There's this joke
I forget how it goes.
No wait, its life.
Everyone laughs until we die.

Nothing is funnier than
My desperation to heal.
Forever damaged, trying
To cover my wounds like
A piece of alluminum foil
Too small to reach the edges
Of the bowl.

Ripping and tearing,
Falling apart. Caged in
A tank. Swimming with sharks.
Why am i alive? To feel this pain
It seems. Its the only thing
that feels real to me.

when i first met you
i knew we would be written in ink.
that youd leave me breathless
and id lead you to water.

I knew i could never make you drink
i knew we would end each other
and our endings, they would play
over and over in my head

I knew youd pull me open
but i still jumped in.
and tearing bits of you out of me
is much harder than youd ever think.

I just missed you last night.
Last year's first rain in late October
you and I spent the whole night
Opening each other.
It was the first time that
I felt like we really loved each other
and connected on a level  
I had never thought I could with another.
I just missed you.
Being next to you,
feeling your warmth,
hearing your heart beat.
Tasting your breath.
I remember us when
we were beautiful together and that
makes letting go so much harder

The future is promised
To those who see it coming
To those who think beyond it
To those who stop running

I used to hide deep in the darkness
From potential, from love, from thoughtfulness, But now i am set free.

No amount of words will explain
What i feel when i see your face
How our new beginnings unfold
To reveal royalty.

Together we will create and break barriers.  There is nothing scarier than
A dream unseen. So i chose you. And you chose me.

And now we grow our legacy.
     And now we grow our legacy.
          And now. We grow. Our legacy.

Love is a word too often used.
Squandered on meaningless moments
or never truly offered,
so, we play it safe.

"I like you...a lot"
"I miss you...all the time."

Phrases allowing us to close the distance
between our hearts, slowly,
with well timed words instead of touch.

But when we are near each other,
when our bodies reunite,
I feel as if its a bit more than "like,"

a firm, rough hand on warm, tender lips
igniting an inferno of need always smoldering
right underneath our skin.

And even when you go,
pieces of your soul linger in the air;
sweet smelling drops of memory reminding me that
I haven't felt anything like this before
and leave me aching for so much more.

when the sun dips below the hills
humanity slips and gives in to thrills.
all different types from all kinds of places
dark, insidious; no recognizable faces.

that is where i reside; pick up and hold the line
waiting there, an intense fantasy
as long as you keep on talking to me.
the moans will be loud and the lust will be true

and not before long; i will have you.

tension you can split
with the tip of your tongue
because thoughts of you linger
in places
they should not.
a warm hand resting on my thigh
inching up ever-so-slowly,
like it may never reach its
intended
destination.
So, i
breathe in - deep.
And i
bite my bottom lip
because we will meet.

You are my enemy

twisting and turning

In the dark blue parts of me.

making me say things, most

sacred, with time slipping

away and causing dread

in its lapsing place.

you grow through me;

more amazing with every

decisive inch. So sweet are

your dewy petals, blooming as

if tomorrow’s skies are

undoubtedly bright.

as if I had any other choice

when I first saw his storming soul

burn through his eyes.

I am yours
And no ones
And everyones
And mine alone
       Alone.
            So alone.
Theres only so much
That i can be loyal to
I somehow always
Choose fealty to
You.

We are subject matter.
constantly on the tips
of each others tongues.

your lucid love makes me feel full

of hope

of doubt

of relief

and yet the tickle of your trembles keep me motivated.

there is a transparent need that could be associated with

tongue and cheek

but as you are between one

and in the presence of another—

we get milk; so sweet.

i cant sleep* she whispered.
she thought that meant something,
like maybe she misplaced her need;
but he always seemed to find it
hidden sweetly between her knees.

She destroyed the walls of others

to rummage through their wreckage.

forcibly mending her waning parts

with what she considered jewel.

because some monsters are birthed

from torturous beginnings

like the scorching ashes of an angry sun

or the silence of a broken heart.

"Who left those holes in you?"
She simply asked the moon
As if the answer wasn't clear
As if he weren't sitting there
On the other side of her earth.

"Did you have good intentions?"
He asked, as if she could do him
Any reasonable harm. As if she could
Slip into his heart unnoticed.
As if she appeared there at all.
The gall of his question.

