How to save your heart
Don’t fall in love
How to save your soul
Don’t need
How to save your mind
Distractions....

You’ve broken in, to my heart sworn never to love again.
You've taken my heart and stole my mind
By words and deeds so endlessly kind
Just take them and go
But please come back
To tend the garden you've attacked
My heart and soul gently keep
As you wake me from this deepend sleep.

My sadness seeps out
And pours over everything
Tainting my world into a dull gray
It seeps out over you, until nobody will stay
I drag your ghost throughout my days
Reminding me what I had, what I lost
And why I’m sad and why I’m broken.
This game I’ve played all my life. Down to a sliver or shadow of myself. Not real enough to live not real enough to do die.
But I peer through the glass
Underneath the bell jar I’ve made for myself
Where I spin and stumble in my own Make believe world. To keep to safe or keep me sick.
I’ve forgotten which is which.
But now nothing matters. I finally had the dream. The one I’ve been dreaming of for years where suddenly you remember me.
We laid in mourning due, in your bed like we used to and you touched my back
And to my amazement it was you but you did not disappear or dissolve once I knew.
You stayed and you spoke. Aware it was me.
Finally again me knowing you and you knowing me.

If I let myself fall
I’d never get back up
I’m pulling back, the breaks are on
You’re not gonna take care of me
And I will not let myself crave you
I’ve never more wanted to not be in love
Than I am today, now.
The world is a cold dead place and
I am a cold dead person.

Will we always be this way?
Project our hearts on a tv screen
And when we closed our eyes
You crawled inside of me
And you slept in my blood
Like the way you sleep now
The pills piled up to cushion my head
But I could no longer sleep and cried out for death, well Just rest now, and in a moment you will know everything, it’s only dream?
Now the quietest hush won’t calm me down
But sending my neurons firing into a dim lit rage. Because you and I will never be this way again.

I’m trapped inside my mind
Locked the door and through out the key
Now the pitch black night is my only company
I pass the days in solitude
Watch the busy world buzz by
I see Happy people walking &
I wonder what there lives are like?
How they are so different from mine
What happened long ago to me
To end up in such tragedy

Contrast and compare between the busy ones
And the ones that don't care
Until there is no one that you really know
So I drift through these days of appointments and wasted time
They will all end up broken and quickly replaced. With pills and empty promises
I can’t seem to not take
The Weeks are slow, days drag on;
Even love making and parties seem too long
But I find myself on going
I guess there's nothing to do
Oh well......

Each day I live I see your smile
I die each night not in your arms
Of your beauty I take my sips
Like poison wine on ruby lips
Grant me reprieve give me rest
To lay my head upon your chest
In morning dew we lie entwined
Our hearts inside your hand in mine
From your view I’m vibrant and alive
In my eyes i’m contorted & twisted inside
You’re spared from the cruelty inside my mind  
I’m sealed from the reality you think is mine

If you were for me
Would I know it?
Would I feel it?
I hate the guessing
I hate the emptiness and the yearning
I know it’s only my mammal instincts
But it’s hurting
Why let the chemicals in my head control me?
Only ends up feeling lost and empty
I’ll turn it off for you
Because I love you more than I’m supposed to
You drive me mad I belong to you
So Ill **** my human senses to fight you
Your stuck in my head like a virus
But I’ll take the chemo and antibiotics
You’ll never hurt me I’ve blocked you
I’ll break my own heart I love you

I’ve heard she hangs the headless
Upside down to drain
Nothing’s real it’s all a game
Am I Alice or the Red Queen
Do you suffer? Do you scream?
Are you mixed up inside like me?
Eat me, drink me
I’m so far away from home
I chase the rabbit further down the hole
Eat me, drink me
This will hurt you more than me
From a muffle to a scream
Wonderland isn’t scared of me

I am the mad hatter
I am the red queen
Im scared sobbing Alice
And everything in between
The smoking caterpillar blinds my way with haze And the Cheshire Cat has dissipated to an upsides down grin that slips away and Is nothing more than a sliver of a dim lit crescent moon
Now Surrounded by darkness
And flowers that bite at my ankles
will the jabberwocky destroy me?

It’s been a while since I could remember
every detail of you’re face, little lines once so familiar. Dips and gleams. The way you looked at me. Multiple Shades of blue, the things that made you, you. You’re smell, smile, laugh, you’re jokes and quarks. I feared when you left I’d never know love again and I’ve lived that to be true. In the casket of my heart I always drag you. Waiting for the day I close my eyes for the final time to know love and be loved again.

Leave behind you’re happiness
And Run with me into the night
Live your darkest dreams and be free
Take my hand & dive with me
into the lightless of nights
In my arms, I’ll tell you the sweetest of lies
Well for what are you waiting?
Lay into the casket of my heart
Don’t fall for the promise  of a life with a purpose Because you’ll see that’s impossible anyhow.
Let me hold you And dream of a life
We belong to another world now