region of my brain
Actively producing fungi fumes
Nauseated, you are excused
Instant hate when uttering its name
It makes our hands shake, to be displayed in such a way
It has no purpose, only an intention
Killing curiousity, by outlining others self righteously
Mediocre is my creative space for acceptance and I have requested an invitation to everybody
No reasoning just letting go of expectations consuming
Hope to see you soon
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Paranoia has become a normal emotion
Sweaty wrists
Is he coming for me
There is only a room full of lust
Hardened hearts, created trust
Still the world yells don't give up
Open your arms feel the aura of selfish love
Communicate with the gods to support a narrow thinking
The thick grotesque feeling
No worries
It forms mortality
You will be one with the kings
Morals never meant anything
Give into the need
The touch as the thorn crown presses harshly
No blood just crimson red sins bleeding
Kara Jean Jul 2016
If I took a moment to truly look into my reflection what would I see?
A soul burning
To realize my tendencies
Being hypocritical
My outbursts of screaming
My times I put my emotions before others needs
Maybe my push to see all of the worlds thick positivity
Sometimes over shadowed by egos bellowing
How do we shape a reflection?
It seems pretty set to me
I pray to heal
To bring out a sunbeam not for show
To help the worlds love and grow
To help the plants and animals continue to glow
I know not where to go
I believe in this big ball of energy revolving
There is a purpose
A God
A devil
And a journey
Not sure which place it will take me
For now here I stand free
To make a choice
Creating destruction or happiness
Lately I've been in a soul search. This is a product of my feelings.
Kara Jean Sep 2017
Anxiety kisses me
I have a need to retreat,
instead I give in
Its helps me blend,
blend into world I don't believe
Make believe is my kind of thing,
so **** me
**** me over
Make me forget,
forget everything
I detach easily
Kara Jean May 2016
The weekend drips slowly
Regrouping, fixing her flowing blouse
Removing moments of stupidity
Told, goals will not wait upon the playing
The world doubts her abilities
She keeps a flower crown
A sip in her soul and a push beyond control
A gut on the verge of dying
She smiles introducing her cries to the world
If God could see, how proud would he be
Taking shots as they sing
Oh to have a presence built on a kingdom of storm clouds
A goddess with out an understanding
Kara Jean Jan 2018
Rock hard abs exaggerated
Instead intoxicated
We're complicated  
What a generation
Flawed and declawed
Don't complain we're not to blame
We're just entertained by the insane
The world we see is a nothing
Thanks for leaving us a something  
We're weak yet you're unique
OK, remind me why the world is dying
Never mind I am ignorant, keep reminding me please
Kara Jean Nov 2016
We live to eat, love, clean and work so one day we can die
A busy life style is where we strive
The spider runs from the broom only to see me, a human being
He stared at me waiting for fate
He knew I was meant to destroy his dark little body
Still and calmness as he waited
I sat next to him
My hand wouldn’t cooperate
He is nothing but beauty in a world that only sees his ugly
A voice told me, “He helps. It is your obligation to repay his generosity.”
My eyes welled up with humility
I felt a part of his unimportant soul was me
I thanked him as I let him go
Kara Jean Jun 2016
The devil sat next to her offering Sumatra blend coffee as a peace offering
He had an intimidating persuasive grin
Her soul was shrinking
Her ******* were missing
He trapped her plotting
His key was twisting into Hells room floor
She could no longer ignore his insensitive personality  
His life style was to **** expensive
A clock tick tocking rhythm less  
She still held her head high
He never seemed surprised when she said goodbye
Kara Jean May 2016
A breath, she breathes
Word she can not seek
An ache she craves
A hand grips her hips
A brush of her golden strawberry hair
His soft lips and rough hands against her skin
Broken satisfied nights
Addiction to the completed whole in her half binding
A contradicting wild beauty
Hold her hand tight
The howls scream for her return
Kara Jean Jul 2016
A ceaseless compulsion
Memorizing every mark and story you tell
My destructive ways
Playing the game destroying your name
Anyway to create more pain
Here you stand striking and majestic
You walked away resilient
Disfigured to society
I only see grace
Every mark encompassing you resembles strength
I now respect myself
We are binded together boundless through intertwined life
Our infinite form
My spirit and body
Combine as one

