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Janelise Oct 2012
his kisses tasted like futures lost and forgotten.

he was sweet but underneath his eyelids trouble lied;

this we had in common.

though, for those brief moments that he held me, in his arms, we were at ease;

we understood.

i will always remember his strong hands dressed in ardent whispers,

expressing more than painted need. yes, they settled arguments

and feigned complaints with their candy covered callouses

and sent shivers to the center of undiscovered parts of my being.

he was warm, burning, because i surrendered my heat.

he took it, palmed it, and expelled my inner demons with a flick of his wrist

and aching fingers.
Janelise Feb 2019
The pieces of me that love you entirely
are wholesome and wretched.
But you will never see them.
I am just around.
Janelise Sep 2019
She dug her feet into the sand
At the edge of the shore.
The storm would not back down.
She knew better.
She understood now
And she stood alone.
With her wild purple hair,
With her bold eye shadow,
With her empty womb,
With tears in her eyes
Sparkling like the sea
In the moonlight.
The tempest winds tried her but
There was strength
Emanating from her being.
Even when she broke down crying,
Especially while she rose.
As she clung to life.
And she had never been more beautiful;
While she warred with herself,
While she believed in her bones,
While she grew.
She held the weight of love
On her shoulders
With a power she finally knew
Janelise Oct 2012
There is something about the way we move,

as if we've been here before,

as if nothing is the matter,

as if there could be more.

but then,

there is the truth; that we are broken and harmful,

willing to burst for a single armful

of what should be bliss

if we would, for a second, forget all of this.
Janelise Oct 2014
She didnt mean to do it.
but she relished in her talent.
the puddle of beauty surrounded her.
deep red and mesmerizing, like a late sunset.
staining clothes and skin alike; dry, wet.
his ruby soul spilling quietly
as his breath slowed.
making a wish on his very last grip
she reached her hand into the crimson reflective pool
and licked her trembling lips.
Janelise Dec 2013
the sky seemed so clear then;

you, me, the storm, and a song.

we swayed and dreamed feeling the universe,

her swift and complicated hands,

drawing us ever closer to that desperate tipping point.

dropping you to your knees, world rocked,

and touching down on me.

we drifted and captured one another:

body on top of body, eyes closed, legs wrapped, lips locked.

and that blue lightening,

it never stopped.
Janelise Dec 2012
i want you to leave tender marks on my cinnamon skin

i need to be sore; to be reminded of where you've been.

id like bite marks and scratches;

a little pain mixed with pleasure and as the plan unhatches

we’ll fall further down the hole to something perfectly devastating

a twisted Disney world that is more than wonderful and tainting

because your hands will make me give you all of me

and whomever walks by our door will know

that we were there, connecting through marrow,

creating magical violet colored memories.
Janelise Oct 2019
The chamber is empty
But I promise to fill it
To jumpstart the ending.
Just remember me, well;
you dodged a bullet
Even with your help
I couldn't save me.
Janelise Aug 2013
Now, here, is a woman who conquers.

She seeps into you,

between the cracks of your magmatic soul

to etch her love into your subconscious.

She will consume you while you gaze upon her,

spinning and sparkling, reaching the sky before the sun begins his shine.

That is her gift.

Her lips form words you’ve needed to hear whispered softly,

only to you;

and her body curves into your touch because tonight

you are the wind on her shores.

She is seduction; crashing destruction;

and you will lose yourself

only to her.
Janelise Feb 2014
Cumin, Salt, Pepper.
Add these with love and letter.
never let her go.
Janelise Feb 2019
Locked away for safety
Or from a lack of courage.
Its clear that she is all wrong;
Has hit a point of damage
Past fixing.
Now shes just looking
For a soft place to drown.
Janelise Jan 27
You didn't try.
Fear stuck to your veins
buried in the back of cowardice.
A parasite you let in, as if you were prey.

You didn't fight.
Suffering was long winded
And constant. The memories
Inch me closer to destruction,
There's so much more to say.

You left.
Lessons learned in your absence
Cut to the core. Leaving me broken;
Unwanted. It was unwarranted, to this day.

And so,
They continue to leave
because you never showed me
That i deserved someone who
Would stay.
Janelise Dec 2013
if you are crazy
you must do all things the same
and expect a change
Janelise Nov 2016
He leaves pieces of himself every where.
Cigarettes on shelves, clothes scattered on floors, and broken halves of his heart buried within her; deeper than he could know.

