Do you even know what love is ?
Treating it like a language that’s foreign
Finding it in everything and anything
Yet you still fail to gasp it’s concept

I love you . in everything you are
In everything you aren’t .
You ‘think’ I know you
But you don’t even know where to start

I love you , in the way you’re so cautious of your heart
Treating like it’s all that matters ,
In a way that makes hating you so **** hard
I love you like it’s all that matters

In the way you see me inside out
in a simple blink of an eye
in the way your head falls back
when I try to make you laugh

in the way you look at me like I’m all yours
just to remind me I’m not
the way you drown everyone in this fantasy of ours
just to remind me It’s all false .

I love you in the way your breath fans the wind
In the redness of your cheeks
I love you with all your physiology
I love all of you in everything and anythings.

But what’s love if not mingled with hate ?
Theres some parts of you I simply detest

I hate you , In the way you make me feel small
in moments of vulnerability and distress
make me wet , dripping in disrespect
not from lust . no, not at all

I hate you , in your words
You walking dissonance .
Act like I’m the whole world
Just to speak utter nonsense .

Grief what a gut-wrenching  thing
She said it’s as a luxury
I say it’s a place to be .
The feeling of all things that have passed,
Displayed so miserably .

And although in misery  we should only find darkness
Something lingers ,shades of brown ,beige light
a veil that comes to hide all the sad and all the madness
leaving once again  this beige brown light

The same brown you find in photographic film
memories , souvenirs flashing before your eyes
a vague replica of the intensity it is
to move on and leave your heart behind

And when your smile becomes tears ,
you  finally realise that time is more than money
and we waste it year after year
not caring , living so shallowly

She said grief is a luxury
I say it’s a place to be
The luxury it is to have something to lose
To have loved and cared ever so deeply

What a luxury it is to be moved to the core
To live life in a way that makes our hearts yearn for more
Cause it’s beauty is blinding , we no longer see with the eyes
Living life in a way we are sometimes forced to mourn

In a world so big , so broad but small
We fall in love a couple times
sometimes less sometimes more
Wether you stay in your bubble
or talk to many people
There’s only so much you can do
So much you can search for

Walking down the street
Same routes same scenery
Same people same shops
Same sky and greenery
We think we’ve seen it all
Think we walk in circles
Tired of the same thing
Crave something experimental

Then I remember there’s time
How fast things change and get out of line
How blind I tend to be when I’m all up in my life
Cause how couldn’t I see you
See you were meant to be mine
I saw you on that street but didn’t look at you
Heard your voice in that room  but didn’t give a ****
I knew something was missing I just didn’t know
It was you I was missing , it was you from the start

and it’s not that’s he’s made me who i am,
but I feel the missing parts I gave away ,
the little crevices he must’ve left ,
taking all my books , emptying every shelf .
He made me who I am , with all the things he’s taken away .
In his absences , in the things that made me stay and fall flat on my face , with all the things he took away ,
he ended up made of what I was but he was too immature to see it all .

How who he had become was thanks to all the times I’d taken that fall ,
how his most loved qualities were the ones I sufffered for  
How ? Can we build someone up and loose all the things that made us secure ?
I gave it all cause by love for him but now I’m left wanting more .


He’s made up of so much of me , those around me see it instantly.
All the things he now thinks as his , were mine inherently .
Giving it up is an easy task , doesn’t take much when you’re hearts on the line
When you wear your heart on your sleeve , giving it up is the easy part

How tiresome it is to hang on to fleeting things
Not really feeling at what moment they losen their grip
Realising that finally they don’t need you with in
Realising that it was just a fleeting thing .

How tiresome is seeing depth in everyone , everything ?
In a way that makes your hands ache from the aimless digging
Just to not find what you search for in it
Wasting so much time for a fleeting thing

How tiresome is  trying to be perfect in everthing?  
Failing miserably addicted to sin .
Drowning so deep, sorrow eats you within ,
craving to be more than just a fleeting thing

How draining is being nothing to someone who’s your everything ?
How much does it hurt one’s soul to be left vacant of it’s heart ?
Desperately filling it with everything and anythings
A pathetic attempt at fixing-

-what could be mended with a simple kiss.