"Did i mean something to you?"
She replied. Tears filling her eyes
She already knew the answer.
But it no longer mattered.
She always paled in comparison.

The wind brought us here;
The slate, the dirt, the lava.
We congregate at the edge
Of the endings we did not
See coming.

Dealing with debris that we
Did not ask for. Forming our
Desperation into impenetrable
walls. Pushing our hope down
To the sea floor, erecting our issues with trust.

Raising mountains has never been
so perfect, so exquisite.
Growing in strength without resentment.
Attempting architecture so complicated
that even the gods are jealous.

I wish life was like a movie
Where the best moments were accompanied by perfect music; your heart
pitterpattering to the beat by serene sunset.

And when you met the one, When you held  him in your arms, youd get goosebumps. Thered be a spark; Your heart would stop,
for just a second.

And when you missed someone, they would miss you, too. When you saw them in your dreams they, too, would be tossing and turning, clearly yearning to be by your side.

But, no, sadly, this is real life.

i take pride in knowing

that i can do more than satisfy.

i know that with my lips,

with my hands,

i could build a man,

like you,

from a peasant

into a king.

I would treasure every part of you,

the parts she always misses,

with eye locked caresses

and moan covered kisses.

and after that,

id dip into your psyche

to tempt

and tame

the lion

that no one knows exists.

submission is the only option
in her twisted world.
at least thats what she convinces herself
while his hand climbs between her *******
and curls, tightly,  around her neck

its never painful.
at least thats how she feels.
well, not this part.
the pain comes from her silence
but here, in this naked moment, she is heard.

Neverending, beautiful,
And if you look far enough
Into the abyss
You can see it.

Nature's wild affair; the ocean kissing moonlight, the creamy Milky way,
and a billion twinkling lives.

Some would say your soul could compare. That we are all universes
In our own right.

But, i still exist in awe of gaia's magic.
Her science. Her godly work.
The night, her gift, belongs to lovers;
To us.

I wonder if he thinks of me.
If the image of my smile-lit face
Brings him some kind of pleasure.
If when we touch, the memory lingers

I often wonder about him.
What his lips would feel like craving
my eager body, ready when hes willing,
Soaking up every ounce of joy i had to give.

I imagine that he thinks of us, on occasion
Finding all the sweet parts of me in unknown spaces - just our secret
Holding each other to an oath of only flesh.

I hope he learns how much i can endure.
How the initial sting melts into arrousal.
Light is lacking in the places id let him go.
It would be so satisfying to finally know.

The air and the sea were once lovers.
Their romance was beautiful, tragic,
And well lit by the others.

He would lick her waves and she would ease his winds. Together, they committed the perfect sin.

The air  mirrored her anchor and the ocean promised he'd always have her but they reflected the sadness in eachother.

So, it all fell to the wayside. The winds and the tides.Though there was still an ache behind their storming eyes.

an old song is like taking another's history
and holding it forever.
mulling it over; the words, the sound, the fever.
your soul shaping it into pearl or coal
depending on those memories
depending on your memory
depending on how he sang those words
when they slipped into your subconscious
and decided to stay without your consent.
his songs; still haunting with every single listen.

i cant stop thinking about you.

not even for a second.

in the grocery store, at parties, everywhere,

there you are

looking at me the way you did that first night we met

with your smile bright and your eyes wide

an entire night of possibilities lying ahead of us

and the heat.

it surges through her.

the ability to bring you to your knees

with a single, longing look,

with a deep, lingering kiss,

and with an unbreakable, loving spirit.

rendering you helpless in her palms;

desperate to understand her qualms

and wishing

you were in her bed,

tossing and turning, but waking

next to someone that would cherish your everything.

your power.

Your sweet, moonlit eyes, bold hands, and a careful heart;

capturing any light

that she had shone on anyone else.

"Have you ever been devoured?
Body and soul?"

He asked with hungry eyes.

She looked away at first; coy.
Attempting to ignore the naturally heated ties.

Then her gaze met his and a smile slid on to her face as she spoke

"Yes, but i find that im a much better hunter these nights."