She remembers songs she replayed over and over before she ever felt him. Warm green eyes twinkle in her memory, torturing a  heart that might never let him go.

They both lay awake, alone, trying to figure  how they loved so strongly once and why the lightening crashed down, a sign from the Gods, to destroy everything beating below.
Janelise Jul 2016
I felt myself step off the cliff.
A firm footed decision into the unknown.
I never, for a second, thought
That i wouldnt get caught.

The damage is done.
A failed attempt at healing; Its irreparable.
Laughter drowned out the crises
And now im in puzzle pieces.
Janelise Jun 2018
"I love the ocean"
He whispered softly
His breath tickling
Her crashing waves
The moon shining light
On her truest intentions:
A way into her depth.
he followed that tempest
Until he was felled by her darkness.
Janelise May 2016
"You deserve this," he whispered
while he examined her position:
humbly displayed across his desk,
wrists tied back in submission
her *** exposed by a

short
black
skirt.

She heard his calculated footsteps,
and felt his penetrating gaze,
before his ridged hand traced
over her warm cinnamon flesh
inspiring eager goosebumps

as if her skin had intimate knowledge
of a future threat, sending visible shivers
down her spine. Leather slipped quickly
through cloth with purpose, a loophole to ecstasy,
awaiting them both.

eyes
slid
shut

and that first lash was glorious.
blinding pleasure intensified
by pulsating moans from her base.
Each loud spank brought her closer
to the only death one ever awakes from.

In the end he was breathless.
and she was bruised.
they both left the room without words
feeling complete, for a short while,
and pleasantly used
Janelise Aug 2014
She rises from the flames.
that is the story,
that she was broken and beaten
and yet
she rose.

I've heard it told so many ways,
the history of the dragon.
the truth is that her heart was eaten,
heat swallowed
by earth.

and yet
her eyes, her ache
she burned.
Not done yet
Janelise Jan 2019
put these desperate fingers to work.
Sit down and focus on smooth
Uncomplicated lines,
Bright beautiful colors,
And how the light turns your eyes into warm amber.

Instead, they shake and find my face.
They wipe away frustrated tears
because happiness is not easy
when I cannot see it as a possibility.
But still, I wish I could draw
anything but conclusions.
Janelise Jan 2013
my eyes opened slowly

to see you sitting at the edge of the bed

the light hitting your back and creating ***** shadows

where your skin begged to be touched softly

gripped ardently, and kissed eagerly.

but i watched, silently as you moved

because i was so caught in the very

distant and beautiful thought of you.
Janelise Jan 7
her path is lonely.
She kneels in the dirt and pushes
her fingers deep into the earth
submerging all the points of her into it's pulse.

"let it be me" she whispers into the mist
and the forest groans in response,
breathing in her magic; her, a potion
of sea salt, crystals, and moon dust.

If emotion is nature, then she is their owner.
Caressing vulnerability out of places no one
cared for, inciting wild dreams and grasping on to love,
for those of you who find it far too heavy to carry.
Janelise Nov 2017
I wish i was empty.
Hollow like a hallway.
Incapable of holding
Any of those things you carry.

I wish i was air;
Carefree and forgetful.
Unlike the deep, dark sea,
Always under some lover's weight.

I wish I was worthy.
That i could find some kind of love.
Not this shaded overcast
That wont stop this sinking.

Soon I'll be numb.
Dead to the touch again.
Completely frozen over.
Ignoring those trying to get in.
Janelise May 2015
Creativity, ****** into me from something
called a beginning.
And his deep rumble of a chuckle reminds me
that despite the simplicity of nurture
humans are intricate beings
of an intimate nature.
Even when we do break, in anger or spite,
there's perfection in the heights of our peaks.
So, he slips me slivers of encouragement
with every plunge, buried deep,
before we drift off to sleep.
Janelise Jul 2016
"Do you trust me?" She wispered in his ear.
While she snaked around his body and
pulled him closer.
his heart beat quickened.
Her transparent intent; to slate.
Her hands tilting his neck to the side, mouth hovererd menacingly above flesh.
Four little words and a world at stake.
And as she wrapped around him
In this visibly vunerable state;
All she wanted to know was
If he had faith.
Janelise Dec 2012
In my wildest fantasies

you are moving inside of me

with pieces and portions of my liquid being

dying your appendages; expressing my completion.