And you look at your own flesh ,
Disgusted by the smell and taste
So you take on another one ,
Hoping it won’t make a change

The hatred reflects in your eyes ,
Of deep , now ***** brown ,
You can’t convince yourself you’re lovable ,
So you try others  until your capable

To feel it , drown in it ,
Allow intamcy in a way that’s from within
And you’re fighting , and you’re tired
You’re tired of losing , dying inside ?

And all that hatred is overbearing ,
You’re consumed with it but it still exudes from your pores ,
That’s the origin and cause of the foul smell you noticed
You tried to cleanse your soul , but there’s just more & more

And you blame , blame and blame , the only ones that loved you
You point your finger , hate and blame , the ones that loved you
Cause you know they won’t point back , hate back , by love for you
You will do it all , to deny the problem being you

Has your lame trickbook not been sullied enough ?
In a way that makes you barely notice its words ,
After each use , it gets a little more rough
Left with the guilt and the whole world

And that smell , oh that reeking smell !
Of all the things you hate ,
Of all the things you loathe
Including your poor self

I feel sincere and utter pity ,
That you’re unable to look at yourself in a mirror
Whether for your greatness and successes
shortcomings or weaknesses

You put yourself through things you simply cannot overcome
And you’re unravelled , faced by the consequences
Another mirror you close your eyes to
The mirror of consequence  

You were to speak words of utter and complete understanding
But wearing someone else's skin cancels out achievements
Did you believe you could bare the glory ,
but not the face of the enemy ?

Though your acheivements were clear as day ,
Written all over that face , so beautiful face
And just how you harvested the inability to conceive your heart made of gold ,
You harvest the inability to see things-not how they seem , but how they are told .

And so you move like an evil spirit ,
Shallow and insincere ,
You’d think you’d hate it up there, living  in fear
But you take a particular liking to that kind of mischief

You find power in the ego and the lie ,
Cause it blinds you enough from the inevitable demise
Blinds you from your biggest fear of sinful tides
That you get swayed  with no bark , and no fight

And it’s ugly .
All things are ugly in the end ,
Do some harbour the capacity of only seeing the good ?
The ugly is all I see in the end .

The  links that tie us are so beautiful yet so raw ,
Drowned in a color that is ours but also everyones
The links that tie us are of a deep red ,
running in our veins in a way that’s so coarse
I wonder if we’re the only ones .

The beauty we basked in before the storm removed its light ,
Still lingers in that beautiful soul of ours .
But it has  been sullied , beaten and rendered useless
By love itself , by the adoration , trust itself .

Love : what a destructive thing ,
No matter the nature , it’s way of functioning seems to be a never wavering scheme
One that is the most fulfilling sight you’ll ever lay your eyes upon ,
Before every crevice of the thing you once adored turns into to ash and bone

Its so fascinating , is it not ?
The way we tumble and fall , but still lift ourselves up
The way we get a little bit uglier , a little more lost  
At every twist and turn , we lose something that we were made of



And I’ve lost , lost so much in you .
May I reach for your heart , rip it from your chest to allow myself to feel full again ?
Or maybe -and only if you let me- would you let me retrieve my books from your shelves ,
I know you read them , understood them and bare with me , annotated them but they are mine ,
May I have them back ?

It’s in no way that I wish to taint you furthermore with my obligations and needs ,
But the things I used to give -and willingly so- are now missing me
Or I miss them , that besides the point ,
With them in your hands I fail to feel whole ,

So let me dissect your brain , to figure which part of every memory  belonged to me
To attempt to seek and find the things that now make you 'you' , that actually stem from me .
I’m sorry , or probably not all , I don’t seem to a give a single thought about you being empty
I just need the love you stole from me

This is a another classic instance of **** or be killed ,
In a way this for my survival , and thus I must ****
You , it all seems to begin with you .
All the things that hurt me , simply make you stronger
Cause I didn’t steal from you

And my heart weighs heavier than you on the balance of honesty