I promise to love
This is about my battle with eating disorders and depression. I was able to defeat my demons. I still struggle but I'm stronger than I once was.
Kara Jean Oct 2016
She ripped off the layers
She gave into fate, some would say is brave
Others believe it to be immature, early grave
She closes her eyes, letting go of hate
Feet bruised and blistering, have no hold
A destination untold
Connected to heart and soul
She will make it on her own
Kara Jean Jun 2018
I grew my hair long, that's what you're suppose to do when your blonde
I am antispation gone wrong
I have a plan it is not glad, instead we get sad
Nothing sealing
Nothing concealed, we have a plan
I went cold, no one knows
Would you like more cries with, "do what you're told"
The night is blind and I'm unkind, let's makes one more feast,
I can pretend to be happy
Relax, there is no ending
Kara Jean Oct 2016
I am humbled by where I need to go
So I can go where I need to be
I hear someone following me
May it be god or a spiritual being
I am incapable of looking back
So I hope the universe cuts me off and takes the
If not it's just me and the baggage full of could of bes
Holding me down as I drag it across the ground
At least my wine makes me drown
Only to make my eyes wide
To see it always was the devil next to me
Kara Jean Sep 2016
Beauty is not gained
It is obtained and retained
Beauty is not a product
It is a human being
It is a attribute defined
It is a love to those around us
It is a natural state of humanity
Beauty is nothing with out everything
Kara Jean May 2016
Parts of thoughts, chopped into slivers
Run, **** and, scream
Be a disappointment
My judgment
Steaming hot bath
A week completed
Still considered a journey
When nothingness is fulfilling
Kara Jean May 2016
A head, gnashing and screaming
Forgiving my unknown hospitality
Pretty is weakening
I'm a fatality deemed
Obnoxious is my scene
The mocking and mimicking comes easy for me
No secret, I envy the earth's energy
Depressed, sitting in my fancy dress
Shoving and tugging with desirable credibility
I ravish my personality
As I show my tender meat bleeding
Kissing, authentic generosity
A bit suggestive
Confidence in deranged descriptions making others nervous
Excuse me, I must leave my head is blistering,
Gushing and oozing profanities
Dented durability, consume me
I love the fact I'm lacking
Becoming one with the barbaric queen
This is a combination  of two poems I wrote put into one because why not
Kara Jean Feb 2018
You seem to be eating my insides

I watch

I am not helpless

I pretend not to see

Soon I will be left a rotting carcass

I am not afraid of the death you bring

I fear being left useless
Kara Jean Jul 2016
The moment I feel it
The point I've figured it out
Seconds away from being a whole
A mind in control
The walls,
The house,
My world
begins to sweat
My heart feels irony in my soul dying
I run frantically
There's still time everyday
We scream and pray
Fixated on a break
To bad it's on fire
Others envy as you rise higher
If only they knew your heart was tired
Self-worth never acquired
Still we run
The winding path kissing your morning breath
Nothing changes
Time to admit
Your heart finally turned to charcoal
The darkness has no forgiveness
Somewhere in the middle section
With a world full of alcohol, tears and desires
No one notice you were a crier
You sit in loneliness
Proving you're a ******* fighter
There is still life in the smoldering soul
One day the run won't be so tiring and old
Hope or bitterness hits and you die in emptiness
Cleanse me in a chlorine pool
My white dress floats
Eleganntly holding my figure together as my skin burns off
God screams
No one hears
I sit in a universe I only see
Mother Earth stop haunting me
A dream form made to torment her
Today we lay no longer breathing
Free is still currently a lie we put into our speech
I lay lifeless in a straight jacket built upon fear
Kara Jean May 2019
The deeper I go the cheaper my soul
I feel the suffication of my existence setting in
How easy it is to hide
No one gives a **** about your cries
Jesus blessed my sin, I'm just hell bent
Here's to the broken life again
Kara Jean Nov 2016
Bitterness seems to be the ego of my tongues taste buds
The story of life never really begun
The future is torn by what we have become
I still stand proudly holding congratulation balloons and chewing gum
I pop the bubble as I hum a song
Not noticing the buzzard telling me to move on
The ghost seems to place himself next to my feet
whispering with every step he sees
Trying to show me my deceit
Although I walk careless or maybe hopelessly
Encouraging myself the future is still bright
When in reality it is only fake highlights
Held together with dead ends and a burnt head
We have no other opportunity
Only a possibility of being the lucky one
I lose my fun as I sit here popping my chewing gum
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Situated in self caused misery
Her choices translucent
Influenced by a life of negativety
She filled her tub with murky water
Warm, a place filled to the tip with disgrace
A bed is shelter overhead,
comfort is never enough
In this vague interpretation of what is good,
she has stiffened posture
A symptom of exposure
Kara Jean Dec 2016
She thought she had it;