My mind is a prison - all on its own -
Pushing delicious propaganda;
For fun
for love
For just once more.
With the need to feel like someone's home.
Constantly reminding me
Of a searing heat,
Of a burning heart,
That loneliness is a chore.
That I want my fix.
No,
That I want to be seen.
To finally be worth the risk.

Where do you come from?
A place with no name. A world
Full of grown folks ashamed to
Be alone. A place where strangers
Deep breaths echo in the dark.

What are you made of?
Salt water. The sea has become me.
Flowing from my pores, my eyes, and my dreams. Nature's cleanser; a glue to put myself back together.

Who are you?
A woman looking for acceptance. Looking for love in all the wrong places. wishing she could hold the
Little lonely girl inside of herself.

Will you ever change?
Yes and no. As history goes, I'm doomed to failure. If i do not fight i will not heal. But she will not win. She did not expect me to crave wholeness so badly.

"Let's love now," She whispered into his ear.
Their embrace was tight and filling.
They sparked and crackled
Despite the cold world reminding them
That they were broken - too many missing pieces.
But in that single warm moment
He was whole.

I am in a weird place.

there is little i dont understand anymore

and i am gaining my footing

beginning to realize why

i was so hopeless

and why you felt

so much like home.

the softness of my body will bring you comfort

and this is why you fear me

because my thighs touch in glorious wonder

leaving my sweetest of openings to secrecy.

i do not intend to follow your will

or your opinion of what is perfect.

because i know perfection…

i can find it amongst my many rolling curves

from the dimples in my thighs to the pokes to my thick sides.  

because plump, to me, is a decent word to describe

how my lips lay or how my apple bottom sways.

yes, i am rebelling against what you say

because i know im beautiful anyway.

the clock reads
2:13
and sleep doesnt follow, even though my eyes slide closed every once and a while.
instead i replay
that
one
night
when we slipped into the sensuous abyss; when your touch solved me.
You stayed.

i cant sleep.
my mind drifts back
to the night on the beach.
i remember how each breath
was in rhythm with the sea.
the taste of ocean air on warm lips, sweet.  
joy, happiness, and depth.
crashing waves, and you,
Opening me.

falling has never been so effortless.
i felt the wind in my hair, the lump in my throat,
and his quickening pulse.
the silence was welcomed and inevitable just like his eyes,
a calm dewy green meadow during the sunrise,
what was there left to say?
i  am damaged, he is broken;
wholeness didnt seem like an option
before he held me underneath that diamond sky.
and now its all i think about,
a whirlwind of cosmic anomalies starting with shooting stars
and ending with an ache so deep i swear i felt the earth sigh.
standing there, between sordid history and a bright red beginning
"i think," she says pacing every heartbeat
"this feels right."

She reached for her savior  - a small and subtle release that would end all the ferrous pitter-patter in her brain.  as she placed, what she considered sweet fae in a world of demon,  in to her ears, she breathed deep and heavy - broken and ready.  

this love never let her down. the glorious sounds of others pain, love, heartbreak and triumph streamed into her blood system before heading right to her heart while she forgot all that was ever wrong with her beautiful existence .

I want so badly
To love myself.
To feel worthy
To feel understood.
No one will ever hold you
The way you cradle your self worth

And i am worth the moon and back.
With every dimpled smile
With every inch of this brown skin
I can be warmth personified.
I will fight for my love;

For my family
For my friends
And finally for myself.

I am the reason the sun rises.
A goddess of hope in your presence
Here to support your dreams
To remind you that you are dear.
I am empath, warrior, queen.

And even when im broken - jagged
Pieces of my heart stuck together
With bits of gold - i am still a prize
Not to be won
But to be experienced.

Someone youll never forget .
Someone youll forever regret losing.
So, Keep me close.

Where is the shame?
Why do i still want you?
Why do i crave your name dripping
Off of my skin?

I still ache to bear your marks.
I need that sweet tension to break.
To be bitten, used, yours.
One last time.

no body thinks about us.

     they only care about what we puncture;

            the tasty meat, sweet fruit, and  the good intentions.

                      they never think of the sticky residue

                                                         left behind  

                                       and how we

                                                 will never be

                                           truly clean

                            again.

why do i love skin?

because it tells warm infinite stories.

it opens your eyes and mind to a life lived in.

some could say It reminds them of personal pain

covered in scars and goosebumps like tattooed shame

and of course no one would argue

that the interactions theyve had when their skin received each ****

was more ****** than a loss of virtue

but its still an untarnished truth  

that they remain exquisite;

imperfectly honest and enchanting, too.

