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Kalmia lilies Apr 13
what benefit would there be for me to admit
to such shameful feelings
you fuel my every twist of hand
you make my poems the most refined
all my songs stem from the pain
you've inflicted to my heart
my most raw emotions and uncontrolled stem from your every action

what's the benefit in admitting something so destructive?
what's the point allowing myself to lose the one thing that keeps me breathing ?
cause how do I explain that my love for you leaves me for dead .
gasping for air ,
no more blood pumping my body
as it's core is no longer there
how do I explain my heart leaving me for dead
with  the sole purpose of running to you with it's fleeting energy left

how do I explain my heart leaving it's natural functions
committing suicide as without me it dies
for the the sole purpose of meeting your own?
like the mere presence of the one it craves is worth the worst kinds of death
the slow and heavy ones , that leads my vacant eyes to fathom the most untrue outcomes.

how do I explain that you drain me of all my being , with just one part of me being yours
Why did I fail to realise that in my chest was not where my heart lied this whole time
or that it belonging to you when you had abondonned me here to die
Very dramatic but was definitely a fun way to write constantly looking for the bigger idea haha
Kalmia lilies Apr 13
Then suddenly I’m hit by seasonal depression
The Type that dulls the sky and interactions
Makes you Observe the world with no question
clings on to you like second skin
Makes you go crazy and contemplate sin

Whatever you do nurtures these thoughts
Like our nature was to fear and hate
Consumed by everything , consumed by shame
a horrible game we’re fated to play

Can I hide myself ? Wait for the rain to be over ?
The umbrella still wets my clothes and damps my skin
I can’t take  the cold and I can’t take the heat
Everything I do seems to make me weak
Struggling with truth and make believe
That feeling when everything is okay and then all of a sudden a rainy dark cloud hovers over your head .

— The End —