As you close your eyes
And slow your breathing
I long to finally be let free
More and more

I am desperate
I just want to sing and to scream
To escape the pressure
And to be something other than a darkness following you around constantly

Finally, you are taken over by sleep
And I am released
I can do anything
But as soon as I leave
I hear your silent screams

“Help me!” You try
Eyes closed
Heart open and out on your sleeve
Helpless
In danger
Without my protection

I don’t get very far
Only have a few seconds of being separate
Being myself
And just myself
But soon enough
You need me
And I can’t ignore your plea

So instead of roaming and screaming and exploring the world
I cover you
Everywhere
And keep the monsters away
All night

Yiu never know I’m there
Or appreciate me
I am your shadow
Just darkness in light
Just a blank figure of you

I just want to be me
Even if it’s just while your asleep

please mom
it's getting worse

do you know the weight of it?
clawing your way up
test after test,
year after year,
to be the perfect reflection of the dreams they have for you,
those that are now your own.
where your worth now hangs.

when they see the prize,
they say, 'oh it comes so easily to her'

Easily?

i bled for this.
i screamt for this.
and my mind?
it whispers
'this is just what you're supposed to do'
you are 'gifted'
its your mere responsibility.
nothing to celebrate. nothing special.

isnt it?

and what is a shape
when everything’s fake
isosceles,
i can’t breathe
one thing having athsma taught me
is the shape of a ribcage
when i saw it on screen

Scars fading away,
Along with the memories
Of the hurt and decay,
The endless stories,
Coming back fresh,
Regaining their life on paper,
Carving into the flesh,
Disappearing later.

you try to Survive,
jUst hold on a little longer,
not wanting to stay alIve,
Crying, but trying to be stronger.
i thInk you know how it fells,
Dying to never cry,
dying to not be alone,
despite the fact that you diE