she was fragile .
but seemed so strong.
she would glance at me ,but not for long
we never talked,or even said hello
but she was so bright and beautiful
like the sun shining on the meadows.
her heart on the piano and her soul on the stage
her parents assumed it was just a phase
she lost control while performing through the night
that is what i loved.she always showed a little bit of fright
she was remarkable
and still showed she was normal.

dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up

Sitting in the darkness,
Waiting for my ****,
An animal passes by,
My stomach will soon fill.

I can almost hear the crowd cheering
As I catch my evening snack,
I am alone out here-
I’ve lost contact with my pack.

I hear a familiar cry in the distance,
The sound soon starts to fade,
It isn’t what I thought it would be-
Above flies a mockingjay.

It’s wide wings cover up above,
For a moment I have no light,
The cry of the bird hurts me,
I try to put up a fight.

My sister, it makes me feel she’s hurt,
I lower my bow down,
She has to be home, I know she is,
But they’ve got her sound somehow.

I tell myself not to worry,
As the bird starts to fly and sing,
A beautiful song I recognize,
Like the silver in the mockingjay’s wings.

It's not another blue moon
The wolves are restless
Their savagery grows like
The wicked fire outside my cave
It's almost there and I can
Feel it burning up my toes
My chest still, motionless, remains a frigid icebox
I forgot what purpose heat serves
It's been too cold
Too unforgiving
It's been too many black skies
Frostbite all over my skin
Closer to deaths conniving hand
Enough to graze
Enough to spark fear, touch, blood builds up, squeezing my veins, green vines, curling in and out of their white soil, pulsating, glorious serendipity, the tangibility of
Rest in peace
In pieces
Bony white sharp shards of
Nails
That don't even sever my flesh
No drops of red
Not even to cut the thick air
the clock keeps it's mouth shut
I have no answers
Monotony
In between living and dying
Limbo, flatline, where am I
Louder
Where am I
I hear the wolves howl once more, closer now
The stars shatter
a streak of silver lining
Cosmic brutality
I'm the punch line
Forever hungry
I finally feel their hot breath on the nape of my neck
I close my eyes
Where's my escape?
Stuck
Just
White teeth
Blades
Carnivorous
Famished
Just for one taste of my soft flesh
And god, god I whisper through
the stubborn air
Isn't that all that matters?
The murky cloud of my cry
Turns ghost
Another victim of my past pleas
A furry nuzzle to contrast the ruthless slay that leads me to my final destination
Pink fields, beautiful fidelity, your Golden Gates, on a cloud too far away
Always a little out of reach
I'll wait an eternity
For a god who never picks up his trash

those f-words and s-words are like little space ships,
transversing into restricted territories,
portals into the un-explored world of adolescence,
a rite of passage from childhood to teenhood,
a small crack of the innocence.

We recklessly
Unsheathe our arrows,
Their tips dripping
With an elixir
Of toxic affection.

I string my bow,
Aiming for the depths
Of your heart,
Only to be pierced
Fatally
Myself