A soul crushing loneliness
like the feeling of a sudden hurricane,
forcing you up and out of your home;
warm and safe.

And all along the wet streets
my heart hangs from sleeves, ready for slaying,
trusting all, too much, too soon;
but why wait?

soft were the minutes that ticked by

only noticeable by the subtle change of light

glistening off of your skin.

and the seconds that inched forward while

my hands devoured all of you in sight.

you sighed softly, at first, when my lips met your

shoulders, became acquainted with your neck, and my arms

****** the desire out of your pores.

while your mouth took mine; like a honey dipped burglar

stealing doubt from my lungs, i couldnt help but taste and think,

“soft.”

i am a child of the sea;

floating and boundless.

and yet, i drift through time,

hell bent on finding ground.

That dewy night, the rain drops awakened
our reality with their sweet tune. We were
curled deeply into each other. Every motion
an expression of love already pledged.

Our giggles painted adorable pictures
attached to  future nostalgia; emphasizing
the steady truth: the search was finally over.
And even as we basked in weighted times  

We illicit joy from one another.
In hot blooded moments when your eyes
rake my body and that warmth feels just
like your lips against my skin;

Those times when i can feel your heart beat
through my consciousness. because your
rough hands have tuned me to your sound
and now its all i want to hear

No one ever tells you
that the little things will stick.

The sound of his voice when he was stern.
The feeling of his large hands on my arms.

The smell of his aftershave clinging to me
after every forced hug. He always held on too tightly.

Suffocating my being. Squeezing pieces of my heart
out of every single pore.

Outlining the existing cracks in my soul.
And now, he smiles, while I remain stuck.

They say you bring smiles to faces
the light you shed is so penetrating,
it seeps
and you're so hard to ignore.
Even the flowers open to meet your gazes
while the ocean reflects your bright blue skies
but i see through you with these brown eyes,
and you cast the longest shadows
so dark;
so deep.

I'm in love with being touched
Like im the only one you've ever wanted.

I must feel crashing crescendos and gravitational draws when we wax and wane.

Because, the moments we share are as enchanting as our ever growing celestial potential.

Bodies alive with the same tensions that tether the darkest corners of the universe; pulling us in.

i saw you there,

dipped in shadow and filled with remorse,

whispering to me about twilight

and how freedom tasted sweet,

like tear sized stars ripped out of the palest moon.

your charmed brown eyes watering

as you looked away,

ashamed,

that all you wanted

was the heated balance

that she surrendered

on a silver platter.

I think about you all the time
But especially times like these;
the twilight hours.
The moments when you would be
Cozied up behind me,
Taking deep breaths,
Tightening your grip,
Bringing me closer to your heat,
Telling me, with your body,
That I am yours.
That you are mine.
That we belong..
That we are doing the work
Of the divine;
Caring solely for eachother,
Healing one another.
And as I drift further into you,
I am possessed
By words and images..
Thoughts I'm scared to imagine
But cannot ignore.
Because you are my muse
And these are the confessions
 of the Inspired.

You snuck into my heart.

With sweet smiles and
Chocolate ice cream covered kisses.

One day we were separate,
The next, far too intimate.

One night, you held me while i spilled, all over you, on to the floor.

I remember it like it was yesterday
And I want to push it out of my brain.

And yet the moment remains treasured, anyway.

He was air.
He had atmosphere.
Occasionally arrid, stiff yet
Kind. Sweet like a soft breeze on a hot day carrying the scent of a memory.

She was water.
The earths blood.
The forever giving and desperately taking. An angry crash or a seductive wave caressing the sand at your feet.

They were a storm.
Tempestous and beautiful.
Mixed up in each other's make up. Mirrioring one another.
Trying to understand which color to mimic, which shape to become. Still They attempt to map each other but can't actually predict the weather.
And they never stop trying.

Is that one day,
You will meet a woman who fills your heart, unexpectedly;
And it wont be me.