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Vivre, avec cette étrange tendance
À pardonner chaque erreur,
À fermer les yeux sur chaque défaut,
À s’accrocher, misérablement à chaque malheur,
À délaisser la vérité,
se convaincre que tout est faux

Tu pardonnes plus vite,
Parce qu’au fond, cela te semble vital,
Leur absence t’est presque invivable,
Alors tu puises dans tes dernières forces
Pour les convaincre de revenir,
Tu t’épuises à réduire cette distance,
Espérant pouvoir revivre.

Tu cours, à en surpasser tes limites,
Au-delà de ce que ton corps peut offrir,
empruntant la route précise
Où ton cœur a pris la fuite

Mais une crainte te rattrape,
La peur que ce chemin t’apparaisse familier,
Une route emprunté mille fois dans le passé,
Où reposent à la fois tes plus  chaleureux souvenirs,
Et tes pires tourments,
Un chemin que tu souhaite coute que coute oublier
Pour enfin  recommencer.

Alors tu cours, encore,
Et la fatigue s’empare de toi
Tu cours, encore,
les cieux se moque de toi

La peur t’envahit,
Quand enfin, tu t’arrêtes devant sa porte,
Tu prétends avoir entendu ton cœur,
Reconnu ses battements.

Dans un dernier souffle,
À bout d’air, frôlant la mort,
Tu lèves les yeux,
Et cette vue devant toi
Vaut bien plus que tout le tourment.
Mais cette vision... est-ce ton cœur que tu retrouves ?
Pourquoi donc ses yeux sont-ils couleur nature ?
rare poems ive written in french . i kept them hidden ,unsure of it's beauty but i've made peace with incertainety .
My heart was ill , my heart was sick
I can’t determine if it was a parasite or a virus
Because it ****** my blood, all of it  
It couldn’t live without me yet it killed me

I’m not sure if it was a virus or a parasite
For it was silent , I lived for months not feeling it sneak up on me
Not feeling it weaken me , not seeing it killing me .
Because I didn’t feel it grow inside me , use me , as it’s host for my endless amounts of love and life
I didn’t feel it become a part of me ,

I’m not sure which one it was , because I didn’t know how to differentiate it from me
Because it took over my thoughts , made me crave things I’ve never thought of  before
Because it infected every single one of my cells with this disease called love
'cause I wouldn’t have minded to nurture thousand of 'hims' growing inside me

Maybe it was just a bacteria . after all it did make me sick to my stomach
Butterflies paired with a little histeria
I believe he could take what was mine and make it his
Could build a resistance to all my attacks and destroy all my bounderies
Lay skin to skin preparing , waiting , starving
to take it all , consume me , infect me
Ever since the aftermath is a as tedious process as the sickness was
Your name brings me inner turmoil
‎Reminding me that the peace your absence gave me has an aftertaste.
‎Torn between forgiveness and acceptance
‎Or clinging on to that version of you that stays the same .

‎I have not once told this story lightheartedly
‎I weighs heavy in my chest , escapes my lips ,barely
‎The issue being I simply can't forget the ugly of it all and it's beauty

‎Can we feign to forget something the body can't erase ?
‎The sound of your voice , the smile freckle on your cheek
‎Bind to your hip from day one , your memory , is something I just can't shake .

‎I'm made up of so much of you in more ways than one
‎In who I was , who I am , who I'll become
‎Hating you is the most foolish mistake I can make
‎As it means hating parts of me that I simply can't take away .
Time healing wounds, barely
Kalmia lilies Aug 29
Distruction pollutes the air .
‎He's my green but your green pollutes the space.
‎Your head has created the mess that lies in your home
‎And your hand has dissolved your senses , rotting you to the core

‎You hate yourself just like before
‎Only now it's written on your face
‎You hate everything and nothing
‎My worries are for you just a bore

‎You that held every value with your chest
‎Now only lets the weirdest takes escape
‎That mouth of yours pathetically camouflages your insecurity
‎And barely hides the sadness of your stare


‎All the things I praised you for are now a distant memory
‎All the things that held us close keeps us talking ,barely
‎I no longer see the light I'd compliment you for
‎open your eyes and darkness cloud them evenly .


‎Life took that light away and I'm aware of that
‎It's Life that will bring it back I need you to know that
‎Not the script you've been playing on repeat
‎Your blinded by the money and the haze
Your vision ever so meak

You've dropped your brain on the shelf
doing '15 year old' things at your 18 year old self
‎Did you not learn a thing in all this mess ?
‎Your sins haunt you even after death


seeing the slow process of self destruction painted on your loved ones
Kalmia lilies Aug 27
I’m 18 and the wind feels like a storm
The air feels like peroxide
It’s messy, everywhere
Inside, outside my mind

I’m 18 and have all bark and no fight
Everyone says I’m alright
It is true I enjoy life, a little too much ,
I guess they’re right.

The weakest currents sway me
Walking away seems against the tide
I stand and hope no one sees me
Trying. barely holding on to life.

I dwell in the intensity and dwell in the present
I create melancholy in this exact instant
Nostalgia breeds the nothingness  inside of me
Kills my inner child ,leaves room for adolescence

I prefer my heart tortured than at peace
Feeling something triumphs it all to me
This spiraling is what seems to keep me alive
Hanging on the nothing and could’ve beens

I’m 18 and the wind feels like a storm
Feels like I was waiting for this moment , since the day I was born
Waiting for my heart to yearn , waiting for my heart to be torn
Breaking in a thousand pieces yet still wanting more

Crashing under the pressure of the gale
dust sealing me eyes shut in a second
falling once again on my face
hoping there are lessons to be made
hoping I can enjoy my mistakes .
The intensity
Your eyes are painted with much despair and it hurts just to look at them
forgive me for not looking you in the eye I’m tortured by a truth you don’t want to hear
Tortured by your future that seems unclear

A cloud has blurred everything you are , dissipated in that smoke of yours , my love no longer reaches your soul , only hovers over you in a bore

Words only caress your heart perhaps a hug could play that part ?
Tell me what drives you mad
So we can find the breaks fast
Time flies so fast , I’ve already forgotten who we were without the crazy parts .
You’re beautiful .
Your beauty was so blinding .
The entirety of you was to my souls content .
I loved you and everything you were .
Every single thing .
Nothing about you could push me away and everything about you drew me in .
The doubt that clouds your mind could never cloud  mine because if I was to be sure of one thing , it would be my love for you .
The hesitation in your words and your self deprecating ones could never meet my ears and even less meet my eyes because something so far from my sentiment could never be considered .
The firm belief
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