your touch, unforgettable, and not at all withholding,

driving us forward and bringing us closer

to another beginning crashing into a fitting end

where i finally stop singing your praises

and we are just friends again.
Janelise Oct 2014
I am lost and wandering.
Like an animal, i fled the scene,
but she caught me.
shes vengeful and focused.
She found all of my secrets
most of them are more than hidden now,
behind itchy whiskers and soft meows.
my soul still lives though!
and i am haunted by my humanity
and my slippery grip on sanity
is disappearing.
slowly but surely
slowly but surely
s l o w l y
s u r e l y.
Janelise Oct 2019
Go quietly go peacefully
Into the night; into
those dark places
Go alone. No witnesses.

Approach the troubled lurker
In the decrepid corners of your
Broken being. Follow his lead.
Keep it silent; keep it secret.

Fall, drive, swallow, cut
The numbness out
Leave your soul. Leave a note
Kiss the ones that tried to love you.
But dont look back.

Disappear. refuse to try.
Im giving up. There are no
Winners in this ether.
I will be a fool no longer.
Janelise Jan 2019
Your face fills my mind.
Tear stained cheeks.
Trembling brown eyes;
even you -
so sweet,
Kind, and damaged;
My kin.
Owner of this very skin.
Burned and beaten
By an unforgiving sun
In a distant forrest.
You saved me.
When our world
Fell apart around us.
While we sat under this rotten tree,
Even there -
You vowed
to help me find peace.
Janelise Jan 2019
Its a double edged sword
To care about others freely,
Because its easy to forget yourself.

You disappear into people.
Avoiding your pain
Ignoring your heart, its well wishes,
Your needs...

You'll be fine, you've got time
You've cultivated a friendship,
One of life's most magnificent gifts!

Who needs romantic love that grows deeper with every glance? Who craves intimacy so rare your heart fills whenever you're vulnerable? Every chance.

Who is eager to feel anything? I give up.

Lets just be...
Janelise Sep 2015
"I feel myself falling..."
She whispered to him while he laid there,
Seemingly sleeping.

Her hands wandering aimlessly across him like a coy traveler on ****** islands.

"I know" he thought
While the night costumed her, sweetly.
He always reached for her
Warmly playing

Landing  soft kisses on her shoulder as if shed never been tasted  there before

The world, as they knew it, ended there
in each other's arms.
A black hole of hope, despair or both
Only they could tell,

Enveloping them whole.  and for a split second all the light had gone

But see, the universe expands
As impassioned collisions of young stars
Tend to brighten their glow.
Always as above, so below.
Janelise Aug 2019
Truths as thick as the tension.
Theres nothing like a new beginning.
But first you wade through an ending.

And ours was glorious. A roller coaster of intentions. Ups and wrongs. Disastrous and necessary. And now the closing act.

My gut has never been so wrenched. Fake death has never been better acted. You pretended for so long. To care must be tragic.

You must eat your words with a side of honey salt to keep them from rotting when they finally exit.
Janelise Sep 2013
the boldest sliver

of a tortured soul,

floating --aimless-- in her tempting sea,

will never fully grasp his

need to be whole but—fateless—

and  kept within naivety.

still,  it seems that,

her  honeyed deep

always had a way of making this

lost man feel --weightless--.
Janelise Dec 2012
bubbling underneath a smiling surface;

burning through my dimpled cheeks.

a feeling of frustration

unbreakable and deafening

making me see colors horridly beautiful

stealing the sleep from my eyes

and the quiet from my busy brain.

i hate this feeling,

this stagnant desperation.

its like a boulder breaking my spirit;

a red fashioned murderer of my inspiration.
Janelise Jan 2019
What do you do when the sky darkens around you?
When the wind picks up, and the stars disappear?
Head inside. Get into the safety of hearth; of home.
Bury yourself in the warmth of the lies you keep.
Her
Janelise Oct 2019
Her
I feel heavy.
Slipping further;
Diving into the Depths.
Drowning under
The gravity of my actions;
Of my words.

This hole in my chest consumed
The sea. And i did not hear
His cries I pushed them
Down. Into me.
And Its still beating.
Weighing me.

How did i become her?
In the blink of a tear filled eye.
As a mother, nature has taught me
That fighting is the only way
That sometimes you never have a say
In who hurts you the most

Monster. Thats what ive
become. Covered in scars
from head to toe, Trying
desperately to be something else...
Anything else...

