I wanted you more than i wanted myself. Forever waiting for your hesitant return.
But you are not a man i know anymore. Who even are you? Where have you gone?
I search for you in lovers eyes, hoping you'll validate my existence. And now waiting is all i know.
He called once to tell me that he was no good for me. He sounded just like you over the phone. My voice cracked out a tear filled request begging, yet another man, to stay where he did not want to.
And nothing ever stops you from leaving. Over and over. Not even love.
How do they know where to find the wound? What beacon are they following?
Or has this **** in my psyche been bleeding this whole time. Alerting these predators that i am not fine. Giving them a map to my weaknesses, showing them exactly where to tear. How to rip me open and spoon me out.
My heart drifts to a place i no longer understand. A place i called home, especially when i held your hand. And when i close my tear stained eyes, I see a terrified seven year old being swallowed up, by a darkness she did not mean to create, screaming at the top of her lungs
"Please save ME!"
You didn't try.
Fear stuck to your veins
buried in the back of cowardice.
A parasite you let in, as if you were prey.
You didn't fight.
Suffering was long winded
And constant. The memories
Inch me closer to destruction,
There's so much more to say.
Lessons learned in your absence
Cut to the core. Leaving me broken;
Unwanted. It was unwarranted, to this day.
They continue to leave
because you never showed me
That i deserved someone who
He put his hand
over her beating heart,
their eyes slid closed
"This is my home"
he whispered to her
and tears filled the corners of her eyes
She never thought she'd find love
her path is lonely.
She kneels in the dirt and pushes
her fingers deep into the earth
submerging all the points of her into it's pulse.
"let it be me" she whispers into the mist
and the forest groans in response,
breathing in her magic; her, a potion
of sea salt, crystals, and moon dust.
If emotion is nature, then she is their owner.
Caressing vulnerability out of places no one
cared for, inciting wild dreams and grasping on to love,
for those of you who find it far too heavy to carry.
These trenches are dark, wet, and deep
but She reminded me that the sea
was never a mystery.
She told me that the world was at my
fingertips; i just had to reach forward,
open my eyes, and see.
When i took her hand, the water froze.
All motion halted, as this Gaia revealed
that this was nativity.
Where is the shame?
Why do i still want you?
Why do i crave your name dripping
Off of my skin?
I still ache to bear your marks.
I need that sweet tension to break.
To be bitten, used, yours.
One last time.
I want so badly
To love myself.
To feel worthy
To feel understood.
No one will ever hold you
The way you cradle your self worth
And i am worth the moon and back.
With every dimpled smile
With every inch of this brown skin
I can be warmth personified.
I will fight for my love;
For my family
For my friends
And finally for myself.
I am the reason the sun rises.
A goddess of hope in your presence
Here to support your dreams
To remind you that you are dear.
I am empath, warrior, queen.
And even when im broken - jagged
Pieces of my heart stuck together
With bits of gold - i am still a prize
Not to be won
But to be experienced.
Someone youll never forget .
Someone youll forever regret losing.
So, Keep me close.