Muddy dress, an outfit depressed

The sunshine blinds

A use for her view

Then realistic features come walking in

Scolded shoulders tower over

Her fishnets and black lipstick hide her
mildewed heart

She fights

Fighting submerged her feelings

Numbing the pain she became hate

Hate became her soul

A control

A defense

A way to save her from death

To bad the devil has a toll

A fee

He envies ugly
Kara Jean May 2016
My configuration is accelerating
Off balance with the earth's core
Dissatisfied, I try to be still
My form is hyper and energetic
Loud and obnoxious
Mistaken and exaggerated for being cruel
I only seek to harness similarities
To stand grandly, instead I appear egotistical with low self-esteem
Contradicting, no way to make sense
This is a normal place
Disconnected, I try to behave
Social skill are at low percentage
Sitting, I embrace the heckling
one hand on heart and the other on mind,
In hopes to intertwine
Take control, define the soul
Combine me into a whole
Let standards go
Carrying a presence of a mild wind breeze
Never nearing nor ending
Kara Jean Dec 2017
I'm conscious I am a rambling idiot
I sometimes see a glimpse of sense,
Patterns created by me
I like to say I'm artsy
I know the real reality
I'm just a depressed mess,
Picking up trash and calling it crafts
Thinking I may have finally gotten it right,
I awake and it never changes
Life is thickening up fast like a poor made dessert
I just stand here with my fork, in hopes it'll cool down
My tongue is destroyed,
It no longer can take the burn
So be warned don't serve me overcooked confections
Kara Jean May 2018
Born indebted
Pretty and inconspicuous,
bullheaded woman

"Be petite"
"Be sweet"

Mormonism imbedded
Background created, disfigured with no accountability
They proclaim, "we have humility"

Here she comes, the one who is done
A demon who has just begun
A fallen angel with its halo still hung

Not a threat, only desolate
Pink dress is a signature for a distinguished mess
A force of reconstruction

A taste of death
Nothing else left
The master of her hell
She will prevail
God confessed
Kara Jean May 2016
The world is not complex
People just say it is to hide their *******, excuses for self justification
Let us give them our admiration for their condescending inspiration
Lonely is fun when your enticingly crazy
Never entirely board when your consumed in self argumentative rambling
A gesture I call exciting
I don't deny the chaos erupting from my skulls siding
Nor should anybody
I have a tendency of getting delighted the moment I put my animosity on display
It's kind of like my you have a "blessed day"
Yes I'm ok
I have daily meetings with the counselor in my head and he
said this is progress
I added more
Kara Jean Apr 2016
Spinning chairs, crashing
Dollars bills, in a G-string
Face hammering,
by sweaty sticky ***** cheeks
Plastic suitcases, held tightly
Chug your drink it's time to leave
Walk cautiously, drink powefully
Ting, ting, goes the machine
She winked at her, she pinched back
He said let's go
Their room opening
Laying, the mysterious women on the bed
He grabbed her hips
His wife watched, caressing her ****
Door goes cold
Sun shining brightly
Eyes being punctured into gaping holes
Cheesy over done smile, stepping into the livingroom floor
Perfect outstanding family
Morally hidden, detrimental corrupting
Their professional suits, look so clean
Appearance is everything
Kara Jean Apr 2017
I like self-pity unconsciously
I have no friends because I'm me
Enthusiastic hopes and dreams dissipate so easily
Not sure why the universe acts like I could be something
The world is cold and owes nothing
When you are misconstrued and used confusion is happy
Reinventing is a thing Not sure if it's for me
Kara Jean Oct 2018
Sanity is thin

Surrendering like a dead fish trying to swim

A sold soul long ago, for nicotine and a guy who can't sing

Bursted dreams, mentally obscene

Standing on the ledge of a predestined date, coming to terms with the urge of free falling into fate

Death seems ok when your cards are out played

Her demon green eyes staring up into the sky

The river seems pretty high

A lifeless crazy ***** in her death bed

God cries, "why"

The devil smiles, "not to night, we have one last fight"
Kara Jean Aug 2016
God made me this way
Sad, without an understanding
I only hope not to disappear
My dream is to show perseverance
My only prayer is to be a purpose that is clear
Some kind of force show me the way
Tomorrow is my day
Kara Jean Jul 2016
To not try is giving into defeat