I thought i was empty
Turns out im full. Of black
broken pieces. A muddy thing to be
Disposed of. Hating myself
Came so naturally.

And now i know why.
him
Janelise Oct 2012
him
he suffers from bouts of lust
something that can only be cured by real love.
his loneliness expands past his hands
to touch no one but me.
he always says he's happy
but his goosebumps tell a different story
in a language i studied fully, dot by sensuous dot.
there is more to him, to us, than meets the eye
its powerful and deeply satisfying.
but,  i have to let him live his sullied peach toned lie.
Janelise Feb 2017
I remember the sweet smell
Of hopeful tension floating between us.
Lips inches away from one anothers.

A kiss was imminent. his hands inched up my body until they reached my shoulders while he looked me in the eyes. Sharing the same breath

That carried the most important words. So close to me, stroking my being with one hand and grasping on to my heart with  the other

"I need you"

...one more time...

"Ive been thinking about you"

...Please...more

"I want you"

What more could a girl see?
Janelise Sep 2013
There once was  a God;

he did not know how to love,

but then he made her.
Janelise Jan 11
He put his hand
       over her beating heart,
                   their eyes slid closed

Simultaneously.

"This is my home"
     he whispered to her
             and tears filled the corners of her eyes
                         She never thought she'd find love

Unconditionally.
Janelise Sep 2019
My heart skips nervously
because you are near;
glory magnified by your gaze.
Heat singed skin begging for rough hands.
Bruises you left,
on my being,
a space so full;
and yet there's a hunger...
                                                       ­       ... only you can satisfy.
Janelise Sep 2012
My chest tightened up, as if my muscles were

Fighting me; fighting the loss of you.

It seemed like a dream. Drowning me.

Something filling my lungs; fear, hope,

Regret.

Then the tears came; Slowly,

Quietly, softly.

Neverending. Insomnia inducing.

Making me think of crazy things

Like emotions I want to be unafraid to feel,

things I want to do, and those words I want

So desperately to say;

I love you.
Janelise Sep 2012
that i love
the wrong
all of the time
Janelise May 2015
right now.
every day.
forever.
the timbre of your voice echoes
through my haunted mind
and its a series of very distinct sounds.
passionate, depriving, and when in the throes,
beautifully reminiscent of those times
when i had someone
right then.
every day.
whenever.
Janelise Sep 2012
there are nights when i drift to sleep

dreaming of things that will never be.

my imagination is colorful; open inside of me.

i see twisted trees and deepening plots;

peaceful seas and dancing pots.

i see us
not exactly done, i think...but right now i just love where it ends.
Janelise Oct 2012
the buttons on her sweater have never been more ripped

and the room carried on with that familiar shame, tear-filled scent.

those were the days of her life;

coming home from school, and finding him waiting

the rush and the fear,

anxiousness and now its fading

the only moments that allowed her to once feel love

now dashed into ramparts once dreamed of.

if the walls could speak then they would scream

‘shes just a **** with torn clothing and a broken spirit!’

even when it hurt,

even when he told her exactly what to feel.
Janelise Dec 2013
i have always wanted to drive someone over the edge;

breaking a willing, open heart.

enchanting  them to the brink of destruction

with only a soft kiss.

instead, you, sweetly,  tore me apart;

and i remembered our creation

with satisfying red bliss.
Janelise Feb 2017
I pine to feel your lips on mine.
Your smile buried between my open thighs; my fingers grip pillows while yours slide in and out, expertly, as if you've always played this instrument.

And you constantly perform this piece to perfection.
Janelise Sep 2013
it goes on.

like the universe

never ending,

perhaps forever trending.

yes, life is on going

and whole

the things misleading

and short-sighted

are our souls.
Janelise Jun 2013
my heart beats, or pumps,

and i realize ---

that love is breathing inside me

no matter how desperately

i try to hide it.
Janelise Oct 2019
There's this joke
I forget how it goes.
No wait, its life.
Everyone laughs until we die.

Nothing is funnier than
My desperation to heal.
Forever damaged, trying
To cover my wounds like
A piece of alluminum foil
Too small to reach the edges
Of the bowl.

Ripping and tearing,
Falling apart. Caged in
A tank. Swimming with sharks.
Why am i alive? To feel this pain
It seems. Its the only thing
that feels real to me.
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