To try is an opening for possibilities
I'm making a goal to write a motivational quote a day for myself. While I do so I will be posting them here.
Kara Jean Nov 2017
I pretend to love the cold
You have a point, I'm destroying my soul
I'm filled with despair
I pretend like I don't care
I feel every tear
I tell myself don't live in fear
Still I hear your voice telling me I will be "there"  
Sometimes I want to disappear
My pain is near
My fire is inviting
I will grow my weakness each night
Don't underestimate my fight
Kara Jean Dec 2020
A demented hippie queen
The flowery thornes deeply wraps her torso,
she bleeds
She rubs it in the stained dress stepping so elegantly
Smirking at the roses nip
Sipping her tea nonchalantly,
The universe continuing to breathe
She knows the world is unforgiving
There is no return course
She rides her dark horse
The full moon guides her as she treads blindly,
hoping to find her a place to be free
Kara Jean May 2016
Deranged and rearrange
Obsessed and repressed
You skim the surface,
Proudly believing you know the inbetween
*** is a flame,
Still tamed
Perfect doll patiently coaxing
It's a hoax,
Attention you spent
A rotted scarred, heart
Depiction of the girl who giggles and says yes
She died when she was thirteen
Along with her virginity
Kara Jean Sep 2016
My knees shattered from beneath me
The ones standing next to me seem to not notice or care to hear
With no ground under me I continue to run
Legs pound with no air to balance my breathing
Suffocating is the option presented
I might take it, if my knees won't ground me
God just let me go free
No guilt
No noise
Nothing holding me
Only life letting me taste its spirituality
Kara Jean Jul 2016
I used an abundance of bronzer to attain that warming look
To bad, I'm see through
My pale dead cold blue glistens for you
You wanted me selfishly
I seen your tendencies shining
You were always better at dining
You never existed
The only evidence is a ripped up shirt,
covered in blue frosting
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Holding the mirror as it cuts me,
young distorted beauty.
I hear the lurking as you say,
"Hello It's me your guilty friend,
I've come uninvited moving in."
Slowly eating away my body until I disengrate.
Perhaps you may think you have the superiority over me,
Dismantling me taking away my abilities.
Sadly, you do not know the perseverance and **** stubborness fighting in me.
Good bye anorexia.
I struggled with an eating disorder  for many years. I'm now recovered and this me is conquering one of my demons.
Kara Jean Mar 2017
I let you in
I let you win
Disguised as something ignorant
Performances seem breed
It was all in your head
Lord I pray
One day karma does not detroy your face  
You had the makings of something great
Instead you chose hate to manipulate
Lets see how far you go
Until you are no more
Just a face misplaced
Kara Jean Jun 2019
Her morphed view took her heart
Shot her mind
Eyes hold the fear of defeat
Bipolar is a deadbeat and I hold all of this inside of me
Kara Jean Jul 2016
We came so far
Playing the sounds of records we never seen
Singing Tom Petty in between
Summer never seemed so sweet
We sat out until three
Staring up at the stars, the sky placed so simply
You are my one and only
We're a good crazy
Finger tips in my hair
I feel a tear as you kiss me
Could it be possible, we found love young
The way you touch my soul is impossible
I'm not obsessed but you make me helpless
I remember the day we said ok, this is forever
Babe, please hold me all day
Make me brave
Make time stand still
You make me weak with every intimate moment
Our love is complete and it scares me
Kara Jean May 2016
Don't call me your baby cakes
Don't tell me I look Great
Don't tell me that I'm the only one for you
When it's only semi straightforward,
like your pants since the day we met

Don't tell me my *** looks tight to get out of a fight
Don't tell me not to finish a whole box of a wine in one night
I feel the need to sit and binge watch parenthood and do the ugly cry

Don't trust me because I only partially trust you
Don't scream when I request blunt alibies  
Don't suggest you're done with my *******
Baby cakes you're mine until the ******* end

I really want you to know

I love you
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Unstable lacks a label
Oh wait, that's why they call me overfocused A.D.D
Silly me forgetting my birthright proclaimed
To be realistic I'm tranquil, when I hold still
I love me and my oddities
I embrace those who are the same
We have enough normality
We need finesse rotating our gravity,
shifting different pockets of energy
Everyday we should be celebrating our individuality
Not moping
Not to mention mini parties are exciting
Kara Jean Oct 2019
I love the dark distance breeze.
I picture it swaying me with the trees,
My feet dangling beneath me.
My hair is darkened like my soul.
Hell is waiting for my fury.
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